DISTRACTION

Occasionally his habit of listening to the voice of a contestant whilst looking elsewhere was being challenged by one particular contestant, a male singer by the name of Ryan Seacrest, who was the very person under discussion.

It’s just that he was seldom granted the opportunity to look upon the young hopeful, as the judges’ interactions with the contestants were extremely limited, mainly reduced to having the literal and figurative judges table between them as well as something that passed for a stage.

In this theater, they had a real stage, for this was Hollywood Week, as it was called, when the Golden Ticketed contestants converged for IDOL boot camp, and only the serious, the talented, and the determined would survive. If you didn’t have all three quantities in substantive proportion, you may as well go home.

The infamous Hollywood Week separated the gold from the dross, comprising a few days of furious as well as tiresome auditions.

Unfortunately along with the few gems that were discovered the judges were forced to tolerate or be entertained by the nonsense contestants to be put forth as objects of ridicule. But as the American host of the show, Brian Dunkleman, always said about the television audience, “This is what they pay for.”

Following the issuance of the golden tickets, that standard barrier granting continued access to fame and fortune, there was a break, then the contestants and judges set up shop again in Los Angeles, for a major weeding out of the applicants to superstardom, with the notion eventually after a few months, the voting public would have settled upon the anointed ones, the two who’d battle for the title. At this point it was considered a given the top five would be granted a recording contract, but there were always surprises.

This Hollywood round was perhaps the most serious business the judges had to contend with during the course of the show, because they had the responsibility of narrowing the contestants down to the relative few who would be set before the voting public. These few days were exhaustive as well as tedious, as the same songs would be sung over and over or the same themes explored. This point was the last opportunity for the contestants to impress the judges, and if they didn’t do well, they might have used up any goodwill carried over from a memorable audition.

All this consideration was why there were various types of auditions now, including the loathed group numbers, which ordinarily wouldn’t apply to people lining up to be star attractions. But the group numbers provided the judges the opportunity to rate how serious the contestants were about this opportunity, how tough they are to withstand the pressures that came with the time constraints.

The most amazing thing to all the judges was how often the contestants lost their minds, as there was no other explanation for why they so frequently failed to remember the lyrics to songs they were given hours to memorize, and the judges had neither the time nor the temperament to babysit.

Additionally, the group numbers – more than the solos - allowed the judges an opportunity to rate the contestants on how they moved on-stage, how they stacked up against their fellows in terms of stage presence and determination.

This last point is where contestant Ryan Seacrest outshone his group partners, as he didn’t sing the best, but there was enough ammunition provided Simon felt he could make a legitimate case for Ryan making it to the next round.

The judges had already arrived at unanimous decisions on the other members of Ryan’s trio and the future wasn’t looking good for those applicants – the ones Brian would term “the losers” over dinner tonight - but when it came to Ryan there was some discussion. The judges were debating his fate as they huddled at the table as contestants perched behind them in the theater and the trio down front gazed at them from the stage.

Simon had already pointed out the obvious, “He didn’t forget the lyrics,” but he had no problem pressing the point. Hollywood Week, in his opinion, really did separate the gold from the dross, and there was a lot of gold in Ryan’s hair.

Paula insisted, “He’s cute, but nothing special in the vocals. He goes tinny, like he can’t hear himself.”

“He’s just not strong enough,” Randy put in. “I wouldn’t mind someone younger; he’s pushing the age limit,” he pointed out.

“He has charisma, though,” Simon had already armed that weapon and now he aimed it.

Randy conceded, “I agree on the charisma. It’s hard to notice those other guys he was singing with. Not a bad dancer either; the boy can move.” He told Paula, “I was probably looking at him as much as Simon was.”

Simon stressed the point, “The audience is going to be bored by some of these singers.”

“They weren’t bored by Kelly,” Randy reminded him of the first season winner.

After all, Randy and Paula had been the ones impressed with the first IDOL, it was Simon who didn’t see anything special to her. Of course he’d had to own up to it rather than re-write history. The girl was dynamite once in front of the audience.

“You’re proving my case for me,” Simon shrugged, grinning. He didn’t always get his way, but usually. “I wasn’t impressed with her until after we went live.” At this stage, he’d barely known the ultimate winner of IDOL. He should thank his fellow judge for providing him the justification on Ryan.

Only Paula was awake again. “But we’re supposed to be looking for the best singer. He’s not the best; he won’t win this. I don’t think he has some secret formula going on. He’s a hard worker, and he’s certainly taking this seriously,” was her dig at some of the other contestants who’d effectively blown the opportunity granted them. “But we’re supposed to be focusing on the winner and I don’t think he has a chance of making it to the finale, maybe not the top twelve.” Paula allowed, “I admit he’s probably better than a lot of the others we’ve sent home, so it’s not a problem he’s made it this far. It’s technique he’s lacking, not showmanship.”

Simon pointed out, “He can learn technique.”

“He’s not a strong singer; he’s very pitchy,” Randy recalled, thinking back. As the only musician present, he was qualified as to attesting which contestants were on key, in tune, etc., as opposed to Simon, who didn’t have a tin ear, but was an amateur nonetheless. “He was like that at the audition, and he did it again this time. I think he carefully chose this song so it minimized his weaknesses.”

Paula owned, “Well, that’s smart.”

“Maybe too smart,” Randy smirked.

The groups chose their own numbers out of an assortment offered to them. At least it was interesting to the judges what choreography they’d come up with as they played at being boy bands or girl groups.

“Bully for him,” proclaimed Simon, “especially if he manipulated the others in his group. And do you realize you’ve proven my point yet again? You remember him from the audition, not just the one yesterday when we put him through to this round, you remember the first one which was months ago. How often do we remember anyone?”

Paula was amused by the situation, but she made sure not to glance at the singer on-stage, though she had the impression Ryan-somebody always thought he was the one under discussion. “If it’s a good-looking guy,” she informed Simon, “you remember him.” She figured they would edit that part out, since it was seldom the judges’ confidential deliberations were televised.

That wasn’t true, as many good-looking guys were boring, or so obviously straight they disinterested him. This Ryan, though, Simon wasn’t sure he was gay, but presumed he was, especially since he was responding to the younger man so strongly, there had to be some instinctual recognition going on.

Not for the first time he wondered if blond Ryan found Judge Simon – “the surly one,” as Brian dubbed him - attractive.

God, he detested Brian, and the audience was with him on this. At least he was at liberty to exchange insults with the host of the program and nobody cared.

But when it came to Ryan, when was the soonest they could take advantage of this mutual distraction? Probably not during the life of the show, not this season anyway. Unless of course Ryan was booted off but arranged to stay in town.

“That’s not true,” he finally responded to Paula’s gibe. “I’m not as desperate as you.” There wasn’t a contestant alive could sing a love song to him and have him swoon, or maybe there was, he amended, taking another sneak peek at Ryan.

With a deep breath, Randy agreed to change his vote, adding the qualifier, “Only because you’ve pointed out his charisma. He won’t bore an audience, that’s for sure. I know he’s going to get votes, that might be enough to keep him around long enough to satisfy our man here. And I’d rather have some peace in our ranks. But be aware somebody else will have to be let go to allow the boy that place.” They had a firm cut before they went to air live, after all. If blond boy were staying, perhaps someone more deserving would be sent home. Randy knew businessman Simon should be rethinking this predicament.

Simon tried not to smirk. “That X-factor is something you can’t buy in a bottle.”

“I’ll tell them,” Paula announced, “it’ll sound better coming from me, since I don’t have an ax to grind.” She hadn’t been the one jumping through hoops upon Ryan’s audition, as blond boys – strictly speaking – weren’t her type, especially when she suspected them of playing for the other team. And for his sake and maybe for Simon’s, she hoped Simon’s instincts were correct and Ryan was on hold until such time as the two men had the chance to misbehave.

The group of young men on-stage was delivered the news of their fate and when Ryan was told he alone was still in the competition a bright quick glance immediately shot to Simon for a moment. It was so quick if it wasn’t for the electricity between them Simon would have thought he’d imagined it.

The end of the day had Randy and Simon leaving the venue together to go to dinner, and Randy dismissed the limo as Simon made the offer to drive him home.

At dinner they were joined by other members of the IDOL family, including Paula and a gently teasing Brian, who had a bit of a crush on the female member of the judging panel and didn’t bother hiding it on-air or off. On her part, she basked in the attention though she didn’t return the favor. That relationship was something for the gossip mongers to salivate over and her on-line fans to debate.

Since Randy was at Simon’s mercy for transportation, he indicated to the other man he still had more to say on the subject discussed earlier, and Paula overheard enough to suggest the two of them take it elsewhere, their main meal having been devoured. The insinuation was the men required a bit more privacy than an official IDOL table could afford them.

True to Simon’s offer of a ride home, they elected to continue their discussion at another venue, and once in the chauffeur-driven automobile, with the privacy glass slid into place, Randy began pouring out his heart, which meant confessing his reservations over this entire situation and what it might be turning into. “Simon, why are you pushing so hard for this guy, or do I know? Tell me it’s not about wanting to fuck him, or it’s all about his face-for-the-camera, because if you’re just looking for a boyfriend, you don’t need the competition for that. Plenty of guys are ready to hook up with you.”

“Other men don’t come into it.” Simon pursed his lips in thought, finally reminding the other man, “He returns to Atlanta.”

“Yeah, you even remember that, don’t you? So, if he goes to Atlanta, nothing says you can’t sign him to a contract anyway, I mean if you really believe in this guy.”

Unfortunately for Simon, Randy would have to bring that up, as if in challenge. “It would be better – for marketing purposes – if he already had a following because of the show.” Of course a guaranteed buying public was always best in launching a new product, and Randy knew the purpose of this show as well as anyone. If Ryan left now, before he got the chance to own the hearts of the audience, his chances of a successful recording career were nil. The young man had to make it at least into the top twelve before Simon could justify signing him.

“You don’t think he can do it, do you?” Randy had turned in his seat to subject the Englishman to a harsh stare. “You are admitting to me you don’t think he can make it on his singing ability, it’s all about the look being right, and the audience will be forgiving, maybe up to the final ten.” At least Ryan would be earning more money being in the top ten, being a part of the national tour. It wouldn’t surprise him if Cowell were planning that far ahead.

“You’re not hoping for a finale, are you?” Randy couldn’t see the audience letting one of the poorer singers progress that far. Still, if there were enough bad performances and lack of appeal in front of him, easy prospects for elimination, Ryan could conceivably make it into the top ten. That was a big IF, but a possibility.

“No, he won’t get that far,” conceded Simon, having already considered all the angles. This particular season of IDOL, and the progression of one particular contestant, had become a personal odyssey for him. He always had a favorite, of course, though it had never been someone he personally wanted to fuck. “He doesn’t need to. With enough exposure off the show, we might be able to lock him into a contract anyway, and with a fan base. Without the show, you know it’s tough for any artist to break through. That’s the entire excuse for something like IDOL to begin with,” he reminded him.

“Yeah, that’s true.”

Fortunately they’d arrived at the restaurant Simon had chosen for drinks and dessert and the gentleman who served double duty as security guard and chauffeur was pulling in to allow the valet to take possession of the vehicle.

They began talking again once they were left alone at their table, the chauffeur taking a seat nearby as he ordered a meal for himself and coffee.

The IDOL men had collected a round of stares en route to their seats but nothing untoward, the establishment was too ritzy to tolerate ogling, which is exactly why Simon patronized the place.

“You really think he’ll be successful?”

“He looks good; he sounds good with the right tempo. He can’t sing everything in the world, but nobody can. He doesn’t need to win awards, and he may surprise us,” Simon reminded him. “We haven’t seen him in front of a real audience yet.”

“So far he sounds good, and that’s not great. If we keep him in too long, when he’s not showing the ability which excuses it – the audience is allowed the excuse of voting for sex appeal, we’re not – we’ll be in strong danger of undermining the show. I don’t want to do that, and despite this current situation, I’m sure you’re not up for that either.”

“Let me think about it.”

Simon knew the other man was right. It was ridiculous his swooning over a man young enough to be his son. He could shiver with fright at the thought of it. But could he help it, if being gay meant he had a smaller selection of the male population to choose from? The well wasn’t that deep, really. And Simon was attracted to beauty, well who wasn’t. He had better understand beauty when it was a part of his trade. So beauty impacted him personally as well as professionally, it only showed him to be a human being, that’s all.

“There are lots of good-looking guys,” Randy was reminding him, “already living in this town. This is an actors’ town, man,” insinuating the prospects were all over the place. “Look at our waiter over there.”

“I seem to like the southern boys.”

“From what I’ve heard, he doesn’t even have the accent. I have more of an accent than he does, and you’re not lusting after me.”

“How do you know?”

Laughing, both men lifted their heads to the waiter who’d arrived with their after-dinner treats. Ordinarily the evening wouldn’t have gone this route, but Paula had come up with the bright idea they adjourn and both men had proved unexpectedly enthusiastic.

Actually, the waiter – probably a wannabe actor like most in this town, including the valet out front – was gay, not just the voice but even the manner in which the man held his head made it obvious. Unfortunately, however, since Simon was closeted since his telly career began back in England, it would be imprudent to take advantage of every opportunity which came his way. Minus a regular boyfriend, someone safe and reliable to depend upon, Simon had been utilizing an escort service to the stars, but the provided for companions hardly made for romantic companionship, let alone the friendship one might wish to accompany it. And the acknowledged gays in this very secret society tended to be unattractive or attached, both of which made their status untouchable.

Though there were several known as well as submerged gay powerhouses (the A-gays) in town, Simon hadn’t become that comfortable with Americans in general, certainly very few had become his friends, the occasional exception being this man, his cohort on the show and occasionally off it, Randy Jackson.

“I just don’t want you doing anything you’ll regret,” Randy was saying, the voice as if from faraway in Simon’s ear. But the warning was clear, don’t jeopardize the show.

Away from IDOL, the big black man proved to be non-judgmental, as were most musicians. With so many musicians having weird sex lives, compromised living arrangements, not to mention drug or alcohol abuse problems, there wasn’t room for a lot of intolerance in such a heady brew.

Another reason for avoiding the A-gays was just as he knew who they were, so he would be judged one as well should he be known to frequent their company. The closeted status had to remain his, at least for a while.

Fortunately their conversation didn’t grow contentious as their respite continued, and then Simon arranged Randy be dropped at his place into the waiting arms of his family – just in time to join his wife in bed, no doubt – to journey home himself. Once there, the studio chauffeur was disappearing, set to reappear on the morrow for another day on the IDOL dime.

Once home, Simon proceeded to relax by turning the stereo on – to reacquaint his mind with true singing and honest music - and allowing his mind to drift as he sat in the bath.

Were they green eyes or gray or even blue? He was unsure, as the hair color was bright enough, but he hadn’t been close enough to Ryan to discern the eye color. Which was good then, maybe indistinct, a perfect example of how imperfect the lad was, if Simon from across the room couldn’t even decide on the color. No famous Paul Newman baby blues to torment him, anyway.

Ha! Various manufactured images and associations for Ryan had Simon desperately clinging to that final release from his frustration, and once achieved Simon climbed out of the tub to complete his toiletry, and then he went to bed.

The next morning his turmoil increased, as a return to the venue for the artists’ solo numbers had him passing that blond head on his way to the judges’ station. The contestants were all assembled and Ryan was seated near the aisle but not close enough to arouse suspicion. Probably nobody but Simon was as aware of the boy anyway.

It wasn’t unheard of for the contestants to be milling about, usually to shout encouragement and extend applause to their fellow competitors as they took turns at the mic. Some of the contestants went down front as they finished or even before they took their turn before the judges, while others stayed, nervously pacing. No matter what the contestants did on the stage, the judges didn’t engage them in conversation, and Ryan seemed to have plopped himself down to await his turn, so perhaps he’d drawn a number that would have him performing later in the day.

Of one thing Simon was sure, and that was Ryan was totally prepared with his song, and it was doubtful there’d be mistakes. Ryan had to know this was the final hurdle and perhaps realized he’d gotten lucky so far to have made it to this point, or that he had a fairy godmother by the name of Simon Cowell looking out for him.

Well, there was temptation for Simon to stay clear of, and he had only to turn his head – on some pretext – to see him, to see those tanned classic features. But Ryan still wasn’t near enough for Simon to make out the eyes, and suddenly, perhaps after last night, the solving of that mystery had become paramount to him.

Ryan Seacrest…. and how distressing was it he even knew the lad’s surname? He was lucky when he remembered any contestant’s name. So his infatuation was obviously ludicrous and something he had to take in hand. Only not that something and not that hand, since his mind had immediately leaped somewhere to make him relieved he wasn’t wearing panties.

The song choice from the first contestant to hit the stage dampened any lingering excitement he felt at Ryan’s presence.

When it came to Ryan’s turn, the song selection suited his range and he was pitch-perfect as even Randy allowed.

“I don’t know what to make of him,” Randy concluded as the judges were going over their final selections, the contestants being grouped together and held in various rooms as their fate was decided. Paula mischievously held the photo of the contestant under discussion up and away from Simon’s clutches, or that’s how it would appear on-camera, and Simon grunted at her.

At this point, unlike any private discussions, everything the judges said and did was under scrutiny and could be presented to the viewing public if edited that way. Now and then Paula would hint at Simon’s true sexuality, as opposed to his publicized image. It was maddening, but he’d learned he had to make do with her.

As if rendering final judgment, Paula declared, “I like him,” regarding Ryan. “He’s obviously capable of surprising us, because after the group sing I wasn’t expecting him to pull out in front like he did today. It makes me wonder what he’s capable of.”

Simon realized she might be speaking so positively as a boon to him, so that Simon’s partiality would be less questioned. “I agree,” he said shortly as a response.

Randy nodded acceptance as a way of allowing his own verdict and Ryan’s photo was placed with the others going on to the next round.

There were others to agonize over, to truly get the final cut, and then the judges visited each of the rooms, in which the occupants would be either sent home or approved onward. As a rule, they played on the drama, trying to instill heartbreak in the contestants being approved, yet shortening the agony of the ones being rejected; however they liked to think they were unpredictable so took turns at which rooms to deliver the news to, and any look into their faces wouldn’t tell the true story. If the viewing audience knew the front runners and guessed correctly, they’d know the occupants being given the good news, and they could sit back and watch and enjoy the enthusiasm, and they could start grieving in advance for those they considered probable rejects.

“It’s all about good television,” Brian would say in private, though in his narration he’d stress the judges only liked delivering the good news, and the bad news was strictly a necessary evil.

This occasion, Simon insisted on delivering the news to Ryan’s room, the upfront declaration of intention on his part being that everybody saw him as the bad guy so he wanted to deliver the good news for a change. He knew he wasn’t fooling his fellow judges, but in case this deliberation was televised, at least he was on record as to his motives. However, by this point the judges had emotionally disengaged from the rejects as they only looked forward, never behind.

His real excuse for making the announcement was in wanting to see Ryan’s face; those eyes would have no choice but to be focused upon him as he delivered the verdict. If Ryan were smart he should have realized he was sitting beside some strong contenders, yet there might be one or two in the room whose immediate future was debatable, and that might cause doubt. Simon knew often the most talented contestants were the ones felt most at risk, while the over-confident ones were the ones had something to worry about.

“I’m sorry to say you’ll be seeing much more of us, congratulations,” concluded Simon, and he pretended to scan the occupants as his eyes remained focused upon one in particular, who seemed to nod in acknowledgment and then Ryan turned as a young woman beside him sought his embrace.

Simon didn’t take it personally, as he knew the contestants were busy expressing themselves at this point, with true bonding set to start once the list was narrowed to a dozen contenders. Then genuine, yet short-term, friendships would kick into place, probably lasting no longer than the IDOL experience itself.

Others were seeking Ryan’s attention, so it seemed even his fellow contestants gravitated to him, and then some came up to the judges. A moment and Simon was shaking someone’s hand – he couldn’t recall the name – and then Ryan came to each judge in turn, taking their hands and thanking them, saving Simon for last. “It was shaky for a minute there,” Ryan said to him, and other than at the first audition these were the first words the young man spoke directly to Simon.

Simon was caught off-guard, but quickly covered it with “You sang well,” which was innocuous enough he could get away with it.

Those eyes were green.

Ryan gave a small smile then moved away, and Simon had to ensure he kept his eyes up from that tempting behind.

He was now certain Ryan Seacrest knew exactly the personal interest the British judge on IDOL took in him.

As the weeks went by and the audience made its own selection via their votes, Ryan Seacrest made it into the top twelve without ever falling into the bottom three.

His performances were generally good, pretty solid for someone who had managed to pass up better singers.

His first performance as a member of the top twelve had a preview film of Ryan talking about his background and then the young man was himself on-stage delivering a solid performance though the song itself wasn’t pushing any boundaries, musically or vocally.

“We weren’t sure of you back in Hollywood Week. I’ll confess you were one of the guys we most debated. However, you did good here, nothing to be embarrassed about.” Randy concluded his assessment with, “I mean, dawg, you’re not the greatest singer in this competition, but you certainly got something.”

Then it was Paula’s turn. “I am really impressed with you, with your hard work, with your determination. You seem to overcome obstacles, and you know what those are. That’s impressive. I wish you’d try for something, maybe stretch yourself, see what you’re really capable of, because I think you play it safe.”

Simon asked, “Do you see him going to the final?”

“Not yet,” she responded. She returned her attention to the man on-stage. “Or maybe you’re just smart enough to stay in your comfort zone because you know you won’t do well outside of it. I don’t know, but I do know you’ve been pretty steady lately and the camera loves you.”

“He pops!” interjected Randy.

“You pop,” she concluded. “Simon?”

“I agree with both Randy and Paula, you don’t take risks, but maybe that’s what is keeping you here. You’ve not got the strongest voice, but you have a quality the audience obviously responds to. We did as judges, so we know what’s going on.”

“I never know what’s going on,” Ryan responded.

“Well, I doubt that,” Simon contradicted him.

Then the play-off music sounded and Ryan was taken off to the stools for a meeting with Brian.

“So, Ryan, you’ve had an interesting career from what we saw in that clip. Care to expand on that?”

Ryan smiled. “On which part?” he asked cheerfully.

Simon wasn’t sure, but he gleaned mockery in the singer’s response.

Imbedded in the judge’s table was the camera feed going out to the television audience, and since that afforded him his better view, his focus shifted downward to better study the blond dream conversing with the brunet nightmare.

“Come on, man, don’t give me a hard time.” But the host said it in a joking manner.

“All right, I’ll take it easy on you. I apprenticed in radio, but was at university studying journalism and ended up being hired for local coverage by the local news station.”

Of course Simon recalled this data from the initial interview, the background of a radio and television personality moving onto a singing competition was unusual. Fortunately the young man wasn’t already a professional singer or he would have been disqualified.

“So you were doing both?” prompted Brian, concluding, “Because that’s the part that got me. I mean, I’ve had two jobs before, got fired from the other one, in fact,” Brian mused to the audience, some of whom laughed dutifully. His foray into scripted comedy hadn’t gone well but he still had his gig as host of IDOL.

Even without chatting with the judges of the show off-line, Brian knew Simon had his balls in a twist over this contestant who was pretty enough to be in show business, for sure, but unusually hard working. In fact, it was Brian who would convey any special information he observed on each contestant to the judges for their consideration. From what Brian had learned, Ryan worked hard, slept less, and ate little. Amazingly the blond wasn’t falling down in exhaustion or keeling over in hunger.

“That television work explains why you’re so at home in front of a camera, you never seem nervous at all.”

“News is live television.”

“And you love it?”

“And I love it!” Ryan responded in kind.

“So do you have a special voice, that official newspeak way of talking?” He’d been prompted in the production meeting to take this route.

“Of course, but it makes my family nervous.”

“Do me a favor and send us off to commercial.”

Without missing a beat, Ryan emitted some very precise pronunciations of the scripted message and the camera went dark.

Immediately, Brian was wondering about IDOL contestant turned IDOL host?

Unobserved, a small smile appeared on Simon’s face as the interview reached a conclusion and Ryan sent them off to break.

Of course you never knew with this show, but Ryan expected to get the votes that would keep him in this competition. He wasn’t ready to leave yet, and though he knew that he stood a small chance of being in the final two, let alone crowned the winner, the longer he was on this stage the better his chances of using this platform to segue into another career.

He knew even Simon Cowell would be amazed at his ambitions, for Ryan was plotting not only a recording career, but to showcase his face on television and his speaking voice in radio.

And for Ryan, he was mystified by Brian, who was nothing exceptional. Of course Dunkleman was a stupid name anyway, but maybe the guy had his fans. But this IDOL gig would be a good one, high profile and well compensated. He knew if Simon had a choice, which guy he’d prefer to have on-stage, and that would be the one he could leer at during commercials.

Sometimes Ryan took a mental step back and considered himself driven to the point of madness. But then he’d remind himself if he was accomplishing his goals what difference did it make?

IF I RULED THE WORLD was the song he chose to sing in the week devoted to Tony Bennett. Many times during the performance he locked eyes with Simon Cowell, as if inviting him to share in the joke.

When the performance completed, Simon had to look down at the desk, then towards the cheering audience – with MARRY ME RYAN and KISS ME RYAN and I AM CRYIN’ FOR RYAN signs – because he didn’t want to be caught laughing.

Ryan had nerve, and Simon appreciated it, pretty much assured there weren’t many people in the audience sophisticated enough to gather what was going on with that young man, which was unbridled ambition, and Simon loved it, both the ambition and, he suspected, the young man, if given the chance. He’d simply never met anyone like Ryan, and was dazzled.

“So you’re singing Simon’s theme song?” queried Paula.

The judges gave Ryan a qualified positive revue, the usual “you know your strengths and play to them” bullshit, and then it was Simon’s turn and he went straight for it with “What do you want, Ryan?”

“Pardon?” Ryan effectively mocked the Brit’s manner; again not many would pick up on the underlying message.

“It doesn’t matter.” As easily Simon dispensed with his own question; after all, his point was made and to the only one who mattered. “You’re good, you’re a good singer, you’ve shown a very effective use of your talent, and you’re experienced in front of the camera which serves you well with the audience. I’m really not sure how much farther you’re going to go, but you’ve gotten into the top ten, so well done.”

Ryan nodded, and Brian joined the singer on center-stage giving Simon a wink in the process, which Simon ignored. No interview would take place this week, as it wasn’t Ryan’s turn to be up again, and Brian said only, “Good results,” then called out the numbers for the viewers to take note of.

Ryan thought he’d be gone before the final five, and took Simon’s warning to be a confirmation.

The judges weren’t allowed to interact with the contestants, even when they were in the same room together or passing in the hallway. In the elevator it was taken for granted no communication would take place, as if the lawyer was trying to influence the trial.

Brian was only professional with him backstage, the IDOL host having his partialities, usually female, and this season was no exception. There was one lone male singer who had Brian’s ear but it wasn’t as if they were having a beer together after the show. There was a clear line separating the major personnel of IDOL from the contestants, and though the singers could relax around Brian they knew better than to do that around the judges.

If he’d more time for socializing, if any of them had extra time, Ryan had plenty companions to choose from, as he was getting along fine with the other nine as well as becoming a favorite of the IDOL background players, the musicians, the crew, and the style advisors.

Instead Ryan spent his time carefully choosing the song for the week, perfecting it by listening to audio playbacks of his performance, and with studio work both with and without the other Idols. Otherwise there were the music videos for that car company which sponsored the show, and numerous public appearances designed to increase the show’s profile and make the public more personally involved in the outcome. What Ryan did was no less than the other contestants but he put that extra bit of determination into his performances and all other aspects of this competition, ensuring he make the most out of this opportunity.

With the judges downplaying his rate of survival week after week, it certainly made his fan base more determined to keep him in the game, but the accumulative psychological effect of all those “not as good as some of the other singers in this competition” would be escalating and slowly the idea he wouldn’t – or shouldn’t – win this thing would build from a seed in the audience’s mind until taking fruit. The judges’ influence would triumph over whatever performance he gave at the end, he reckoned. The anointed one would receive some of his votes and he’d be the one sadly departing this week, and the judges would be doing the I-told-you-so. That’s how it went.

Brian wasn’t too thrilled when the next rundown before the show had him being told by a producer that during Ryan’s next segment he’d turn the job over to Ryan of throwing it to commercial and then returning from break to introduce the next contestant. “You auditioning him for the job?” he joked, but only half in jest. Though it had always been his prerogative as host if he wanted to go slightly off-script with a contestant, this was giving the contestant a whole lot of camera time; as well Ryan Seacrest would be doing the job of host, even if it were meant as a lark. The word back to him was “It’ll be fun for the audience. We’ve got a radio and TV guy here, we ought to utilize him.”

During the scripted segue into Ryan’s brief sojourn hosting the show, “And we’ll be back, after the break,” Brian kept an eye on Simon and noted the other man’s surprise. So this was a development the notorious Brit hadn’t foreseen, and Brian didn’t know if that was reassuring, since it meant Simon hadn’t pushed for his unacknowledged sweetheart, but somebody else was giving Ryan a go.

Brian had one more year in his contract. He’d been with the show from day one, and though the first season was rough, he’d been given a second chance and since then he’d done rather well, in that either you loved him or hated him but couldn’t deny he did his job well. The foray he’d made into sitcom stardom hadn’t taken off, the series being canceled without any critical plaudits bestowed upon any of the participants. In particular he’d been singled out in his supporting role as having been serviceable but without charm, a quality it was considered he lacked as IDOL host.

Ryan disappeared briefly from the IDOL stage to reappear as a contestant and after his performance concluded, Paula was pointing out, “I don’t know how to judge your performance anymore, as host or contestant.”

Randy put in “Same here. I don’t know what’s going on with you, man.”

When Simon’s turn came he was cutting but with a big grin on his face as he announced, “I don’t know whether I should say a thing, considering you’re hosting the show as well as being a contestant, maybe you’ll be a judge next week.”

Ryan said only, “They knew my background and thought they would have fun with that.”

The audience laughed and that took care of it, and Brian told himself to calm down as he joined Ryan on-stage and asked him, “So how was it taking over my job?”

“Fun, but I can’t do it as well as you.”

“And you say that with a straight face; you’ll do well in this town.”

Then Brian called out the numbers and the camera wasn’t on the judges, so Simon smirked and Ryan saw it.

Ryan felt he’d be lucky if he made it through this week and into the next, especially since the segment gig of host and then returning as a contestant might have confused the hell out of the audience. As well, there was the chance the audience might consider he’d been arrogant in taking the stage as anything but a singer – whether or not it was his own idea - and they might be confused as to his role on the show. They might think he was a ringer, or someone brought in to make Brian look bad. As well, the judges hadn’t bothered to critique his performance, only expressing confusion, which might be read as derision.

The contestants were in a bubble, except they did have internet access and word-of-mouth as expressed to them. As well, they were signed to exclusive term contracts, the option to pick up solely at the discretion of 19. If any entertainment bigwigs were watching IDOL and planning to sign him, they were in a queue he wasn’t aware of. He could hope offers were waiting, and some might be for radio or television, which is why the instruction to host IDOL for a few minutes tonight was agreed to by him. Anything other than a singing contract, 19 would have no part in, since their reservation on his talent was confined to his future career as a recording artist.

Auditioning for IDOL was only a small part of a grander plan to break into the business, so he’d taken up residence in L.A. indefinitely, as he saw it, intending it to be his future home, so he’d quit his job in Atlanta and left his belongings at his parents’ house.

As another piece of the bio tape informed the audience, he was interested in music from his interest in radio which began when he was a kid. Naturally he left out his ambitions of future world domination – he was, after all, a contestant on IDOL, so of course he was ambitious.

His favorite song was RIGHT HERE WAITING by Richard Marx, whose concert was the first he ever attended. The crush he’d had on the singer wasn’t disclosed on the tape, but he’d lots of crushes on lots of celebrity men, so it didn’t matter.

An earlier tape had disclosed both parents were living and he had one sibling.

Sometimes his mother got on camera as she was always in the audience on performance and results nights, sometimes joined by his sister, only occasionally by his dad who had to work. He usually joined them for dinner on performance night but results night was a mixed bag as dinner was reserved as a pizza night farewell party for the cast-off. Otherwise he joined his family for company as his schedule permitted, which wasn’t often as the Idols were kept busy with personal appearances, rehearsals and recording.

Sensing the tide that had turned against his round of good luck, tonight he’d warned them his “journey on IDOL” clip was imminent and he was packing his bags.

After the show, Simon was careful as he went around asking, “So who decided to have a contestant play at judge?” and since the answer was always the same - he left it at that. If there was an idea to replace the current host with an IDOL finalist, it wasn’t something he could argue with, since after all he’d never been sweet on Brian or the man’s attitude. If there was a buzz to replace Brian with Ryan and it didn’t compromise himself, he could only be thrilled.

Giddy as a schoolboy granted a holiday, he left for home rather than meeting with the others, thrilled at the prospect of Brian’s eminent demise if only because that meant his replacement was the beguiling Ryan. The Lord looked after his own, Simon recalled, sipping a drink as he contemplated the grand meal left for him by Cook.

He picked up his phone and scanned through the messages, but knowing there wasn’t one from Ryan dimmed his enthusiasm somewhat. But he couldn’t risk giving the young man his number, he knew he couldn’t go that far, but it was tempting to consider if there were a way of achieving private communication with him.

There was a phone call from Randy, and he thought he’d better return that one. “Did you have anything to do with this?”

“With what?” as if he didn’t know.

“We’ve never had contestants play host like we did tonight.”

“It wasn’t me.” At least that was true.

“I bet Brian is shitting.”

“Probably, since he has intelligence.”

“I thought his contract wasn’t up until next year?”

“I don’t know. I suppose Ryan will be brought in anyway, or maybe they plan to keep Ryan as a threat.”

“Maybe they’re going for two hosts?” It was Randy proposed the obvious. “I mean, if they want to wait out Brian’s contract but they’re set on this new guy, they might as well have them working together, otherwise some other show might grab Ryan.”

Brian couldn’t be too nasty about having a co-host, not without jeopardizing the career he still had.

But if the buzz was out there Ryan was a contender for the job of IDOL host it would make him more desirable to producers of other hosting opportunities and they might lose him. 19 wanted exclusivity in their host; to the extent Ryan wouldn’t be hosting any other contestant-driven show.

“Of course if Ryan is in the top five, he’ll have a recording contract, and I don’t see him doing IDOL.”

“I know we’ve had some amazing things happen on this show,” Randy conceded, “but I don’t see him getting into the top five.”

“I know, but just in case.”

“So don’t you go counting your chickens before they’re hatched.”

“What?”

“But you’ve got someone looking out for you, as one way or another you’re going to get that boy, aren’t you?”

Simon could only agree. “It seems that way.”

“You’re a lucky man, Simon.”

“You make your own luck.”

Privately, he’d felt since Ryan’s original audition the young man had delivered himself unto his hands.

When elimination night came round, it was Ryan in the bottom three. Subsequently he was the one performing a final song for the audience. Ryan hadn’t been surprised, and he felt Brian was probably doing his best to conceal his glee, but then Brian would have known the results for a few hours already. To Ryan it seemed Brian must be thinking that between now and the start of the new season, 19 would have forgotten Ryan Seacrest.

Except that’s not what happened.

Following his traditional leave-taking with a group pizza dinner, with his mom and dad in attendance, Ryan was planning to head back to the mansion where he’d spend the night before his flight out tomorrow, but when Ryan said farewell to his parents, he found he wasn’t going back to the mansion with the others. Instead, there was a limo and Nigel waiting. Of course it could be this was standard treatment of a departing contestant, but Ryan didn’t think so.

He’d been in expensive cars with men in the past, but it was with some trepidation and not a small amount of anticipation he climbed into this one, the glass partition sealing him in the rear of the car and the chauffeur in the front.

Nigel wasn’t someone the contestants spent a lot of time talking to, if any conversation took place at all. Nigel was busy with the production end of the show, and had his finger on the pulse of everything.

“You must be curious as to where I’m taking you and why,” the Brit declared.

That was one thing about this show, the amount of Brits controlling an American Idol.

“You mean this isn’t standard treatment?”

“You already have an idea?”

“Not really, there could be several reasons why you picked me up.”

“Including the biblical? No, you can rest your mind; the casting couch isn’t how I operate.”

“Then I’m basically left with a record contract or co-hosting IDOL.”

“You are quick. Quick and sophisticated and it seems one step ahead of all of us.”

“Not really, but that spotlight you put on me not only did me in as far as the Top Five, but it was so unusual a thing to do there could only be one reason for it.”

“You passed with flying colors. And if it’s agreeable with you, we don’t want you returning to Atlanta tomorrow. We want you staying on, taking on IDOL starting with next week.”

For a moment Ryan wondered something as mundane as where this car was taking him. Then he asked, “What would my responsibilities be?” After all, they had Brian and there was no indication they’d been looking to replace him before.

“Right now we want you interviewing the contestants. You’ll be backstage, talking to the contestants, feeling them out, building the mood, allowing the audience to become more attached to their particular favorite. We think with your experience as a contestant, it will allow us to produce a better show. Brian will remain out front, introducing the segments and talking to the judges.”

When the announcement came eliminated contestant Ryan Seacrest was joining the on-air talent of IDOL there was only a raised eyebrow or two, which spoke well of the IDOL producers’ decision to keep him on. The audience, after all, had been able to see for themselves how he fit in, and though this might spell trouble for the current full-time host of the show, “there’s only been one letter of protest,” as a late night host put it, “as nobody cares about Brian anyway. Let’s face it; Ryan is so much prettier to look at.”

When Simon heard Ryan was attached to the show, he didn’t quite jump up and click his heels for joy, but he came damn near to it. “It’s Christmas and my birthday all in one,” he told Terri who was his P.A. and public-girlfriend.

What’s more, now Ryan wasn’t a contestant, but still attached to the show, he could engage in a romance with him without its being an ethical issue.

He wondered if Ryan seriously wanted to be a singer or was using the show as a stepping-stone. Well, the stepping-stone he got, and maybe the singing was still on the table. The weird thing was, though Ryan shifted in his relationship with the show, there was still the IDOL Top Ten tour he’d be part of.

But it was heartening that the other Simon and Nigel and the rest didn’t want to chance losing Ryan but had signed him already, at least through the remainder of this season. That would allow them plenty of time to assess his potential as full-time host.

In the immediate future, though, Simon didn’t have much time to make that all-important personal connection with Ryan.

Simon informed his fellow judges, “Ryan has to do the tour; Brian will be at the try-outs and auditions.”

“That will be less stressful for Brian,” was Paula’s opinion.

Randy objected, “He’ll still know Ryan is pounding on that door.”

Paula smiled. “He’s too small to knock it down.”

Brian’s own official statement on Ryan’s new job was a precise and diplomatic, “It’s good to have company.”

“So have you asked him out yet?” asked Randy.

He could have been addressing the question to either of them, but Paula made a grand gesture in Simon’s direction. “Ryan’s gay, ask him.”

Admittedly Simon had shown up at the soundstage earlier than usual in the hopes of having a moment or two alone with Ryan, but all he’d managed was a glimpse of the stunning young man backstage as he was having his makeup applied – Ryan didn’t have his own dressing room yet, not for this season, not ever if he didn’t work out. “I haven’t had a chance.”

“You might have to stalk him,” suggested Paula.

“Try to reach him after the show,” Randy advised, then the audience was being let in and they took their last minute phone calls and potty breaks before heading to the AI desk out front, where the show would start as the remaining contestants were lined up and Brian read the status off a teleprompter.

A couple of times Simon looked in Terri’s direction, but there wasn’t anything interesting in the audience otherwise. His real focus was backstage and when the huge screen showed the doings on the screen mounted above the stage he unaccountably paid attention. He could care less what Ryan was saying, though it was interesting to see how he’d rate as a judge, in these minor Q&A sessions with his former competitors.

During a break in the show the judges discussed it.

“I think he’s doing well,” said Paula. “He’s wittier than we’ve been able to experience.”

“The contestants like him, they relate more to him than Brian,” was Randy’s assessment. “The host is someone the audience loves or hates; could be they hate Brian more than love him. Ryan’s got his own following from the show; it makes for an interesting dynamic.”

“They’re keeping them away from each other,” Paula pointed out. “Ryan’s backstage and Brian’s out front.”

After the show, Simon caught up with Nigel, “So what do you think of Ryan?”

“I think he’s working out. In fact, I’d be very surprised we don’t keep him on.”

Having no compunction at planting the seed, “Too bad he has to do the Idol Tour,” Simon remarked.

Nigel grinned, indicating he wasn’t fooled for a moment. “Too bad,” he agreed, “but keep in mind Ryan still has his own head on his shoulders and he may want that tour, especially if it nets him a recording contract.”

“What is 19 doing with him?”

“He didn’t rate high enough in the competition, so it’s negligible. What do you think?”

After all Simon had his own interest. “I’d rather he stick as host of this show, his voice wasn’t distinct enough to rate a career. We judges thought he was lucky he made it to Top Ten.”

“You put him into the Top Twenty-Four.”

“But the audience took over from there,” Simon pointed out.

“You’ll have to wait on the tour results. Could be he’ll surprise you. And maybe during his hosting he’ll surprise us.”

Simon gave a nod of his head in acknowledgment. He wasn’t objective when it came to Ryan, he already knew that. He also knew he’d have a better opportunity of being with Ryan if Ryan were attached to this show instead of off on concert tours and promo tours and in the recording studio.

When he got backstage he saw the Idols were already vacating the studio being loaded into their transportation. Of course Security was with them. Ryan was still present, talking with the stage manager, though she was usually out front with Brian, so Simon wondered at the evidence of networking.

Then Ryan lifted his head and glanced his way, giving him a smile and Simon’s heart took flight. That’s exactly what it felt like. He was worried now, very worried, but also very excited. Could he be in love? Waiting for that calm, dictatorial inner voice to shout NO! he was surprised when there was an absence of coherent thought. Even the studio had gone silent for a moment, as if allowing him and his inner voice to connect without distraction.

He grinned toward Ryan, though now the younger man was looking elsewhere.

He hadn’t had a relationship with a man since starting IDOL. Oh he’d brief encounters with professionals, but since his gay self was now on the downlow that meant he couldn’t indulge in a real relationship which would prove compromising.

In America, in particular, it was taken at face value when he said he was straight as people believed him without evidence to the contrary. Of course, in the example of Travolta and others, even when the evidence was out there, people still assumed the man was straight unless he declared otherwise.

When he brought Terri from England to say she was his live-in love that evaporated most speculation.

So what if he took a chance with Ryan and it didn’t work out? Worse, what if the signals were wrong, that his instincts were off and the young man was straight? He could have blown his secret identity and over nothing more than a crush.

Still, he’d never been shy when it came to pursuing his interests, and right now that young man was the keenest interest which had ever been aroused in him.

It was Tuesday night and he already had the perfect opportunity at his fingertips.

He went up to Ryan before the man could move away, calling for his attention and extending the invitation thusly: “Now you’re one of the Idol family, you’re welcome to join us for our after-show get-together, drinks and a meal, whichever you prefer. Unless you have something else planned?”

“That sounds great.”

“Do you need a lift?”

“That would be good.” Since this was after his elimination as a contestant his family was no longer in town on the corporate dime and they’d been watching the show from the living room in Atlanta.

“Let’s get the makeup removed and meet me in my dressing room, all right?”

“I’d love to.”

Well, Ryan hadn’t expected the judge’s invitation to take long, no matter what form it took. Though he imagined Simon was mentally skipping his way back to his dressing room – and not to change his attire either – upon Ryan’s acceptance, he was absurdly pleased there hadn’t been the crass suck-and-fuck invitation coming his way.

He still wasn’t sure he wanted an affair with the judge. It didn’t seem a bright thing to do, having a personal relationship with someone who held that much influence on the show. What if it didn’t work out for some reason, and they broke up acrimoniously? Wouldn’t Simon work his magic in the press and with the producers, claiming Ryan’s incompetence or lackluster charm or anything that would turn him into an audience joke and therefore an IDOL liability?

Simon was skipping stones in his head, almost giddy at the idea of this being their first date, even though it was a highly unconventional one, since the romantic pursuit was still undeclared. But he had to be hopeful on how the evening might progress, how it just might land him and the so-far elusive Ryan into bed together.

When the rap came on his dressing room door he stubbed out his cigarette and opened it to reveal the man of his dreams. It was trite, but so true.

“Ready?” prompted Ryan.

Simon came out and they went to his Bentley, the chauffeur-cum-body guard waiting on their presence. Already the driver knew where to take them, and Simon settled into the backseat with his date beside him. “You look very attractive,” he told the young man.

“Thank you. I hope it’s not formal, I took it for granted it wasn’t.” Cheekily Ryan gestured towards Simon’s attire, the usual t-shirt and pants.

Simon did own other types of clothing, but the fact was nothing else looked good on him. He had an odd body type, husky in the torso, too lean in the legs. The tighter, more minimal clothing suited him best.

As far as Simon had seen, Ryan looked good in anything, even if it was an outfit Simon abhorred. But maybe that’s because he kept imagining the fitness of the body, as well as seeing that smooth California tan. A true golden boy, that’s what Ryan Seacrest was.

“Where we’re going it’s always casual,” Simon told him. “Also, people come and go, it’s an open table.” Then he told him, “You have the name for a marquee, short and sweet and just that hint of being provocative.”

“You haven’t been too subtle about your interest.”

“I hope subtle enough it got past the audience.”

Ryan scoffed, “This audience?” meaning the AMERICAN IDOL fans. “Oh, sure.”

“We could skip the family dinner and head to somewhere more private.”

“I’m looking forward to meeting everyone.”

Simon frowned. “I think you’ll know everyone who’s there.”

“As a contestant, not as a co-worker,” Ryan pointed out.

“I was hoping we’d get to know each other.”

“Down, boy, down.”

Simon laughed. “After all this time I didn’t think I was coming on too strong.”

“Just a bit, and I’m not sure I want to go there. You’re an attractive guy, but we work together now.”

“You’ll be leaving on the tour.”

“Oh, yeah, that Idol Tour might be fun.”

“You say that like it won’t be.”

“Or maybe I can work the tour and IDOL auditions as well.”

Simon smirked. He couldn’t help it, this was his kind of guy. “And maybe record an album?”

“Do you really – in your professional opinion, which I do respect I might add – think I have the chance of a career as a recording star?”

“Not really.”

“Then I might as well stick with what I’m good at rather than making a fool of myself. I’ve got it planned, too.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, like with the profile from IDOL, that status as a former contestant, I can save my singing voice so there’s a demand.”

“And people will value you more as a result.”

“You got it.”

“We’re on the same page,” as Simon had learned to say.

“Yeah,” Ryan noted sadly, “we are.”

Ryan didn’t know what to make of the new situation. There was so much developing, this was a perfect time to celebrate his new career, but here was the person who was attaching himself to him, who promised to be too interesting for him to pass up.

“You think if we fuck once that’ll be the end of it?” The words were out of his mouth before he’d even thought on it. Of course, this particular judge had been on his mind since the audition.

Ironically, his fellow contestants were worried about this guy for whole other reasons that had nothing to do with Ryan’s trepidation. It was a problem when the most influential judge had the hots for you. Ryan had to play it very carefully, not giving away a thing, not to the audience and not to the judge. Be neutral, baby, he’d kept telling himself, just concentrate on picking the right song. Song choice was especially important when one didn’t have the best range, and Ryan had been successful enough at remaining within his abilities he knew he dumbfounded the judges, and certainly kept the audience fooled for a time. Of course, the audience – like Simon – may have been focused on other attributes besides his singing voice. He knew he had a gay following because of the internet, as well as the female contingent.

Simon was shocked. He wasn’t expecting a major romance – well, of course he was, who was he kidding? – but he was caught off guard by Ryan’s bluntness. Of course this was the first time they’d been truly alone, not counting the driver up front. “I should be ecstatic over your plain talk,” he ventured. Hopefully the young man’s offer meant he returned the attraction.

The driver turned to embrace a curb, and once he and Simon were in the restaurant, Simon led him to a table in a back room, where Ryan recognized a few people from the show already in attendance and even that Terri, Simon’s professional girlfriend – as it seemed to Ryan – was giving Simon a quick grin and indicating the seat next to her with a nod. At this, Simon seemed to falter, giving a sidelong glance at Ryan, but Ryan scooted away, burning off any hesitation the other might be feeling at abandoning him. As it was, the other available seat was next to Brian, and Ryan plunked himself down feeling he was the new kid in class. Actually, as a former contestant, Ryan found himself well-known to even the people he didn’t recognize, as they all gave him smiles of approval.

“So you made it,” were the first words out of Brian’s mouth.

“I crashed the party.”

“Well, I got the feeling a certain judge wasn’t wasting time. Welcome to the club.”

“Thanks.”

Ryan was grateful there wasn’t any overt animosity aimed his way by the other man. Was Brian putting on a show for the others or was he genuinely unconcerned Ryan was encroaching upon his territory?

Ryan looked down the table and saw he was some distance from Simon, and Simon seemed to be sulking. At least his lips were a thinner line than usual as he sat there sipping the drink which had been presented to him. The only thing that shook the dark expression was when those black eyes looked up and locked with his.

Beside Simon, Terri was displaying a small smile as she continued to talk quietly with her boss.

He made polite conversation with Brian and the diners nearest him, but Ryan was in the strange position of being unable to make much small talk as the usual queries of where are you from and what do you do was completely missing, since everyone knew of his background through the show. Hell, maybe they even knew more of his future than he, since they were the insiders and he was the newcomer.

Towards the end of the meal, Simon looked down the table at him, “You done?” he queried, explaining to the other diners, “I gave him a ride.”

That’s not the only ride you’re planning on, Ryan was thinking. But he rose on command, indicating his own satisfaction with the meal and company, saying a pleasant all-inclusive good-bye to everyone as he joined Simon who was busy paying the bill on everyone’s behalf.

Another generous, credit-card carrying daddy, Ryan was thinking, having crossed paths with a few of those in his life.

He knew Simon wanted him, but that was simple.

Ensconced in the car once again, Simon wasn’t providing fresh instructions to the driver but neither did he inquire Ryan’s preference, so Ryan sat back and enjoyed the ride. Was the trip pre-planned to return him to the Idol mansion or deliver him to Simon’s luxurious digs?

From what he understood of tomorrow’s work day he was expected on-set in the early afternoon for a briefing followed by a production meeting. He was still new in town, didn’t overly rely upon drugs to keep him going, but if this night turned into tomorrow morning he’d really be sloshing in his shoes with all the coffee.

The car had slowed and turned into the entrance to a house. Ryan peered out the window to try and make sense of it in the dark. No, it wasn’t the Idol mansion. He guessed Simon had taken his earlier fuck invitation seriously. Had he been serious? He didn’t know, but he did know it might make it easier in the long run, rather than dealing with the tension the man carried with him. Simon had been in stealth pursuit for a while, unable to take the offensive due to their separate status on the show. Naturally the man wasn’t in the mood to waste any opportunity granted him.

But Simon had another surprise in store. “Time to watch the show,” he said brightly.

“What?”

“Don’t you like to see yourself on television?”

Ryan shrugged. “Sure.”

The driver took off with the car and Ryan was shown into the house. If he’d imagined this moment, Ryan would have envisioned a butler showing up to take his jacket, but instead there was nothing but lights going on automatically.

“Motion sensor,” Simon explained at seeing his expression.

“Those flip switches can be so annoying,” Ryan quipped.

Simon led him into a room with a comfortable sofa and a gigantic flat-screen TV.

“What will you have to drink?”

“Wine,” Ryan responded shortly.

Simon nodded, not asking his preference and Ryan was somewhat relieved as he didn’t want to engage in any debate over this vintage versus that, or white versus red. But this wasn’t about being casual: a man of Simon’s sophistication would ensure he stocked the best available.

Simon returned from the elaborate bar setup with two glasses in hand, and he placed them on the sofa table to the rear of where they were sitting.

It was such a long sofa, Ryan knew there was room for them both to stretch out, from opposite ends, and still avoid contact with each other. Keeping that in mind, he asked, “Do you ever fall asleep during the show?”

“The audience keeps me awake during the show, but here, no I manage to stay awake. Sometimes I’ll even watch a performance more than once.”

Since the other man had brought up the subject, “Do you often change your mind?”

“It happens more than I like to admit, however I do admit to that, when it happens. Unfortunately if I lambasted something on the show, calling it horrible, and see the broadcast and find it’s not nearly as bad as I remember, well, if I’ve influenced the voting it’s now too late to do anything about it. I am stuck with the format of the show just as much as anyone.”

Ryan nodded.

Now Simon had a question of his own. “Were you really counting on a singing career?”

“I made Top Ten,” Ryan reminded him.

“Most of the Top Ten won’t do well, if they’re lucky they’ll have careers at the end of it, that doesn’t mean they’ll be superstars.”

“IDOL was another opportunity.”

“And you grab every opportunity? Commendable. I was relieved you were offered a hosting spot. I’m not so sanguine over you going on tour.”

Ryan was trying to adjust to this soft-spoken version of Simon “the scowl” Cowell. The man didn’t seem quite so sure of himself away from the show and the role he played on it.

“You mean the next audition round?”

“I’m afraid by the time the next round of live shows airs you’ll be forgotten by the audience, maybe even by the producers. Would you be able to work both the auditions and the Idol Tour?”

Of course, Ryan had been flippant on that proposal earlier.

“Is that possible?” The schedule hadn’t bee presented to him yet, he didn’t think all the dates were finalized. What he had learned was the tour was a fifty-date commitment and there was traveling by bus, sometimes as an overnighter, rather than staying in a hotel. It sounded like a roving apartment and he’d have several roommates.

“Even if you’re only flown in for one day, you can do a lot to get yourself on camera, with interviews, interacting with the judges, anything that ensures you get at least one segment off each audition episode they pull together.”

“That sounds great.” Certainly with the interest Simon was taking in his career the man was looking into being more than a trick, perhaps even better than a fuck buddy. In fact, it seemed Simon was trying to organize his life.

The audition episodes didn’t sound like fun; certainly it seemed the judges didn’t have fun either, the rounds being altogether a necessary evil to mount the show. But it was correct, the more camera-time Ryan got the more ensured his future with the show was.

Simon smiled, reaching a hand out to flick a few switches and voila! the show under discussion was starting. Brian was doing the rundown to intro, then Simon was assuring him, “Don’t worry about Brian, he’s been in the business a long time.”

It was a bit disorientating having Simon in this new voice conversing with him as the giant Simon on the monitor used tones quite disparaging when dealing with the host on-screen. Brian didn’t seem to match wits with the British judge, but Ryan wondered if that weren’t because the dislike fell beneath the surface.

During one commercial break, Ryan voiced his concern. “Do you hate him? Or are you going to treat me that way?”

“To hate Brian would be to imply I also love him. He has no talent, but has lucked into a great paycheck and a platform for himself, if he only knew how to utilize it.”

“That didn’t quite answer the question.”

“If you irritate me, I will insult you. There, satisfied?”

Was he? Not really. But the ads were over and the show was starting again. They were leading inexorably toward another of his backstage segments, but he judged he acquitted himself well. The contestant he interviewed seemed pleased with him, and that’s the image he needed to portray.

He’d finished his wine but Simon was quick to pour him more. At another disinteresting point in the show, when Brian was talking to a celebrity in the audience, Ryan asked, “How come you don’t have servants?”

“I like my privacy. Oh, they’re here in the day, when I can be counted upon to be elsewhere. I enjoy my privacy,” he reiterated, “in fact, it’s a necessity. I don’t want to be providing any information that can be sold to the tabloids nor do I want to set myself up for blackmail.”

A few minutes later there was the click of high heels and Terri crossed the threshold. “I knew you’d be in here. Hello, Ryan.”

“Hello.” Why was she here, anyway? Did they live together? This would be too weird.

As if sensing his unease, Simon went over to her, escorting Terri back into the foyer, but instead of leaving, as Ryan thought she’d be doing at this point, she marched up the stairs. So she did live here. Ryan wasn’t happy with this, but really it wasn’t his house or his life and he was still unsure what level Simon was inviting him into it.

Ryan waited out the end of the show but as Simon switched the set off he rose, stretching, volunteering his fatigue in every movement he made.

Simon was visibly disappointed. “You want to go home?”

“If you mean the mansion, I guess so.”

“You can stay here. I was hoping you would.”

Involuntarily Ryan’s gaze shot to the ceiling, if but a moment but the other man caught it.

“Don’t worry about Terri, I have no secrets from her, in fact she helps me keep mine. It’s not a real relationship. She’s my P.A. and she acts the part of my girlfriend.”

“In my world, people are together or they’re not.” But his earlier hunch was right.

“I don’t have a choice. The public wouldn’t accept me as gay, not with the audience that makes up our demographics. Terri’s presence assists in maintaining the charade.” Trying for humor, Simon grinned. “Her lack of commute works well for both of us.”

“So you’re saying the money is worth it?”

Simon’s responding gesture was an arm flung out to encompass their surroundings. “It provides all this. Believe me, Ryan; I’d love it if I could have you living here instead. But that can’t happen, at least not officially. Unofficially if you were spending an inordinate amount of time here, as a friend, Terri’s presence would help explain that away.” Sensing the younger man’s continued hesitation, he pointed out, “You’ll have to do the same. If not someone like Terri, you’ll at least present yourself to the public as straight.” To Ryan’s stunned green gaze, he continued, “You’ve a head start there, as you were never effeminate on the show. You’re good-looking so you’ve got both sides thinking you swing their way. Even I wasn’t sure of you until tonight. But you can’t be OUT Ryan, you’ll lose everything.”

“That’s a lot to think about.” Consequently he didn’t want to think about it at all, first things first, and foremost he had this man standing in front of him who wanted him badly. So he said, “Let’s go upstairs if that’s where your bedroom is.”

From a hesitant beginning, at least on his part, they ended up spending every night together, and Simon was right, Terri’s well-publicized if fraudulent romantic association with her boss made most people hesitant to consider their relationship.

As the new co-hosts of the show, Ryan and Brian were photographed together, Brian joking he still made more money than the new boy as he was the senior of the two.

Ryan was relieved Brian wasn’t taking notable exception to his presence. “They don’t fire people here, Ryan,” Brian assured him when they got into a discussion on the projected longevity of the show. Somehow the veteran show’s host had turned it around. “I’d have to screw up pretty badly. So there’s room for both of us.”

Brian was right as long as they kept to their designated roles, but Ryan was now being instructed to be out front and center, even in his contestant interviews. Occasionally Brian would bring the show back from commercial and the television audience would see Ryan perched atop the judges desk, usually near Simon.

“Hey, the more the merrier, I like Ryan,” Randy was saying when he was quizzed about the latest developments on IDOL. “He’s cool; we talk a lot of music.” The inference was Brian wasn’t too glib on the subject of music, but people didn’t like putting the friendly judge on the defensive.

“I think Ryan’s working out great,” was Simon’s judgment to anyone who cared to ask, and since he made himself readily available to all media, there were plenty asking. “He’s much more comfortable with the contestants and he’s witty, which can’t be underrated.”

“You mean he keeps you entertained,” was one comedian’s comeback when the judge was a guest on the self-titled talk show.

“That too,” Simon agreed, laughing more exuberantly than the statement required.

Paula’s appreciation was more marked. “I think Ryan’s gorgeous, I always did, so of course I like having him around.” Everyone loved Paula when she was a gutsy, ballsy, lusting babe.

Reading that interview, Simon lifted a glass in toast to her.

Sometimes Simon did find himself alone as under cover of his career, Ryan didn’t need to search out dates that lasted longer than a dinner or two, but sometimes the official dates with whomever and the unofficial ones with Simon overlapped. They even tried the old foursome approach a couple of times, notably on those Tuesday night dinners, where Simon was still with Terri at his side and Ryan would be placed further down the table. The same crew wasn’t always in attendance, sometimes there were other commitments, and even a threesome with the men and Terri could prove awkward.

Finally they were into the season finale and it was a joy for Ryan that he’d guessed the ultimate winner a long time ago.

The break was very short though, and from the IDOL soundstage he had to start rehearsals for the Idol Tour. Simon was mainly in London taking care of his record company, but he’d spend two days every week with Ryan in Los Angeles.

When the tour commenced, it was arranged one day of the week he’d have an overnighter in the audition city for the next season of IDOL. To begin with was the initial round of auditions, the screening process, but that would lead into the auditions before the judges in a few weeks. But during the screening process, Ryan opened the first day with Brian, and conducted some crowd interviews and then did some voice over work that would be matched up to the edited product.

Brian, he was told, had flown back to Los Angeles to guest star on a sitcom so that’s why Ryan was being utilized so fervently.

When Ryan informed Simon of this, Simon said only, “That idiot,” and left it at that.

Though Ryan was on the move between the tour and the auditions, and consequently unable to be with Simon except rarely, they communicated with each other daily and sometimes Simon flew himself to an Idol Tour venue in order to see the performances, even though he hadn’t been known to do that before. “Our new host is present,” he explained his presence to one news outlet who’d spied him among the VIP crowd, or what passed for a VIP crowd in this region. “We mustn’t let him forget his grander duties as host.”

Not wanting to waste this opportunity, the grilling continued by the local. “Does this mean Seacrest won’t be having a record contract?”

“I think that’s still being decided.” There were always runners for the show as well as key management supervising the crowds, testing their response levels to the singers. Ryan may be a host of IDOL now, but if the crowd went wild for him that wouldn’t keep him from having a recording contract as well. “It’s only to be assumed the runner-up and winner will get contracts, but that doesn’t preclude anyone else from the Top Ten,” he reminded the interviewer.

“So do you like Ryan better than Brian?”

“Do I? Well, yes, I do.” And Simon gave a cheery smile and waved to the crowd gathered round as he closed the interview.

That specific night Ryan wasn’t staying on the bus, the crew had an overnight stay booked at a hotel near the venue. But Simon was booked there as well, and Ryan gladly vacated his own room for the penthouse suite, the two of them enjoying the hot tub and unlimited amounts of champagne.

“I’ve got me a sugar daddy,” teased Ryan, poking his toe into the other’s abdomen.

“I don’t think so, you do work for a living.”

“True. But for a boy from a small town…”

“A small town? You’re from Atlanta.”

“Quiet. I’m inventing a fairy tale of a lovely young man and a somewhat attractive older man and they sweep each other off their feet.”

“I think I did the sweeping,” Simon corrected him, but with a gleam in his eye.

“This is working out rather well, isn’t it?”

“You were afraid?”

“Working together, fucking, seeing each other. What if we break up?”

Simon considered. “With our temperaments that will be nasty. If you break with me, I’ll have to get you back.”

“There’s something a little kinky about the way you said that. So you think it’s me breaking up with you?”

“I won’t let you go.”

“I’m a bit young for you,” Ryan pointed out.

“That’s my fate.”

“When you were twenty you weren’t going after five-year-olds?”

Simon laughed.

“That’s not funny, you know,” Ryan reminded him.

“It doesn’t seem quite so bad, the seventy-five sixty split.”

“What?”

Simon told him, “When I’m seventy-five you’ll be about sixty.”

“You think we’ll still be together then?”

“I hope so.”

Ryan shifted in the bath so he could raise himself up on the other’s legs and cuddle. “Who knew I’d get such a romantic boyfriend,” he said in wonder.

When the Idol Tour was over the judges auditions were beginning and Simon showed up at work with a smile on his face and a glow emitting from his person. More than once it was remarked upon, so he knew it was true. However by mid-day his mood changed abruptly as he wanted the day to be over. His Ryan was on the other side of the door, and if only they had Ryan in here as well his mood would lift considerably.

At least towards the end of the day, no matter what time of night it was, his heart lightened again, as he was on a countdown to his beloved.

Though his mother was seldom in Los Angeles, she was determined to visit during the next stage of auditions, the Hollywood round, just so she could meet Ryan. However, Simon had a better idea. “You’re done with the tour, you’re not recording,” though that was a bitter pill for Ryan’s ego to swallow. “We’re both on a break until the next round of IDOL, but I have work at home in London. Why don’t you come with me?”

“Won’t that be a problem?”

“People don’t follow me there. You will be my friend and houseguest. We’ll show up at a stripper club so all the paps can get their photos of us being manly-men. And Terri will be there at the house, she is my P.A.”

“Well, sounds good,” as he didn’t have anything holding him in L.A. and he wanted to be with Simon more often, he loved it.

But before he was to take off for the airport with Simon, his new manager called up and put a monkey wrench in the proceedings. “You have to stay here, there’s no London,” Ryan was told. “They need a new morning DJ here in town,” meaning Los Angeles, “and you know how these things work, that means now.”

“Is it an audition?”

“No, they have your audition tape and they know you from IDOL. This is a perfect fit for them; I have gotten you a great deal.”

Ryan thought quickly, but he knew the market, he knew the opportunity, and though he’d come from radio this meant it was even more necessary he claim this gig. Never turn down a job was his motto, even if it meant wiping the grin off Simon’s face.

“Si, I’m sorry, but I can’t go.”

They were literally five minutes away from leaving for the airport, the hotel eerily silent as the entire IDOL crew was packed up and being delivered to the chartered jet. Ryan and Simon planned to follow right after them, but in their case they weren’t taking a chartered flight but Simon’s private jet eastward.

“Did someone…?”

Before he could say “die” or something, Ryan rushed his explanation with, “It’s bad timing, Si, really bad timing, I’m so sorry, but you’ll understand, you have to. I’ve got a gig. In radio, in L.A., and I have to go there now. I should get that charter with everyone else.”

Simon’s heart sank so he fought off a wave of sickness. But he knew what Ryan was saying, knew his lover wasn’t pleased about this development but “It’s the practical thing to do, you have to go. We’ll still manage to see each other, we always do,” was his assurance.

“Thanks.” Ryan rushed over to give him a hug and a kiss, grabbed his own suitcase and sped out the door.

Simon could hear him taking the stairs rather than waiting on the elevator. Presumably if Ryan missed the transport he’d call someone on his cell, asking them to hold the plane.

Simon wasn’t worried about Ryan; Ryan could take care of himself. If he didn’t, Simon wouldn’t want him.

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Natasha Barry (Natasha_Barry)

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