Work Text:
Jed Curry closed the door and flipped the light switch on the wall to off. He slowly walked to the long mahogany bureau along the opposite wall of the quiet bedroom suite. He squinted in the dim glow from the small bedside lamp as he searched the cluttered top for a small brown bottle the doctor had left. He poured the cloudy liquid medicine into a small glass, sighed heavily, pulled himself together and turned to face the next few hours with whatever strength he could muster.
Hannibal Heyes shifted under the warm, soft covers in search of a less uncomfortable position. The pain was constant now and he kept his eyes closed as his mouth grimaced and his muscles tensed with the movement. The sounds of Jed's soft steps coming closer, of glass clinking against metal and of the creak of wood from the chair at his bedside caused Heyes' eyes to flutter open.
"Do you want to be a little higher?"
Heyes slightly nodded his gray head as he looked up into the anguished blue eyes of his longtime friend.
Jed leaned forward and slid his right, still strong arm underneath Heyes' shoulders, lifted him forward while his left hand piled and plumped pillows behind the dying man's back.
"Sorry. I'm so sorry, Heyes," Jed murmured at the pained gasp his partner couldn't suppress.
"It's okay, Jed."
"I have the pain medicine right here. Let me help you with it."
"No, it's better now."
Curry searched his partner's jaundiced features for confirmation and satisfied with what he observed sat back more fully into his chair.
The two men lapsed into contemplative silence, each grappling with the solemn finality of the moment.
Heyes reached a shaky hand out from underneath the covers to rest it on Curry's knee. Jed raised his gaze from his lap to his partner.
"Jed, I'm tired. I've had a good life, a very good life - better and longer than I deserved." Heyes squeezed his hand on Jed's knee as hard as his limited strength would allow, forestalling Curry as he opened his mouth in automatic protest. "I'm ready to go."
"Well, I'm not ready for you to go," snapped Curry. He lowered his voice and the anger drained away. "Jeez, Heyes, you only took sick two months back. We only got back from New York, little good that the trip did; I'm sorry for dragging you half way cross country from Denver and back, but we had to try. I had to know for sure."
"You heard all the doctors. I've been sick with that pancreatic tumor growing inside for a long time. We just didn't know it."
"It don't seem fair, not bein' able to do anything about it. I mean, I never heard of a pancreas and now it's robbin' you of your life."
"Jed, I'm seventy-seven years old; I have to die of something. I'm where I want to be, at home, with my partner at my side. I've had the time to say good-bye to the family and friends. For that I'm grateful, it could have been so different," Heyes' voice trailed off as he lifted himself higher on the pillows and his eyes clouded with memories.
Curry ran his fingers through his thick, graying waves and pinched the bridge of his nose as he cleared his throat. He listened to his partner's labored breathing, studied the frail and jaundiced body and remembered the vigorous, intelligent man he shared his life with. Jed shook himself and found brown eyes staring thoughtfully back at him.
"Heyes?"
"Kid?"
Curry chuckled despite the gravity, "Kid? It's been a few years since you called me that."
"Well, you still don't look your age. You could easily pass for a man in your early sixties never mind someone who's approaching seventy-five. Some men have all the luck," Heyes good naturedly groused. His countenance turned serious once more.
"Kid, I'm glad it worked out this way. I always wanted to go first. I never wanted to go on in life without you. I was afraid...afraid you'd get killed and I'd be left alone. I need you. I know it was selfish, but I couldn't help it."
"Ah Heyes, you would've grieved, but you would've done just fine without me."
"No! I wouldn't. I didn't. When you were in prison for those sixteen months, I didn't do just fine!" Heyes dark eyes flashed and he struggled to calm his breathing.
"Take it easy. Just breathe with me, concentrate on in and out. Do you want the morphine?" Kid leaned over the bed and peered down anxiously
Heyes shook his head, keeping his jaw clenched as he concentrated on slowly inhaling and exhaling in rhythm with Jed.
After a few minutes of quiet breathing, Jed broke the silence. "I thought the plan was to go together. You're not followin' the plan. How am I supposed go on?" He whispered to the ceiling as he reached for the hand lying on the thick quilt and hung on tight.
"You will. You have your entire family - wife, children, and grandchildren to help you."
"You could've had one of your own; you had plenty of opportunities. I often wondered why you didn't marry. I know what you've said but one or two of those women, well, you seemed to have had a pretty passionate affair with and more than a few common interests."
Jed gazed into the face staring at him with a frown. Heyes' eyes had suddenly become guarded and infinitely sad. He patted his partner's hand and leaned back in the chair.
"I'm sorry Heyes..."
"Don't be Kid. Those women...I didn't love them in that way. I tried to, but I couldn't. I shared my life and I live with the person I love." Heyes closed his eyes, took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, coming to a decision he had spent countless hours contemplating over the last few weeks. For better or worse, he needed to voice his secret of a lifetime and hope his last hours on earth wouldn't be spent in a regretful drug induced haze.
Jed grew confused and quickly glanced back at the door. He stated questioningly, "You're in love with Erin?"
Heyes snorted and responded, "No, I'm not in love with your wife." He watched Curry closely as the Kid thought about the statement.
Hannibal Heyes owned his own townhouses in Denver and Chicago, then there were the homes in San Francisco, St. Louis and Dallas, where the agency also had branch offices, but the main residence of the Curry clan was the sprawling ranch house outside of Denver, where Heyes had his own suite of rooms. Heyes and the Currys shared all the properties as need be. Kid grew more befuddled as he ran down the lists of people and discarded the names quickly.
"Kid?" Heyes turned his hand over and lightly grasped the hand Kid had laid on top. He met the perplexed eyes of his partner. "Kid, the person I'm in love with is you."
Kid's eyes widened in shock and he instinctively started to pull back. He quickly noted the flash of fearful anxiety passing over Heyes' face and his partner's reluctant release of Kid's hand. Curry froze and time seemed to stand still as each man held their breath as their eyes bored into the other's soul.
Heyes felt his courage start to return when Kid didn't immediately leave the room. He swallowed hard before continuing on with his confession. "I love you. I loved you for as long as I can remember, although it took me awhile to sort through what I was feeling."
Kid rose from the chair and paced the length of the room, all the while acutely aware of Heyes' eyes following his movements. He returned to the bed and silently stood at the side, his head bowed in thought.
Heyes waited, giving his partner time to absorb what he just heard.
"Heyes, I love you too," Kid whispered.
"But not that way," Heyes finished for him, his voice tinged with resignation.
"No, not that way," Curry confirmed quietly. "I love you like a brother. You are a part of me and when you go there will be an empty hole in my heart that no one else can fill, but I don't love you like I love Erin, not romantically." He smiled sadly to take the sting out of his words, but he couldn't lie.
Kid sat on the edge of the large bed and once again grasped his partner's hand, knowing his actions in the next few hours were among the most important of his life. Heyes had such little time left and Curry would do whatever was in his power to send his lifelong partner into the afterlife peacefully. He realized the honor Heyes had gifted him, sharing his life and now his innermost self and Jedediah Curry was humbled.
Heyes was struggling to keep his eyes open, in spite of the seriousness and his wish to continue the conversation he started. He tried to shift even higher on the pillows only to feel Kid's strong hands settling him deeper into the pile.
Curry started to rub his partner's shoulders soothingly and reached over to the bedside table for the glass of pain medicine. He offered it to Heyes.
Heyes kept his mouth closed and shook his head weakly. "Not yet, we still need to talk."
"Just a sip, to help you rest comfortably. I'm not going anywhere. I promise we'll talk after you wake up." Curry lifted the glass and tipped a small amount through Heyes' slightly parted lips.
"Will I wake up again?" Heyes murmured with heavy lids.
"Yes, Heyes, you will. It's not time yet."
"You know that for sure?"
"Yes, I do."
Heyes' lids finally dropped shut and his breathing slowed and evened out. The furrows caused by the pain smoothed slightly as Kid pushed his partner's ever too-long hair off his face.
Curry sat on the edge of the bed in the golden glow of the single lamp and contemplated the man who managed to surprise him so thoroughly after a shared lifetime. He thought back through the years to search for hints that he missed. He smiled ruefully and acknowledged Heyes' masterfullness in keeping his secret hidden. The smile slid into a frown of deep sadness that his partner's complete happiness, which was richly deserved, was denied unknowingly and yet he was unsure of how he could have lived his life differently, in that respect.
After hours of quietly pacing the bedroom, reviewing their lives and contemplating his partner's revelation, Kid came to the conclusion that perhaps he did know subconsciously. He allowed and in fact engaged in a level of intimate touch with Heyes that he would not tolerate with another man. The thought that, what he considered brotherly physicality, might have been his unconscious attempt to share himself with Heyes, as much as he could, while still maintaining the right of denial, thereby, not requiring action, gave him some comfort.
Kid yawned, parted the curtains and looked out into a starlight sky. The house went quiet long ago, the only sound were the sounds Kid made moving about the room. He glanced back at the bed and noticed Heyes starting to stir and he gently sat back down at the edge of the bed.
Brown eyes cracked open and Kid was rewarded with a look of relief mixed with what he now recognized as love when they focused on his face.
"You're still here?" Heyes rasped huskily.
"I promised," Kid affirmed. "Would you like some water?"
Heyes nodded and Curry filled a small glass from the carafe on the bedside table. He helped his partner take a few swallows then settled him as comfortably as the circumstances allowed.
Heyes gathered his energy and his breath while he studied the man he loved for what he knew, deep inside, would be the last time.
Curry watched closely, detecting hesitancy and indecision in the clouded dark eyes.
"Heyes, I know you. Well, at least I thought I knew you. I doubt there is anything else you can say that would make me feel differently than the love and respect I have for you now. I can tell you want to say something else. Just say it."
"I have a last request."
"Anything, what is it?"
"You haven't heard it yet. You may not be able to do it."
"I won't be able to do it if you don't tell me what the request is."
"I'll understand if you say no."
"Heyes, it's three in the mornin', just say it, okay."
"I'm dyin' and you're getting proddy?"
"Oh God, Heyes, I'm sorry." The Kid was immediately contrite and his face became stricken.
Heyes closed his eyes, took as deep a breath as he could manage and prepared for the final plunge into uncharted waters. He opened his eyes and met the serious blues' of his longtime friend and partner. He whispered "Can I..."
Curry leaned closer to better hear Heyes' weak voice.
Heyes voice and his courage rose, "Can I kiss you? Can I kiss you on the lips, like a lover, just once?"
Kid was thankful for all the long years of practicing his poker face as he made himself stay still. After a long moment, he placed two fingers under Heyes' stubbled chin and tilted his friend's face in order to look into the averted brown eyes and read shyness, yearning and trust. Kid's calloused hand moved to caress the side of his partner's cheek while he lowered his head, let his mouth gently meet Heyes' as he closed his eyes.
Heyes' hand rose, of its own accord, to rake through Kid's soft waves, drawing Curry closer before releasing his hold and dropping to the coverlet. His senses reveled in the act, no matter how chaste, and memorized the smell of Curry's skin, the warmth and softness of his lips, the sight of his face lowering tenderly towards his and the sound of his own heart quickening, which would accompany him on the final journey.
Curry pulled back and shared a smile with the man in the bed. He noted that the earth didn't open up to swallow him whole nor did he turn into a frog. He wasn't sure how he felt except satisfied to know he could follow through on a promise made. He also recognized long, tightly controlled desire and accepted resignation in the face before him.
"Heyes, can you manage to scoot over a little with my help?"
Heyes narrowed his eyes and nodded.
Once Heyes was settled on the right side of the bed, Curry came around to the left. He looked down, blue eyes twinkling in the lamp light.
"I haven't fulfilled your last request, have I?"
"Kid, you did; the kiss was nice. Thank you, I know it wasn't easy for you."
"No, I haven't. Nice is not like a lover. Nice is like a first date. If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do this right."
Curry lay down on his side next to his dying partner, slipped his arm under Heyes' shoulder and drew him close. With his other hand he grabbed a few pillows and propped them against Heyes' back for support before enfolding the frail man in a careful embrace. Blue eyes met astonished brown and both men kept their eyes open as lips met in a kiss.
Heyes ran his tongue lightly across Kid's mouth, asking permission for more. Curry parted his lips as Heyes' tongue tentatively tasted, then more insistently swept the warm, moist cavern with no longer forbidden pleasure. His eyes half closed, he explored languidly as suddenly steady hands framed the familiar face, tantalizingly touching his. Brown eyes flew fully open when Kid sucked the tip before engaging in a slow dance of swirling, sweeping movements. Heyes gasped slightly, a soft moan escaping, Kid immediately stopped the kiss and relaxed his embrace. Heyes tightened his grip and pulled his partner closer, unwilling to let go. He pushed back against the soft lips once more, gaining entrance and deepened the kiss, as both men's eyes closed and the embrace strengthened in fulfillment of a promise.
The moment passed and reality intruded when Heyes' need for air overruled his heart. He reluctantly slumped back against the supporting pillows, eyes still closed and gasping.
"Heyes, Han...Han are you in pain? I shoulda stopped it sooner."
"Kid...please...listen...for the...first...time...in a long...time...the pain...is gone. I'm...at peace...that's...due to...you...not...the drugs. I trusted...you...with...my secret...and...I don't...regret...loving...you."
Jedediah Curry lay on his back, his left arm holding Hannibal Heyes close to his side, Heyes' head resting on his shoulder. He listened to the shallow, gasping breaths in the gray shadowy hours before dawn and prayed his partner would find true happiness in the afterlife. He would keep their shared secret and treasure always, without regrets, their last night as partners.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.