Work Text:
Worthy
by Ciejye
Awareness to a of pain was the first sensation he had. A throbbing headache came into his reality. The cold floor beneath him was next. "Oh shit," he thought and took inventory; two teeth loose, one split lip, not bound but shackled to the wall by his left ankle. He tried to move. That was definitely a mistake. A sharp pain in his ribs and belly caused him to start to cough hard. When he was done there was something wet on his hand. The metallic smell told him what it was. Blood. This was not good at all.
"Why do they always have to knock me out?" He groaned, "One of these days I am really going to have brain damage from this."
At that moment a bright light appeared in the dark room, and in the light was man. He hadn't been before, he just kind of slowly materialized in the light. 6' 1" sandy blond hair, green eyes, dressed in light tan slacks and a white turtleneck sweater.
"Or maybe I do have brain damage," he muttered.
"No brain damage Fox," the man in the light said gently. "But you do have rather severe internal injuries and a knife wound in your leg that is not going to stop bleeding on its own."
"Who are you? Where did you come from? Where am I?" Fox asked as he pressed his hand to the bleeding wound and winced in the pain.
"My name is Andrew, I have come to be with you until the end."
"The end?" Fox echoed the last two words. "What end? Do you mean until I die?"
Andrew looked at him with eyes that were so gentle and caring. Fox almost felt himself lost in them. "Until I am not needed anymore."
"What are you?" Fox asked in a fearful whisper.
A light shone down on Andrew's blond head, it illuminated him with such a wonderful light, he seemed to glow. "I am an angel. Fox."
Fox's pouty mouth dropped open. "An angel," He said with sudden clarity. "to rescue me?"
"To be with you," Andrew said gently. "to comfort you and to tell you God loves you so very much."
Fox snorted in disbelief. "Sure God loved me so much he took away my sister, my father, my mother. My entire family gone. Everyone who ever loved me."
"Not everyone," Andrew gently corrected.
Fox knew who he meant, "Walter and Dana."
"And many others," Andrew said gently. "God's ways are not our ways. It is not always for us to know the why of things. Sometimes God calls someone home sooner than another. But God loves you Fox, God loves you."
"No," Fox whispered as he dashed away an angry tear. "I am not worthy of love."
"I know you feel that way Fox. No one ever thinks they are worthy of unconditional love but you are the Father's precious child."
"NO!" Fox snapped, "I shouldn't be loved."
"Oh Fox." Andrew's eyes were filled with compassion. "Is that what you think? You're wrong Fox. Everyone is worthy of love. Everyone."
"Not me. I have killed and lied and done so many things that were not worthy of being loved." Fox spoke with halted, hesitant words. His voice cracked.
"God loves you Fox, inspite of everything and anything you may have done."
"I-I" Fox began to cough again, hard and deep, he brought up more blood. "I live with a man. He is my husband, God can't like that. Everyone knows God hates a faggot."
"Fox, God wants his children to be happy. Love is love, man or woman. To love another is the greatest gift anyone can give."
"We do things." Fox's voice was almost non existent.
"Fox, God's love is beyond the physical. His love is pure and God loves you Fox, nothing else matters."
"No!" Fox snapped again, "He can't love me. I don't even love me." The last was said very quietly.
"I know Fox, that is why you hurt yourself and go off half cocked so often. But God does love you."
"When will I die?"
"I don't know," Andrew admitted. "In God's time."
Fox nodded and was wracked again with coughing. He wiped the blood away without a second glance. "You can't help me get out of here?"
Andrew shook his head, the light had faded now. "I can offer you comfort and when they beat you again. I will shield you from the worst of the blows."
Fox laughed ruefully, "When not if. I could have used you last week for that."
"What happened?"
"I ditched Scully and went after a serial killer by myself, no backup, nothing. I dropped my gun and was almost shot but help arrived just in time headed by Scully."
"Sounds like someone was watching out for you," Andrew said with a small smile that seemed to light up his whole face.
"It was later when I needed the help, when Walter got ahold of me."
"Ahhhhh I see." Andrew nodded as he understood, "A bit angry was he?"
"He was livid. He-he took his belt to my backside with such vigor, I am surprised I can sit down even now."
"Walter loves you."
"Yes, he does, and he loved me so well that day. He put me over his knee and blistered my rump with his hand first, then with his belt and then, when I was in his arms sobbing, I swear he was crying too. For the rest of that weekend, every time he thought about finding me on my knees the gun pressed to the back of my head, he put me over his knee and blistered me again. I never felt so loved in all my life."
Andrew chucked, "We don't usually take well-deserved spankings.
Fox snorted in the darkness, then said softly. "I am going to be beaten again." It was part question and part statement. There was a touch of fear in his voice, his hands shook.
"I will be with you Fox, until the end, through everything no matter what." The angel placed his hand on Fox's hand. The shaking stilled. Fox felt a great sense of calm come over him. "God will be with you Fox."
"I am going to die here." Fox whispered.
"Everyone dies Fox."
Tears fell down Fox's face. "I won't ever see Scully or Walter again," he lamented.
"You will Fox, you will. God's house has many rooms."
"What if I go to hell?"
Andrew chuckled, but not a scornful chuckle, one of compassion and caring, as one might with a child who fears the worst for every minor thing. "You are not going to hell. You will go to the Father's arms and be with him for all eternity."
"What if I get reincarnated as a mosquito?" Fox asked only about half serious.
"Then I would be careful not to get squashed," Andrew quipped.
The sound of a key in the door silenced the men for a moment. Then Andrew spoke, "I am here with you Fox. I can't take it all but I will shield you from the worst of it and I will not leave you."
The men came in. They looked big and mean. There were five of them. The first man grabbed Fox and slammed him into the wall face first. Fox felt the blinding pain as his nose broke. He then pulled Fox away from the wall into the middle of the room as far as the chain would allow. The other men crowded around him, their fists pummeled his body and their boots kicked him viscously.
Andrew glowed with the light of the love of the father and stepped into the beating. He faced Fox and wrapped his arms around him. Andrew pulled Fox's face into his chest. Fox still took some hits but now his front was shielded by Andrew's body and his sides and kidneys by his arms. Andrew absorbed the blows and felt the pain himself before he gave it up to the Father. "I am here Fox, God is here."
Fox cried out in the pain as a boot caught him savagely in the thigh right above the knife wound. He and Andrew sank to the ground as the beating continued mostly with kicks now. Then, as suddenly as the beating started, it stopped and the men walked out.
Fox lay in Andrew's arms. He gasped for air and hurt terribly but, for some reason, he was more at peace than he had ever been in his life. "I believe," he whispered.
"Believe what?" Andrew asked as he held the shattered man like a child.
"That I am loved, not just loved out of sex, or duty, or words that are empty and have no meaning. But really and truly loved."
"You are loved Fox, really and truly." Andrew rocked Fox in his arms as he sobbed.
"Please," Fox whispered. "Please. I can't leave Walter, he would be devastated. Its not his fault I left but he would blame himself for it. Oh please, please he doesn't deserve this. Walter has been my rock, he is always here steady and sure, unwavering."
Andrew continued to hold Fox and rock him as Fox continued. "We had worked together for years before we admitted what we felt. At first he had been married. Then the divorce was too new, the wound was too fresh. Still we worked together. One night, after the Bureau Christmas party, Walter was in his office. I am not sure what he was doing, the man was and is such a work horse. I came in to ask for a ride home. My car wouldn't start and everyone else had gone. I also wanted to invite him to Christmas dinner."
Fox coughed again hard. Andrew held him while he settled. "I don't know why but I just felt like the time was right. Hel er heck I didn't even realize at the time that I was so attracted to him. I stood at the door to his office and stammered out the invitation. Walter crossed to me. He was so large and powerful. I am just as tall as he is but he has always seemed bigger. Anyway, I remember how his tongue wet his lips just before he pointed up. When I took a look up I realized I was standing under mistletoe that someone, perhaps it was his assistant Kim, had hung above the door. 'Its tradition.' He said in that deep rumbling voice of his. I wanted to melt . I realized at that moment the love I had for him. 'far be it form me to buck tradition Sir' I said to him. 'Not sir,' He said as he removed his glasses, 'Walter.' Then he kissed me, and ohh what a kiss that was."
The cough filled the air again as Fox paused in the story. It was several minutes before he was able to continue, his voice horse and weak. "There is a song I had heard once, called 'This Kiss' a part of it goes,
It's the way you love me
It's a feeling like this--
It's centrifugal motion
It's perpetual bliss.
It's that pivotal moment
It's Impossible
This Kiss, This Kiss
(Unstoppable)
This Kiss, This Kiss
That is how I felt in that one simple kiss, as if everything hinged on it and, when the kiss was over, nothing would ever be the same again. And it wasn't. We went to my place that night and gathered what we needed. Then we went to his place. We just held each other the whole night and talked about everything, life, love, the past, the future. We went to church the next morning and afterwards. in the silence, we declared our love before God, and exchanged vows for eternity. I know it's not legal, but for us it is."
Andrew smiled in the darkness. "You and Walter have a special bond, a special love."
Fox couldn't speak at first, he was very weak. "Yes, a very special bond. I love him so much."
"Do you think he would love someone who was not worthy of love?" Andrew asked as he felt Fox weakening from the blood loss.
"No, I guess he wouldn't," Fox admitted. "Perhaps I am worthy of a little bit of love." Andrew smiled. "What kind of angel are you?"
"I am the angel of death Fox." Andrew said as he let Fox lay back against the wall. "I have come to take you home."
"Why didn't you tell me that before?" Fox questioned softly as he felt himself weaken.
"It wasn't time," Andrew said simply.
Fox nodded as he closed his eyes. There were no more words to be spoken. He was going to die. He thought of his friends, of the Gunmen and of Scully. He would miss them so much. Then he thought of Walter, of the way his skin glistened after a shower. He remembered the way his whole face lit up when he laughed, the scent of him after making love, the taste of him. He could almost imagine he was right before him.
"I must be out of it, Walter, I can see you." Fox murmured.
"I am here Fox." Walter said as he reached a hand down to help Fox up. Fox grasped his hand and stood. He didn't hurt any more.
"Walter, you came for me." Fox hugged his mate tightly, and kissed him. "But how?"
Walter gestured down, Fox looked and saw his body there, still and at rest. "You're dead Fox, so am I."
"But how did you?" Fox started.
"It doesn't matter Fox. We are together again, forever,"
"Forever." Fox echoed.
Andrew smiled as the light permeated the room to lead them to the Father. "Gentlemen, come, lets go home."
Fox and Walter smiled, their arms linked and hands clasped. Together with Andrew they turned and walked into the light.
Together forever.
The End