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2020-11-05
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HAPPY TOGETHER

Summary:

RYMON Ryan/Simon:  Paula's attitude toward the Ryan and Simon romance, focussing on season 5 of IDOL.

Work Text:

Season Five:  HAPPY TOGETHER by Natasha Barry

 

Thank God the Corey scandal was behind her.  And she’d learn from it, really she would, and not only because the show installed codes of behavior for the judges.  She wouldn’t have a personal relationship with a contestant again, no matter how attractive, it wasn’t worth the aggravation.  From now on, she’d stick with men who had as much to lose, so there’d be less risk to her.

 

But what people failed to understand is she was a human being, like everyone else, she had needs and those needs had been met with Corey, at least temporarily.  It’s not like she ever fell in love, but she’d convinced herself she’d be a king-maker, unfortunately he had other issues in his life and those conflicts kicked him out of the competition. 

 

At least the show and the people on it stood with her.  It was more difficult for the scandal to take hold when everyone was on her side, including the producers.  She never thought she was at serious risk of being fired, she was far too important to its success, her reputation and her chemistry with Simon.  But now they were into the new season of IDOL and she wondered if any of the contestants were looking at her differently, the men particularly thinking she’d fall for any turn at charm.

 

The problem was people didn’t understand what it meant to be her, to have her issues, her past glories, and to have everything she’d ever accomplished overshadowed by somebody inventing lies, coming out with insinuations or being plain nasty.  She was a sweet, good-natured person, everyone knew that, and yet she was constantly the butt of jokes, and all due to this show.

 

She hadn’t been an object for ridicule in the days of her recording career, not much anyway. Sure there was the potshots taken at her weight, but that seemed to dim after she used her weight problem to publicize eating disorders and how it’s a mental illness, not any issue to do with stuffing cookies into one’s mouth.  As a consequence, she’d been doing public service work to promote the awareness and treatment of eating disorders.

 

It really galled her every time Simon told a contestant – sometimes a man, but normally a woman – she didn’t fit the “image” and had to lose weight.  He was obsessed with weight, that man, and no wonder Ryan sometimes veered toward anorexic, as it seemed he’d some issues of his own when he was growing up.  With a boyfriend like Simon, who could blame the man for having an ongoing struggle?

 

“I was a fat kid,” he’d confided in her soon after they met. 

 

She’d looked at him in wonder, because if anything he was too thin. 

 

“You need to eat something,” is what most people said when they met Ryan, and that was in this world, television, where you could never be too thin.

 

The internet gossip had speculation on the host of the show being manorexic.  Paula didn’t know if that word existed prior to Ryan. 

 

Of course the other word being spewed out was metrosexual, mainly due to Ryan’s penchant for pedicures and manicures and skin care products and hair product, all of which he was unabashedly enamored with.

 

They’d gone out a few times, as friends and colleagues, when the show first started, and there was a brief buzz they were an item.  Ryan had brought it up on the show once, saying she apparently was his “American idol.”  It was cute, but she knew bearding duty wasn’t for her and it wasn’t going to be some cozy threesome, with her contentedly being the third wheel.

 

“I’m not dating either one of you,” she told Ryan and Simon in her dressing room backstage, and she stuck to that.

 

Simon had tried arguing, “It’s for the show; we all want the show to be a success.”

 

“But I’m not wasting my time – worse, be seen to date either one of you, or even be passed around, cause that’s what’s going to happen.  No way, I want to be free to make my own dates with men I hope to be compatible with.  Ryan, you’re very cute and if you were straight, it would be another thing, but you’re not.  Simon, I dislike you too much most of the time to even consider it.”

 

“But if I were straight?”

 

“Right,” she confirmed, admitting, “You guys confuse me.  I’m well out of it.  Find your own girlfriends – or beards.” 

 

She didn’t know they couldn’t perform with women, did she?  But she wasn’t going to be part of any experiment.

 

Courtesy of his Brit friends who ran the show, it was arranged Simon got some lessons in how to act straight, while Ryan wavered in his image a few times, but that was mainly due to his inexperience on the new job and trying to figure out who he was in the process.  He was lacking self-confidence in the beginning and Paula warned him about that.

 

“You’re a good-looking guy, and sure that got you the job, but you always work hard and no matter what Simon says you do have talent, it may not be singing, but that’s all he knows so that’s all he talks about.”

 

“He’s achieved a lot in this business.”

 

She shook her head over that one, continuing to advise him, “Don’t let him disrespect you.  He’s all about that, making himself superior.  He’s not superior.”

 

Actually it was no surprise the men were attracted to each other; Simon was a moth to Ryan’s flame, always buzzing around him.  That’s what gave Ryan the edge in the relationship, though sometimes it got nasty.  So Simon didn’t like the hosts of the show, hell “Simon doesn’t like anyone!” is what she’d tell anyone who’d listen. 

 

At one point she thought Simon was trying to get both Ryan and Brian kicked off the show, even before it aired.  “Why are you after those guys so much, especially Ryan, of all people?”

 

“I don’t want him fired,” he defended himself.

 

She’d struck him in the arm and went on, “Oh, yeah!  Maybe this is your idea of foreplay.”

 

She wondered if Simon had the pull to get Ryan fired.  He certainly acted as if he were the emperor of the universe.  She told Randy all the time, “Who died and made him king?”  She, at least, was a star, with the record sales and Grammys to prove it, while Randy was a successful and respected producer.  What the hell was Simon Cowell?  He was just some Brit with a big mouth.

 

“At least you’re a DJ,” she told Ryan.  “You’ve got another job.  I know you want television, but if something happens, you’ve still got radio and you love radio,” she reminded him.

 

She was a little irked when it was obvious the men hooked up romantically, noting the new dynamic with a sarcastic “So Simon got his way with Ryan.”

 

Randy commented.  “Simon’s a guy always gets what he wants.”

 

Paula sighed, for she’d offered her advice and obviously it had been ignored.  “That’s bad for Ryan.”

 

“Wait and see, but I’m more concerned about the show.”

 

“It’s a show.  The show is supposed to be about the contestants.”

 

“They’ll really need that bearding duty now,” Randy went on to suggest.

 

“Well, don’t look at me.”

 

The show began airing and was a huge success, and then Simon’s obtaining Terri was total genius, as whenever anyone hinted he could be gay all he did was pull out the beauty and it wasn’t Ryan. 

 

Ryan got his own official girlfriend for a couple of years, Shana Wall, so at least he had that on the books, though whether it was Ryan or Simon initiated the recent formal breakup of that comfortable union, she wasn’t sure it was mutually agreed upon.  Maybe it was Shana herself who said the chore of bearding was a bit difficult when she had an empty dance card due to the fact she couldn’t be seen with anyone else. 

 

A romantic though she was, Paula had two failed marriages of her own behind her and with what Simon and Ryan were dealing with, she wouldn’t have given them more than six months.  “Keep it casual, leave your options open,” she’d advised Ryan once it was clear he had succumbed to the dubious charms of the Brit.

 

She didn’t know how casual it was, though, when years later they were still going strong. 

 

IDOL had instantly consumed the lives of everyone connected with it. 

 

She had the career resurgence she’d been wanting for years, though it wasn’t on the basis she’d been looking for.  Back in 1997 she’d written a song with Kara DioGuardi and it was a great dance track, but instead of her version being released it had been a hit for someone else.  Since then, she hadn’t come close to re-launching her musical career.

 

Now her fame was on an altogether different basis.  “I love this show,” she’d tell anyone who listened, and she spoke the truth.  It was a blast hoping to find that undiscovered talent and in trying to temper Simon’s ridicule.

 

Now Ryan self-identified as “AMERICAN IDOL host.”  Since he was the baby of the show she sat back and appreciated how he matured.

 

The weirdest thing about being a part of this show is the damn controlling nature of it.  Who they saw, who they talked to, what they said, and what image was to be promoted, it was like some old Hollywood studio production.  But for a workhorse like herself, with the discipline required of a dancer innate within her, she loved it.

 

Like a film production, the crew was sent to the location for the shoot, putting together the set, and the actors (the judges and Ryan) were placed in makeup chairs and propped up on their marks, and the contestants entered the room on cue. 

 

On camera, like on a film set or the set of a music video, you’d see only what the production wanted you to see, so the audience saw the contestant standing facing the judges, anticipating either condemnation or exultation.  What the audience rarely saw was the hint of behind the scenes, with the crew, including the security detail standing by to rescue Simon – it was usually Simon.

 

To commence the IDOL auditions, the entire production was sent out on a chartered jet, with scheduled appointments for auditions set to take place over days, and the judges felt they were seeing and evaluating contestants as if on a treadmill, and Simon was there, spewing his invective, thinking the more insults he let fly the more money he made, at least that’s how it seemed to her.

 

The sad thing was, he was probably right.  Which made it awfully hard to deal with him, for how could you make someone act respectfully as a human being when his entire dime was all about being the nastiest individual on planet Earth?

 

When they weren’t working they got along fine, oh, not to socialize, their commitments were strictly in terms of promotional appearances for the show.  But Simon was invariably polite and even interested in other people, though his main focus was always Ryan.

 

In the chartered jet, those two – Simon and Ryan - sat together, except when they were arguing and that was always the first giveaway, but that would happen later in the production, because when a season started they were always next to each other on the plane, two casual bros except when they touched fingers or whispered into each other’s ears as if they were newlyweds.  It was sweet to watch, this honeymoon phase when the season started.  They wouldn’t have seen each other for a few weeks, maybe less, maybe more, but not living together they basked in the glow whenever they reunited.

 

“I know why you’re so damn bored and rude when the auditions are running,” Paula accused Simon, this time having a seat opposite the duo.

 

“Why?”

 

She indicated Ryan.  “You can’t wait to get alone with this guy.”  Then she added, “You’re looking very handsome, Ryan,” to the man sitting opposite her. 

 

Ryan was caught by surprise, perhaps thinking on what she’d said to Simon.  “Why, thank you, Paula, you always look beautiful.”

 

She pressed, “Some things – or someone – obviously agrees with you.”

 

Simon smirked and Ryan replied, “I hope it stays that way.”

 

“It will,” Simon assured him, ignoring Paula, which was generally the case except when cameras were pointed their way.

 

Ryan’s polite compliment to her was expected; he was rarely full of surprises on her behalf, usually formal.  Which was strange, because he was quick and witty when it came to everyone else.  Had he never forgiven her for her advice to forego Simon?  Or was he just awkward with women?

 

They’d arrived at the hotel the night before the auditions, so the crew was well rested for the next day.  There was only a tentative schedule regarding run-time, as they lasted at the venue as long as the appointments ran for the day.

 

The talent was always provided the best rooms in the hotel, but she had to wonder at Ryan and Simon’s negotiating the corridors accessing each other’s rooms.

 

Also, Ryan was ordinarily such an early riser, since he had to be for his radio show.  Simon dragged himself out of bed only when he had to.  She couldn’t figure out how they were compatible.

 

Ryan, as usual, was already working at the venue when they arrived, and Simon slung an arm around Ryan as he walked with them to the makeup room.

 

“I wish they’d get a suite for the two of them,” Paula remarked, once she and Randy were leaving the room, on the lookout for Simon who wasn’t accompanying them for some reason, mindful her mic wouldn’t be live.

 

“That’s a little high profile, but it would save the show money,” Randy laughed, “but not enough to compensate for the loss in viewers.”

 

“They must be sneaking around all the time.”

 

She knew others speculated on her sneaking around for years with a married man, but that’s not something she was admitting to.

 

“People better watch out if I write my memoirs,” she teased, thinking on all the dirt she knew, probably more than Ryan, even at this stage.

 

“Okay,” said Randy, looking past her, as if wondering where Simon was. 

 

“He’s still talking to Ryan.”

 

“I doubt that.” 

 

“That’s right, Ryan’s working.”

 

Shortly, Simon arrived, still a smile on his face, so she knew things were going well between the two of them. 

 

Sitting in the center meant she was beside the nasty individual, and sometimes she wondered why Randy didn’t take her seat, but then she recalled it was Simon getting most of the attention, and the show ran in order of importance now, down the table, left to right, Randy, Paula, Simon.  When the show began, she was the star attraction, as well as the only female and hence she was in the middle.  “You’re the adornment of our table,” Simon frequently assured her.

 

Their mics were turned up in time for everyone to hear Simon commenting, “I hope they’re not wasting our time this year with more of those comedy routines,” regarding the less viable contestants.  “Last year at this stage, it was a horror show.”

 

“They will,” Randy assured him, “they will.  It makes good television.  I know for a fact some people watch this show for the comedy.  Their favorite part is the bad auditions.”

 

Paula offered, “It keeps you from being bored.”

 

It was a little too early in the season for the inevitable collapse of their relationship so as always she was prepared to give Simon the benefit of the doubt.

 

So began the fifth season of IDOL.

 

Simon’s birthday fell into this audition cycle, and the cameras were running or she felt sure Ryan and Simon would either have fed each other slices of cake or they’d be rolling in it.

 

“Rolling in the dough,” Randy corrected her, after she confided this to him.

 

“This is for the show,” Paula pointed out, talking to Ryan while the cake slices were being distributed, and at least the cameras had stopped running and the mics were off, “so how are you really celebrating his birthday?”

 

“Miami.”

 

She knew they kept returning to that city.  They called it their personal Mecca.  “Why haven’t either of you bought a house there?”

 

“I know.  It seems a bit much with Simon’s place in Barbados, but we’re trying to maintain a low profile, and if we bought a place together that would get a lot of attention.  Of course I could buy it myself,” he proposed, only to be interrupted.

 

Simon had come upon them to overhear the last.  “I want to keep him from his family, that’s the real reason.”

 

Ryan’s family was in Atlanta – rather famously, for the show, as Atlanta was one of their primary audition cities.

 

Ryan concurred, “I’m lucky his family is in England.”

 

Paula was still on the new season high when a contestant came in who got their attention by virtue of his name alone.  “Your favorite name,” she reminded Simon on the Ryan who walked into the room.

 

Simon ignored her, finally telling the contestant at the conclusion of the audition, “You’re the first Ryan I’ve met with any talent.”

 

She wondered if Simon had been listening to the audition or sitting there trying to think up the appropriate insult. 

 

His weird grudge relationship with his lover was so weird, half the time she didn’t know what to make of it, and she’d been in on it from day one.

 

The season was interesting as the twins made a mess of things, bowing out of the competition and begging to be let back in, Ryan interrupting the judgment process in order to showcase the appeal. 

 

They’d found gems in the women as well as the men, with the men taking an early lead, then the women came on strong then back to the men.  Finally, all of the judges were holding up their arms in surrender, realizing it was anyone’s contest to win, unlike last year when Carrie sailed through.

 

Of course they all had their favorites, and she and Randy were partial to Taylor Hicks, but Simon’s enthusiasm was tempered,  “He’s an entertainer, I can’t see him as a recording star,” was how he put it.

 

Of course she loved a couple of the other guys as well, especially Ace, since he was so handsome, but Ryan had to be kidding when he said Ace made him feel plain by comparison.  In her opinion, Ryan didn’t have anything to worry about, but it was nice seeing him get a run for his money.  Except maybe Ryan didn’t think he was all that, as one’s self-image was said to be formed from childhood, no matter what occurred in the adult.  She’d been branded sweet and cute and adorable and pretty all her life, so that’s what she saw when she looked in the mirror.  But she’d seen baby pictures of Ryan, and knew he probably had some issues.

 

Another great competitor this year was Chris Daughtry, the rocker, and she loved what he brought to the competition.

 

Ace Young and Daughtry had become friends, seemed inseparable, and she’d wonder about that, but Daughtry was all about his marriage and kids. 

 

Kevin was a little doll, a “Chicken Little” look-alike, but Simon didn’t think he was that great at vocals, was surviving the competition based on charm.  He’d become the breakout sex symbol of the show, even surpassing Ace.  Paula wanted to “squish” him every time she saw him, he was that adorable.

 

However, the main boys of the show were never the contestants but the host and judge and their bantering, which they’d been encouraged to continue by Nigel, who loved the flow.  Well, the banter seemed to be a love it or hate it thing as sometimes letters from GLAAD and other organizations were calling for a cease and desist due to the – ironical, in the circumstance – homophobic teasing between the real life lovers.

 

“I had a dream about you last night,” Ryan opened, pausing to allow Simon’s response, “I’m sure you did.”  But Ryan made it serious with, “I dreamed you gave constructive criticism” and Simon seemed to falter over that.

 

Oh, she loved it when Ryan one-upped Simon.  When there was a review and Ryan would come out with something like “Kevin is my heaven and Simon is my hell,” even the audience was on the host’s side and Simon could only laugh uproariously.

 

But Simon started insinuating Chris Daughtry wasn’t safe with Ryan on an elevator alone, and Paula grimaced but Ryan cut the bastard short, and she loved it, “You’re done,” he said, indicating Simon’s time was up.  Again, the audience was with Ryan, and Paula was going “Touchdown!” her patented response for the truly great.  Randy was all “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” which is basically what he did whenever anyone put down Simon. 

 

Since Simon stayed at the table during the break she did too, only to find Ryan coming alongside them.  She wondered if that meant he’d talk to them at the top, or if he’d move into the audience or some other area.

 

“Mandisa wants to date you,” Ryan was teasing Simon about the large female contestant Simon insulted at the auditions as being big as France.  They’d since made it up and were cute together during the judges’ critiques.

 

Content to stay next to Simon for once, she listened in.

 

Simon grinned.  “Oh, stop,” he commanded half-heartedly. 

 

Ryan teased him, “Aw, if she only knew the real you.”

 

“She probably does, which is exactly why she’s flirting.”

 

That wiped the smile off Ryan’s face.  “You really think so?”

 

“Well, I’m not positive,” a challenged Simon admitted.

 

“She doesn’t know,” Paula put in.  As they both looked at her, she explained, “She’s not going to want to kiss a gay man.”  Paula didn’t mean it as an insult, as she was fine with kissing gay men, but she knew many women would feel that was taboo.  “You guys are spoiled with the women you know.  I kissed you, Simon.”

 

“I know that.”

 

Randy arrived back as the countdown continued and Ryan claimed the network, introducing the next segment.

 

But Simon was in a damn snippy mood another night, so something had happened to tarnish paradise, and she didn’t think it was as simple as Ryan obviously not shaving for the last week.

 

All it took during the show was Ryan’s observation of “Safe, boring and lazy, Simon’s love life,” and Simon was on the warpath.  “I’m not the one trying to look like someone out of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES,” and Paula was aghast, as it obviously referred to Ryan’s much-publicized date with one of the stars of that show.  But Simon went on to command Ryan to “lose the beard.” 

 

Paula was mortified and Randy was muttering about what they’d have to do with those two.  “I think Ryan looks right in the beard,” he declared, for good measure.

 

They were still a couple, not broken up, she was sure of that.

 

Of course Simon had his beard – Terri – but maybe that was allowed. 

 

“I don’t have to fuck Terri,” Simon explained to Paula after the show.  “When he dates a girl, he has to fuck her to make it believable.  And fucking another TV star, just for publicity, that’s all it is, the glamour of it all.  He needs a Terri but he’s not willing to do that, but that’s the safest course.”

 

“Does it matter if he fucks a woman?”  Man to man or man to woman, she thought it two different things.

 

“Of course it does!”  He looked at her as if she were mad.

 

Of course he meant Ryan would be having sex with someone other than him.  At least Simon’s fidelity wasn’t at issue with Terri.  He pecked her occasionally on the lips, when circumstances forced him to, that was all. 

 

But Paula wasn’t about to go to bat for Ryan as she had her own issue with him.  As the IDOL host he’d been on the TONIGHT SHOW and when her name was brought up he’d insinuated she was some drunken bag.  In the interview, he’d already insulted her comeback album and then said she was “loopy” and that he felt he’d “reeled her in” on the show, as if she was falling down drunk.

 

The public humiliation proved too much as it was bad enough she’d had the hit and run conviction from that accident last year, though she’d been assured she got off lightly with probation and a fine. 

 

But to be backstabbed by someone who should have been loyal, as anyone connected with the show should have been, was more than she could accept.   Though she was warned it might be better to pass off the whole thing as if it never occurred, she went on the air all right, had her own appearance on the TONIGHT SHOW where she got back at him and good with her prepared remarks, though maybe it wasn’t as wicked as Simon’s insinuation on IDOL that he “lose the beard.” 

 

She was enjoying their – probably – only minor disconnect while consoling herself she’d been sure it couldn’t last anyway.

 

Simon, it seemed, still had Terri, but Ryan was too sexually suspect publicly and so had tried bearding again, except the problem with that was Simon couldn’t stand anyone else around his boy. 

 

“Simon shows his jealousy,” as Ryan stated on air, leaving the audience to assume Simon was jealous of the audience’s love of Paula.  It took Paula explaining Ryan was referring to Simon’s attitude toward Ryan’s dating before he got it. 

 

“Of course he has to hide the message,” she told him, silently congratulating Ryan on his approach.

 

“I’m not jealous.”

 

“Of course you are.”

 

In fact, that’s what was so hilarious, though Simon didn’t appreciate the joke.

 

But the lovers came to terms again, as the next week saw Ryan on the show and he was clean-shaven and there hadn’t been one publicity-oriented date to make the columns.  What’s more, he and Simon were back to teasing each other but in their gentle fashion.

 

“You are the grumpiest millionaire I’ve ever met,” from Ryan was one example, as it was obviously said with affection.

 

“Oh-oh,” Randy said in her ear, “I hope they don’t get too relaxed.  They’ve already done too much this season.”

 

Paula grinned, totally flummoxed, as she’d call it.  “I cannot figure out how everyone doesn’t see what’s going on.”

 

But she and Ryan still weren’t speaking to each other.  There was his camp and hers and the two didn’t interact except on camera.  At least, unlike his sometimes tumultuous relationship with Simon, Ryan was determined to remain professional with her.

 

Maybe, she thought, if he only publicly apologized, but he hadn’t and obviously wouldn’t and was even claiming to be totally oblivious as to why she was angry with him.

 

She was right when she described him as being the guy to kiss his own reflection in the mirror.  She couldn’t believe she’d once been his friend, his confidant, his supporter.  Well, maybe hanging out with Simon was turning him into something bad. 

 

It took a while before she and Ryan were on speaking terms again.

 

Still, there was the usual combative nature between her and Simon.

 

“A personal relationship with a contestant, isn’t that what you’ve accused me of having with Corey?”  She’d assured them the relationship with Corey hadn’t taken place, even if they were throwing the former contestant’s phone records in her face.  “And now you do the X-FACTOR, all about judges and their personal relationships with the contestants.”

 

“It’s not quite the same thing, Paula.  Obviously, we’re meeting strictly on a professional basis.”

 

“That wouldn’t be the case if it were Ryan,” she pointed out.

 

“Of course not, but what does Ryan have to do with anything?” he pointed out, reasonably.  “Ryan is the host of AMERICAN IDOL, he has never been nor will he ever be a contestant on IDOL let alone on X-FACTOR.”

 

Ryan smiled, putting in, “I’m too big for you.”

 

“Oh, you two, oh, go buy a house together.”

 

“We’d like to,” Ryan admitted.  “But right now, he’s got his property, I’ve got mine, and the twain shall not meet.”

 

She didn’t know how they managed to see each other. 

 

Besides his morning radio show, Ryan was hosting AMERICA’S TOP 40 and had signed an E! NETWORK deal which involved more on-air responsibilities, hinting greatly at the risk of over-exposure.  He also had the annual New Year’s Eve hosting gig for Dick Clark and was now teasing Simon that he had pocketed an EMMY for hosting a parade on TV while Simon had nothing. 

 

Simon grinned, proud of him, for the record stating, “It’s only a parade.”  He assured Paula afterwards, “He should get the award for IDOL; this is the toughest hosting job on television.”

 

Randy laughed, pointing out “Especially when he’s got us to deal with.”  He amended that to “You,” meaning Simon.  “I don’t know how he keeps it all straight,” referring to the bizarre relationship of contentious judge and host versus romantic partners.

 

Paula snapped back, “He doesn’t.”

 

The judges had been getting verbally smacked all over the media concerning their presumed childish pranks and how they were taking the contestants less seriously than they should, being inconsiderate and disrespectful of the audience as well. 

 

Paula Abdul was the one hardest hit, with the speculation - not helped by Ryan’s comments, which could have been read as confirmation - that she was a wreck. 

 

But it was Simon throwing her off all the time, constantly whispering in her ear, pinching her, pulling at her clothing.  He appreciated making her look a mess, and with Ryan’s public condemnation this was the icing on the cake for him.  She felt they were against her, the two of them.  That this was her against IDOL, because they were IDOL, but she was a star and she was the name attached to the show when it started.  Without her, she didn’t know if there would have been an AMERICAN IDOL, and without IDOL there wouldn’t have been Simon Cowell, and he would have remained in England where he belonged.

 

The only genuine war between Ryan and Simon was Simon announcing the breakup of Ryan and his longtime girlfriend – the one rarely seen, Shana – and Ryan getting back at him by forcing Simon into a public engagement to Terri.  Ryan was laughing, Terri was giggling, and Simon was having none of it.  However, according to Ryan “You have to either marry her – if you’ll have him, Terri, because personally I think you’re better off without him – or break up, because even the public has had enough of this.”

 

So had Ryan, apparently, though he got along great with Terri, the lovers status between Simon and his compensated-for beard had gone on nearly as long as IDOL itself, but of course no one expected IDOL to last this long.  When he’d gone into it Simon hadn’t expected America to love him either.  But now he took that love for granted.

 

Ryan was always after him in person or in his own interviews, in a way warning everyone off the man, which is how Simon saw it:  “Simon is pompous, arrogant, firmly convinced he alone is the sole reason for the success of IDOL, and if you marry the man you can take for granted Valentine’s Day will be Simon’s adoration of himself.”

 

He had said the same when she and Ryan were on LARRY KING LIVE together earlier in the year, but that host had a great response to Ryan’s wry take on Simon.  “He would say things to you, like, "Enough about me. Let's talk about you. What do you think of me?"” which was even better than what Ryan said, in her opinion.

 

Though whenever possible she was prompted by Ryan to betray a romantic interest in Simon she’d only confess to how the notion turned her stomach.

 

“You guys are really weird,” she told him once.  Trying to encourage a romance that was an impossibility, and by the man’s lover?  “And people say I’m on drugs,” she’d complain.  If people only knew… what she had to put up with on this show and with these people….

 

In the media, and perhaps in the minds of the audience, Ryan, by necessity, was taking on the role of school principal in an effort to rein in the recalcitrants, but at least, as Randy saw it, “People are respecting Ryan, they should do that, good for him.”  Otherwise Randy stayed clear of taking sides with anyone.  “Controversy is not my middle name,” he assured them, on more than one occasion.

 

The end of the season saw the crown bestowed upon Taylor instead of Katharine McPhee and thereafter a fuming Simon only calmed himself with the reminder now the season was ended he was back on a plane to conduct his business in London, which sent him into a deep depression, one of his “dark moods” as he’d taken to calling it.

 

Paula noted it all and couldn’t resist pointing it out to Ryan.  “He’s on his way back to London.  He’s so unhappy; he misses London so much and he gets to go back now.”

 

Ryan was unforgiving.  “Yeah, Paula, he’s sad because he misses London and he’s leaving for London tomorrow.” 

 

Simon had X FACTOR in England and he’d come out with AMERICA’S GOT TALENT to capitalize on his successful British version.  In the States, he couldn’t have an on-air assignment on anything except IDOL; otherwise he’d be in violation of his contract, which called for exclusivity.  He’d already had a legal hassle with A.I. creator Simon Fuller – Fuller being known as “the other Simon”– on the productions he had going in the U.K.

 

With all the intercontinental activities, the lovers were having trouble finding time for each other, but Paula couldn’t be bothered with them as she was dismayed at her own lack of success outside IDOL, though there was a proposal for a reality series in the works. 

 

But her love life had achieved no measure of security comparable to what Randy had in his marriage or what Ryan and Simon had which passed for a marriage.

 

“I am so out of it, everyone has moved past me,” she lamented to her female friends.

 

Even Randy continued with his career as a record producer and Ryan certainly made the most of being a talking head, while Simon was busy producing anything he wasn’t in a copyright battle over, even if it took him back to England when his heart, as he said it, wasn’t in San Francisco but in Los Angeles with Ryan.  “I left my heart in Ryan Seacrest,” he said, only it wasn’t in irony.

 

She snickered, “That’s not the only thing you left in him.”

 

He laughed as well. 

 

She shook her head: God, but he loved the fact he owned that boy.

 

Thank God he hadn’t sung it, was her next thought.  Simon singing a ballad was a truly frightening concept: maybe a bar song, but never a ballad.  Not that she’d ever heard him sing, nor had Ryan, perish the thought.  According to Simon himself, he was simply that bad.  His love of great singers was because it was a talent he lamented in himself.  “Those who can, do.  Those who can’t, find the talent and promote it,” is what he said.

 

So Simon had no practical musical talent, she could still envy Ryan for having a lover as ridiculously romantic as Simon, with his gestures of assurance so commonplace it was a wonder Ryan didn’t take them for granted.  In fact, occasionally she thought Ryan overwhelmed by the constant attention.

 

There was the early on gift of the gold microphone in use at his radio program, which seemed to bemuse the young man, if not cause him outright embarrassment, but also the other tokens, sometimes wildly extravagant, that Simon delighted in surprising him with, and often boasted about to his fellow judges.  Whether it was an expensive watch, or something simple like flowers or gift boxes Simon would call “sweets to the sweet,” it all seemed to leave Ryan smiling in a strange combination of amusement and acceptance. 

 

“I admit it,” Paula told him during a group dinner, once Simon was safely out of earshot as he was bending his head to hear something from Terri, “I envy you.  I’ve had guys give me things, jewelry, anything.  But you’re like that pearl of great price.”

 

That earned a frown from Ryan. “A pearl?” he repeated.

 

Perhaps he was thinking of earrings.

 

“You should know that story, everyone should.  When a man found one pearl of great price he sold everything he had and bought it.  That’s you, that is what Simon thinks of you.  I’ve had men go gaga over me, I’ve been married a couple of times.  But it doesn’t last; I’ve never found that love.  But you two have managed to outlast both my marriages combined.”  And she didn’t think they’d earned it.

 

“Thank you, Paula.”

 

The devil must really love them, she thought.

  

THE END