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The walks home after patrols are always nice because it's 'me time'. No need to put up a strong front for the girls or a brave face to Spike. Being alone while I walked helped me think. Tonight, once again, I found myself taking stock of my life. I feel the need to do this often just so all the grief doesn't swamp me under. I need to sort through things, to hang on to what good is left in my life and to put what was lost into its place so I can carry on with what needs to be done to keep the others safe and functioning.
The way things stood now we're barely holding on. It's only been a few months since we lost Joyce and Buffy not too long after that. Anya upped and left when she'd almost lost her mortality when we fought Glory. She hadn't even asked me to go with her because she knew what my answer would have been. Dawn's still raw and lost after losing both her mother and her sister so close together. Willow's in Willow-dealing mode and trying to be all sunshine and cookies while Tara is the steady calm in the emotional upheaval that is the Scoobies. Not to say that she wasn't hurting too but she hurt more for us than herself. Giles already hotfooted back to England and who could blame him. He'd lost the closest thing he had to a daughter but it makes me angry. Aren't we all like his kids? Don't we count for something besides being Buffy's accessories?
'Okay, Xan-man, take a deep breath and try to let the anger go because even though it hurts I get it'.
Then we come to the Bleached Menace, Spike. I had to blackmail, bully and bribe the Blonde Wonder to get over his own pain some and keep his promise to take care of Dawn. I've kept a sharp eye on the vampire to make sure he's one hundred percent up to fighting shape. I've even made arrangements with Willie and a contact I'd found at the Sunnydale Blood Bank to make sure of it. I see it like this Spike needs human blood in order to be in top shape to handle whatever we might come up against. The fact that I'd surprised the vampire with the gesture was a bonus. In a way I figure it is a truce between us that might even lead to us becoming friends. We need to work together in order to keep the others safe and get through this.
Finally, we come to me. I've got no girlfriend and am still feeling Buffy's loss. I miss Joyce even more now after Buffy's death. She was always a good source of advice for me and after her funeral things were so crazy that I didn't really get around to missing her that much. It wasn't until her daughter's death that I felt it. When I couldn't ask her advice on things, that's when it hit me how much I miss her. I really wish she were here, she'd know what to do. Time though to look at the good things I've got going for me. I've got a good job I enjoy and my own apartment. An apartment that's suspiciously easier to afford without Anya around and between all the supposed adults in the group we've been able to keep Dawn relatively safe.
I've been tapping heavily into the remains of the Hyena and Soldier in order to help on patrols. There's always a niggling worry in the back of my mind about doing it but I figure it's no one's business if I lean heavily on those memories and knowledge. The ends justify the means in this case. So long as it helps keep my remaining loved ones safe and sound I'm all for it. So far we've maintained the status quo but I can't shake the feeling that the other shoe's about to drop and squish us. We are the few to their many each night. If not for Spike, the Buffybot and me, keeping the Hellmouth as calm as we could I'd think things would have gone to hell.
My brooding, yeah I can admit it to myself I've been brooding during these walks, got interrupted by the sounds of a fight in Restfield Cemetary. I pull out my axe from under my coat and go to investigate. What I see confuses and stuns me. There's a guy fighting a G'Nar'tha demon. While that's not too odd the way the guy moved was. He moved as fast if not faster than a slayer and obviously knew how to fight. The soldier memory recognizes military training and makes me cautious in case the Initiative is back. The hyena memories have recognized something else entirely, that's got me rooted to the spot staring.
"If you aren't going to help me with this thing then the least you can do is tell me how to kill it," the young man called out.
"Beheading it would work."
I watch amazed as the guy ducked what would have been a killing blow and broke the demon's arm. I sense another lonely predator like my hyena felt sometimes. The sheer animal grace the man displayed add in admiration for what seems to be formidable training and I find myself in the embarrassing position of being turned on by the display.
"How do you suggest I do that? After all you're the one with the axe and I've just got my bare hands. I'm strong but not sure if I'm that strong."
"Oh...uh yeah. Um...maybe if you kinda herd him my way and give me an opening I could get him for you," I answer rather self-consciously even as I prepare to join the fight.
The guy gave a quick glance my way that seems to take in more than what he could have seen in the few seconds his eyes were on me then returned his attention to herding the creature toward me. After some quick and hard punches to the demon's head, the G'Nar'tha decided to go for easier prey and rushed towards me. I sunk into the remembered feelings of the hyena and cackled as I sidestepped and swung for the back of the demon's neck as it went by. Unfortunately I only managed to piss it off though it was wounded. Before I knew what was going on the creature had pushed me over a tombstone and the axe flew out of my hand. As the creature was bearing down on me, I figured this was it, the end. I closed my eyes waiting for the final blow but it never came.
When I opened my eyes the demon's body was toppled over a couple of feet away and its head a few feet beyond that. The guy was standing over me with a gleam in his eye and MY axe on a shoulder. I knew I should be scared but for some reason I wasn't. I finally recognized what the hyena memories were saying; a potential mate and that equaled a potential ally. When a hand was offered I didn't hesitate to take it. I was surprised by the strength and power I felt within the young man. Now that we were closer I could see he was close to my own age, maybe a year or two older. He also had the most captivating green eyes I'd ever seen on anyone and they were filled with a world of guilt, desperation and loneliness.
"What the hell was that thing?"
"Oh...um...that was a demon."
"Demon huh? Thought they weren't real."
"Um...no. They are very real especially here on the Hellmouth. Thanks for the save. By the way what were you doing here? Out? Alone? At night? Can I please have my baby back?" I said holding out my hand waiting for the axe to be handed over.
The axe was hefted into both hands as if being weighed and judged its worth. Smirking he replied, "You're baby huh? It's a weird kinda thing to cuddle with don't you think? Has a wickedly sharp edge to her?"
The smile aimed my way was full of mischief and something else I couldn't quite work out. All I knew was the feeling of mate was growing. "Well she's the only female in my life at the moment that doesn't cut me down? Besides she was a gift and has seen me through many a life saving matters."
"That's nice to know. Well it's been good talking to you but I better bail. Don't want to get you into any trouble with your other babes."
"Um...no, no other babes but then again Willow, Tara and Dawn don’t really count. Well they are girls therefore could be considered babes. B-but Dawnie's like a little sister and Willow and I've known each other like forever besides Tara's her babe and Willow would be awfully upset if I use such a not politically correct phrase like that..."
The other guy started to laugh and the sound was doing all sort of weird things to my insides. I wanted to hear more of it.
"So what were you doing out here? Alone? At night? In a cemetery no less?"
"Huh? Oh...oh, well I'm part of the local protection patrol. There's weird things like that thing," I pointed at the G'Nar'tha, "that roam around these parts and a lot of them like the many, many cemeteries of Sunnydale. Oh, I'm Xander by the way?" I held out my hand.
"I'm called Alec. Are you the only one on this protection patrol? It seems to me like you could use some back up," he said as he took my hand.
"Well see that's a long story. How about we go somewhere safer and I tell you all about it?"
"Sure, I think I'd like that very much," Alec gave that smile again and this time I knew what the look was, it was definite interest especially since he hadn't let go of my hand yet. Maybe things weren't as hopeless as I thought.