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English
Series:
Part 15 of McHale's Navy Deleted Scenes
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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
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594
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1/1
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13
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1,028

Deleted Scene: The Stool Parrot

Summary:

small scene takes place after the ep "The Stool Parrot"

Work Text:

Episode Summary: Binghamton's ‘No-Fraternization' policy forces McHale and the boys to find a secret location for a big party they've planned, with the Nurses. But Gruber's pet parrot spills the beans, to Binghamton. -- from www.tv.com

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Binghamton hummed as he finished his paperwork. He kissed the tip of his finger and pressed it to his mother’s picture. He stood, grabbed his hat from the rack, and opened the door to the outer office. That’s when he heard it.

“Binghamton’s a jerk,” the parrot croaked. “Binghamton’s a jerk.”

Binghamton’s eyes got wide. He jammed his hat on his head. He marched up to where the parrot was sitting on a perch in the corner next to the filing cabinet. “Hey, Fleabrain,” he barked at Carpenter behind the desk. He gestured to the parrot. “What’s the feathered fleabrain doing here?”

Carpenter jumped up to attention. “Commander McHale asked if I’d watch him for a little while.”

Binghamton rolled his eyes. “And you said yes?”

“I didn’t see the harm in it,” Carpenter stammered.

“Didn’t see the harm,” Binghamton echoed incredulously. “There’s harm in everything that man says or does.”

Carpenter frowned. “I don’t think that’s quite fair, Sir,” he said respectfully. “I know that Commander McHale is a bit unorthodox--”

“Fair!” Binghamton interrupted. “This is a war. War isn’t fair.”

“What does the parrot have to do with the Japanese?”

“Not our war against the Nips.” Binghamton barely refrained from shouting. “Our war against McHale and his pirates.”

“Binghamton’s a jerk,” the parrot croaked again.

Binghamton brought his fist up and stopped a few inches from trying to hit the bird. “Shut up, Birdbrain!”

The parrot didn’t move. “Old Leadbottom.”

“Leadbottom,” Binghamton snarled. He pointed his finger at the bird’s beak. “If you’re not careful, I’ll hand you back over to the Japanese.”

The parrot clamped it’s beak around Binghamton’s finger. He jerked his hand away. “I should bring you up on charges of assaulting a superior officer,” he spluttered.

“Binghamton’s a jerk.”

Binghamton’s hands clenched into fists at his sides. He stamped his foot. “Don’t you know how to say anything else?”

“I love you, Lester.”

“I love you, Lester,” Binghamton sneered. “Come on, Birdbrain. You can do better than that.”

“Ti amo, Lucky.”

Most of Binghamton’s ire morphed into confusion. “What is that? Is that Italian?” He looked at Carpenter and noticed that all the color had drained from his aide’s face. “What in the blue pacific is wrong with you?”

Carpenter blinked. “Nothing, Sir.” He put a hand over his stomach. “I think it was something I ate.”

“If you’re going to be sick, don’t do it in here.”

“I think I’ll be all right.”

“Ti amo, Lucky,” the parrot repeated.

Binghamton scratched the side of his head. “That is Italian. What did he say?”

Carpenter still looked a bit queasy. “I don’t know, Sir.”

“I wonder where he would’ve picked that up out here.”

“Maybe one of the marines McHale’s crew got him from,” Carpenter suggested. “Does it really matter?”

Binghamton shook his head. “No. I’ve got much more important things to worry about.” He grinned. “I’m meeting that new nurse for cocktails before dinner.”

Carpenter smiled but there was still a nervous quality to it. “Have fun, Sir.”

Binghamton rubbed his hands together gleefully. “I’m sure I will. Good night, Elroy.”

“Good night, Captain.”

The parrot squawked. “Binghamton’s a jerk.”

Binghamton froze for a split second just outside the door. He didn’t bother turning around to glare at the parrot or see Carpenter sink down into his chair with a relieved sigh. He shook his head once. “If he’s not careful, that bird’s going to end up on my mess table,” he muttered darkly and continued on his way to meet his date.

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