Work Text:
Sentinel
repost
Low / Return
Blair leaves Cascade after the press conference, but returns
Low
Blair is left the loft and Jim is realizing what he is truly feeling
Then : Echoes that haunt the loft
"I want you out of the loft now."
Jim would have to learn to live with that statement that he had told his Guide and friend after learning that Blair's dissertation was being published.
Now: Two months later after the press conference:
Jim walked into the loft. It was quiet, like it had been the last two months. Dropping his keys into the basket, remembering that it was a habit he had learned to get into because of his roommate. Man how things changed then, and how things had changed now.
Hanging his winter coat on the peg, he headed to the kitchen. He needed a drink. He pulled out a cold beer out of the fridge, flipping the cap off and flicking it to the garbage can to join the rest of the caps that were accumulating.
Not bothering to find any dinner, Jim went to the living room and sat down on the couch, letting the weariness of the day sag off his shoulders.
Man he missed Blair. Why did he tell him to go? Why did he let his old insecurities get the best of him, again? Why did he have to tell the people who tried to love him, to leave?
Simple answer to that one; because he was scared, scared of what people thought of him, what the public thought of him if they knew what had been told to them was a lie was really the truth. He was a sentinel, a man with heightened senses. He could smell what other’s couldn’t, hear far away conversations, taste every ingredient he ate, felt the individual grooves on a surface, and see small print of a book hundred of yards away.
Blair had brought it to the forefront and he had gotten scared. And being the man he was, Jim threw him out, again.
Sitting back he closed his eyes. His head hurt, a dull throb that had never quite left since Blair himself had left the loft, since there was no more grounding heartbeat to keep him settled.
Jim reached forward and found the entertainment remote and hit the stereo button, turning on the radio. The silence was the worst thing for him; with having Blair in his life he had learned now what a precious music it had been to his ears.
*And now for the follow up hit by American Idol Kelly Clarkson, Low*
Jim closed his eyes and brought the beer to his lips, drinking in the cold bitter liquid.
Everybody’s talking
But they don’t say a thing
They look at me with sad eyes
But I don’t want their sympathy
It’s cool you didn’t want me
Sometimes you can’t go back
By why’d you have to go
And make a mess like that
Well I just have say before I let go
Jim could see Blair in his mind's eye. Why did he go? Why didn't he fight with him to stay home? This was his home. He knew that.
The dissertation mess, Blair did the only he could do. How much did he sacrifice for him? His whole life's work, gone. Yes, Blair how could make a mess like that.
Have you ever been low
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know
Were you left out in the cold
‘Cause what you did was low
Yes, I have let a friend down. I let you down. You didn't let the truth come out but in the end you were left out in the cold. You left your home. You left me, your best friend. Maybe I was the last to know.
No I don’t need your number
There’s nothing left to say
‘Cept I never thought it’d
Hurt this much to be saved
My friends are outside waiting
I’ve gotta go
The day you left you told me you turned off your cell phone, you had no money to keep it.
You looked at me with those sad blue eyes, like there was nothing left. Was there anything left? I wonder sometimes.
I heard the honk of the horn; you had a friend taking you to the bus station. One of the few people that still talked to you.
Don't go, please don't go.
Have you ever been low
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know
Were you left out in the cold
‘Cause what you did was low
I walk out of this darkness
With no sense of regret
And I go with a clear conscience
We both know that you can’t say that
This to show for all the time I loved you so
Have you ever been low
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know
Were you left out in the cold
‘Cause what you did was low
The song ended and went onto another selection but Jim remained still, remembering the song's lyrics.
Cold. Sandburg was out in the cold. Jim shook his head. How Blair hated the cold. Maybe he went to warmer climates. I don't know. Where did you go?
How could I be so low?
Low
(Jimmy Harry)
© EMI Virgin Music, Inc./Whorga Music (ASCAP)
Return
Three years after the Dissertation news conference.
Sitting in his four-door sedan, parked on the street across from the Cascade PD, Blair Sandburg took a deep cleansing breath. He looked across the street and looked at headquarters. He had come full circle in both his agony and his quest. He was back where he had started. Now it was time to see what had truly changed, and what had remained the same at what he thought of fondly as his family home.
He put his hand on his leather satchel that sat in the passenger seat and took another deep breath. He checked his mirror for traffic and exited the car.
With his head held high, he walked into the foyer of the station and approached the duty clerk. After three years of being away, he had established contact with Simon via e-mail. With Simon's help he was able to accomplish much this last year. The last steps of his return could not have been done without his help. Blair could only hope that Jim would appreciate it what he had done.
The young female clerk looked up at him and smiled. "How can I help you?
"Simon Banks, of Major Crimes, has me on the list for a visitors pass." He handed his picture ID of himself from California.
She looked at the picture then to Blair and nodded; she looked down her list and found Blair's name on the list of expected visitors for the day. She returned Blair's license and then handed him a clip-on visitor’s pass.
Blair made his way down the hall to the elevators. He got on to one, and found himself in an empty car. As it ascended, he took another deep breath. He was about to step back into the bullpen, a place he fondly remembered. He hoped that he had been forgiven and the news he had to tell would be greatly accepted.
The doors opened and he stepped out. He looked into the bullpen and could see that little had changed on the surface. Detectives were on the phone, filing reports, interviewing witnesses. Along the back wall, he could see Jim having a friendly conversation with his computer.
As he stepped through the pen, making his way across the room, people stopped what they were doing. The older realm recognized him and the new guys were wondering what was stopping the others.
As Blair approached Jim's desk, he could hear Jim muttering at his computer. "Come on you son of a bitch. I know I saved the Carson report. I saved it twice so you couldn't eat it this time." He clicked around trying to find the missing report. "I refuse to type it in again."
Blair smiled, remembering back to times when Jim had done just that, trying to find a lost file on his computer. "Why don't you open the history record on you computer and find it from there."
Jim clicked on the icon and found the missing Carson file. Jim's scowl changed to a smile when the report opened. Looking up, he started to say, "Thanks for the advise, I was ready to...." Jim stopped when he saw who had given him the advice.
Not trusting himself to state the obvious, he stood up and slowly moved around to the front of his desk. He looked at Blair and slowly smiled. He looked from the floor and up Blair's body to see what had changed and not. Overall Blair was still a shade on the skinny side, but he held himself tighter than he had previously. Jim looked over what he was wearing, dressed in new dark blue jeans; the crease had yet been worn out of them, a crisp white oxford shirt, and with a tweed jacket to keep him warm. Blair's hair was much shorter than he had ever seen it but he wore two studded earrings where he normally had seen hoops. Jim reached out and hugged the smaller man to him. "Blair," he whispered.
The detectives throughout the pen watched as Jim hugged Blair. The old guard smiled, liking that the kid had returned. The new guard wondered what the fuss was about.
Tim O'Malley came up to Rafe, "Who's that?"
"Blair Sandburg."
"That's him?"
"That's him."
Simon came out of his office and smiled as his eyes looked to see Jim hugging Blair. This was a good start. Now if everything went as smoothly it was going to be a great day for Major Crimes and especially Jim Ellison.
Simon looked over to Rhonda and asked, "Call the Commissioner and ask him to come to the conference room." Simon turned his attention back to Jim. "Ellison, let the kid breath will ya."
Jim let go of Blair reluctantly; wondering if he did that Blair would disappear.
Sensing the trepidation from Jim, Blair looked up at Jim. "I'm real Big guy."
"Just checking," Jim said lowly. He was well aware of everyone watching them. "Before we get into all this, I want to tell you I'm sorry."
"I know Jim," Blair looked up his friend, "I know that man. Wait till you hear what I have to say. I have some announcements to make."
Simon smiled. He knew what Blair had to say. After getting himself together, Blair started planning his return, his return to Cascade, and his sentinel. Simon knew the journey had not been easy, but he was here.
"Rafe, Henri, Joel, Rhonda, Meagan, Jim, conference room please."
The old guard moved to the conference room smiling in seeing their friend Sandburg back.
Blair stopped short of the door and smiled at Simon. "You're a sight for sore eyes," Blair told him. "You don't know how many times I nearly gave up on this. If it wasn't for you and your emails, I think I would have gone somewhere else."
"No you wouldn't. You need him as bad as he needs you. My question is, was it worth it?" Simon asked.
Blair stayed quiet a moment, then looked into the conference room, seeing Jim, seeing those blue eyes watching him and Blair smiled. "Every moment Simon."
"Then let's get this show on the road."
They entered the room and the conversation stopped as Blair stood before the long table.
Jim noticed that Blair was a bit nervous but he gave a determined look. He looked around the table, to his friends. "Three years can go by quick," Blair started out saying.
"Three years can be an eternity too," Jim pointed out.
Blair nodded to that. "I can so understand that." He smiled and laid his satchel on the table. "Guess you want to know what I did in the time since I left here?"
A group consensus said 'yes.'
"The first six months was pure hell. I had no money, only what I could carry in two duffel bags and no transportation. I didn't care what I did and how I acted. I had a few close calls but in the end I ran into an old friend of Naomi's. He had heard about the dissertation disaster and offered me a place to stay, to think."
He smiled at the group. "I spent six months of clearing my mind and making new plans. I may have lost the round but I was going to make the fight."
He looked to Meagan, then to Simon and Jim. "You three knew the truth, the rest of you suspected. You had to. Why would Simon put up with me for four years?"
"We thought lion tamer was part of your duties," Henri answered.
"Blair Sandburg, lion tamer." He smiled in memory of the stories people told about Jim in his pre-Blair days. "Well, it's only fair now to say that truth be told. Jim Ellison is a Sentinel, a man with five heightened senses."
"We know that now Hairboy."
Blair continued on, wanting to realize some of the stress he saw in Jim. He just confirmed with everyone that he was a Sentinel. But what he had to say would be music to his ears, a relief to some of the pressures they had once lived under. "At the time, we thought Jim was the only one. We were scared about the government finding out. What would they do with someone like that? Was it worth the risk? At the time, no.
"I had to do the conference, had to say it was all false.
"Anyway, after picking myself up, I went to Los Angeles. I found some interesting things in LA. One, there are others like Jim. Some with four senses, many with three, as we knew, but there are a few out there with all five. They work in jobs that are like you, police officers, security, private eyes, even a few in other government jobs. And they are acknowledged by their workplace. And two, the government knows about these people. There is documentation back from the forties that tried to develop a program for them, but they found with the lack of co-operation and finding them a 'helper' the people zoned out to easily and were not able to complete their assignments. Our worst fears were totally unfounded." Blair smiled.
"Jim, you're free. Free of the fear of using your senses, hiding from the powers that be. There are others in the same position as you and are welcomed. It's my goal to help those who are in the same position, to help educate those around them so your talents are not wasted but relished.
"With that said, I did six months of additional research with my new test subjects, contacted Dr. Stoddard, and got in UCLA. I resubmitted my original thesis with additional information.
"Eight months ago, I received my doctorate."
Applause fired up around the room. Blair held up his hand, he still had much to say.
"I took the publishing company to court and got a nice undisclosed sum. Let's say that I'm able to fund a few projects that I have been planning for a long time to help those Sentinels to be. I also took Ranier to court and I am currently waiting for the outcome of that issue."
A knock came to the door and Simon got up. Commissioner Baines entered.
Simon looked to the crowd and picked up on Blair's story. "As you know. I've been in communication with Blair for two years, letting you know that he was alive. Part of his grand plan was to be able to get back here, to be with Jim."
Jim looked surprised.
Blair looked at his friend. "One of the things I learned from the other Sentinels is that you need your guide, the person that helped you work at you maximum. I know Simon and Conner did their best but you need the key. We all know who your key is."
"A neo-hippy witch doctor," Henri commented.
"Well, neo-hippy, yes, witch doctor is a complete misnomer."
Everyone laughed at that.
"The only way we could get Blair back in the department was to make him officially one of us." Simon conveyed, and then turned to Blair. "You are looking at the top cadet from Los Angeles Academy."
Jim stood up and walked over to Blair. "The hair?"
"Only for the academy man." Blair ran his hair through the shortened hair. "Simon told me I could grow it back."
"Within reason," Simon mumbled.
Commissioner Baines cleared his throat. "Captain Banks came to me six months ago and told me the whole saga and documented statements from LA and San Diego. We worked with Dr. Sandburg in getting his credentials in order.
"I was able to commission a position that required a full officer, but the flexibility of what Dr. Sandburg needs to assist other sense heightened persons." The commissioner pulled out a leather wallet. "Before your peers and your Captain, I would like to extend this offer to you."
Jim looked to see that Blair had a badge with his name on it for Cascade. "Chief?" he asked.
Simon smiled. "LA took it fairly hard that they couldn't keep him. Did great in all his classes, even marksmanship."
Blair turned to Jim and stated what he had wanted to say for the last year. "I'm back. I'm back home."
Jim thought of that. Home was the loft, near the waterfront, Cascade, and the PD. Blair had planned, and executed a plan to return to a place that once had turned their back on him.
"Why?" Jim asked, unsure why Blair would have gone to such troubles.
"Because you need me. One thing I learned from your counterparts, that you need to be comfortable to perform your best. After I got my act together, the only thing I felt was a burn inside me. I knew the only way I could appease it was to return here, to be by your side. If you'll have me."
Jim looked around the room. He already knew the feelings of the others in the room. "It will be good to have you as a partner." Jim smiled and noted, "You're back were you belong."