Work Text:
The Boss
by Ciejye
It had been one of those weeks, where everything that could go wrong did.
The alarm hadn't gone off.
The pipes had frozen.
There was no hot water.
The milk was curdled.
The last bagel was moldy.
He had ripped his favorite pants.
He spilled his coffee on his shirt.
His car wouldn't start.
Traffic was terrible.
Every meeting ran long.
Accounting lost his paycheck.
Kim was out sick and the replacement secretary didn't have a clue.
He missed lunch.
There was construction on the next office.
The hammering gave him a headache.
He had snapped at everyone in the office the entire week,
The ride home today was even worse,
And to top it all off, someone had swiped his paper.
Assistant Director Walter Skinner was not a happy camper.
As he unlocked his apartment, something dropped down right in front of his face. Walter nearly jumped out of his skin then saw it was an envelope, addressed to him, in a familiar scrawl.
Walter took the envelope down stepping in his apartment, taking a moment to hang up his coat, and set down his briefcase. He looked around the living room but saw no one. Turning the envelope over he opened it, removing a card, a home made card.
On the front there was a picture of Walter, full body view, sprawled out on the bed, totally nude. "Ohh he is really going to get it this time." Walter thought, but smiled anyway. And began reading, each page had a new line and picture, a close up of some part of Walter's body.
It was entitled
The Boss
All the parts of the body got together to decide who was going to be boss.
(Full shot of Walter's naked body on the bed)
The brain thought it should be boss cause it controlled everything the body did.
(A close up of his head, shinning in the camera light)
The heart thought it should be boss cause it pumped the blood for the body.
(A shot of his massive chest, both nipples hard)
The eyes thought they should be boss cause they saw where the body should go.
(Eyes opened, no glasses)
The stomach thought it should be boss because it digested all the food for the body.
(One set of washboard abs)
The legs thought they should be boss cause they carried the body where it needed to go.
(naked hairy legs, nice muscle tone)
Then the rectum spoke up and thought it should be the boss.
(a close up of a rectum, [Walter paused and wondered how that shot was taken])
All the other parts of the body laughed at the rectum, ridiculing it, so the rectum just closed up tight.
After a few days, the brain got foggy and couldn't think right, or control anything.
The heart got weak and began skipping beats.
The eyes got watery and blurry, unable to see.
The stomach was nauseous unable to keep anything in it.
The legs were wobbly and couldn't go anywhere.
So all the parts of the body agreed,
the rectum would be the boss
That just goes to prove, You don't have to be a brain to be a boss, just an asshole.
Just kidding, your the greatest,
Happy Boss' Day
Love Fox
Walter stared at the card for a long time, then saw a bit of brown hair peeking around the corner, and disappearing, He began to laugh. He laughed long and hard, finally wiping the tears from his eyes. He grabbed the paddle off the coffee table and headed for the bedroom, calling, "Fox, We need to have a discussion about the proper use of that new camera!!"
fin