Work Text:
Lovers Quarrel
“Kara? You okay?” Sam looked at her with a concerned expression on his face.
“Why haven’t we heard from her? It’s been over three weeks now!”
“A lot of crazy stuff happened. I think she just needs some time alone.”
“But she can’t call and tell me she’s alright?!”
“She did.”
Kara scowled. “No – she sent me a text that said ‘Don’t come looking for me’! Meanwhile, Mr. Womanizer over here doesn’t even care!” She glared at Dean who had just walked up.
“What is she ranting about?” he asked his brother.
“You act like everything’s fine!” Kara accused. “But M’s still missing!”
“Hey, I don’t appreciate that! I do care,” he defended. “And she’s not missing, she left – and said not to come after her. So that’s what I’m doing.”
“Well you don’t have to run around trying to get the number of everything with a rack,” she grumbled.
“Hey, last time I checked I’m still single. And besides! It’s not my fault I’m so good-looking!” he grinned widely. “They just give me the numbers.”
Kara snorted. “Yeah right, I’ve seen you get shot down. I could probably get more numbers than you could.”
“Well of course you could. Guys are way more willing to give out their numbers.”
“Fine. I’ll bet you a hundred bucks that I can get the numbers of more girls than you can.”
Dean raised an eyebrow. “Okay, you’re on!”
A few minutes later Dean was smirking at his collection of cocktail napkins and paper scraps. He turned around to face the other side of the bar and spotted a gorgeous brunette in the corner.
“Well hel-lo!” Dean said as he walked up to her.
She gave him a look of disgust but he ignored that.
“Tell me - did it hurt?” he asked.
"Get lost, won't you?"
"Wait, you're supposed to say Did what hurt? and then I say-"
“I’ve been watching you,” she said with an annoyed undertone.
“Really…”
“I know what you’re doing.”
“Oh yeah? And what’s that?”
“You don’t really care about any of those women.” The brunette gestured to the numbers in his hand. “You just want to use them. It’s despicable.”
“Whoa, now that’s harsh!”
“Men are animals!”
“Oh, but Honey, I’m different,” Dean said with a flash of his smile.
“No, you’re not. All men are pigs!”
His smile fell. “Riight, well apparently I’m barking up the wrong tree.” Dean took a step back.
“Do you really want to prove you’re different? Try seeing yourself from a new perspective – through someone else’s eyes.” She muttered something under her breath.
Dean chuckled kind of nervously as he backed away. “O-kay. Well I’m gonna go now.” He turned and quickly went back to the table Sam was still sitting at.
“That looked like it didn’t go too well,” Sam smirked.
“Dude, that chick’s crazy! And totally not into dudes.” Dean looked back over his shoulder, but the Brunette was gone.
“Okay, time to count!” Kara came up to them with her hands full of paper scraps and napkins.
Dean lost by a landslide.
The three hunters were about to leave the bar when Dean noticed a cute blonde eyeing him from another table.
“You guys go on ahead,” he instructed Sam and Kara. “It looks like Lady Luck finally showed up after all!”
The other two rolled their eyes and left.
---
Madalyn looked at her phone. She had gotten yet another text from Kara asking where she was but she still wasn’t ready to let her cousin know.
The past three weeks had been fairly relaxing. It was nice to be semi-normal for a while. She knew she would never be able to fully escape the world of the unexplained but Madalyn had really needed time to just regroup and think things over.
The ivy tattoo was gone except for the faded encircled pentagram still inscribed on her left palm. Spirits hadn’t been bothering her so much lately either and Vancouver was nice this time of year - there was so much around to do.
Madalyn ignored her cousin’s text and went to bed.
When she woke up the next morning things looked different. The room was different. Madalyn cautiously switched to her other side and jumped at the sight of someone lying next to her in bed. She leapt up and that’s when Madalyn caught sight of herself in the mirror… or rather, the sight of Dean in the mirror.
“Oh crap,” she said as she stared at her altered reflection.
The blonde girl in the bed stirred as Madalyn-in-Dean’s-body located his pants.
“Leaving already?” The blonde asked, awake now.
“Uh…” Madalyn froze. “Yeah, I uh – I’ve got some stuff... to take care of...”
“Oh, that’s too bad. ‘Cause I was thinking we could have another go if you weren’t in such a hurry.” She smiled sleepily.
“Yeah… about that…” Madalyn finished buckling Dean’s belt tightly around her waist. “I gotta go.”
“Fine.” The blonde pouted a bit but soon fell asleep again.
Madalyn crept out of the apartment and was about to call a taxi before she realized that she had to figure out where she was first. It turned out she was in Oregon – just an hour or so back to Vancouver by plane.
---
Dean woke up to someone pounding on the door. He got up and looked around. Julianne’s room looked different in the daylight. The knocking sounded again and he went to answer it. He tried looking through the eyehole and found that he was barely tall enough to see out at the man standing with his back to the door.
Praying it wasn’t Julianne’s boyfriend – where was she anyway? – Dean groggily reached for the door handle. His hand seemed too small. He must have had more to drink last night than he had thought. The guy on the other side of the door knocked again and Dean looked back outside. He was given a shock when he saw the man’s face – his face!
“Come on Dean! Wake up and let me in already!” he heard himself say.
Could it be another shape-shifter? he wondered.
“Dean! It’s Maddie, let me in!”
Uh oh. If she was in his body then that meant… Dude… Dean looked down at his body and, to his horror, he was right. He was a chick!
“Dean!” the Dean outside barked with another pound that rattled the doorframe. Dean-in-Madalyn’s-body finally opened the door.
“It’s about time!” Madalyn said in Dean’s gruff tone and pushed her way in.
“What the hell’s going on!?” Dean squeaked in a feminine voice to his surprise.
“It looks like we switched bodies somehow, I got back here as soon as I could. Now we gotta figure out how to fix it.”
“Where’s here?”
“Vancouver.”
“Canada? Really? Where’s Sam and Kara?”
“Probably still in Oregon.”
“Well what'd you tell them?”
“Nothing. In case you forgot you didn’t meet back up with them last night,” Madalyn-Dean said flatly.
“Oh, well what did you tell Julianne?”
“That you had to go meet up with your boyfriend,” Madalyn delivered with a straight face.
Dean-Madalyn’s jaw dropped in horror.
“Don’t look at me like that. She bought it, so what does that say about you?” Dean’s hand was on his hip.
“Oh come on, don’t do that! You’re making me look all… flamboyant…” Madalyn’s body, meanwhile, was slouched with her feet set widely apart.
“Yeah and you’re ruining my posture – stand up straight!”
Madalyn’s spine straightened up a bit exaggeratedly.
“Hey, eyes up here! Right... now let us attempt to assess how we got ourselves into such an unfortunate predicament...” Dean’s lips had never before uttered such a sentence as that.
“Hey, don’t look at me, I didn’t do nothin’.”
Dean’s eyes went rolling. “God– why do I get the feeling that you being in my body is gonna turn me stupid?”
“Hey!”
“Just focus, alright. What did you do last night? Besides Julia.”
“Julianne,” Dean corrected before he could stop himself. “We were all at a bar. But why do you think it was at my end? Maybe you did something to screw us up!”
“I doubt it.”
“Whadda ya mean I doubt it?”
“It just sounds like something you’d get us into. Now what did you do at the bar?”
Dean-Madalyn scowled. “Kara and I had a bet. Who could get the most numbers.”
Dean’s face gave a smirk. “Kara.”
“Now why would you say that so quickly?”
“Who won, Dean?”
He grumbled something inaudible. “Wait a minute!” A light bulb switched on just then. “There was this one crazy chick who said somethin’ about seeing through someone else’s eyes...”
One of Dean’s eyebrows lifted up. “Yeah? What exactly did she say?”
Madalyn’s shoulders shrugged. “She said I needed to see me in a new perspective. I didn’t know she meant it so literally.”
“Well it seems like whoever this woman was, she’s the one who did this to us so we better go back and find her.”
A ring tone erupted from somewhere in Dean’s jacket. His hands searched through the pockets until it was located.
“Hello?” Madalyn asked in Dean’s timbre. “Oh – uhh, hey Sammy. How ya doin’ bro?”
Dean-Madalyn gave her a look that said ‘What the hell are you doing?’ and Madalyn-Dean just shrugged.
“Uh yeah, I’m coming back… sometime. Don’t wait around for me. Why don’t you and Kara go out and have some fun. Hey but not too much fun…” she caught herself, “…is what Maddie would say – uh… okay, see ya later, Dude.”
“ How ya doin’ bro? See ya later, Dude!?” Dean asked once she got off the phone. “I don’t sound like that.”
“Yeah you do. Now come on, we need to catch a flight back before they realize something’s up.”
“Because that phone call won’t tip them off,” he said sarcastically. “Why didn’t you just tell them what happened?”
“’Cause then I would have to take the time to explain myself, wouldn’t I.”
“You’re right. You do need to explain yourself - like what the hell have you been doing in Canada for the past three weeks?”
“We’ll get to that later. Right now we need you dressed and ready.”
Dean looked down at Madalyn’s body. “I am dressed.”
“Not for leaving this apartment you’re not. And you desperately need some make-up.”
“Make-up – that’s funny.”
“Hilarious. I’ll go get the eyeliner.”
---
“Is that Enter Sandman?” Madalyn-Dean looked over at herself huddled in the window seat beside her.
“I told you – I don’t like flying.”
A stewardess came up to them. “Does your girlfriend want something to drink? Help her calm her nerves?” she asked.
“No, thank you.” Madalyn-Dean said at the same time as Dean-Madalyn said, “YES!”
“No,” Madalyn insisted. “She’ll be fine, thank you.”
“You know you can’t keep bossing me around like that!” Dean protested once the stewardess left.
“As long as you’re in my body I can.”
“Then it goes both ways.”
“Like there’s anything I could even think of to do that you haven’t done to yourself already.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
The plane hit a particularly nasty bit of turbulence and Dean-Madalyn frantically clung to the seat, Dean’s own laugh mocking his reaction.
“Relax! It’s just a plane!”
“Well we wouldn’t be here in the first place if you hadn’t taken off!” he retorted through clenched teeth. After calming down a bit he asked, “I mean, why’d you book like that without telling anyone, anyway? Kara was totally freaked! She really needed you too.”
Madalyn-Dean shifted awkwardly in the seat. “I really don’t want to talk about that now.”
“You’re gonna have to sooner or later, and Kara’s not gonna let you off easy, I’ll tell you that.”
---
“I hear the Impala. Sounds like Dean finally decided to come back,” Sam said.
Kara put on a frown as she went to look out the window. “It’s too bad. I was starting to hope I’d never have to see that gluttonous pig ever ag… Oh my god, Dean I love you!” Kara rushed out into the parking lot and mauled her cousin, nearly knocking Dean-Madalyn to the ground.
“Where the hell have you been!?! How the hell could you run off like that!” Kara demanded, then turned to who she thought was Dean. “Where the hell did you find her? Why the hell didn’t you tell me you were going to find her? And why the hell didn’t you take me with you!?!”
Dean and Madalyn exchanged wild glances as Kara tried to bear hug them both at the same time.
“Kara calm down and give them a chance to speak.” Sam pulled her back to give the other two some oxygen.
“Uh...” they both began, not sure of where to start. Kara looked at them imploringly.
“It was kind of an accident…” Madalyn-Dean began.
“Well, when I was at the bar last night–” Dean-Madalyn started until Dean’s hand hit Madalyn’s arm to shut him up.
“What?” Kara asked.
Her cousin sighed. “Okay, don’t freak out Kar, but…”
Kara raised an eyebrow and turned to Dean, “Maddie what’s going on?”
Madalyn’s eyes looked sideways at Dean’s figure before admitting, “I’m not Maddie.”
“What?!” Kara stepped back.
“I am,” came Dean’s voice.
“What!?” both Kara and Sam looked rapidly back and forth between the two.
“Wait, what are you saying?” Sam looked utterly confused.
“We switched bodies some how... I dunno ask him.” Dean’s hand gestured to his other self.
Dean-Madalyn scoffed. “Oh don’t act like this is my fault! I told you - it was the crazy man-hating chick from the bar.”
“Well you were the one trying to get her number. This wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t such a chauvinist pig.”
“Oh, you’re calling me a pig now? Real original!”
“Wow, it really is them… swapped…” Sam muttered.
“Holy crap,” breathed Kara.
“You want me to be original? Fine! How’s this?”
Madalyn’s body was slung over Dean’s shoulder.
“Hey! Hey let me down right now!” Madalyn’s small fists beat into Dean’s back. “Maddie I mean it! Right now!”
“Dean, be careful with her!” Kara cried. “I mean M! I mean…!” She looked helplessly around at Sam.
“Uh yeah guys. Why don’t we all just relax and go inside,” Sam suggested.
“Okay.” Dean’s still burdened shoulders shrugged.
“Well I think you should let her – him, uhm, down… first…” Sam made a face. “Wow this is weird.”
---
“So you were at your apartment in Vancouver this whole time? But Derek the Doorman said he hadn’t seen you!” Kara protested.
“Oh he saw me alright – and earned $20 bucks every time he did too! I had to sneak out the back once or twice when I forgot to hit the ATM.” Dean’s hand reached out and tousled Kara’s purple locks. “Nice hair by the way, cuz.”
“Why’d you go through all that trouble just to hide from us?” Dean asked as he shoved Madalyn’s mouth full of take-out.
“In case you didn’t notice, I had a few issues to work out.”
“Yeah, you got issues alright, but you didn’t have to leave – not that it wasn’t quieter around here without you.”
“You’re saying I talk too much Gabby Abby?”
“It’s more like just noise.”
“Guys!” Sam jumped in. “Enough with the fighting!”
“M, he’s right though! You couldn’t work out your issues with us? And I really needed you!”
That struck a cord and Madalyn turned Dean’s body toward her cousin. “Kar, I’m so sorry. I guess it was pretty selfish of me not to be there for you, but I didn’t know you were in trouble. You never told me about all the stuff you went through at the hospital! And I would’ve come back after Sam left me that message telling me everything that happened, but at that point I didn’t think there was much I could do.”
“I don’t blame you for anything M, but it hurts that you felt like you couldn’t talk to us,” Kara frowned.
“It’s just stuff I needed to work out myself. I didn’t want to drag you guys down.”
“But we were so worried!” Kara kept glancing over at her cousin’s body as she talked as if she wasn’t sure who to look at.
“Let’s just forget about it for now. I can’t believe it, but presently I have some even bigger stuff to deal with.”
Dean-Madalyn looked up. “Yeah this whole being a chick thing is totally not working for me.”
“Oh, for you? Cause it’s totally peachy for me over here,” Madalyn said sarcastically.
“I’m sure it sucks for both of you,” Sam mediated again. “Why don’t we go back to the bar and ask around about the brunette you talked to last night, Dean. The sooner we sort this out the better.”
His brother agreed. “Hell yeah. I think I’m seeing dead people too.”
Madalyn quickly moved Dean’s neck to look at him. “You have my power?”
He shrugged her shoulders. “I think so. Unless you guys can see the person sitting in the corner over there looking worse than Courtney Love on a bad day.”
They looked but didn’t see.
“Weird,” Madalyn-Dean said softly.
---
The four hunters walked out to the Impala and were just about to pile in when a loud crash and series of other violent noises erupted from one of the other motel rooms, angry shouts breaking through amongst the shatters.
“Get out of here you selfish jerk! I never want to see you ever again!”
“Maybe if you weren’t such a bitch I’d be a little nicer to you!”
“Maybe if you weren’t such a jerk I wouldn’t have to be such a bitch! Get out!”
“You get out!”
“No, you get out!”
“No. You get out!”
The hunters had crept up to the window and were trying to peer inside at the commotion. A young red-haired woman was stomping around the room, hurling anything and everything she could find at a tall black-haired man trying to protect himself with a pillow grabbed from the disheveled bed.
“I hate you!” the woman screamed.
“Yeah? Well I hate you more!” the man retorted.
The yelling was becoming louder and louder and soon other motel patrons were poking their heads out of their doors. Sam, Dean, Madalyn and Kara all exchanged glances as they wondered whether or not to interfere. A ceramic ashtray went crashing through the window just then and they decided that it was for the good of all that they step in.
“Uh, hello?” Dean-Madalyn called through the broken glass.
“What!?” the couple snapped in unison.
The four hunters exchanged glances.
“Uh, can we help you guys?” Madalyn-Dean asked hesitantly.
“No!” came their double response.
The four ducked their heads back out of the window.
“Now what?” Sam asked and the others just shrugged. After a moment Madalyn-Dean stuck Dean’s head back into the room.
“What are you guys fighting about anyway?” she asked.
“He won’t leave me alone!” The red head pointed a fierce finger at the guy.
“She’s the one that won’t leave!” the guy accused back.
Madalyn-Dean raised an eyebrow. “Can’t you both leave?”
The couple exchanged looks and after brief consideration they both exited the room through the gap where the wide window previously had been. The hunters moved out of the way to let them pass and the bickerers took another look at each other before walking off in separate directions.
“Well that was weird,” Dean-Madalyn spoke too soon.
The guy and the girl had barely made it fifteen feet from each other when they stopped and ran back. The pulling, scratching, biting, and choking that ensued was even more violent then the furniture throwing had been. It took all four of the others to pull the two apart.
“Holy crap! What is up with you guys?!” Madalyn-Dean asked as the black haired man struggled against Dean and Sam’s hold.
“Yeah, why don’t you just chill out and leave each other alone?” Kara said with a tight grip on the woman.
“I can’t leave him!” she whined, “I don’t know why but I can’t!”
Dean-Madalyn looked at her. “What do you mean you can’t?”
“I don’t know, but every time I try to walk away – I feel nauseous when we’re not near each other… but being with him all the time for a week straight just makes me hate him so much!”
“Wow, that’s a healthy relationship,” Dean said sarcastically with Madalyn’s voice, looking at Kara.
“We’re not in a relationship,” the guy corrected, “I barely know her! We only met a week ago.”
Sam gave a questioning look. “Okay, I’m confused – you barely know each other and you say you hate each other, yet you can’t stand to be even a few feet apart?”
There was no response. Everyone just stood around for a moment and then Romeo-and-Juliet-gone-bad began to struggle again.
“Okay, looks like we need a time-out,” Dean announced and the two were dragged farther apart.
Suddenly Madalyn sank down on Dean’s knees and Dean doubled over in Madalyn’s body. This distracted Sam and Kara and gave the guy and girl a chance to escape.
“Dean- uh, Madalyn, are you okay?” Sam asked as he helped his brother’s body up.
“I don’t feel so good,” came a wince.
“Maddie!” Kara exclaimed, “I mean – Dean, what’s wrong?”
“Somethin’ don’t feel right… I feel... like I’m gonna hurl.”
Sam and Kara exchanged glances as they helped Madalyn and Dean walk back to the Impala.
Dean-Madalyn took a deep breath. “Okay, I feel better now.”
“Yeah,” Madalyn-Dean agreed. “What was that?”
“I don’t know.”
“I wasn’t really asking you – it was a rhetorical question.”
“Well it was a rhetorical answer!”
“You know Dean, you really aren’t helping the situation here.”
“Oh yeah, Maddie? ‘Cause you’re just a big ol’ help!” Madalyn’s voice said sarcastically.
“Stop!” Kara yelled finally. “Whatever’s going on with you guys can wait – let’s just go after the other two psychos and make sure they don’t kill themselves.”
“Too late,” Kara frowned as she and the others looked on a gruesome scene a little while later.
Apparently the deranged couple had taken their violent quarrel out into the middle of the road and a semi hadn’t had time to stop or swerve out of the way. All that was left resembled little more than road kill.
“What do you think their deal was?” Sam asked as they watched the medics load the pieces into what looked like giant Tupperware containers. A small crowd of people had gathered to gawk and an old bum was trying to ask them if they’d seen his book anywhere.
“I dunno, but dude – that’s not normal,” Dean’s face grimaced. “To fight like that over something so… weird?”
“That’s what you and Dean have been doing,” Kara rolled her eyes. Her face froze in shock all of a suddenly. “Oh my god! That’s what you and Dean have been doing!”
Madalyn’s face look confused. “What are you talking about?”
“I mean you and Dean have been bickering even more than usual and you both got sick when you were more than just a few feet apart! Not to mention you guys switched bodies, which isn’t normal - even in our book.”
Sam looked at them. “She’s right! Maybe the mysterious woman from the bar has something to do with this too.” He indicated the grisly accident.
Kara frowned deeply. “Well, we better find her quick, because by the looks of it, you guys have about a week to live.”
Madalyn and Dean exchanged nervous glances.
---
The hunters made their way into the weakly lit bar. It was only mid-afternoon and not many customers had come in yet. They walked up to the bartender – always a good source of information.
“Excuse me, but were you the bartender last night?” Madalyn-Dean asked.
She turned and frowned when she saw who was speaking. “You don’t remember? You promised to call,” she answered with a sort of bitter sarcasm.
“Oh, did I?” Dean’s eyes gave a sharp look at the real offender. “Well I was a bit drunk last night – did a few things I now regret. Sorry for being such a prick, but do you think you could help me out? I’m looking for someone.”
“The blonde you left with?” the bartender said with a slight edge, tossing her silky black hair over her shoulder in mild annoyance.
“Teh – no… No, I know where she is. I’m looking for a brunette actually.”
“’Bout yay high,” the real Dean jumped in, “Sat it that corner over there – in ta chicks. It’s real important that we find her,” he added with a daring look at the real Madalyn.
The bartender raised an eyebrow above her dark almond shaped eyes as they darted back and forth between the two and their cold looks at each other. “Yeah, I do remember a tall brunette sitting in the corner, she left shortly after you guys did.”
“Did she talk to anyone else last night?” Sam asked.
“Another guy tried to pick her up and got shot down too.”
“Well of course we got shot down, she doesn’t like dudes,” Dean mumbled.
Madalyn ignored him. “And what did the guy look like?”
“Didn’t really see,” the bartender shrugged.
Kara stepped forward. “You wouldn’t have happened to also see a redhead and a tall guy in here in the last week? Maybe they had a fight in here or something?”
The bartender furrowed her brow. “I think I do remember a couple like that… they were talking to the brunette actually. I saw them in here a second time, but they sure weren’t fighting.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well I did throw them out for having a heavy rough and tumble, but it wasn’t a fight, if you get me.” She looked pointedly towards the restrooms then turned away to help a customer.
The four hunters backed up away from the bar. “Well it seems like the brunette is a regular so we’ll just have to wait around for a while,” Sam sighed.
“Yeah,” Kara agreed. “We can confront her and find out what the hell is going on.”
“Alright, sounds like a plan – in the mean time, let’s have a beer!” Dean-Madalyn declared.
“I think you mean let’s have a nice ice water. Beer has too many calories and I’m trying to watch my figure.” Madalyn wasn’t joking like Dean thought she was.
---
The four exceedingly bored hunters were sitting around a table in a corner booth a few hours later, still waiting for the brunette to show up. A straw wrapper went flying through the air and hit Dean’s face. His eyes glared in Dean-Madalyn’s direction and then Dean’s arm shot out and grabbed the straw away. Madalyn’s face held a malicious expression.
“Don’t be so juvenile Dean," Dean's voice said.
“I wouldn’t have to be if you’d just let me have a drink. I wouldn’t even mind light beer at this point.”
“Alcoholic. Your body is a temple and you should treat it as such. If we’re stuck like this for much longer, god forbid, I’m starting yours on the Master Cleanse.”
“I don’t like the sound of that.”
“Well might I remind you that this is all your fault in the first place!” Madalyn jabbed.
“Oh yeah? Well might I remind you that this all probably wouldn’t've happened if you hadn’t run off in the first place!” Dean retorted.
“Guys!” Kara and Sam both said exasperatedly.
“Just cool it, alright. Once we find the brunette this’ll all be over,” Sam said.
Dean and Madalyn stayed quiet but took to having a glare showdown.
Another half hour later the two were flicking beer nuts at one another and the others were just about to tell them to knock it off again when the door opened and a dark haired girl stepped into the dingy saloon.
Sam elbowed his brother who was really Madalyn and the four followed the brunette with their eyes as she took her apparently usual seat in the back corner.
Dean-Madalyn and Madalyn-Dean both stood up and strode over to confront their supposed offender before the other two could follow.
The woman looked startled when Madalyn’s voice started speaking. “Okay, so you’ve had your fun, time to switch us back now.”
“W-what?” she stuttered.
“I don’t know what you did but we want it undone,” Madalyn demanded. “I’ve got better things to do then hang around in this thick-skull’s meat suit.”
The brunette started. “Uhm, I’m sorry, is this a joke?”
“No, the joke was on us, remember? But we didn’t find it very funny so if you could just fix this we’d really appreciate it,” Dean-Madalyn said curtly.
The woman looked up at Madalyn-Dean. “Does this have something to do with what I said to you last night? Maybe I was a bit rude but I just broke up with my boyfriend and I was having a rough time and I think I drank a little too much.”
Dean and Madalyn exchanged surprised glances.
“Uhh, what?” Dean-Madalyn asked a little anxiously.
“I’m sorry if I offended you or something, but I’m not quite sure what you guys are talking about.”
Madalyn-Dean was trying not to look mortified. “Oh, I think this is just a huge misunderstanding. We’re sorry for bothering you… thanks for your time… good luck with the boyfriend thing.” Dean’s face gave a weak smile then the two turned quickly away.
“Oh that was bad,” Dean winced when they got back to the booth.
“Oh yeah,” Madalyn agreed. “Nice going.”
“What!? You’re blaming that all on me!?”
“Whoa, whoa, what happened?” Sam asked and they explained the debacle on the way back to the motel.
“Nice going guys,” Kara said sarcastically when they finished and they gave her a chastised look.
“Well, back to square one, I guess,” Madalyn sighed.
“But who else could it be?” Dean asked.
The body swappers sat on the edge of one of the beds both scratching a leg.
Sam frowned. “We need to find out who else the couple came in contact with, or if there are any other couples suffering the same “symptoms” - besides you two.”
“We’re not a couple!” the couple announced loudly and in perfect unison.
“Well you’re sure acting like an old married one,” Kara muttered not softly enough to escape an acid glare from her cousin with Dean's eyes.
“Gahh! I think you caught something from that bimbo last night!” Madalyn exclaimed as she torn at the flesh above Dean’s left foot.
“No! I think you caught something!” he retorted as he frantically dragged her fingernails across the skin below Madalyn's right shin.
“Guys! Stop!” Sam grabbed their hands away and everyone looked down at the red rings enveloping each ankle respectively.
“What the-” started Madalyn as Dean nearly whimpered with a “What now!?”
“More of your power stuff?” Kara offered, addressing her step-kin.
“I don’t think so,” Madalyn mumbled. “My pentagram tattoo stayed with my body like my power did so I don’t see how whatever this is could have transferred.”
“It must be because of this stupid swapping spell or whatever then,” Dean frowned. “Great. Just fan-freakin’-tastic.”
“But what is it?” Kara asked.
Sam tilted his head to the side and squinted a bit. “It looks almost like, like a ribbon - or something.” And indeed there was what appeared to be red bows tied neatly at the base of Dean and Madalyn’s legs. “Almost like you guys were paired together somehow.”
Madalyn buried Dean’s face in his hands. “This is so… not… cool!”
“It’s creepy is what it is,” Dean said, darting Madalyn’s eyes around the room at things no one else was seeing.
Dean-Madalyn and Madalyn-Dean were left to sulk while Sam and Kara went out again to see if anyone else was suffering from a similar affliction.
---
“This whole thing is so weird,” Kara said for the hundredth time as she and Sam paced back down the promenade along a row of restaurants and cafés and other places publicly bickering couples might hang around. When they got to the end she stopped, throwing her hands up in the air. “We’ve been up and down this way for an hour now - we went to the mall, to the bars, to the frickin’ grocery store! Maybe there is no one else! Maybe we just need to go back and rethink this through.”
Sam was staring over her shoulder at something. “Maybe we’re just looking for the wrong thing.”
Kara turned to follow his gaze which had fallen on a small tattoo parlor, half-hidden behind an antique book store. She couldn’t believe her eyes.
Inside the shop a middle aged man and woman were sitting side by side holding hands while two artists inked little red ribbons around their ankles.
“Maybe the couple we’re looking for doesn’t need to be fighting,” Sam spoke softly.
Bells jingled as Kara pushed the door open and the four people already inside looked up.
“Be with you in a sec.” One of the artists motioned towards the waiting area before he and his partner went back to work.
Kara cleared her throat. “Uh, actually I was wondering about those tattoos. I noticed from outside and was just curious about what they meant.”
The older couple smiled. “We got the idea from an old Chinese folktale,” the woman explained, the man watching her lovingly. “Some people believe that love is determined by fate, marked with a red ribbon tied around the ankles of those who are meant for each other.”
“You see,” the man added, “we used to be high-school sweethearts but when we went off to different colleges we had to break up and our lives quickly grew apart. We both married other people but have both since been divorced. And last week, just by chance, we bumped into each other again when visiting family back here in our home town.”
“We decided that fate brought us back together. We were meant for each other.”
The tattoos were completed and Sam and Kara left quietly as the formalities were taken care of.
“Wow,” Sam said. “I don’t think it was chance that brought them back together but I’m kinda skeptical about it being fate.”
Kara nodded. “I think we should take a look at the autopsy reports on the bar couple.”
“But there was hardly anything left.”
“Come on, I have a hunch.”
A little while later Kara walked out of the coroner’s office after working her magic on anyone hesitant on letting her through.
“There really wasn’t much left at all,” she reported, “ but I did find something useful in their list of their effects.”
Sam raised an eyebrow. “Your hunch was right?”
Kara grinned. “Just as I suspected. Guess which two pulped frictions tied actual little red ribbons around their ankles to signify their young dying love?”
“Wow,” he said again.
---
“Oh my god!” Madalyn smacked Dean’s hand to his forehead. “Why didn’t I think of this before!”
They all looked at her, waiting for her to explain.
“It’s the Man in the Moon!”
They continued to wait.
Dean’s eyes went rolling before Madalyn started to elaborate. “There’s a story from the old Chinese Tang Dynasty about a guy who saw an old man reading a book by moonlight. The guy asked the old man what he was reading and the old man replied that is was a record book that helped him pair people together. He kept a length of red cord that he would use to tie around the ankles of the people he paired up.”
“Couldn’t the people just ignore what he said?” Dean-Madalyn asked.
Madalyn shook Dean’s head. “That’s what the guy in the story tried to do. When the old man showed him the young girl he would supposedly marry in the future the guy was unimpressed and sent a servant to have her killed. The servant ended up only scarring her however, and many years later, when the guy was presented with a wife, she bore that same scar and told a story of how someone had been sent to kill her when she was younger.”
"Harsh." Kara frowned. “So you think some old guy’s running around trying to play matchmaker? But how do we find him?”
Madalyn-Dean cracked an odd smile. “We already met him. You remember the bum I tried to give money to? He told me he didn’t need it, he just wanted his book back.”
"That reminds me," said Dean-Madalyn. "That's my wallet you have."
---
“How could you lose something like that!” Dean-Madalyn demanded.
“I told you!” wailed the old man, “it was stolen!” he dropped his head to his hands and slumped further down on the park bench where they had found him. “Oh,” he moaned, “things have gone all loopy. I have to fix this!”
“Damn straight you need to fix this,” Dean growled through Madalyn’s teeth.
“Do you know who stole it?” Sam asked, using a much gentler tone than his brother.
“It was dark,” winced the old man without looking up. “The book can only be read by moonlight but it was cloudy and…” he finally raised his head, “I was just resting my eyes for a moment! They must of taken it when I wasn’t looking.”
“But who would do such a thing?” Madalyn-Dean wondered aloud.
“A selfish person!” spat the old man and they he wailed and dropped his head again.
Sam closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead in concentration. “Okay,” he said after a while, “ the book can only be read by moonlight right? So whoever is doing this is doing it at night.”
“The new moon’s tomorrow,” Madalyn-Dean remarked.
“Then we should get this sorted out tonight.”
“How very curious that you two actually exchanged places," the old man mused later.
The hunters had split up to look for anyone reading outside in the dark and Dean and Madalyn had been left in charge of the old man.
“So whoever’s doing this went pretty far off the mark with the two of us, huh,” Dean-Madalyn said to the old man whose eyes widened.
“Oh no. Whoever is doing this is reading the book correctly, they just aren’t reading it in the right order.”
Dean-Madalyn scoffed from the front seat of the Impala. “But you can’t possibly mean that we - that me and Maddie…”
The old man looked offended. “My book is never wrong!” He turned away sharply and regarded Madalyn-Dean sitting next to him. “You understand, don’t you?” he asked her. “I know you’ve seen it, but not now. Not just yet.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dean’s voice snapped. “I just know that I can’t stay like this for much longer.”
Dean-Madalyn hunched over the wheel suddenly. “Ow,” he said breathlessly, “wait - something’s wrong. Maddie I think you have appendicitis or something. Oh man!”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” came the reply, “I was born without an appendix.”
Madalyn’s face looked up with a pained and bewildered expression. “What?”
Dean’s shoulders shrugged. “That’s evolution, man. We don’t need it so we get rid of it.”
“Well something doesn’t feel right! My insides feel all squished together and my lower back is killing me!”
Madalyn-Dean considered this. “What today’s date?” she asked aloud to herself and then did some quick mental math. An evil grin spread across Dean’s face. “It’s not appendicitis, it’s much better… Aunt Flo’s due for a visit tomorrow Dean - it’s cramps!”
Madalyn’s face blanched faster than a coulrophobe at the circus.
“We need to fix this right now! I am NOT dealing with lady problems!”
“It not supposed to happen like this!” The old man interjected. “True love is a very delicate matter and if it isn’t carried out at the proper time it can all go wrong!”
“Whoa, calm down with that “true love” stuff, old man. I don’t believe in fate and Maddie and I are not…” Dean searched for the right word.
“We’re not compatible,” Madalyn finished for him. “To say the least.”
“You’ll see. It’s written in the stars,” the man said knowingly. “Wait! There!” he shouted, pointing out the window. “This is where I was robbed!”
The Impala was parked at the curb and the three got out to look around. They didn’t see anything significant about the low brick wall the man said he had been sitting on, however. Then Madalyn elbowed herself after glancing across the street.
“Dean! Look where we are! That’s the same bar over there!”
“But that girl from before definitely had no idea what we were talking about.”
“So maybe it was someone else you were hitting on.”
The beginning of another set of bickering was halted when the old man shot across the street without warning.
“Hey! Careful, man!” Madalyn-Dean shouted as the two rushed to catch up with him.
There was a night bouncer standing at the door who quickly stopped the man from entering.
“Hey, didn’t I tell you already that the bar’s for paying customers only?”
“Uh, he’s with us,” Dean-Madalyn hurried to say and the muscle man frowned but let them pass. “Okay, grandpa, see anyone familiar?”
He shook his head as he scanned the crowd but balked as soon as he caught sight of the bartender.
“Mei!” He shouted and darted towards her. She looked startled, hastily excused herself from her customers and slipped off to somewhere in the back of the building.
The ancient matchmaker gave chase, the two hunters keeping pace behind him.
One after the other the four runners burst through the back door.
“Mei! Stop it!” the old man called after the girl.
“No I won’t!” she called over her shoulder as she ran smack into Sam’s chest as he stood with Kara next to the Mustang they had just pulled up in. She rebounded sharply and fell hard on her back side.
A small book flopped out of her pocket and its rightful owner quickly snapped it up from the pavement.
“Mei, do you know what you’ve done? You’ve driven people apart instead of bringing them together!”
“I’m sorry Father!” the girl sobbed.
“Father?” Madalyn’s face looked puzzled.
“Yes, this is my daughter. Though she has shamed the family.” The man turned his nose up at he clutched his book protectively.
“I didn’t mean to...” Mei said softly.
“So why did you do it?” Kara asked. “If you knew what the book was and what it did, why did you steal it?”
“Because, I’m lonely. My father’s always matching other people up. I just wanted it to be my turn.”
Her father sighed. “You’re time will come my daughter, I’ve told you this.”
“Well I got tired of waiting! If it’s fate, then what does it matter when two people meet?”
“People and their relationships are shaped by the circumstances under which they are brought together," he explained.
“My question is, if you just wanted to match up yourself, why did you involve a bunch of other people?”
Mei frowned unhappily as she stood to answer Sam’s question.
“It’s written in Middle Chinese. I was having difficulties translating.”
“Well how do we fix what’s happened?” Madalyn asked.
“I’m sorry if I messed up your game, but I’m sure there’s a couple more bimbos in the bar you can hit on and everything will go back to normal.”
Dean’s mouth smirked. “Don’t look at me. He’s the Playa.”
Mei’s eyes followed the gaze of Dean’s eyes to rest on Madalyn‘s figure.
“What?” the bartender asked, confused.
“Uh,” Dean-Madalyn looked uncomfortable. “Well when you read our names from the book we sort of swapped bodies too.”
She blinked. “Really? Is that supposed to happen?” she asked her father.
“No. But it’s highly amusing," the old man chuckled.
“Yeah? For you maybe, but this is a lot less fun than Rob Schneider made it seem," Dean-Madalyn scowled.
“So? Can you fix us?” Madalyn-Dean asked the matchmaker.
He thought for a moment. “I have a theory. From what you told me each couple has experienced extreme bouts of quarreling, no?”
“I’ll say,” Kara rolled her eyes.
“Well, perhaps if the couple can work past their differences everything will sort itself out.”
“But you’re not sure,” Dean-Madalyn said skeptically.
“It’s the best we got, Dean,” his brother shrugged.
---
The hunters left the father and daughter duo to reconcile and they headed back to the hotel.
“Okay, so you two are supposed to work past your differences right?” Kara led, “So let’s try and hash out all the things that bother you about one another.”
“Hmm, where to begin?” Madalyn-Dean asked dryly, nursing the bump on Dean's head from when she smacked it getting out of the Impala.
“I know.” Dean turned Madalyn’s body toward herself. “How about you get off your high horse and admit that you’re not the Little Miss Perfect you pretend to be.”
“I’ve never claimed to be perfect Mr. Act-before-thinking.”
“Don’t tell me you don’t always have to be right.”
“It’s easy for me to be right when you’re always wrong,” she smiled at him with his lips.
“That’s what I mean. You flap your gums so much you make Jay seem more like Silent Bob.”
“Okay,” Sam interrupted. “This obviously isn’t working. Why don’t we try something else. Like, what do you guys have in common?”
“We hunt,” Dean-Madalyn shrugged.
“That’s about it,” Madalyn-Dean admitted.
Kara sighed exasperatedly. “If you guys really want to switch back you’re gonna have to try a little harder!”
“Why don’t we give them some space,” Sam suggested. “Maybe they’ll get along a little better without an audience here.”
Kara agreed somewhat reluctantly and they left.
Dean and Madalyn sat on the bed in each other’s respective bodies, the sun shining through the window pink and orange as the sun began to set. Silence spread out for a couple moments and then Madalyn’s voice spoke up.
“So what’s it been like for you? Being inside my meat suit as you put it.”
“I dunno, it’s been quiet. It’s nice," Dean's voice answered.
“Yeah, it’s really givin’ me the creeps. Seeing more dead people than usual. It kinda explains some stuff about you.”
“I’m sorry. I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy.”
“Well I was sorta wondering what it would be like anyway.”
There was a pause and then Dean’s throat cleared. “Thanks Dean.”
“For what?”
“Watching my body for me, I guess.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry for all those short jokes. It’s really hard being this small.”
“I’ve definitely learned to appreciate it a bit more today. I always thought I might want to be just a little bit taller but this height is just too much.” Dean's hand ran over his bumped forehead again.
“I don’t mind it," Dean-Madalyn shrugged.
“I didn’t mean it was a bad thing. Just not for me.”
Dean looked down at the skin he was in and then over at himself.
“I want my body back,” he said.
“Me too,” she agreed.
“What if we can’t, Maddie?”
“Can’t what?”
“Switch back.”
“Don’t even say that! Dean, we have to switch back. Plus, it might like upset the balance and like destroy the universe of something.”
The light had grown so dim they couldn’t see each other’s faces anymore.
“Dean?”
“Yeah?” came Madalyn’s voice.
They both leaned in and their lips met.
“Whoa - that was weird,” Dean said.
Madalyn laughed. “Kissing yourself? Yeah I never thought I’d be doing that - ever.”
“I can sorta see now why you girls complain when we don’t shave,” Dean asserted.
“Oh my god, do you hear that!?”
“Hear what?”
“We sound like us! I have my voice back!”
“I’ve got my body back!”
They fumbled for the light switch and laughed in surprise and ecstasy at the sight of each other’s bodies instead of their own. They felt themselves over to make sure everything was in place. Dean even checked his trousers. They kissed again, still filled with so much relief and excitement at being returned to their proper skin. Their movements suddenly got more passionate and they both flopped down on the bed, caught up in the moment.
---
Madalyn bolted upright. “Oh my god they’re back!” she hissed frantically, smacking Dean awake and pulling the sheet with her as she jumped up from the bed.
“Huh-what?” he mumbled sleepily, trying to recover the covers that weren’t there.
Snatching up all her clothes as she went, Madalyn flung herself into the bathroom. “Don’t say anything or so help me Dean Winchester!” she threatened before slamming the door.
Dean only just managed to throw a pillow over his naughty bits before Sam and Kara entered the room with Sam’s key card.
“Oh god!” They both exclaimed, shielding their eyes quickly.
“Madalyn!” Kara said in horror. “What the hell are you doing?!”
“Uh, I’m Dean,” Dean managed.
“Oh thank god,” Kara sighed.
“Well, Dean, what the hell are you doing?” Sam asked again.
“Uhm, celebrating my return to manhood,” Dean shrugged.
“We can see that… and we really didn’t want to.”
“Are you celebrating alone?” Kara asked, though she wasn’t convinced she wanted an answer.
“No…. I’m with a girl… Uh, a big blonde… and by big I mean…” he gestured with one hand, keeping the other firmly set on the discreet pillow.
“Well, where’s M?”
“You know, I don’t know. Maybe she’s doing a little celebrating of her own?”
“Well not like you are, I’m sure. Sam, you can stay in our room tonight,” Kara offered and they both backed out of the room.
“Thank you,” Sam responded, relieved.
When she was sure the coast was clear, Madalyn stepped back out of the bathroom, fully re-clothed.
She threw the sheet at Dean. “That was too close.”
“I’ll say. I don’t need a hissy fit from Kara anytime soon.”
“You don’t think that they’ve…”
“We’ll we’ve… and they’re actually in a relationship… sorta... right?”
“Well yeah but is Sam the kinda guy who’d…?”
“Nah, he’s a bit of a prude I think.”
“Good, cuz Kara’s never…”
“Never? Wow.”
“Okay that’s enough of this conversation.” Madalyn said before creeping out of the room through the other door.
---
Kara knocked loudly on Dean’s room the next morning. “Are you decent?”
The door swung open and Dean was at least half dressed this time. “Wuh?” he muttered sleepily.
Kara sighed. “Decent enough. Is she still in there?”
“Who?”
“The blonde with the big, you knows.”
“No.”
“Well have you seen M? I don’t think she came back to the room last night. Or maybe she might of but Sam kinda stole her bed.”
“No.”
“No you haven’t seen her?”
“No, I haven’t. Can I go back to sleep now?”
“Useless,” Kara sighed under her breath as she turned away from the re-closed door.
Her cousin walked around the corner of the building at that moment with half a bagel hanging from her mouth, her hands empty and face up so she could stare at her palms.
“What up cuz? I was looking for you.”
Madalyn looked up and took the food from her mouth. “It’s gone.”
“What?”
“The pentagram. It disappeared.”
“Well that’s good, right?”
Madalyn shrugged. “Well I hope it’s not a bad thing.” She took a large bite and chewed with a pensive look on her face.
“What?” Kara narrowed her eyes suspiciously.
“Huh,” her cousin grunted.
“I know that look. You’re making an important decision about something aren’t you.”
Madalyn swallowed. “I was just thinking…”
“Yeah?”
“Well,” she wiped her lips with the back of her hand. “Maybe we should, I dunno, take off on our own again. It’s been getting pretty intense around these boys, you know?”
“You’re thinking they need a break from us, don’t you.”
Madalyn nodded and tossed the rest of the bagel into her mouth.
Kara furrowed her brow with a slight frown. “I guess you’re right. It was simpler when it was just us. At least we didn’t drag anyone else into our problems.”
“Get your stuff then, I’ll meet you at the car.”
“You’re not gonna stay for lunch at least? Or even say good-bye?”
“It’s for the best I think.”
---
“Dean and I can take care of ourselves,” Sam was saying.
“And so can M and I. I’m sorry Sam but we think it’ll be best for all of us to have some time off.”
“How so?”
“We’ve dragged you guys into some pretty heavy stuff lately and I don’t think it’s fair.”
“If we didn’t want to get involved we wouldn’t have.”
“You guys are too nice to abandon damsels in distress.”
Sam have a sharp laugh. “Hah, I’d hardly call you guys that. And it’s not like you two have been the only ones going through some weird stuff.”
“I know, but I really think it would be a good idea if we spent some time apart. At least for a little while. I’m sure we’ll bump into each other again, Sammy.”
“Sooner rather than later, I hope.”
They kissed and Kara left Sam standing in the doorway. Madalyn gave a wave from the Mustang and then the girls were gone.
Sam stood there for a minute and then went to get his brother.
“I guess it’s just you and me again.” Sam sank down on the bed with a big bounce that jostled his brother awake.
“Huh?” Dean sat up, rubbing his eyes.
“Now that’s it back to a two man show I’m gonna have to put up with a lot more of you.”
“Two man show?”
“Yeah, Dean. Now that the girls aren’t here?”
“Wait, what do you mean?”
“Are you okay Dean? Did the swap mess with your hearing? I mean Kara and Madalyn. Now that they left it’s might be a little strange getting back into our old groove.”
“They left? Where?”
“Didn’t Madalyn say good-bye?”
“No, Sam. I haven’t seen her since - last night.”
“Oh.”
“Well why’d they leave?”
“Kara said they thought it was best we had some time apart.”
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry that Madalyn didn’t say good-bye to you. Maybe you hurt her feelings by sleeping with that other girl last night.”
“No, I don’t think that’s it,” Dean said mildly.
“Well, look if you want to go after them…”
“No. I think it is for the best too Sammy. Everything was getting a bit too much to handle. Too much drama for my blood. Now it’s just Kirk and Spock, back on the prowl.”
“Oh yeah? And I guess you think you’re Kirk?”
“Damn right. I’m the suave Captain, ready to boldly go where no man has gone before! You’re the tight-wad first mate who needs to question the logic of everything.”
“I’m a tight-wad? Well you are definitely not smart enough to defeat the Kobayashi Maru test.”
“Whoa, geek alert!”
“Like you can’t quote Wrath of Khan from start to finish.”
“Like you haven’t told me a million times why Deep Space Nine doesn’t count.”
“Well it doesn’t. There’s no actually trekking involved.”
“See? GEEK!”
“Just like old times huh?”
“Looks like.”
END