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its unbeilevanly sad when i look at myself then to the right and ofcourse how could i forget the left.but instead on the right i see rows of curly hair with reading glasses, a black shirt reading the same gree fucking titleless book.to the left i see a disater with aburn eyes, a wife beater reloading a bb gun that shot me in the ass the other day.
when i look down at my self i see a beauty and tragety.its alreadt hard to see my toes when my boobs block my view of my tiny red painted feet.i also see trails of long flowing black slightly curled hair that goes to my chest.I'm not a beyonce but i am a tyra banks, think in all the right places.
added to that i'm smart, street and books.I'm creative, patient and solutiable.
Now tell me why the hell do i see now my man in these eyes?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------no body needed to ever tell me the dangers of dating.I watched enough of the tyra show that evening i was sick and had to stay home from school.I saw the whole marathon on oxogyen during the day then at night the beyonce expirence.She dedicated a whole entire episode to talk about the dangers of dating.One guy admitted to killing his girlfriends and eating them.''GROSS!" could be heard through out the whole neighborhood that day.Next was the episode that talked all about girl parts,but since the boys were home for school i had to flip the channel.
But anyway, i already had my lessons on what love can do to you and looking back i always wondered how can something so good cause so much tragety and dimiinshing character to on's heart?for god's sake it can make you kill yourself sometimes.how can it be that strong?
Thats the reason why my cousin Louis Vituton the thrid was shot and killed in south west chicago when i was 3.I didn't get the full story but at the time the word on the street was that he had t smuggle drugs to girlfriend in jail, who at once though was my sister.But instead the guy he bough the drugs from, wanted his cash so he tried to shoot my cousin louy!the police found him dead t his doorstep.
I'm still recovering from that.
NOt to mention my mother's sistuation.I wish to be nothing like her when i grow up.Her mother, my grandamother was abusive towards her which i find hard to belve looking at all her old china in my old house.I see smiling faces, beuaitful people and fun, that domestic abuse.
SO when my mother grew up at age 17 she joined a gang.A year later she had me.And just me.The word about my father was very hard to extract from all of chicago.Everyone was quiet about it.Probally becuase my ''father'' put a death penality on it.I hated to beilve some of the cruelty i found out from the scumg bags on the street.''She done did every man in chicago''i over heard the store clerk.it wne down hill from there.When i turned 5 she became an alcholic rying to cope with haveing me so early.Then she had multiple bouyfriends who we also aggressive.Thats when i met the freemans.
I shiver everytime i think about it.No one dares even jokes about my past.I kepp telling the boys i'm cool about it and all it just ge awakward and uncomfortable for me no matter what.We just decided to drop the whole thing.
But still having a boyfriend seems a little overrated.But its something i wanted and at the same time wanted more than anything.''you don't need a boyfriend, you got 2 sexy brothers''grandad used to tell me making me promise to never make the face i did that day he told me that again.ic ould riley scream eeww through the wall still rings in my ears when i think about them like that.
it was no joke i couldn't notice riley checking me out at every aspect of every day.He was a little too into me.Huey on the other hand he was different.when he looked at me for some reason he didn't beyonce in lingere, like most the people i ess with he saw just plain old jasmine with a nice face and bright brain.I alway did like him for that.It wouldn't be that weird if we ever even though about it.i mean we live toghther but we're not blood related...
on the downlow, after hearing about how my mother slept with every guy in chicago...we might need to get a DNA test.