SquidgeWorld Archive

Darkness Turns To Light

By GCS

DISCLAIMER: "Emergency!" and its characters © Mark VII Productions, Inc. and Universal Studios. All rights reserved.
No infringement of any copyrights or trademarks is intended or should be inferred. This is a work of fiction, and any similarity to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. This story is only written for entertainment. No financial gain is being realized from it. The story, itself, is the property of the author.

Darkness.

Smoke.

Pain.

He had to find his way back.

Just breathe.

Think.

Finding his way back to consciousness came slowly, painfully.

Had he gotten everyone out? Where could he be now? Why did he hurt so badly?

Think.

Breathe.

Shoulder, knee, back…oh God…hurts.

Ribs, headache…serious headache.

Help would come. He knew it would, but would it be in time to save him from the flames that had to be close now? "Ahhhhh", he heard a moan from somewhere very near. Was he alone? Had he failed to save someone? Please God no. Please let no one else be hurt, he thought.

"Ahhhh."

He suddenly realized that he was the one moaning. Remembering lowering the victims to safety he knew that he was alone. He could rest assured that he would be the only casualty at this fire.

Then he lost the fight to stay awake.

Darkness returned.

Smoke filled his lungs.

The pain overwhelmed him.

He passed out.

It was a house fire with three children trapped on the second floor. "In and out fast," Captain Stone had said. The first floor was already fully involved and the beast was making its way to the stairs that would lead the rescuers to the second story and then the children to the safe arms of their waiting parents. These types of fires were nothing unusual for the firemen from the Los Angeles County Fire Department.

But today the unexpected happened. Two firefighters were injured and there was no good explanation as to how or why things went so terribly wrong.

Cold.

Shock. He must be going into shock. How else could he be cold in the middle of a fire?

Wait. His alluring brown eyes slid open and he looked in vain for the help he could hear not far away. "Help, I'm over here," he gasped in an almost inaudible whisper. "Here. I'm here. Help."

"We found him Cap. He's hurt bad. We have to get him out of here fast," the rescuer yelled into his handy talkie.

"What do you need Kirk? We're on our way," replied Captain Stone.

"Back board and splints, we need to wrap and run. It's hot in here. Oh and Cap we need some man power to dig him out." Kirk barked into the HT.

"You've got it. Kirk, get him out quick, he's a friend. Okay." Captain Stone spoke into the HT with emotion which is rarely expressed by a station captain in the line of duty. Trained to be in control he could usually mask his own feelings in front of his men, but this was different. This man was not only a fireman but a friend.

Kirk Stewart and David Hughes, paramedics from Station 36 had been called to the scene to assist Station 10 after both of their paramedics had been injured on site. The men from Station 10 joined the paramedics in what had once been the family's garage. Together they all worked feverishly to extricate the fallen man. Although he did not normally work out of their station he had originally been a rescue man there before the paramedic program. He was working a cover shift for one of their shift's paramedic team who had been hurt in a fire last week. This fallen man was well liked and respected among this group of firefighters and they would do whatever it took to get him out alive.

"Ahhhhh," he moaned again. "Here, I'm here."

"We've got you. We're almost there. Hang on." Dave spoke to the injured man with a calming tone.

"Ahhhhh," he simply could not speak. Only moan.

"It's okay now. Let us do all the work. We'll have you out of here in a minute. Can you tell me where you are hurt?" Kirk leaned over him and spoke closely to his ear.

"R rig right shoulder, knee's bu bummed, not broken, I I don't think, ribs maybe, hur hurz all ov over," he slurred.

"Okay we need to get him on the back board. Easy now let's roll him. Keep his neck and back straight. Good." Dave instructed the other firemen. "Now splint that leg there just in case it's broken and immobilize the right shoulder. Okay, let's get out of here!"

With fluid movements the men lifted the backboard into the stokes and emerged from the shell of a home with their fallen comrade.

They carried the stokes over beside squad 36 where they placed it directly on the waiting ambulance gurney. Without hesitation they proceeded to load him into the ambulance.

"I'll go with him and get in touch with the doctors at Rampart in route. I don't want to waste any time." Kirk told Dave.

"Okay Kirk, see you at Rampart" Dave replied as he put their gear in the squad. "See you in a few."

"How is he?" Captain Stone asked Kirk as he prepared to close the ambulance doors.

"Probable dislocated shoulder, wrenched his knee good, concussion judging by the bump on his head, and I'm guessing some cracked or broken ribs along with all that smoke he breathed in. He should be okay in time Cap." Kirk listed the known injuries.

Captain Stone shook his head and closed the ambulance doors with the customary slap on the doors to let the driver know they were ready to roll.

"Rampart this is Squad 36. How do you read?" Kirk spoke into the bio-phone.

"Read you loud and clear 36. Go ahead." Nurse Dixie McCall responded.

"Rampart we have a code I, a male age 28 victim of a fall and building collapse." Kirk gave the details of the injuries and vital signs with skill. He administered the IV's as instructed and settled back for the ride.

Awareness came again and along with it the pain. He had an IV in his arm and was tied to a backboard. He could smell the familiar odors inside the back of an ambulance. He could certainly feel the jarring from the ride. "Uhnnnn," he tried to speak.

"Shhh, it's okay don't try to talk. We will be at Rampart in about 4 minutes. They'll get you fixed right up." Kirk tried to calm his patient.

"S si sick, 'm gonna, gonna be s sick," the injured man stumbled over his words.

"Oh help me roll him," Kirk barked at the ambulance attendant. "He's gonna lose his cookies."

Together they were able to roll the man and miraculously got a barf bag in front of him before he lost his stomach contents all over the ambulance floor.

"Rampart patient has just vomited. Vitals remain the same. We are 2 minutes out." Kirk relayed the new development to Nurse McCall.

"10-4 36, we'll be waiting," she replied.

After what seemed like an eternity but in fact was just a couple of minutes the injured paramedic could feel the ambulance making the familiar turn to back into the emergency room at Rampart. Dr. Kelly Brackett and Dr. Joe Early along with Nurse McCall were waiting at the entrance to receive the patient. They all had a special place in their hearts for their paramedics and firemen that worked out of this hospital and wanted to start treatment as soon as possible. Dr. Mike Morton had already taken the other injured paramedic to exam room 3 to be treated for smoke inhalation and burns. He had been on the stairs inside the main part of the house when they gave way trapping his temporary partner and the three children on the second floor.

The ambulance doors swung open to three loud gasps. "Johnny?"

"Why was John Gage working at 10's today? He was on at Station 51 until this morning. How did this happen?" Dixie asked.

"Dix we don't have time for the why's and how's. Let's get him into treatment room 4." Brackett barked orders to everyone. "Johnny can you hear me?"

"Ahhhhh," was all John Gage could say. His eyes wandered the room and didn't settle on anyone or anything. His deep brown eyes just continued to roam the room as if he were looking for something or someone.

"Johnny, what have you done to yourself now?" Dixie whispered as she gently stroked his hair. "It's going to be okay Johnny. We are going to take good care of you." She cleaned the blood from the bump on his forehead and soot from his face. That felt good to him. He relaxed some.

His eyes found their way to Dixie then slid shut. "Stay with us Johnny!" Brackett said Johnny as he slipped once again into oblivion.

Darkness.

Confusion.

What happened? How did he get here? Was anyone else injured?

When he awoke Johnny realized he was still in the treatment room at Rampart, but he was alone, or at least he thought he was. His eyes scanned the familiar room until he saw Dixie writing on his chart in the corner. "Hey sleepy head," She smiled.

He gave her a small imitation of the charming Gage smile and closed his eyes once again. He was not ready to talk to anyone. He had to figure out what to say and do about the events at the fire. He knew that something had gone wrong. He had to remember.

What he did know is that he hurt. His knee was wrapped and elevated. His shoulder was in an immobilizer, and he had IV's in his arm and oxygen running through a nasal cannula. Oh and his ribs were wrapped. Then he noticed that both his hands were also bandaged, must have burned them. Feels like burns.

"Dix?" he whispered.

"Yes handsome? What can I do for you?" she asked.

"Dix, I'm tired of hospital gowns and I'm cold. Any chance I could put on some scrubs this time?" he questioned the nurse.

"Sure Johnny, anything for our favorite patient. Let me see what I can come up with. How about a blanket for now?" she suggested.

"Okay, but I really want to put on something more like normal clothes." He flashed his puppy dog eyes at her and she would have done anything for him then.

"Here you go Johnny." She placed the blanket on him. "I'll be right back with those scrubs."

Now if he could just get up enough strength he would find his way out of this situation and look for answers to his questions about exactly what had gone wrong today. Teetering between sleep and wakefulness he waited for Dixie to return and help him into the scrubs.

Quiet.

He could hear the hissing of the sweet cool oxygen he was breathing.

He could feel the medication slowly dripping into his vein.

He drifted.

Think.

Paul Weaver, paramedic from Station 10 and he had entered the burning house to rescue three children from a second story bedroom. That much he could remember. But what happened next was a blur. He could see Paul's back as he descended the burning stairs. But why did he not have one of the children? John could not shake the uneasy feeling he had about those children. He thought he remembered helping them. Where was Paul? Why had he left? Or did he?

Dixie entered the exam room with the requested scrubs to find Johnny's head thrashing from side to side as if he were having a bad dream. She could see that his brow was tense around the ten stitches Dr. Brackett had so carefully put in earlier. "Johnny, are you okay?" she calmly asked.

"Dix?" he whispered.

"I brought your scrubs. Do you feel like putting them on now? I will help you into them then we will get you settled into a room shortly." She told him as she helped him with his blankets.

When he sat up he swayed a little, but Dixie held fast to him. "Are you sure you are up to putting these on?"

"Yes please Dixie. I really want to feel normal." He told her with his sheepish grin melting her resolve completely away. She would do anything for Johnny Gage. Although she should not have one Johnny was her favorite. He had one her heart over on his first day as a rescue man at Station 10 and even more when he joined the paramedics. Dixie McCall thought of John Roderick Gage as family, as a little brother that for some reason she felt she had to protect.

"Okay Johnny." She told him with a smile of her own. "Let's get you into these so you can rest up and get better."

After a bit of a struggle with the shoulder immobilizer and working around his IV Johnny finally had on his scrubs and was settling back on the table to await a room for the night. "I have to get back to work Johnny. I will check on you in a bit. Try to get some rest while you wait for your room okay." Dixie brushed a stray hair from his forehead as she spoke softly to him. Johnny appeared to be drifting to sleep when she left the room.

When Dixie had quietly closed the exam room door, and he felt that she was surely gone he slipped from the exam table, carefully removed his IV and oxygen and moved cautiously to the door. Peering into the hallway he could see that it was clear for the moment. Slipping into the hall he purposefully went towards the elevators at the end hoping no one would see him. As he approached the doors slid open and he entered trying to lean as far into the side as he could using the button panel to block him from anyone who might be coming down the hall. The doors closed. Pushing the button for the first floor he would exit the hospital through the main entrance and grab a cab. He had picked up his wallet and other personal item on his way out of the exam room. As the doors slid open he hesitated before stepping into the hospital lobby.

"Long shift?" the pretty nurse asked him as she waited for him to leave the elevator she had been waiting on.

"Yeah," he said with a trace of the Gage charm he was famous for. She was really pretty he thought as he stumbled out of the elevator, but he was too tired and felt too bad to think about flirting with her right now. Maybe he would run into her again some time.

"You alright?" she asked him noticing his bandaged hands and shoulder.

He didn't try to answer. He simply shook his head and kept on moving towards the doors. Have to get out of here before I fall. He thought to himself as he shuffled through the front doors. Sliding into the back seat of a taxi he gave the driver the address to his destination and leaned his head against the door hoping he could stay awake long enough to get to where he was going.

Meanwhile at the hospital Paul Weaver was being treated for burns and smoke inhalation by Mike Morton. "Be still and let me take care of these burns Paul. I know you want to find out how Gage is, but you have to concentrate on your own injuries right now."

Paul was thrashing about on the table in a confused state. Dr. Morton only thought he wanted word on his temporary partner. What Morton did not know is that Paul Weaver was caught up in the memory of the accident at the fire and only wanted to escape. "Get those restraints on him nurse. I can't work here." Morton said half yelling to the nurse. "What is going on Paul? Help me out here. I can't treat you if I don't know what is hurting you."

"Out, half to get out! Help!" Paul screamed

What on earth was happening here? Dr. Morton ordered a barrage of tests and x-rays on Weaver. He had to get to the bottom of this and fast.

The taxi pulled up in front of the house and Johnny paid the driver before stumbling out. He lumbered to the front door and rang the bell. Leaning against the door frame he hoped that they were home. He was tired and wanted to sit down. They did not answer. He stepped from the porch and walked around to the side yard where he could go through the gate and sit on the deck until they got home.

The neighbor was taking the trash out at that moment and saw Johnny walking around the house. "Hey Johnny," he greeted.

"Hey Bill, they're not home so I'm gonna wait out on the deck," Johnny answered the greeting as best as he could trying not to let on how weak and unsteady he felt.

"You okay John?" Bill asked.

"Yeah, pulled a double, just tired," John answered as he went through the gate. "See ya later."

He eased himself down into the chase lounge to wait and immediately drifted off to sleep. It was chilly, but he was too tired to care.

Roy and Joanne arrived at home after a very romantic anniversary dinner expecting a quiet evening together to celebrate. Their children Chris and Jennifer were staying at Roy's mother's for the night to give them some adult time. Johnny usually watched the kids for them on their anniversary, but he was helping out today at Station 10. The kids were not happy that they would miss this special treat at Johnny's ranch, but he had promised to make it up to them later.

Back at the hospital Dixie slipped into the exam room expecting to find Johnny asleep, but to her dismay she only found an empty exam table and an IV tied off and dangling from the pole. Johnny's things were missing too. She knew she had been tricked into getting him those scrubs and when she found him he was in for a very strong lecture from her. "Kel, can I see you please?" she spoke to Dr. Brackett.

Seeing the look in her eyes Dr. Brackett knew that this was not the time to mess with Dixie McCall. "What's up Dix?"

"John Gage has taken it upon himself to leave," she said with much exasperation. "He tricked me into getting him some scrubs feigning about being cold and wanting to feel normal." She shook her head and held her arms across her chest as she told Dr. Brackett. Clearly she was angry with her favorite paramedic for the ruse.

"HE WHAT?" yelled Brackett. "He's injured! He has no business out of this hospital before we can be sure he is alright. Find him Dixie. Call Roy!"

"I'm on my way to do that now," she declared.

The phone was ringing as Roy led Joanne into the house. He made his way over to the table and grabbed the receiver. "Hello."

"Roy this is Dixie McCall. Is Johnny there?"

"Hello Dixie, no he is working at Station 10 today," he told her.

"Yes well Roy he was injured in a roof collapse. They brought him in a couple hours ago with a dislocated shoulder, wrenched knee, cracked and broken ribs, a head injury that took 10 stitches and some burns on his hands and wrists. But he has disappeared. Apparently, he took it upon himself to leave the hospital without doctor's permission, and I want him back here asap. Is he there?"

"No Dix, Joanne and I just got home from dinner. Did you try the ranch?" he suggested.

"Yes Roy I tried the ranch. He didn't answer. I called his neighbor Bob and he checked. John is not there either. Look Roy I don't want to worry you, but we need to find Johnny."

"Okay Dixie. Let me call the guys and see if anyone has seen him. I'll let you know what I find out."

Hanging up the phone Roy turned to Joanne with his worried look. "Johnny was hurt today and has disappeared from Rampart. I'm sorry honey. Looks like our quiet time will have to wait a bit."

"Of course Roy we have to find him," she smiled up at her husband. She loved him more and more each day. His love for his partner only made that love for him deeper. John Gage was part of the Desoto family and anniversary or not they would do anything to help him.

Roy called everyone he could think of in search of Johnny. Captain Stanley had already been called by Captain Stone about the injury, but did not know of John's escape from the hospital.

"That twit, what was he thinking? I haven't seen him Roy, but I'll call a few of his buddies to see if they have."

The rest of the crew from Station 51, Chet, Marco and Mike also said they would look for Johnny and get back to Roy. By now Roy was getting very worried. "Where could he be Joanne?"

They had been home for about an hour and a half now and Roy was beside himself with worry. Then there was a knock at the front door. "God I hope that is him," Roy said as he quickly moved to the door only to find his neighbor Bill standing on the porch.

"Hey Roy," Bill greeted him.

"Bill?"

"Um Roy did you know that your partner is asleep on you deck?"

"He's what?" Roy exclaimed as he turned and ran to the sliding door. Throwing the door open he lunged towards the lounge chair with the intent to give John Gage a piece of his mind when he saw the huddled shivering figure of his best friend laying there helpless and cold. "Johnny?"

"Huh? Wha…?" Johnny slurred as he slowly opened his sleepy brown eyes. "Roy?"

"Hey Johnny, let's get you inside to warm up." Roy helped Johnny from the chair and carefully helped him into the house and over to the couch. "What are you doing leaving Rampart Johnny?"

"Had to," Johnny told him. "Didn't want to tell them. Have to think about what happened. Have to remember. Can't talk to them till I figure this out."

"What are you talking about Johnny? You were hurt at a fire right?" Roy asked.

"Yeah Roy, but there was something funny going on with Paul Weaver and before I can talk to anyone about it I need time to think, time to remember. If what I think I remember really happened then…." He didn't finish the statement.

Roy looked at Johnny with concern, but knew not to press him for answers. Roy learned a long time ago that Johnny would talk to him when he was ready and now was not the time. Johnny was injured and confused. Roy wanted to get him back to the hospital into the caring hands of the doctors and nurses there.

"God Roy I didn't know Johnny was hurt. He said he was just tired from working a double shift when I asked him if he was alright. He should have told me. He could have waited at my place." Bill looked back and forth from Joanne and Roy as he spoke with sincerity.

"I know Bill. He'll be fine as soon as I get him warmed up and back to Rampart." Roy was shaking his head as he spoke to his neighbor.

"NO!" Johnny said with alarm. "I can't go back yet."

"Okay Junior," Roy tried to calm Johnny down. "Why don't you just lay down here on the couch and rest? Joanne, could you get some blankets and a pillow?"

"Of course I can. Johnny do you want something to drink?" she asked him.

"Sweet heart why don't you make some coffee to help him warm up," Roy smiled at his wife whom he loved dearly.

Joanne left the room to get the things Roy requested and Bill made his exit as well telling Roy to call him if he needed his help. Roy helped Johnny lay down on the couch, covering him with the blankets and propping him onto the pillow Joanne had brought. "Just rest Johnny. I have some calls to make. You had me scared tonight Junior when I didn't know where you were, but we will talk about that later. Right now you just rest." Johnny settled into the pillow exhausted. He fell asleep within seconds. Joanne went to make coffee and Roy started his phone calls.

First Roy called Dixie. "He's here Dix. He was out on the deck this whole time. He's really upset over what happened at the fire. I don't know what is bothering him. Did he do something wrong?"

"No Roy not that I have heard. He needs to be back here. When can you bring him?" She asked.

"Well I think I should let him rest here for a bit. He was really cold when I found him. I think the upset about coming back there will do him more harm than good. He is asleep on the couch right now and said he couldn't talk to anyone about today until he could remember how it all happened. He seems really worried about something Dixie. I just don't understand why he left the hospital like that."

"I don't either Roy. I'll let Kel know what is going on. Call me if you need anything," Dixie was even more worried about her friend after hearing about how he was found. Why would he go to Roy's unless he needed to talk to Roy about something? Roy was usually the only person John Gage would confide in and ordinarily Roy would have been with him at the hospital. Johnny had went in search of his friend for help and comfort, but from what she wondered?

After talking to Dixie Roy called the rest of his shift mates and Captain insisting that Johnny was fine, and they did not need to come over to see him right now. Then he settled himself in the recliner to wait for Johnny to give him some answers. Joanne brought coffee for both men and excused herself to give them some privacy.

"Junior," Roy spoke softly to his friend. "Here's some coffee. Sit up and drink some. You need something warm in your system." Roy helped Johnny to sit up enough to sip the coffee. Roy had to hold the cup because Johnny's hands were bandaged and shaking too badly to hold the cup.

"Roy, I think I need to talk to Captain Stanley. Do you think you could call him for me?" Johnny looked like a kid asking his father for permission to do something. "I I want you to be here too. I think I need some help."

"Help with what Johnny? Are you in some kind of trouble? Did something happen at the fire today that could get you in some trouble?" Roy wanted to help his friend.

"It's okay Roy just call Cap please. I have to talk to him before I talk to anyone else." Johnny pleaded with Roy to just make the call.

"Okay Johnny, I will call him right now." Roy said as he made his way to the phone.

A short while later Captain Stanley and Roy joined Johnny in the living room of the Desoto home. "John, you alright buddy?" Cap asked his man.

"I'm okay Cap. Hurtin' some. I um I need to talk to you about something though. Something happened today that I am not sure how to handle. I need some advice." Johnny looked at his friends with sad pain filled eyes.

"Well first of all John you and I will need to talk about your leaving Rampart without being released after an on the job injury. You have put me in quite a position here." Captain Stanley reprimanded his paramedic. "I know you have something on your mind that caused you to make such a dim witted mistake, so you had better start explaining."

"I know Cap, but you see this is really heavy. This could cost lose someone a career, and I…" Johnny had to stop for a minute before continuing.

"What John? What on earth happened back there? Let me help you son." Captain Stanley was getting really worried now. Roy simply sat and sipped his coffee. He had more experience with John's way of getting to the point. He would wait until Johnny was ready.

"Johnny would you like some coffee or milk?" Roy asked.

"Yeah Roy Coffee would be great." Johnny spoke very softly.

"Hang on a minute and I'll get you some. Are you warmer now? Cap more coffee?" he asked as he walked toward the kitchen hoping Stanley would follow.

"Yes Roy let me help you with it," he answered and followed knowing that Roy wanted to talk to him in private a minute.

In the kitchen Roy told the Captain to give Johnny time to get to the point. He knew first hand how frustrating waiting on Johnny to get to the point could be and with Johnny injured it could take even longer.

Together they went back to sit with Johnny.

"Cap, he left me and those kids in that house to burn. If I tell that to headquarters he will be washed out of the paramedic program and maybe even the department. I don't know what to do. He's not a bad guy, but he freaked out. If I don't tell the department he may do it again and someone may die." Johnny was shaking by the time he finished.

"Calm down John and tell me the whole story." Captain Stanley had a great deal of respect for John Gage and trusted his instincts as well as his word.

"Well as you know I was working over at 10's today. We were called out to a house fire, two stories and an attached garage. There were three children reported missing and last seen on the second floor back bedroom left of the stairs. The first floor was pretty much toast." Johnny stopped to sip his coffee. He had trouble holding on the the warm mug because of the burns on his hands. "The stairs were getting hot, and Paul and I, we knew we had to hurry. I led the way and found the kids right away, but when I turned around to tell Paul I had found them he looked really spooked about something. I waved to him. I know he saw me. Our eyes met and he shook his head to acknowledge. Then he got this really wild look on his face and he bolted for the stairs. The guys below were yelling to him to wait, because the stairs had started burning. They were coming with the hose to cool the area down so we could get out. He just kept going like he never heard them. I've seen it happen before Cap. He lost his nerve and fled. The stair rail collapsed and he fell into the fire. They got him out pretty fast. I know he was injured. Burned. I I just….I don't know. So there I was stuck on the second floor with three innocent children. The house was engulfed. I ran back to the room where they were and shut the door. Stuffed some blankets in the crack. I remembered when we got to the scene that the garage was on that end of the house. I busted out the window, but couldn't get anyone's attention to get us a ladder. Actually we had to go out on the garage roof anyway, so I helped the three kids onto the roof and then lowered each one off the back of the roof. It was only one story and they didn't drop very far. I put the boy down first. He looked to be the oldest and he was definitely the tallest. Then I lowered the two girls to him. I told them to get away from the house, to go to the front and find Captain Stone or their parents, but to stay away from the house. Just as I lowered the last one the roof gave. I never knew if they got away in time. Dr. Brackett told me they were okay so I guess they did what I told them. I don't really remember much after that. I woke up at Rampart….again. I don't know Cap, I don't know what to do. I I … I don't want to be responsible for what might happen to him. I mean he has a family and all. A baby. Cap, Roy, I need you to tell me what to do." Johnny slumped into the couch and almost dropped the coffee mug before Roy grabbed it from his hands. Johnny shot Roy a thankful look and closed his eyes.

"John I'm going to call the chief and see if he can come talk to you. I think you need to do this. I think the sooner the better. What you did back at that house. Saving those kids was amazing John. You could have been killed. I for one do not want to take that risk with another fireman or friend if Weaver can't handle the job. Roy, if you have no objections I will see if the Chief can come here." Stanley spoke with conviction.

"No problem Cap. I agree with you. This needs to be done right away. I think we need to call Dr. Brackett as well. After all the paramedics do report to him and if Weaver is washed out, well he should be involved." Roy stated.

"Okay Roy I'll see when the Chief is available then we will see if Dr. Brackett can come." Captain Stanley started for the phone. "John, you okay to do this now?"

"Y Ye ah Cap. I I'm…yeah." Johnny stumbled over his answer. Truthfully he felt really bad, but the sooner he got this done the sooner he could rest. "Roy, I uh I think I need um I think I need to lay down a while. I don't feel so good. Would it…" he stopped and held his head in his hands.

Joanne came into the room at that moment. "Johnny the spare room is ready for you. Why don't we go get you into bed for a bit while you wait on everyone to get here? Hank can you give me a hand getting Johnny down the hall. I'm afraid he won't make it on his own?"

"Yes ma'am," Hank replied with a smile. He was thankful that Johnny had such good friends to look after him. Johnny was like a son to Captain Hank Stanley, and he wanted nothing but the best for him. "John, you ready?"

"Thanks," John whispered. He was clearly feeling bad. Hank and Joanne helped him down the hall.

A couple of hours later the Men assembled in the Desoto living room to hear Johnny's story. Kelly Brackett went with Roy to get Johnny from the guest room. Kel wanted to check him over before he allowed him to go through the stress of a meeting like this. Johnny was deep in slumber with his arm over his eyes in his usual sleeping position. Kel Brackett smiled and shook his head when he saw Johnny sleeping. He looked like a little boy resting there. Walking over to the bed he gently lifted Johnny's arm to take his pulse. Johnny stirred. "Wha…huh?"

"It's all right Johnny, I just want to check your vitals before we start our meeting. Okay?" Brackett asked with a better than usual bedside manner.

"K," Johnny blinked his sleepy eyes at the doctor.

The three men made their way slowly into the great room and met the others.

"John, I'm glad to see you on your feet after such a bad fire. I want you to know that I do not usually meet in such an unorthodox way, but your Captain was very insistent that I come," said the Chief. "Why don't we get down to business gentlemen? Thank you, Joanne, for allowing us to use your home for this impromptu meeting."

"Anything for Johnny," Joanne said as she excused herself from the room. "Let me know if you boys need anything."

The meeting lasted for a couple of hours as Johnny first told his story and then answered a barrage of questions from both Brackett and the Chief. After all was said and done Johnny felt really weak and sick to his stomach. He was ending a man's career, a career that he himself identified with, one that actually defined who he was. John Roderick Gage could not separate himself as a man from the man he was as a firefighter/paramedic. How could he live with himself if he cost another man his identity? But then how could he live with himself if he had kept quiet and someone else died because he didn't speak up? No matter now. He had already told them how it happened. The rest would be up to them. "Excuse me please," Johnny rose from the couch. Catching himself on the arm he swayed as he arose. Roy came to his side to help him and keep him from falling.

"Johnny? You okay partner?" Roy asked.

"Yeah, Roy, I'm okay. Just gonna leave the talking to the rest of you now. I've done my part." Johnny moved to the hall. "You stay here and help them. I can't do any more damage."

Johnny stopped at the hall bath and slipped inside. He hadn't eaten since breakfast before the accident and he had lost that in the ambulance. Suddenly feeling very weak and sick he dry heaved into the commode then fell against the bath tub. The room was spinning, and he knew that he could not make it to the bedroom without help. Then Roy appeared beside him, bathing his face with a cool damp rag. God that felt so good.

"Johnny, I think you may have a fever. Maybe we need to see if Dr. Brackett thinks we should get you back to Rampart."

"I unnh R ooy…." Johnny passed out in Roy's arms.

"Dr. Brackett, I need your help in here," Roy called for his mentor and friend.

Dr. Kelly Brackett came directly into the room, and told Roy to call for an ambulance. "Can you ride in with him Roy?"

"Of course I can Doc. Just let me tell Joanne to meet me there in the car. Do you think he is going to be okay?" Roy asked.

"Yes, but he needs IV fluids, some pain medication, and lots of rest," Brackett said shaking his head. "How did he get three kids out safely and not die trying. John Gage will never cease to amaze me."

"Yeah Doc I know what you mean. He is one of the best men I have ever known." Roy's love and respect for his friend had deepened even more when he had shared his story that might end a man's career, but protect others from suffering from the backlash if the man lost it in the face of danger again.

Johnny was taken to Rampart, admitted to the room he had waiting. His IV's reestablished and pain medication administered. Dixie McCall was relieved to see him. She settled him into his room herself. "Johnny Gage, you ever make me worry like this again and…." She smiled at him shaking her head as she spoke all the while smoothing his unruly hair. "Rest my friend. Let us take care of you now."

It was six weeks before Johnny was cleared to return to work. Paul Weaver had been suspended on medical evaluation and was undergoing psychiatric care. He might keep a job with the department in a desk job or dispatch. He was a fireman, a brother, and no one would turn him out into the streets when he needed help. He might become a dispatcher, but he would never be on the front lines as a firefighter or paramedic again. In the end it was Paul himself who came forward and shared his breakdown. Johnny's meeting with Captain Stanley, Dr. Brackett, and the Chief had been going on at the same time that Captain Stone was meeting with Paul. Weaver did not feel confident with his own ability to continue in his current status. His wife was expecting their third child and when the three children had been reported trapped in that house fire he saw his own children suffering from him getting hurt or killed while saving someone else's children. It had proven too much for him. He broke down in the field. He could not live with the fear that his actions could have cost Johnny or those children their lives.

Johnny walked into Station 51 with a clean bill of health and a clear conscience. He knew he had done the right thing. Even Paul had come to see him at Rampart to thank him for trying to protect him.

Even though Roy, Dr. Brackett, Johnny and the Chief had been the only ones in attendance in Roy's living room that day, everyone knew of Johnny's struggle with taking action against one of his brother's in the department. Some suspected the Chief for starting the rumors, but in the end John Roderick Gage who was known in the department as a ladies' man, was also one of the most respected men in the LAcoFD along with his paramedic partner and friend Roy Desoto.