Work Text:
Inara slowly brushed Kaylee's hair. She found it relaxing, a tranquil escape from the turmoil in her mind. She loved spending time with the mechanic and knew the girl needed female companionship.
" 'Nara, were you at all tempted to stay on Persephone? I mean, all those shiny clothes..."
"I was briefly until I saw how shallow everyone was. Until Mal showed me how possessive and cold Atherton is.
"Do you think you'll ever get married?"
"What?" She was so surprised at the question that she stopped brushing. "What made you think of that?"
"The dress the cap'n got me for the ball made me think of a weddin' gown. Y'know, all the frills and ruffles. The way the skirt belled out. Got me thinkin' about my own weddin' and what it would be like."
Inara smiled at the wistful tone in Kaylee's voice. She remembered sounding that same way once. "And what would your wedding be like, mei-mei?"
"When I was little, I wanted a real big ceremony, kind you read about in stories. It was in a big church with flowers everywhere an' I was in a beautiful white gown with a real long train."
As she listened to Kaylee go on about the wedding she imagined as a child, Inara envisioned a solemn ceremony at a sacred temple with candles and incense. Beside her stood her first love, the man she could never see again.
Kaylee pulled her head forward before turning to look at her. "You okay, 'Nara?"
"You just brought back some memories I had pushed away."
"You wanna talk about it?"
She was so sincere. "When I first became a Companion, one of my clients asked me to marry him. He was handsome, kind, generous, and I loved him. I accepted and then I had to fill out the forms that would allow me to leave the Guild. Once that was complete, I began to plan how I wanted the ceremony to look, what gown I would wear. The wedding was beautiful, simple, and elegant. Few words were spoken, but we didn't need them.
"We were happy until he wanted to go fight in the war. We fought over it. I didn't want him to go away and maybe die for something that didn't affect us. He was an idealist and felt strongly about the cause and would not give up on that. Knowing that was one of the things that drew me to him, I knew I had to let him go. I never saw him again."
"How...?"
"He was killed at Serenity Valley."
"Oh. Is that why you chose to rent the shuttle?"
"Partly. I felt flying in a ship named for the battle in which he died, it would help me to remember, to never let him slip away. Hearing the stories the captain and Zoë tell about the fighting help me understand why he went and possibly what his last days were like."
Kaylee gave her an enormous hug. "Inara, I'm so sorry! Why didn't you ever tell us?"
"There was no need to dwell over my grief. In my quiet moments, I still think on him, and sometimes even speak to him."
"Do you ever think you'll marry again?"
"When I re-applied for my Companion license, I promised myself never to fall in love with a man who was a soldier or led a dangerous life. I don't think I could ever handle that happening again."
Kaylee stood. "I'll keep your secret but if you find yourself wantin' to talk about him with someone else, I'll listen."
"Thank you, mei-mei. Now you had better get back to work before the captain comes barging in here looking for you."
After Kaylee had gone, Inara made herself some tea and burned some lavender incense to relax. She had already broken her promise. She had fallen in love with a man with a dangerous life. But he had such a boyish charm and an idiotic sense of nobility that was hard to resist. Yes, he could be pigheaded and stubborn but he was loyal to a fault and would do anything to safeguard his crew.
She had to maintain her defenses where Malcolm Reynolds was concerned. What she told Kaylee was true: she wouldn't be able to handle loosing a loved one like that again. As long as she could maintain her distance by insulting him and his profession perhaps he would never find out her true feelings.
Defenses in place, she left the sanctuary of her shuttle and entered the strange world that was Serenity.