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Murphy's Cops Law #26

Summary:

Based on Murphy's Cops Law #26: Dogs do not see the badge as a person of authority, they see lunch.

Work Text:

Skipper checked to make sure the doll was in plain sight so the sad little girl couldn’t possibly miss it when she came back to her room. He positioned it next to her pillow, it’s smiling painted face facing the door. Then he flipped back out the window to join his team in the garden.

Skipper landed and faced the other three. “Mission accomplished, men. Well done.”

Private’s voice shook. “Thank you, Sir, but um…”

Skipper noticed that they weren’t actually looking at him, but at something behind him. Private and Kowalski were both frozen with panicked looks on their faces and Rico was glaring. Then he felt the hot breath on his back. He barely glanced over his shoulder at the dog.

It was a large, white pitbull. It didn’t make a sound but its teeth were bared in a most unfriendly way. It’s breath was terrible.

“Fluffy,” a female human voice called. “Fluffy, come inside.”

“Fluffy,” Skipper said dryly. “Isn’t that cute?”

Fluffy growled softly and took a step closer to Skipper.

“Come on boy,” the woman called again. “It’s time for your medicine and a treat.”

“I think he’d rather have us as a treat,” Private whined.

“We won’t be on the menu today, Private.” Skipper turned to face the dog and looked him up and down. He noticed something missing between Fluffy’s legs. “Ah, you poor man.”

Kowalski swallowed. “No wonder he’s in such a bad mood.”

Rico grunted something in agreement.

Fluffy growled louder. He barked and backed Skipper so that he bumped into Kowalski. He took a swipe at them with one massive paw.

The penguins ducked out of the way. Then Skipper fearlessly took a step forward and Fluffy was so startled that he let Skipper edge him back. “Kowalski, options,” Skipper hissed.

Kowalski inched away from the wall. “I suggest a tactical retreat, Sir.”

“Right. Rico.”

Rico’s face lit up. “Kaboom. Kaboom. Kaboom.” He hacked up a smoke bomb and it exploded at his feet.

Fluffy yiped and jumped back while the penguins went over the fence and away. They double timed it back to the zoo and didn’t pause until they were back in their secret HQ.

“I don’t get it,” Private panted. “We were returning the dolly to his little girl to make her happy. We told him and he still tried to eat us.”

Skipper patted Private’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about that ungrateful canine. We completed the mission without any casualties. That’s the important thing. And you should be especially proud. You saved the doll from being squished by the pachyderm.”

Rico nodded eagerly. He hacked up a medal, breathed on it, and shined it with his wing. He proudly stuck it to Private’s chest.

Private brightened immediately. “Hey, that’s right. Still, it wasn’t very nice of Fluffy.”

Kowalski produced a chart out of thin air. He pointed to the blue and yellow bars. “As usual, science has the answer. It all has to do with the chemistry of the canine brain. Dogs do not see birds of authority, they see lunch.”

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