Work Text:
Autumn 2002
Merlin watched from the bedroom window of their flat, or what until a few minutes ago was their flat, as the tail lights of Arthur’s BMW drove out of sight and into a better future; a future with a corner office and his father’s pride. A future that Merlin had always known he wouldn’t fit into- a poor English major with no set prospects had no place with the son of Uther Pendragon, President and C.E.O. of one of the largest and most respected architecture firms in the world. So when Arthur got accepted into University of Sheffield’s School of Architecture, Merlin congratulated him and kissed him, and if when they made love that night, he closed his eyes a little tighter trying to hold the moments, freeze them forever in his mind, and tears fell slowly from his clenched eyes who was to know it was because he knew his time with Arthur was almost up.
That had been three heart-wrenching months ago. Today Arthur had left, driving out of his life, and Merlin was letting him go.
*********
Winter 2010
Merlin walked swiftly, not for the first time glad his flat was close enough to the shops for him to walk even in this weather. He kept his head low, the scene he was taking a break from writing trying to play itself out in his head as he followed the harsh incandescent light from the shop front serving as a beacon to any braving the elements on this snowy Christmas Eve. As he turned into the opening sliding doors he collided with the solid form of another man. Merlin rocked on his feet, steadied only by strong hands gripping his arms to balance him.
“Thanks,” he offered, “I’m so sorry, wasn’t looking where I was going.”
“It happens to everyone,” the stranger replied.
“Still, thank you,” Merlin finally looked up from gathering his wits, “Arthur?” and promptly lost them again.
“Merlin!” The blond pulled the other man to him in a quick, yet strong hug. “What are you doing here?”
“Um, shopping?” the darker man hedged. It had been years since he’d seen Arthur in the flesh and the shock was rattling his already scattered mind.
Arthur chuckled quietly, “Guess that was a stupid question.”
“No,” Merlin stumbled over his words for a moment, before sighing. “It’s good to see you, Arthur.”
The other man smiled, “You, too.”
They studied each other for a moment, weighing themselves and their matched silence.
“Listen, you wanna grab a pint?” Arthur finally asked.
He wasn’t sure why he did it; it was Christmas Eve after all and Merlin probably had someone waiting for him, so he was surprised by the relieved, “Love to,” he got in reply.
“Great,” he started to point towards the car park, “my car’s right over there. If that’s… okay with you?”
Smiling sweetly, Merlin nodded.
As they walked toward the car Arthur wondered if Merlin would notice it was the same model he’d help Arthur choose before he left for Sheffield. He didn’t know why, at least he wouldn’t admit why, he kept buying the same car after, but he did.
It only took a quick drive to realize that most of the pubs were already closed for the holiday, so Arthur circled back to the shop where they’d met and Merlin ran in to grab a six pack.
Back inside the warmth of Arthur’s BWM they cracked open two cans. Arthur offering a toast, “To simpler times,” with a sad smile.
“To the times we make,” Merlin countered with a twinkle in his eye.
Their cans tapped and they both took heavy pulls, trying to find the words and the courage to say them.
Merlin waved his can at the blue grey interior of the 730, “Looks like you’re doing well for yourself.”
Arthur snickered behind his lager. “Even if I wasn’t you wouldn’t be able to tell,” he quipped.
“Oh yes, right, you’re just slumming it with me,” Merlin teased back. It was an old jibe between them and it felt familiar, natural.
“Damn straight!” Arthur tossed back another gulp of lager.
He rolled the can between his palms for a moment. “You know that was never it, despite what Father thought?”
A warm hand came to rest on Arthur’s shoulder, “I know. I could always read you … spoilt prat.”
Arthur seemed grateful for Merlin’s reassurances and his insults.
“How is the old man, anyway?”
“He died,” Arthur answered quietly. Uther Pendragon had been one of the main reasons Merlin hadn’t followed Arthur to Sheffield and they both knew it.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright, it wasn’t sudden or anything.”
Merlin smiled warmly, “I know how much he meant to you, Arthur. I… I wish I could’ve been there for you.”
Arthur found himself instinctively reaching to squeeze Merlin’s hand. “I had Gwen.” He chuckled wryly, “Probably the closest we’ve ever been to a proper married couple.”
“Married?” Merlin swallowed the lump in his throat as his world spun out of control. There was no reason for Merlin to think Arthur was still single after all this time, but Guinevere of all people. “You and Gwen.” Last he knew she was head over heels in love with Lance, of course, he’d drifted away from the old crowd after Arthur left. It hadn’t been a conscious decision, just one day he realized he didn’t know who his friends were. He took a mental breath, “Are you happy?”
“Happy?” Arthur looked quizzically at his old friend. “You know how Father was always so insistent about my getting married and giving him and the Pendragon name an heir.”
Merlin knew Uther’s wishes on that front; the elder Pendragon had made his intentions perfectly clear on numerous occasions.
“The marriage was for his benefit more than anything. Gwen’s still, madly in love with Lance and I know he loves her dearly. They’re spending Christmas at Father's summer house. That’s why the frozen peas,” Arthur joked halfheartedly.
The words were coming too fast and too heavily laden, Merlin was still reeling from the news of Arthur’s marriage and he barely caught the meaning of Arthur’s words. He latched onto Lance’s name and tried to follow that and the tight grip on his chest suddenly lessened as his mind caught up. Lance, Lance and Gwen just like it always had been He tried to breathe, sucking in air and holding it for a moment; he only hoped Arthur didn’t notice. After what seemed like an eternity, “Lance? How is he, not still working construction I hope?” he managed to ask with a bit of a smirk.
“Actually, he still is.” Arthur smiled, a childlike, mischievous smile, “He works for me now.”
Merlin cocked his head in silent curiosity.
“He’s VP of Construction for Pendragon Industries,” Arthur informed him with pride. He’d always said construction suited their friend and that given the chance he’d go far and Arthur was only too glad to have helped make sure Lance had had every opportunity possible.
Arthur barked out a laugh, “He’s already asked Gwen to marry him. Now that Father’s passed, there’s no reason to keep up the charade. We’re hoping to get divorced within the year,” he said with something that sounded suspiciously like relief. “Gwen’s already started looking at wedding books, again- she and Morgana are going to kill me,” Arthur added jovially.
“Ha, good to know Morgana’s keeping your head from getting too big.”
“Someone had to after you…” he trailed off, he wanted to say ‘after you left’, but he remembered that day all too well and that it was him who drove away, not Merlin. A sad sort of silence fell between them, neither knowing how to get away from a topic that still burnt as if it happened yesterday, not years ago.
Reaching for something to say, “So, umm, …you’re not doing too bad yourself.”
Merlin chuckled and nursed his lager, “You could say that.”
“Come on, what, 5 best sellers? I’d say that was pretty damn good. It must be amazing.”
“Yeah, well, the signing tours are not as glamourous as one might think, but the fans are great. Sometimes I still can’t believe it.” He looked into Arthur’s eyes, remembering as he always did how Arthur would read his stories and tell him he should get them published. It was the last thing Arthur had asked of him before he left, he made Merlin promise him he wouldn’t give up on his writing and that he’d look for someone to publish him. It was Arthur’s faith in him that eventually led to him seek out a publisher and now he was a more than successful fantasy author.
Arthur smiled, “I always knew you could make it.”
Chuckling, “You, mum, and Gaius were the only ones.” He realized too late what he’d said and hoped Arthur let it slide.
“Bet your mother’s proud.” He chuckled, “Of course, she was always proud of you.” Arthur’s look turned wistful, it was something he’d envied Merlin for. With all of his money and his grand future his father had never seemed truly proud of him. It had always felt strange, wonderfully strange, but still, strange that Hunith would show more pride in him than his own father ever did. He missed her.
Merlin beamed, “She is. And Gaius keeps asking me to guest lecture.”
Barking out a laugh, “Gaius? Who always said you were the worst, albeit most talented, student he ever had?”
“Hey, hey, the only problem I ever had was being too distracted by a certain blond prat to get my studies done.”
“I was trying to teach you how to work around distractions,” Arthur continued through soft laughter. “Besides, I seem to recall I wasn’t always the one doing the distracting.”
Arthur’s smile was bright as ever and Merlin couldn’t help but notice that even the crinkling at his eyes youthened rather than aged his strong features. “You look good, Arthur.”
Something in the blond’s demeanor changed and the fire in his eyes died a bit.
“Sorry, I-”
“No,” Arthur cut him off, “no. Thank you.” A sad smile played over his face, “You look young as you ever did. Success suits you.”
Merlin felt himself blush, after all this time Arthur still had that effect on him. He pulled on his lager, swallowing the last drops as he tried to work out what to say. Nothing came. He heard the hollow sound of an empty can being tossed aside and knew that their excuse for spending time together had run dry.
Swallowing a sudden lump in his throat, he dropped his can next to the others, “I guess I should let you be going.”
“You probably have things to do,” Arthur tried to keep his voice from shaking.
“Yeah, this was nice, Arthur, thanks,” Merlin knew he had to sound pathetic, he only hoped Arthur wouldn’t notice how pathetic. He moved to open the door when a hand gripped his arm turning him back.
Leaning forward, Arthur kissed him, soft and chaste and nothing like the kisses they used to share, but powerful all the same. When Arthur pulled away, he wouldn’t meet Merlin’s gaze. “Goodbye, Merlin,” Arthur forced out as he released Merlin’s arm.
With a soft, confused, “Bye, Arthur,” Merlin quickly climbed out of the car closing the door with a soft thud. Wiping tears he could no longer contain from his eyes, he watched as Arthur began to drive off. The BMW was just turning up the final leg of the car park, when Merlin snapped. “Hell, no. Not this time,” he muttered angrily to the world at large before taking off across the lot to head off Arthur’s car.
He reached the car just as it came to the final intersection and he slammed his hand down on the bonnet.
For a few frozen moments they stared at each other through the window and the snow. Then Merlin finally spoke, “If you actually think I’m going to let you drive out of my life for a second time, Pendragon, you’re a bigger prat than I gave you credit for.”
Arthur choked on a laugh or possibly a sob and climbed out of the car. Not bothering to close the door, he slowly walked to where Merlin stood in front of the purring engine.
Silently their hands met, sliding together with familiar ease. Merlin needed no more encouragement before he was claiming Arthur’s mouth; trying to make up for missing years as Arthur’s strong arms wrapped around him pulling him closer.
“Do I need to tell you I still love you?” Arthur panted out between kisses, clutching Merlin as if he might vanish if he let go.
Merlin laughed, a bright sparkling sound, and shook his head. “No, I always could read you better than you could.” He rested his forehead against Arthur’s, “Doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear it though.”
Arthur smiled and threw back his head to crow at the darkened sky, “I love you, you insufferable idiot!”
They laughed holding each other for dear life as a fresh wave of snow began to fall, light and fluffy, around them.