SquidgeWorld Archive

"Je t'aime." Josef pressed his lips against Mick's ear, shifted, and then repeated the same on the other side. "Je t'aime, mon amour."

Mick smiled, they'd played this game for the past five years, their own little tradition, born out of darkness.

Everyone I've ever loved has been taken away from me eventually. So don't ever say it out loud; I don't ever want to hear you say it out loud…

Josef had found a loophole to Mick's insistence. Mick had never said anything about love in other languages.

"Je t'aime," Josef whispered once more, his breath fanning hot against the side of Mick's face. He pricked the skin of Mick's throat with his fangs, drew two pin prick droplets of blood; grinned and then bit harder when he heard Mick groan.

Mick's arm was drawn around Josef's neck, thoughts drifting back to the other times; one relationship ended, another not yet begun. They'd always turned to each other in those moments in-between. It had never been like this though, the passion had been lacking, the sense of love; those earlier fumblings, the furtiveness of it all, mouths and bodies coming together in a guilt ridden mess, all of it had been a pale imitation compared to what they had today.

It seemed inevitable they would fall in love eventually, only…

…Don't ever say it out loud.

"What is this, 'promises in the dark'?" Josef had quipped when Mick had made that particular request. Beth had been gone more than a year by then, Coraline, more than twenty. Mick had been caught up in a whirlwind of bleakness, and uncertainty, equating love with loss. The equation had stuck.

Don't ever say it…

"You still think about her, don't you?" Josef traced a finger down one arm, mapped the veins in the crook of Mick's elbow.

"No." Mick's reply was a little too quick off the mark, his speech a little too abrupt.

"Methinks the Vampire doth protest too much," Josef chuckled, and pressed his lips to the network of blue. And then he was shifting serious, a finger traced along the line of Mick's jaw this time. "It's ok, I know you have trouble letting go of the past. If it bothered me that much, I wouldn't be here."

"I don't…"

Mick had been about to launch an indignant protest; Josef interjected, eyebrow s cocked in a facetious arch, "Oh really? Well in that case, I…"

Josef snorted with wry amusement at the reaction Mick gave him; Mick's expression falling terrified, his hands reaching for Josef's face, lips pressed quickly against Josef's own, silencing him from speaking further.

Josef's amusement was short lived. He broke the kiss, and straddled Mick's hips; his hands pressed either side of Mick's shoulders. "You really are that scared of losing me if that gets said out loud, aren't you?"

Mick averted his eyes, sucked on his bottom lip a while. And then he was launching into another round of indignation. "Well what do you expect, Josef? None of my relationships have exactly turned out 'happily ever after'."

"Happily never after," Josef chuckled once more, "is that it?"

"Yeah, something like that," Mick drew the line of his mouth into a contemptuous smile.

Josef ignored Mick's rancour, and bent forward; his lips brushing the top of Mick's forehead, and then moving downward: a series of light kisses placed on Mick's eyelids, either side of his face, the tip of his nose. "And what makes you think I'm in such a hurry to go anywhere, Mick?" Josef clambered off the bed then, his hand extended for Mick to take. "Come."

"Why, where are we headed?" Mick accepted Josef's proffered hand, his brow furrowed with suspicion, concerned that Josef felt he had something to prove.

"The balcony," Josef replied with casual aplomb, "have you seen the moon and the stars tonight?"

"I've been inside all night, with you," Mick scoffed as he followed Josef's lead, "of course I haven't."

"Nag, nag, nag," Josef threw back over his shoulder, as he grinned, and made a mouthing gesture with his hand.

Outside Josef wasted no time backing Mick up against the balcony's wrought iron railings. "You know I had these installed at the turn of the century?" Josef pressed his lips against Mick's own.

"I know," Mick mumbled into Josef's open mouth, "You told me."

"I did, didn't I? Look up." Josef pointed to the night sky above as he began tracing a downward trajectory with his lips along Mick's throat, and chest.

"Wow," Mick studied the myriad of tiny silver lights, marvelled at the Moon's luminescence. "It's…"

"…Beautiful?" Josef took advantage of Mick's distraction; quickly shifted back up, his arms around Mick's waist, and lifted Mick onto the top of the railing. "I know."

"Jesus Christ, Josef." Mick looked panic stricken, grabbing for something to hang onto as Josef tilted him back, "What the hell are you doing? I could fall."

Josef looked unaffected. "Not if you stop struggling you won't. And besides, so what if you do? It's not like the fall's going to kill you."

"Yeah, alright, you've made your point," Mick huffed with annoyance, and demanded to be let back up again.

"And what point would that be, Mick?"

"We're Vampires," Mick rolled his eyes and began to recite, "I can't die that easily, and neither can you, you're not going to leave me just because one of us says those words."

"Well done," Josef's tone was a hair's breadth away from patronising; still he didn't let Mick up, "very nicely stated."

Mick wondered for a moment if Josef was going to offer him a sarcastic round of applause. And then Josef was climbing onto the first railing of the balcony himself, balancing slightly unstable with his feet set in two round footholds, still holding onto Mick with one arm cradled around his waist.
"Hang onto my neck, "Josef took a moment to steady himself, and then began fumbling with the buttons, and zipper on Mick's jeans, seemingly intent on fucking Mick as he hung precariously over the railing.

"Are you insane?" Mick began to use Josef's neck as an anchor to pull himself back up, Josef held firm.

"I'm a lot stronger than you, you know. It's perfectly safe, as long as you stop struggling."

"Fuck 'safe'."

"That was the general idea, Mick," Josef snorted a laugh, and then offered Mick a pointed grin, "Learn to live a little, take some risks."

"Fuck taking risks," Mick continued to protest, the level his voice rising higher now, "If I fall it's still gonna hurt like hell. Let me back up."

Josef hesitated a moment, wondered if there was something more to Mick's talk of falling, and the pain that followed.

"Josef-"

"-Alright." Reluctantly Josef pulled Mick back up, and helped him down off the railing. Still intent on initiating physical romance, hoping one thing would lead to another, Josef immediately tried to draw his arms around Mick's neck as soon as Mick was back on Terra Firma.

"Asshole!" Mick had other ideas. Two hands in the middle of Josef's chest, Mick shoved Josef hard, and knocked him to the ground. And then he was turning heel, and storming off.

"You're not the only one in this relationship, St John," Josef shouted after Mick's retreating form.

Josef's words were met by the sound of slamming wood.

"You're never happy unless you're slamming doors shut," Josef shook his head, and commented under his breath.

A minute or two later, Mick appeared beneath the balcony, apparently headed off into the night.

"Mick," Josef called out to him.

Almost in spite of himself, Mick stopped, and looked up.

"Ti Amo."

"Fuck you," Mick cast Josef's words aside angrily, and kept on walking.

Josef waited a couple of hours, time enough for Mick to have calmed down, or so he hoped, and then set off to look for him.

He found Mick at one of the local watering holes, nursing a bottle of Scotch.

"Mind if I join you?"

"It's a free country," Mick barely looked up from the tumbler of amber fluid in front of him. "How did you know I was here?"

"That nifty Vampire tracking thing," Josef pulled up a seat alongside Mick, "Actually I just followed the signs of moping, your chin dragging on the ground left a trail a mile long."

Mick made a dismissive sound in the back of his throat, and tried to look unaffected.

"I'm sorry," Josef said then.

"Doesn't matter," Mick forced a weak smile, and reached for his drink.

"Yeah, it does," a hand cupped under Mick's chin, Josef bid Mick look at him. "Finish that, and let me take you home, please."

Without responding, Mick nodded his agreement, and then knocked back the remaining contents of the glass.

They walked in silence for the most part, side by side, their hands occasionally swinging against one another's; until Josef entwined his fingers with Mick's own.

"Do you know how long I had feelings for you, before we actually got together?" Josef broke the quietude, asking the question as if it were little more than a matter of passing interest.

"I don't know," Mick shrugged, "a while?"

"Try seventy one years."

"Wow." Mick didn't know what else to say.

"You haven't exactly made things easy on me, Mick."

"Neither have you," Mick shot back defensively.

"Oh really?" Josef had been trying to keep a conversational tone; now he stopped in his tracks, and turned to face Mick direct. "Then why are you with me?"

"You know why," Mick shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other; eyes downcast and hands shoved in pockets.

"No I don't actually, you've never told me." Josef raised a pointed eyebrow.

"Because."

"Because, what, Mick? Josef folded his arms across his chest, and stood determined.

"Because," Mick gestured frantically. "Just…because."

"That's not an answer."

Mick placed his hands on his hips, averted his eyes, cursed under his breath.

"Mick?"

"I thought you said it didn't bother you?" Mick tried another escape route.

"I changed my mind; call it my prerogative."

It was clear Josef wasn't going to let this go.

"Christ, alright." Mick threw up his hands, and blurted in sheer frustration, "Because I love you -Because I fell in love with you, alright? There I've said it, are you happy now?"

"Shh," Josef pressed his index finger against his lips, and pretended to cock his ear. "I'm listening for the sound of hooves; the four horsemen of the apocalypse should be arriving any moment now."

Josef chortled with amusement, and nudged the side of Mick's ribcage with his elbow.

"Very funny," Mick gave a thin lipped smile, and tried not to roll his eyes too obviously.

Josef was still grinning as they started back off up the street, their arms drawn around each other's waist. "So, how does it feel?"

"How does what feel?" Mick pretended not to know what Josef was talking about.

"Confession," Josef leaned in close, and whispered conspiratorially. "I thought it was supposed to be good for the soul."

"I guess the world hasn't ended," Mick commented darkly. It felt like a genie had been let out the bottle; Mick's uncertainty was creeping back in.

Everyone I've ever loved has been taken away from me eventually…

"Come here," Josef drew his arms around Mick's neck then, danced him along the dark-lit streets. And then he was guiding Mick back against the pole of a street light.

"Je t'aime." Josef pressed his lips against Mick's ear, shifted, and then repeated the same on the other side. "Je t'aime, mon amour."

Mick smiled, they'd played this game for the past five years, their own little tradition, born out of darkness.

The glowing halo of the streetlamp seemed appropriate somehow.

Maybe it was time to step out of the dark.

A moment of hesitation, a brief pause to dampen back fears, and then Mick drew breath to speak...

"I love you too."

...And stepped into the light.