Work Text:
NCIS:Crack Fic! Ship Wars or how Vance got out of debt.
by JustJeanette
Director Leon Vance was not a nice person. Leon Vance was also smart, sneaky, patient, capable of long range planning, and in serious trouble with a man named Cyril "Pay or Die" Spence.
Two years ago, when he realised that there was going to come a time when he was not going to be able to maintain his payments to Cyril he began increasing the value of his, and his wife's, insurance policies. Having been promoted to the Directorship of NCIS helped.
Gaining the Directorship however gained him another problem; Team Gibbs. Now he was finally in a place where he could do something about both problems. Thus, a couple of carefully worded communications with Eli David, another not nice person with his own problems in the form of a self-entitled daughter, got the ball rolling.
Walking out of his office and onto the landing that overlooked the Bullpen Vance was pleased to note that his communications with Eli had born fruit.
Below him, Tony Dinozzo was standing like a deer caught in the spot light as Leroy Jethro Gibbs [hard ass Marine with so many dirty tricks up his sleeve that the sleeves had up and left because they were sick of all the other sleeves advice on weight-loss and all round superb, and deadly, agent] faced off with Ziva David [I can kill you 300 ways with a paper clip and no one will tell me off crazy Ninja assassin chick]. Gibbs was growling something about Tony being his beloved and David could keep her grubby paws off of him. Ziva was snarling back about how she was Tony's one true love and no over-the-hill-has-been-MALE-marine was going to get him. Vance never saw the 'tell' but what he did witness was a whirlwind of mean that ended with two pills of very dead goo.
Tim, looking on, smiled at the result. "Tony, now that they are out of the way how about you and I go somewhere private and discuss 'options'?"
Tony smiled that special smile of his that lit up a room and started to walked toward Tim only to be intercepted by a goth shaped missile with a mass-spectrometer attached to her back.
"Back off, Spanky, he's mine." Abby did a passable imitation of the Gibbs growl.
"But I saw him first," Tony claimed as he moved forward and proceeded to demonstrate that he really was a capable fighter. Unforturnately he wasn't up to defending himself from the weight of a mass-spectrometer [and how come Abby could carry it?] and was quickly flattened though not without having successfully terminated the goth princess.
Tim blinked.
No one else in the Bullpen even paid any attention to the goings on. It was Team Gibbs, after all.
Tim looked up to see Director Vance leaning provocatively against the railing before the Director turned and walked back into his office.
Tim knew that Leon would not appreciate an 'open' visit so using all his impressive computer skills he pulled up the plans for the NCIS building in the Yard and found a secret back passage into the Director's office.
Leon looked up as Tim came out of the closet. "Hello, agent McGee, what can I do for you?"
"You can call me Tim, for starters." Tim strode confidently over to were Leon was sitting.
"Oh no you don't," Jackie Vance entered Leon's office with Leon's gun in hand, "you know I know how to use this."
Jackie may have known how to use the gun but McGee was also weapons trained, something many people tended to forget. The result was two corpses in the Director's office and neither one of them was Leon Vance.
Leon looked at the mess and smiled happily. All of his problems were taken care of. Team Gibbs was no more. 10 Million in insurance for Jackie meant he could pay Cyril and still have enough left over to disappear and strat a new life in Mexico with that chick that was always sniffing after Mike Franks. Better still the fact that he'd already taken one man's identity made it easy for him to take anothers. Leon Vance would no longer exist this time next week but until then the mess had to be cleaned up.
Leon grabbed the phone and rang Autopsy demanding that Dr Mallard come and collect the various corpses scattered about the building and store them in the autopsy lockers.
Leon hung up the phone, a puzzled frown on his face. Surely he hadn't heard Jimmy Palmer in the background screaming I'm coming Dr. Mallard, I'm coming. No, it had to be a figment of his imagination because there was no way he'd heard Dr. Mallard answer, "That's a good boy Jimmy, cream me."
end
Should I post this to the real world or should I hide my head in shame?
JustJeanette just wondering what was in her coffee...