Chapter Text
Title: Missing You - Part One
Author: scalin55
Fandom: Mystic Knights of Tir na Nog
Pairings: Garrett/Deirdre, hints of Angus/Rohan
Rating: FRT-13 - to be safe
Feedback: Yes
Series: None
Summary: The POVs of the Mystic Knights about an unfortunate turn of
events.
Catergory: AU/Angst
Warnings: Slash. M/M implied.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Mystic Knights. This is
for entertainment only. No copyright infringement intended.
Missing You
Angus's POV -
I miss you.
Sometimes so much I can hardly breathe.
There are days when my body just doesn't want to get out of bed. It just wants to stay there and fade away.
But I couldn't stay. I couldn't watch you stand at the throne and accept her hand, say I do, kiss her on the lips as you're pronounced husband and wife.
I know you have loved her since the beginning, since you first met her, who wouldn't. She was a princess. She was beautiful even then, and had a fiery temper. She also looked at us as if we were dirty and unworthy of her attention. For some strange reason, when you are boys, you like that more than having girls act as if they like you.
I even thought I loved her at one point, but that was before you somehow stole my heart.
And I thought I was supposed to be the thief.
I doubt you even knew you did it. You probably don't even know why I left. Maybe you think it is because I loved her as well. Maybe it is better if you think that. I don't know how you would handle the truth; how anyone ' could ' handle it. ' I ' didn't even handle it well at first.
I wonder if you miss me? Do you even think about me at all while you are playing with your children, standing beside your wife, sleeping with her? Probably not. Then again maybe you do. You can't be best friends with someone and not wonder at some point whatever happened to them.
I sometimes think about going back, just to see how you are, if you are happy. I can't picture you as anything else, but I am curious. Maybe more curious to see if you would recognize me; if you remember me at all.
But I can't go back. I know that. To see you again would only open the festering wound that is my heart even further.
I don't think I could survive that. I would probably only do something we would both regret.
So I will travel the world as far away from you as I can, and wonder, always, what you are doing.
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Rohan's POV -
I miss you.
Sometimes so much I can barely breathe.
There are days I can't stand it anymore, and cry until I feel as if I'll drown.
Aye, I said cry. I never would have thought I could ever do that. But I hurt so much; I feel so alone sometimes.
I need you.
I think I need you more then air itself.
I never knew it until the day I came home and you were gone.
I'll admit, I thought at first you were just at the tavern goofing around. At least until morning came and you were still nowhere to be seen.
I hoped that you just wanted time alone, maybe you were still in love with Deirdre. I know you had a crush on her. I had assumed you'd gotten over it, but you hide things from me so well when you want to, so I could've been wrong.
As the wedding neared and you were still gone, I guess it finally dawned on me that you weren't coming back. It was with that realization that I learned just how much you truly meant to me.
I was a fool. I had my true love right in front of my face the whole time, and I didn't see it. Not until it was gone, anyways.
How could I possibly love you? I didn't know, but I couldn't argue with what my heart told me. I was confused with the 'hows and whys', but not the facts.
I broke off the wedding, engagement, all of it. Nobody understood, not Cathbad, not Ivar. Garrett even threatened me, thinking I would hurt Deirdre. He really does love her and I'm glad that they finally did marry.
Strangely enough, I think Deirdre did understand. She handled it well and let me go without expecting an explanation.
I know she's worried about me, but there's nothing I can do about it. At least not that I can see.
So I'll wait for you to come home, even though it's unlikely at this point.
It is all I can do.
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Deirdre's POV -
I know you miss him.
I can see it in your eyes. Even before you told me you couldn't marry me.
I know you were surprised at how easily I let you go, that I didn't ask for an explanation, or demand one. I even sheltered you from the brunt of my father's anger.
You see, I had time to cry beforehand. I knew it was going to happen before you knew yourself.
I could tell you loved him. I think he loved you also. That was why he left. Too bad it had to turn out this way.
He's not coming back. You know it as well. Twenty-two years and not a word from him. If he was planning on coming back, he would have done so by now.
I hate seeing you alone though. I can see the pain you try to hide from everyone else. You blame yourself, though it is nobody's fault. Yet it is a cruel joke to play on one who has given so much to others. After all you have done for my kingdom, both of you, it seems an unfitting end for you to die alone and with so much sadness.
Maybe I can help. This is probably something I should have done a long time ago, but I guess I was hoping he would come home on his own.
I'll talk to Garrett. It is time he learned the real reason we didn't marry. I'm sure he will be able to come up with some way to find Angus.
It is the least I can do for someone who has always been there for me.
I do love you, Rohan, and I want you to be happy.
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Garrett's POV -
I don't understand.
I won't even pretend to.
I didn't then and I don't now.
I can hardly argue with the outcome though.
I thought I had lost Deirdre to you. Not that I didn't realize in some ways you were the better man, but that didn't stop my bitterness. I got over it though. I mean, I was sure you both loved each other. I know she loved you.
Then you turn around and strand her at the altar. Okay, so you broke off with her before the actual wedding. That doesn't change the fact that you dumped her.
I'll admit, threatening you was probably not my best option, but I couldn't believe you would hurt her like that. You would make a fool out of her.
Except, she didn't seem to mind. It was almost like she had expected it. She even shielded you from her father's wrath, and more or less told me where to go.
I must say, I wasn't fond of her unprincess-like behavior at first, but I think that is what endeared me to her in the end.
I still don't know why you left her though.
You have never dated anyone else, or seemed interested in anyone. You more or less just went back to the way you were before you and Deirdre got engaged.
The fact that you and Deirdre seemed to still be friends, even closer than you were before, caused me no small amount of confusion. Although it could have been because Angus disappeared. I don't know why he left before your wedding, since the two of you have always been close friends. Maybe that had something to do with why you and Deirdre broke up. But I can't see how.
I _can_ see the sadness in your eyes. Over the years it has only seemed to have gotten worse.
I feel no resentment towards you now, just so you know.
I can't feel much more than pity. You were once my greatest rival, at least for Deirdre's affection, and my friend. Now you seem more like an empty shell, as if each day a little bit of you has died.
I wish I could help you, but I wouldn't know how.
All I can do is watch as a man I once grudgingly respected withers away, piece by piece.
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Ivar's POV -
Where have you gone?
And do you even know about the mess you've left behind?
In my travels I have heard about a game called dominoes, where you knock one down and watch as the others fall as well. This is very much like that.
With your disappearance being the first domino.
I visited Kells not that long ago, and the change was shocking to me, for I have not been there for ten years.
I knew your leaving affected Rohan. I had no doubts that it was the cause of his break up with Deirdre, but I had no idea of the true reasons behind it, or what had happened between you, until now.
I have had my eyes open in case I came across you in my travels. I have also asked a few friends to keep a lookout for you if you happened to show up in my land. Now I think I will have to put more effort into finding you. If only for the sakes of all the former Mystic Knights, including yourself.
Of the others, Rohan looks the worst. He looks akin to one of the walking dead. I do not think there is much left of him. I can't even remember seeing him smile, truly smile, the whole time I was there.
Deirdre, she looks tired. She is constantly checking on Rohan as if she fears he will one day vanish into thin air; which may not be far from the truth. She has permanent worry lines etched on her face, and almost seems desparate for anything that could possibly make her smile for even a second. I am glad she at least has Garrett and their children for support.
Garrett seems confused, as if he knows there is something going on, but not sure what. I couldn't help but notice the looks he cast Rohan's way, though. They were full of pity and perhaps, regret. I think he wants to help but is unsure how. I felt sorry for him and wanted to tell him what I discovered but decided it was not my
place. I don't know why Deirdre hasn't told him. I know now, without a doubt, that she knows; probably did since the beginning. It would explain why she took it so well and defended Rohan's decision.
I must say that I didn't know. I can't help but wonder if you did.
Did you know that Rohan loved you, or did he just discover he did after you left?
Did you love him?
One can only wonder why you left and why, after twenty years, you haven't returned.
There is a chance that you aren't even alive. There are many ways someone could get killed while traveling the world; I should know.
But I won't think of that, for if you are dead, then there is no way to resolve this problem. I refuse to believe that there is no way to help those I call friends.
Tomorrow I will send out ships and trackers to look for you. If they find you, and hopefully they do, they will give you this letter I now write. It will be your decision to either send a message to Kells or go in person, but hopefully any word from you will help settle this dilemma.