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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
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861
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1/1
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Trying to Sit This One Out

Summary:

There’s another fight in the Ministry of Magic.

Work Text:

The yells carried down the hallway to Harry’s office, where he attempted to bury his head behind a large stack of books and a long roll of parchment. Just once he wished he could ignore one of these rows. Maybe he could get lucky and sit this one out?

But then he heard the two magic words: Rose and Hugo. He fired off a quick interdepartmental memo to Hermione. Then he forced himself up out of his seat and hurried down the hallway.

Ron was tomato red from ears to nose and everywhere in-between. Snape was almost spitting he was so angry. The argument had progressed into hatred and name-calling by now. If left unchecked, they’d be cursing each other in the middle of the Ministry of Magic’s Auror Department, and Harry didn’t want to deal with that. Again.

He took a deep breath and stepped between the men. He had to push Ron back, because the man was poking emphatically at Snape to make his point. And Snape was leaning in, nose-to-nose with Ron, glaring so hard Harry was surprised the man’s head hadn’t yet exploded. “Break it up,” Harry ordered. Ron practically bounced in place, seething and so full of energy he might take a swing at his old potions professor. Harry’s palm pressed against Snape’s chest, and he felt the man’s heartbeat racing.

“They’re my kids, Harry.” Ron spoke through clenched teeth. “I’m allowed to see them whenever I want.”

“I know,” Harry said, trying to sound sympathetic for his best friend’s sake.

Snape wasn’t going to let it go that easily, however. “Interesting that that always corresponds with the times Hermione and I have something planned.”

“It’s not my fault the kids would rather go for a picnic with their real dad than have you show them around a stuffy art museum.”

“Stuffy! How dare you—” but that was as far as Snape got before Harry pushed them apart again. One of these days, he was going to accidentally intercept a blow meant for one or the other, and Harry didn’t like to think about what would happen when news got out of the Minister for Magic and acclaimed Auror, getting slugged in the face.

“I don’t think that’s how Ron meant it,” Harry tried to calm Snape down.

Hermione arrived finally and she wrapped her arms around Snape while Harry held Ron back. Ron’s hands were tight fists and he gritted his teeth. “Still can’t believe you named one of your kids after that bastard,” Ron said under his breath.

Snape heard anyway. “At least he doesn’t have to endure the humiliation of having ‘Weasley’ as a last name.”

“Severus,” Hermione chided, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “You promised.”

“He began it this time!” Snape protested. “Is it not enough I have to put up with him around the children? Must I endure this every time our paths cross?”

“Why don’t you try not coming to my workplace then,” Ron suggested.

This was getting them nowhere but worked up again. Harry sighed. He desperately wanted to slip away without anyone noticing it. Maybe if Ron and Snape were allowed to fight it out, one would come out on top and put an end to this once and for all. If it weren’t for the fact that Hermione would have to tell the children that their father killed their dad or the other way around, it might have been a perfect solution.

“That’s enough!” Harry held onto Ron, knowing that a simple declaration wasn’t going to end this so quickly. These two were worse than James and Al when they got going. No wonder things like divorce courts and restraining orders existed. “If you two don’t behave like grown adults thinking about the well-being of your children, I’m going to march you right down the street to muggle law offices and make you sit there for weeks as they draw up amicable custody agreements.”

Ron looked horrified at the thought and Snape looked equally sickened at the thought of doing this the muggle way. Hermione just smiled and winked at Harry when no one else was looking at her.

“Fine,” Ron said, relaxing. “I’ll take them to Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes next weekend instead.”

“They’ll like that,” Snape responded. “Just don’t let them eat too many sweets. It’s not good for them.”

“Don’t you think I know what’s good or not good for my own kids?”

“If they have too many cavities during their next appointment, I’m telling their grandparents it’s your fault.”

“That’s shite! They eat plenty of bad things when they’re with you. What about that sleep potion you give them at night?”

“That’s so they don’t have nightmares!”

“Funny that they don’t need it when they’re sleeping at my house.”

“How would you know? Do you even bother asking them how they slept or what they dream about?”

Harry rubbed his hand over his face. He was getting too old for this. They were all getting too old for this. With a sigh, Harry retreated to a chair and collapsed into it. He’d wait until the insults turned back into yells before getting up again.