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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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2020-11-05
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He’s having his baby

Summary:

AU Jack brings Owen back to life after the glove brings him back as a zombie.  He may have used a bit too much life though.

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He’s having his baby
by Lilithangel
 
  
Five Weeks
 
“You utter bastard.”  Owen wasn’t yelling but his voice was loud enough for the rest of the team to stop and look.  It wasn’t as if Owen never insulted Jack’s parentage but this was more than just rage.
 
Owen came storming up the stairs with a worried looking Jack behind him although Ianto noticed a hint of something more in Jack’s expression.
 
“What’s wrong Owen?” Tosh asked in concern, taking in Owen’s pallid features.
 
“Your boyfriend,” Owen pointed an accusing finger at Ianto, “has bloody well knocked me up.”
 
“I beg your pardon?” Ianto said his words almost lost over the clatter of dropped equipment from Tosh and Gwen.
 
“Not funny Owen,” Gwen said.
 
“Jack?” Tosh looked over at their erstwhile leader.
 
Jack grinned sheepishly.  “Seems I might have overdone it on the life giving,” he said with a shrug and an apologetic glance towards Ianto.
 
“But that’s impossible,” Gwen said.
 
“This is ruddy Torchwood,” Owen snarled, “There’s no such thing.”
 
“How far along are you?” Ianto asked, proud at how calm his voice was.
 
“Five bloody weeks,” Owen replied absently rubbing his stomach.
 
“How do you know it was Jack?” Gwen demanded.
 
“Because that’s how long Owen’s been fully alive again,” Ianto said.
 
“I’m going to kill you,” Owen said to Jack, “and keep killing you until I feel better.”
 
“It’s not like I meant to do it,” Jack said, “but if it will make you feel better.”
 
“Don’t you dare humour the pregnant man,” Owen said his eyes narrowing.  They widened again and he staggered.  “Pregnant, I’m fucking pregnant.”
 
Jack leapt forward and caught Owen’s arm, leading him over to the sofa.  Owen shook him off but sat down heavily and dropped his head into his hands.
 
Tosh had dropped into her chair and Gwen leaned against the railing looking at Owen in shock.  Ianto was standing stock still and staring at Jack who hovered next to Owen.
 
“What are you going to do?” Gwen said, “I mean you can’t have a baby.”

”Gwen,” Tosh scolded gently, “this has been a big shock for Owen.  Nothing has to be decided straight away, does it?”
 
“Medical terminations can be done within the first 49 days,” Ianto said promptly, “and surgical ones within the first twelve weeks without risk to the mother.  There’s always the singularity scalpel as well.”
 
Owen looked at Ianto sharply.  “I don’t think it’s anyone’s business but mine,” he said glaring at the team.
 
“You mean to have it?” Tosh said.
 
“I mean it’s not your business, it’s mine,” Owen hissed.
 
“How did it happen, do you know?” Gwen said.  “You and Jack didn’t…”
 
“No we bloody didn’t,” Owen said in disgust.  “My oestrogen levels are elevated so whatever it is in him that gave me life was full of the damn stuff.”
 
“It’s in the water,” Jack said with a shrug, “the whole of the twenty first century is swimming in it.  From the scans we were taking before Owen freaked out…”
 
“I’m pregnant,” Owen interrupted, “excuse me for taking some time to adjust.”
 
“From the scans,” Jack repeated patiently, “it looks like his body is accommodating the changes, making a pocket for the embryo to survive in.”
 
“I need a drink,” Owen said.
 
“Water,” Ianto said.  He shrugged at the girl’s surprise and Owen’s annoyance.  “No stimulants or alcohol while you’re pregnant.”
 
“Bloody hell,” Owen moaned.
 
“Owen you’re talking like you’re considering carrying it,” Jack said his head tilted as he considered Owen’s words.
 
“I don’t know,” Owen yelled, “It’s not like this is something I ever considered happening and believe me I’ve considered a lot of shit since joining this place.”  He got up and headed for the medical bay.  “Just fuck off,” he said when Jack made to follow him.
 
“What happens now?” Gwen said in the silence.
 
“That’s up to Owen,” Jack replied.
 
“You’re taking this all rather well,” Tosh said to him.
 
“Won’t be my first male pregnancy,” Jack said, “first for this century maybe, but just you wait.  There are planets out there of only one sex; others that think humans are weird for only have one person carry a child, even some that brew their offspring in a vat.  It doesn’t take humanity long to get the hang of things.  The universe is a big place kids, spend enough time and you’ll see everything.”
 
“Some of us don’t have that luxury,” Ianto said absently.  He was scribbling notes on a piece of paper.  “We should probably see if UNIT will spare Martha again, although how we’ll explain it without them wanting to cut Owen open I’m not sure.”
 
“You’ll think of something,” Jack said with admiration.
 
“I must say,” Tosh said, “you’re taking this rather well Ianto.”
 
“Last month Gwen was pregnant to an alien vampire,” Ianto replied, “before that Jack brought Owen halfway back and finally kissed him fully back to life.  This is Torchwood.”
 
“But you and Jack?” Tosh looked between both men.
 
“What about me and Jack?” Ianto asked mildly.
 
Jack turned his attention back from where Owen was very loudly putting things away in the medical bay and looked at Ianto quizzically.
 
“Well as a couple,” Tosh began but she blushed and stammered to a halt.
 
“As a team,” Jack stressed, “we will support Owen whatever decision he makes and do whatever it takes.  Just like we will when any of the team has a baby,” he said looking significantly at Gwen.
 
“Normal Torchwood procedure is a pension and retcon,” Ianto said, “but that may be difficult if Owen is the mother.”
 
“Not necessarily,” Jack said, “solo father recovering from the tragic death of his wife in childbirth, moves away from all the memories to start again.”
 
“Sounds like you’ve already put some thought into this,” Ianto said.
 
“Got to be ready for everything,” Jack said with a wry grin.
 
Tosh slipped away and went to see Owen leaving the others to alternate between discussing options and disbelieving Jack’s stories.
 
“I’m really not in the mood Tosh,” Owen said when she came down the stairs.
 
“I just wanted to make sure you’re alright,” Tosh said.
 
“How can I be alright Tosh?” Owen said, his fingers biting into the edge of the gurney, “I’m fucking pregnant.  Men are not supposed to get pregnant and especially not me.”
 
“Why not you?” Tosh said and Owen looked at her in surprise.
 
“I’m a fuck up Tosh, everyone knows that, and this job isn’t exactly the sort to raise a child with.  Hell I’ve died once already, no kid deserves to be an orphan, or deserves to have me as its father.  What the hell do I know about fathers?”
 
“You’re a good man Owen Harper, you’d be a good father,” Tosh said.
 
“Bollocks,” Owen replied, “I’m barely a passable human being.  Too bloody intelligent to know what I’m doing.”
 
“I think you’ll do fine and we’ll all help.”
 
“I’m not a charity case.”
 
“No, you’re our friend, although god knows why sometimes.”  Tosh reached out and touched his arm briefly.  “Whatever you decide we’ll support you.”
 

Six weeks
 
Owen sat slumped in his chair staring at his reflection in the blank screen.  Ianto placed a cup of coffee in front of him.
 
“You can have one coffee a day or two teas,” Ianto said to Owen’s look of surprise, “I did some research.”
 
“Oh thank god,” Owen said.  He brought the cup up to his nose and inhaled.
 
“Or you could just inhale and not swallow,” Ianto quipped.  “You’re keeping it aren’t you?”
 
“Yeah,” Owen said.  He put the cup down.  “Best not risk it.  The research doesn’t really cover my situation.”
 
“Shame you can’t get into the medical journals really,” Ianto said.
 
“Psych ward more like,” Owen said.  “You’re not going to talk me out of it then?”
 
“Not my place.  Just… why?”
 
“I took an oath to preserve life, if my own life isn’t at risk how can I justify ending one?  Besides, I’d always expected to have a family then aliens happened,” Owen said, “I’ve died once already and Torchwood doesn’t have a stellar survival rate for people or relationships so I gave up on the idea.  We might be protecting the Earth but we don’t always do the right thing.  This might be my one chance to leave something positive behind, something to be proud of.”
 
Ianto nodded; there wasn’t much you could say to that.
 

Five months
 
Owen growled as he sipped on his herbal maternity tea.  It tasted like shit but apparently had all the appropriate nutrients his body needed for his scientifically impossible magic bloody baby.
 
He was on enforced light duties after it was proven in rather dramatic fashion that his balance was screwed.  The male centre of balance was all wrong for carrying a baby and he’d stumbled while chasing a Weevil down an alleyway, twisted to avoid damaging the foetus and tripped Gwen up on the way down.  The resulting tangle of limbs had got in the way of Jack following and the Weevil escaping to menace a group of club goers who didn’t freak out only because it was nothing to what they had been dancing to.
 
It was enough for Jack to banish Owen to the Hub and he hated it as much as he had hated it when he was dead.  But he’d seen the scientifically impossible magic baby on the medical scanners and it was real now.  So he was catching up on a lot of overdue reports much to Ianto’s delight and doing the occasional autopsy when Jack declared it safe.
 
Martha had visited and complimented him on his glow, confirmed all his scans and promised to be there for the birth unless UNIT had sent her to America again.  Owen was still insisting he was perfectly capable of being the Torchwood doctor no matter how pregnant he got and everyone decided to agree to prevent another tantrum.
 
“Don’t forget to pee in a cup later,” Ianto said dropping a stack of files in front of him.
 
“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?” Owen accused.
 
“Having you pee in a cup?  Not really.”
 
“Me humiliating myself.”
 
“In the past this would have amused me, but you’re coping remarkably well with something I know I couldn’t.”
 
“I beg your pardon?”
 
“I doubt I would have handled being pregnant,” Ianto admitted.
 
“What no dreams of picket fences and two point four kids with Jack?” Owen raised a questioning eyebrow.
 
“While Jack would be, and has been, a good father aside from the not getting older thing, I doubt I would be.” Ianto smiled wryly.
 
“But you’re practically a fucking housewife as it is,” Owen said.
 
“Thank you,” Ianto said dryly, “but liking things to be tidy doesn’t give anyone paternal or maternal feelings.  We’ve seen you with kids Owen and you do alright.  My only skill is an open wallet and that only works when they’re old enough to be mercenary.”
 
“That could actually be a compliment,” Owen said, “wait a minute what do you mean has been a good father?”
 
“That’s Jack’s story,” Ianto replied.  “I will confess though that your expression when you drink that tea does cheer me up.”
 
“That’s cause my piss would taste better,” Owen griped letting Ianto distract him.
 
“I could make you a cocoa,” Ianto said, “The benefits of cocoa and milk far outweigh any caffeine it might have.”
 
“Oh thank god,” Owen said, “I would kill for a decent cocoa.  Actually I’d kill for a beer right about now.  I miss beer and shagging, god I miss shagging.”
 
“You weren’t shagging before you knew you were pregnant.”
 
“How do you know that?”
 
“You haven’t used your smug bastard I got shagged walk since Jack brought you back properly.”
 
“I have a walk?”
 
“Well a strut really.  It’s Jack’s fault, he has a walk for all occasions and we’ve all taken to copying him.  Wait till the others get back,” Ianto added, “You’ll know how it went before they open their mouths.”
 
Jack looked at Owen and Ianto oddly when he returned.  The two men were laughing too loud and sharing an expression that suggested plotting had occurred.  Neither would tell him anything though but he was just glad that the pregnancy hadn’t damaged their improved relationship.  Getting along with the man carrying the baby your boyfriend caused was a challenge few men would cope with.
 

Six Months
 
“What the bloody hell was I thinking?” Owen raged at Jack, “Why did you do this to me?”
 
“It wasn’t on purpose,” Jack said, “I was bringing you back to life.”
 
“I’m bloody pregnant,” Owen said, “my ankles are swollen, my body is playing merry hell with me and I’m going to have a baby.”
 
“Isn’t it fantastic?” Jack said jovially.
 
Owen growled and then sighed.  “I don’t know what it is Jack, I really don’t.”
 
“You’re doing fine,” Jack said, “better than I did.”
 
“Only you would do this on purpose,” Owen said.  He’d finally got the whole story out of Jack one night after a full breakdown at what he was doing.  Some days it helped and others it just made him hate Jack that little bit more.
 
He still wavered between complete panic and rage, waking up from nightmares drenched in sweat thinking about all the terrible things that could happen.  He still questioned his own sanity half a dozen times a day and he found himself talking to the foetus at random times much to the team’s amusement.
 
All of the team had attempted to comfort him but surprisingly perhaps it was Jack and Ianto that got through to him the easiest, although Tosh seemed to know exactly when he needed a biscuit.
 

Seven months
 
“The universe has an awful sense of humour,” Ianto mentioned as Owen lumbered past.
 
“You what?” Owen demanded as he lowered himself onto the sofa.
 
“Assuming you do a full human term you’ve got two months left before you give birth.”
 
“Don’t fucking remind me,” Owen groaned, “I’m already huge. So?”
 
“What’s in two months?”
 
Owen thought for a moment and then dropped his head into his hands.  “Ha bloody ha.”
 
“A Christmas baby,” Ianto chuckled.
 
“Well I’ll be damned if I’m giving birth in a cave.  The Hub will have to do.”
 
“The Hub,” Ianto said without surprise.
 
“I’m sure as hell not having a home birth or explaining this to the local hospital.” Owen waved irritably at his expanding middle.
 
“You’ll need a properly sterile area,” Ianto said his brain already making plans.  “Clean linens, equipment on standby just in case.  Do you know if ah… your body is preparing for the birth?”
 
“I’ve got moobs,” Owen said morosely, “why not the rest of the package?”
 
“Moobs?” Ianto looked at him.
 
“I’m going to lactate okay.  The mammary glands have expanded so I’m a fucking A cup already, and I’m not telling you what’s happened to my family jewels.”
 
“I don’t want to know,” Ianto said in horror backing away a step.
 
“Well it’s not like I can bloody use them for anything except pissing which I am still doing far too often.”
 
“Too much information,” Ianto protested.
 
“It’s alright for women,” Owen went on, ignoring Ianto’s protests, “They’re built for this, my internal organs are being pushed and shoved around to make room for things I shouldn’t have and if Jack asks me about names one more time I’ll make damn sure he can’t inflict this on anyone else male or female.  Come to that if Cooper says it’s just my hormones one more time I’ll add her to the list as bloody well.”
 
“Should I be relieved that Tosh and I aren’t on this list, or are we?”
 
“Tosh is fine, she brought me biscuits and you’re pretty safe considering you should be more pissed off at what happened than anyone.”
 
“Because of me and Jack?”
 
“Well yeah.  He is your boyfriend or partner or whatever word you want to give it.”
 
“We’re nothing like that not really.” Ianto looked away uncomfortably.
 
“Well fuck buddy then.  It can’t be easy to think he’s going to be a daddy again in a roundabout way.”
 
“You might have fuck buddies Owen but I certainly don’t.  Jack needs me and I…”
 
“Need to be needed.  Yeah even my short intern in the Psych ward picked that up.  But it has to be more.  We all saw how obsessive you were with Lisa; you’re not the type for casual hook ups.”
 
“I was before Lisa, she changed everything and then Canary Wharf changed it again.”
 
“Then Jack?”
 
“Then Jack.  You know what he’s like, it’s easy to get carried away by him and of course the sex is amazing.”
 
“Thanks.” Owen scowled at the look on Ianto’s face.  “Didn’t need that image when I can’t even have sex.  Actually I don’t ever want to have that image.”
 
“Fair enough, I don’t want you imagining Jack and I having sex either.  Let’s just sort out what you’re going to need on hand and I’ll make sure we have it.”
 

 

Eight months
 
“Jack if you follow me to the bathroom one more time I will shoot you.”  Owen tried to storm past Jack but his stomach got in the way so he settled for glaring.
 
“You’re getting close to term Owen,” Jack said, “The desire to go to the toilet could be labour pains.”
 
“I am the fucking doctor here Jack, I do know what to expect.”
 
They both jumped when the baby kicked.  Owen was right up in Jack’s face as he did when he was annoyed and his stomach was pressed against Jack’s thigh.
 
“That’s our boy,” Jack said with delight.  He quickly knelt and rested one hand on Owen’s stomach.
 
“Oh for god’s sake,” Owen said with a huff, “you might as well go ahead but if you kiss my stomach again baby won’t be the only one kicking you.”
 
Jack grinned.  “Hey little man, it’s your daddy Jack.  Don’t you worry about your daddy Owen; he’s just a little grumpy today.”  He let his head rest against Owen’s stomach.  “Our boy knows how to Rumba,” he added with another grin.
 
“Please don’t say that,” Owen sighed.
 
“Say what?”
 
“Our boy.  It’s disturbing.”
 
“Whatever happens, Owen, you and I have made the life inside you and that’s an incredible thing.  It shouldn’t have happened and we still don’t know how but it is a miracle and this child will be loved and always protected.”  Jack’s face was serious as he stood and Owen nodded.
 
Owen blinked, “Okay, Oh…well at least I can get out of these hideous tracksuit pants.”
 
“What? Oh,” Jack said.  “You’re in labour?”
 
“I’m in labour.”  Owen grabbed hold of Jack’s arm.  “Help me to the medical bay and don’t even think of suggesting you carry me.”
 
Jack tapped his earpiece and put a supporting arm around Owen’s waist.  “Ianto it’s happening,” he said urgently, “I’m bringing Owen to the med bay, get everything ready.”
 
“Fast,” Owen said as he buckled under a contraction.
 
“Fast,” Jack repeated.
 
Jack and Ianto helped Owen onto the gurney while Gwen and Tosh laid out the equipment Owen had written down in large letters on the wall.
 
“They’re coming too fast,” Owen gasped, “I need someone to check if there is any way this is happening naturally.”  He struggled out of his pants and Ianto draped a sheet over his groin.
 
All four looked at each other nervously as they realised what Owen was asking.
 
“Bloody hell,” Owen swore, “I gave up my modesty when I joined this place, you’ve all seen my dead naked body so you might as well see everything.”  He lifted his knees up, “since I doubt Martha will be able to get here in time somebody has to do it.”
 
Jack moved around and peered between them.  “Unless it’s planning on coming out your ass there’s nothing,” he said bluntly.
 
“Caesarean it is then,” Owen replied calmly, “Tosh you’re going to have to do it.  Use a local so I can advise.  Ianto you can help.”
 
“Why us?” Tosh asked.
 
“You’re the only one with anything resembling medical training and Ianto’s got a steady hand,” he said, “I’m not letting Harkness near me, god knows what he’d do and Gwen’s going to be playing cameraman.”
 
“I am?”
 
“You are.  I need to be able to see what’s going on so link it to the main monitor.  Anyway I want this documented just in case one day I have to make my fortune on the talk show circuit.”  Owen joked but another contraction stopped the humour.  “Hurry up before the kid decide to make his own exit,” he added as he gasped for breath.
 
Tosh was already preparing the epidural block and if her hands were shaking Ianto didn’t mention it as he took the syringe from her and rolled Owen over to jab it into one not so bony hip.
 
“You enjoyed that didn’t you?” Owen said to Ianto.
 
“It was only a little prick you should be used to that,” Ianto said looking significantly at Owen’s sheet covered groin.
 
“Shut up and shave me,” Owen retorted.
 
“Now this is something I can do,” Jack said gleefully.  He snagged the disposable razor from the tray and smiled at Owen, “Trust me I dated a barber once.  Nice guy, shame about the throat cutting thing.”
 
“Shut up Jack,” Owen and Ianto chorused.
 
Jack chuckled and expertly shaved Owen’s upper groin area.
 
“Right,” Owen peered down, “Tosh you’ll need to cut about an inch above the hairline, straight across and right through the muscle.  The baby feels like it’s tucked in behind my stomach and above my intestines.  I’d like to avoid septicaemia so be careful.”
 
“I don’t think I can do it,” Tosh said.
 
“Do you trust me Owen?” Jack asked taking the scalpel out of Tosh’s shaking hand.
 
“Guess I have to,” Owen said as another contraction rippled across his stomach.  “Let’s get this show on the road before it goes all alien on me.  Tosh, show him where to cut.”
 
In the end Jack did most of the work with Tosh acting as nurse.  Jack pulled the entire pouch out before breaking the membrane to release the baby.  It was a baby too much to everyone’s relief.  Jack laid him on Owen’s chest while Ianto wielded the laser repair device to seal up the hole in Owen’s abdomen.
 
“Are you going to feed him?” Jack said to Owen who screwed up his face.
 
“Not with an audience no,” Owen said, “so piss off the lot of you and come back when I’m done.  Oi you lot,” he added as they trooped out, “thanks.”
 
Owen looked down at the slightly slimy blood covered form that snuffled around his nipple and smiled wryly.  “Welcome to the insanity,” he said, “God I wish I knew what I was doing.”  He tucked the sheet around them both and wondered briefly if he could keep the breasts because they really were quite sensitive and he rather liked it.
 
 “Somebody better get him cleaned up and in something warm,” Owen said as the team clattered back down, “Eoin’s a bit little to do it himself.”
 
“It’s nice to have traditions,” Ianto said as Gwen happily took Eoin.  “It could have been Jesus if he’d waited a bit longer.”
 
Owen laughed and then winced as tender muscles protested.
 
“Traditions?” Jack said to Ianto.
 
“Eoin is another form of John,” Ianto said, “as is Ianto, Owen and Jack.”
 
“You’re all called John?” Tosh chuckled.
 
“I’m surprised nobody else noticed,” Owen said, “too late now, he looks like an Eoin.”
 
“Hello Eoin Harper,” Gwen said softly.  Jack went over to the other side and watched as she carefully bathed and dried him before putting him into one of the stretch and grows she’d purchased when Ianto had refused point blank to shop for them after the wedding gown debacle.
 
Jack took Eoin out of Gwen’s hands and held him while Ianto helped Owen struggle into a clean pair of pants.
 
“We got you these,” Ianto said solemnly when Owen was settled carefully up on the sofa, handing over a parcel wrapped in baby blue paper.  Jack was still holding Eoin and seemed quite content to continue.  Tosh had dashed away and returned with a bottle and glasses.
 
“We picked up some non-alcoholic champagne to celebrate,” she said.  Ianto took the bottle and deftly opened it.
 
“Oh very funny,” Owen said when he pulled out a maternity bra and milk pump.
 
It was the most relaxed the team had ever been and Jack would treasure the memories later.
 
It was the scar Owen was never ashamed of even if he could never tell any of the women he picked up about it.  The nanny he hired assumed he was a widower and he didn’t bother to correct her, she seemed to accept his erratic hours as normal for a doctor anyway.
 
“Your father was a good man,” Jack said to the ten year old boy, “not always nice but a good man.  I know you didn’t really get a chance to know him but I promised him I would take care of that.”
 
“You’re the man who doesn’t get older,” Eoin said to Jack’s surprise.  “Dad left me letters.  He said you’d visit,” the boy’s voice was slightly accusing.  Eoin had been three when his father and Uncle Ianto died so didn’t remember Jack’s first disappearance, and six when his adoptive mother Gwen had lost her life in a battle with too many Weevils leaving Rhys behind to raise Eoin and their own daughter Sian.  Rhys had very nearly refused to let Jack see Eoin when he’d turned up, reminding him he’d not even stayed for the funeral that time.
 
“I’m sorry, I had to go away for a while, but I’m back now.” It had taken Jack longer than Eoin would ever know to come back to Earth again.  He’d almost not returned after losing Ianto and Owen and Gwen had been one too many for his heart at the time.  His heart had healed, it would always heal or he’d stop being human.
 
“Since you know I’m not getting any older you know I will always be there for you, just like I promised your dad.”
 
Eoin nodded sharply, a gesture so like his father that Jack had to fight back more tears.  Jack always knew he’d outlive any team he built but it still hurt to remember how he’d lost them all one by one.  He tried to savour the good memories and it was those he would share with Eoin.  This boy would never be sacrificed to any alien or human come to that.  This boy would live to raise a family of his own and just maybe there would be a place in it for Uncle Jack the man who never stayed dead to visit and tell tall tales.
 

END