Work Text:
Losing Touch
by nancy
AJ wasn't fond of formal parties, even holiday ones, but some things were unavoidable despite being retired. He'd left most of it behind, ignoring invites to luncheons and requests for speaking engagements by the dozens. It had been three years since he'd left JAG and a year since Harm and Mac had gone off to San Diego. Life went on, but the Navy's publicists kept trying to reengage him. The only reason he'd accepted this particular invite was because he'd realized that most of his former team would likely be in attendance.
One of DC's ritzier hotels was hosting the event, which meant NCIS had to be going a little crazy with all the high ranking officers present. SecNav was supposed to make an appearance, though AJ could care less about that. The lobby was extravagantly decorated with glittering trees and he spotted a sign for the event next to one. A group of Naval personnel headed down the hall and AJ shook his head, amused that they all looked far too young for their ranks. A sure sign he was getting too old.
He followed them to the ballroom and found it to be just as well appointed as the lobby, no surprise there. The lighting had dimmed to allow for candles and lamps situated around the room. It was all very festive and personally depressing. With Francesca and her family having to cancel their plans to visit, he was on his own for the holidays. Not that he hadn't been alone for the majority of his holidays, but he'd always had JAG or the Navy to fill the hole family should.
AJ scanned the faces as he walked around, but he saw no one on his first pass. No one from JAG, at least. There were plenty of people he nodded and smiled at, a few he even exchanged polite words with, but no one he wanted to see. He decided on one more trip around before leaving. It was almost nine so if no one was there, it wasn't likely that they'd be coming.
"Admiral!"
AJ turned towards Harriet's voice and smiled broadly. She looked radiant in a knee-length red dress, standing out among all the uniforms. Bud stood proudly beside her and AJ was startled to see more gray hairs than dark on his head. Of course, with five kids under the age of seven, that was probably to be expected. He met them halfway and hugged Harriet, then shook Bud's hand.
"Oh it's so wonderful to see you, Sir!" Harriet exclaimed, blue eyes actually misty. "You haven't kept in touch!"
A little embarrassed by that, he said, "Sorry, Harriet, Bud. It's been too long, hasn't it? How are the kids?"
Bud just smiled and suggested, "Let's find a table."
Most of the tables were taken, but they found one at the back. That suited AJ fine, since the music was quieter back there and they wouldn't have to talk loudly to hear one another. He repeated, "How's the family?"
Harriet just about beamed as she pulled out a five by seven picture and held it out to him. "We were hoping you'd be here, Sir, that's for you. If you hadn't come, I was just going to be impossibly rude and show up on your door."
AJ took in the picture with astonishment. "My God! They're so big!"
Bud nodded and said, "AJ's in second grade, Sara's in first, Jimmy's about to start winter pre-school, and the twins are almost two now."
It didn't seem possible, but the smiling family photo backed it all up.
"Bud! Harriet! There you are…Admiral?"
AJ looked up from the picture at Tiner's incredulous exclamation. The young man looked exactly the same, as did the Gunny, who stood next to him. AJ got to his feet and shook both their hands before they all sat down.
Still smiling, Tiner said, "Sir, it's great to see you!"
"You too, Tiner," AJ replied. "And all of you, please, I'm retired so it's AJ now."
Tiner's eyebrows went up and Gunny grinned as he nudged the other man with his elbow. "Really, Tine. You can do it."
Tiner made a face at him, but only asked AJ, "What brings you to the party?"
AJ noticed he didn't use his name and bit back a grin. He said honestly, "I wanted to see you all. As Harriet already took me to task for, I've been remiss in not keeping touch with all of you. So tell me. What's going on these days? Are things quieter now that Harm and Mac are in San Diego?"
That caused everyone to exchange a look that AJ read as hesitation and chagrin. Before AJ could ask what was going on, Bud explained, "Sir, Harm's not in San Diego anymore."
For the first time in a long time, AJ was shocked by something. He did his best not to show it and asked, "What happened? Is he all right? Did he and Mac get reassigned to DC?"
Bud winced and said, "Well, no. Sir, he and Mac split up. I thought, we all thought you knew. Harm resigned his commission to move out there with her and ten months later, he was back. Never said what happened between them, neither has Mac, and we, well, we didn't feel it was our place to ask."
All of which he would have known had he bothered to keep in touch with any of them. Forcing that to the back of his mind, along with a measure of guilt and a thrum of excitement, he questioned, "Then why isn't he back at JAG?"
Bud's wince was far more pronounced as he said, "They wouldn't rescind his resignation, Sir. Guess it was one time too many."
AJ nodded, not surprised. Harm had come and gone in the Navy's service more times than anyone else had ever gotten away with, as far as he knew. Of course, most of that was due to AJ's direct interference. And at his age, Harm wouldn't be the hot prospect he was ten years ago even with all his experience. "So what's he doing now?"
"Consulting," Gunny said with a shrug. "He's certainly not hurting for work, Sir. He stops by whenever a case brings him in the area. Still has security clearance and works a lot of high level litigation."
That made sense, too. Harm was an excellent lawyer, one of the best. He forced himself to refocus on the people in front of him who were, strangely, giving him what seemed like expectant looks. Frowning a little, he half-changed the subject with, "So Mac's still in San Diego?"
Harriet looked a little disappointed for some reason as she answered, "She's doing very well there, AJ. I have her number if you want to call her."
AJ nodded and said, "That would be great, thanks. And the rest of you, too. I don't want so much time to pass before we speak or see each other again."
That broke the odd tension at the table and conversation reverted to more normal office gossip, promotion talk, family talk, and the usual holiday conversations. The night passed quickly for AJ and before he knew it, he was saying goodbye at nearly midnight. He made sure everyone had his phone number, though of course Tiner still had all his numbers memorized, he just hadn't felt right calling.
As they stood waiting for the valets to return with their cars, AJ asked casually, "Did Harm move back to the same apartment?"
Harriet's eyes just about twinkled with merriment as she confirmed, "He did. He only rented it when he moved out to San Diego."
"Good thing," AJ murmured.
Then his car was there and he hugged both her and Bud, startling the younger man, he could tell. He gripped Bud's shoulder and said, "It's really good to see you both again."
Harriet took his hand and gave it a squeeze. "We'd love for you to join us on Christmas, AJ. It's always a madhouse, but AJ still asks for you every now and again. Remember when you and Harm used to babysit him? It made an impression."
AJ snorted and said, "Stabbing someone with a sword will do that."
Bud grinned. "He takes after his namesake that way, Sir. He's fearless."
It was a compliment that he didn't really deserve, but AJ smiled and said, "I'd love to join you. Still at the same house?"
Harriet nodded at his Escalade. "I'll call you with details. I think the Valet wants to get warm."
AJ said goodbye again and then climbed inside his SUV. His last view of them was with Bud's arm around Harriet's waist as they waited for their car. They looked damn good together, just as they always had.
Lost in thought about what could possibly have split Harm and Mac up, it wasn't a complete surprise to find himself outside Harm's apartment a half-hour later. It was late, twelve forty-five; much too late for him to go up and knock on Harm's door even if his lights were on.
He didn't even know what he would say to Harm if he went up. That he was sorry about the breakup? He wasn't. Well, he was sorry in that it had to have been painful, but he was selfish enough to be glad the playing field had been leveled. It wasn't as though he could just walk through the door, wrap his arms around the other man and demand a place back in Harm's life.
A knock on his window scared the hell out of AJ and he looked out to find Harm standing outside his vehicle. They stared at each other for a long time through the glass. Harm had aged around the eyes, but looked otherwise unchanged. There was a wealth of pain and longing in those eyes, mostly shadowed from the streetlamp in the parking lot.
AJ opened the door and stepped out of the SUV. The cold air bit at him instantly, but all of him was focused on Harm, who hadn't yet said anything. The silence was uncharacteristic of him; he'd always been one to fill the silence. He looked tired and worn in a way he never before had, despite the expensive cut of his clothes. It wasn't the kind of tired that came from long hours, either; AJ had seen that kind of tired in the mirror too many times to count over the years, usually prompted by loss.
Something in his expression reached out and stabbed AJ right in the gut. Without further hesitation, AJ did just what he'd thought earlier. He pulled Harm into his arms and held on tight. Harm let out a muffled sound that might have been a sob, but buried his face against AJ's throat. It felt so good to hold him, so much better than he'd ever allowed himself to imagine. All those years spent denying this, forcing it away, pushing Harm at Mac in the hopes that the younger man wouldn't be alone anymore. All that time wasted, because here they were, exactly where he'd always wanted them to be.
AJ let out a long, deep sigh of relief, one that felt like it came straight from his soul. There was nothing to keep them apart anymore. He pressed his lips briefly to Harm's temple, grateful more than words could say that he had a real shot at happiness, and said, "Let's go inside."
Harm nodded and pulled back, but stayed close as he said, almost accusing, "You took long enough."
AJ squeezed the back of his neck lightly and said, "I'm here now, Harm. I'm not going anywhere."
Some of that pain seemed to ease in that blue, blue gaze, and Harm smiled then. "C'mon. I'll make some tea."
AJ put his arm around Harm's shoulder and they went inside.
end