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“I want to have a baby.” Abby said decisively to the world at large. At thirty years of age it was something she had been daydreaming about for a while but this was the first time she’d said it out loud. After all she was alone in her lab and it wasn’t as if anyone could hear her. “Now who should I get for the father?”
Palmer walked in just then with a tray from Ducky, was startled. He blinked. Had Abby just said what he thought she said? Was she thinking of him? “Umm, Abby, I have a girlfriend.”
“That’s nice, Jimmy,” Abby said sadly as she took the tray and resumed her work. It didn’t occur to her that he thought she thought…well it wasn’t worth thinking about.
“What!” Ziva squealed not quite sure what to make of Palmer’s announcement.
“Lower your voice,” Palmer looked around while shushing her, wondering why he’d told her in the first place. He could have told Dr. Mallard or Tony, but for some reason that didn’t seem right, but he couldn’t keep this to himself, it was too big. He shrugged. “That’s what she said.”
The two of them turned and looked at McGee, who sat there oblivious. He was in their opinion the most obvious choice for father.
Ten minutes later Ziva showed up in Abby’s lab. “What is this I hear about you being pregnant? Have you told McGee yet?”
Abby distracted from her work sighed. “Palmer has a big mouth,” she muttered. “I’m not pregnant, I’m just thinking about it. Who else knows?”
“Palmer, of course, and just me so far…I think.” Ziva paused when she saw how upset this was making Abby. “Abby, we are your friends and we’re just…concerned.”
Abby sighed, excepting Ziva’s explanation. “What does McGee have to do with this?”
“Well, it does take two to make a baby and we thought that…well you and McGee…?”
“I thought about it, but if I asked him he’d want to get married. He’s kinda old-fashion that way, and I’m not ready for marriage. Anyway he’s not the only possibility.”
“There are more?”
“Oh, yes. There’s Gibbs, Tony, and possibly Ducky.”
“Ducky? That wasn’t a possibility I would have thought of.” Ziva shivered at the thought. “I still don’t understand why you would want to have a baby now?”
“My biological clock is tick-tick-ticking,” Abby said as if that explained it all.
“What’s ticking?” Gibbs walked into the lab with the obligatory caf-pow in his hand.
“I’ve decided I want to have a baby,” Abby announced proudly.
Gibbs looked from Abby to Ziva and back to Abby. “Does McGee know?”
“Why does everyone assume that McGee’s going to be the father?” Abby rolled her eyes and huffed.
Gibbs cocked an eyebrow.
“Don’t ask,” Ziva advised.
“Okay, I won’t. Abs, what have you got for me?”
Much later Gibbs entered Abby’s lab carrying an armload of evidence, he was followed by Ziva, McGee and a complaining Tony.
“Abs, I need you to go over these right away,” Gibbs ordered.
“Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know,” Abby sighed. She was going from screen to screen and making notes on a chart. Every computer screen in the lab held a picture of the one of the four favorite men in Abby’s life and future contenders to be the father of her child.Tony dropped his stack and stared at the faces on the screen.
“What’s this?” Gibbs looked up at the screens. “Potential fathers? I thought you decided against McGee and why are you including me?”
“I’m keeping my options open.” Abby stepped in front of the screen with Gibbs’ photo on it. “Besides, look at you… gorgeous blue eyes, a really nice smile when you care to use it. You’re pretty foxy. You’d make a beautiful baby.”
“What the hell is she talking about?” Tony asked McGee.
Just then Ducky walked into the Lab. “Palmer said you wanted to see me.” He stopped short noting the abundance of people there, then the pictures that graced the computer screens around the lab. His eyebrows rose. “Oh my.”
Palmer arrived just behind him.
“We are here to help Ziva choose a father,” Ziva informed them. “Abby feels that anyone of the four of you would make a perfect father for her child.”
“You certainly can’t mean me!” Ducky protested. “I fear I’m not up for the task.”
“Why not? Surely you could jerk off in a cup?” Abby wanted to know with a giggle. “Besides you’re well traveled and know a great many stories. Any kid would be lucky to have you for a father. Same thing goes for you, Gibbs.”
“Abby, if you’re really set on doing this.” McGee got down on one knee. “Will you marry me?”
“Doesn’t anyone understand? I don’t want to get married,” Abby moaned. “I just want a child of my own.”
“Abby, what you don’t understand is that there is a lot of work that goes into raising a child. Especially for a single woman,” Gibbs warned.
“But that’s just it,” Palmer broke in. “She won’t be alone. She’ll have us to pitch in and help.”
“Aww, Jimmy. That’s so sweet,” Abby gushed. “Anyway I’ve come to a decision.”
“Who?” said six voices at once.
“Well as much as I love all of you…wouldn’t it be great to combine…never mind. My decision is…”
“Abby, the suspense is killing us!” Ziva exclaimed.
Tony stood quietly off to one side. He was fairly certain that he would not be chosen. His inability to get along with children was well known.
“I have decided that the father of my baby will be,” Abby paused for effect. “Tony.”
Everyone stared at Tony in stunned silence.
“Abby,” Tony said softly as he shook his head. “I don’t think you want me to be the father of your baby. Kids and I don’t get along.”
“But, Tony, you would be perfect. You’re smart, you’re funny, and frankly you’re really hot,” Abby coaxed.
Everyone looked intently at Tony.
“You know something. She’s right,” Ducky said and everyone agreed.
Abby threw her arms around Tony’s neck. “Please!!!”
Tony hugged Abby back and sighed. “You know I can’t refuse you anything.”