Work Text:
My Life
by Ami
SciFiCatGirl18@aol.com
Shining in the darkness, the moonlight catches Blair's skin and plays havoc with my mind. I wish Blair knew I was watching him. I wish he knew I cared. He's staring up at the stars and I'm suddenly longing for him. Why can't I tell Blair how I feel?
I should be with him now, not sitting here by myself. I spend too much time alone, trying not to let him know how I feel. Never letting him know the real me until it was almost too late. I know the real Blair; he let me in when we merged...and before that as well, but it was only when I used my animal spirit to bring him back that he truly knew me.
I sigh and sit back on the coolness of night sand. A fire is blazing from a pit and I watch Blair's features distort behind flames of orange and blue; his eyes dancing, face smiling. I wonder if he'll ever give me the chance to smile and dance with him.
It's not Blair's fault he doesn't know. He's not a mind reader. I should be man enough to tell my Guide how I feel, but when I try, the words come out all jumbled and I feel like an idiot. I can't put them in order and then I get pissed and walk away, leaving him standing there, bewildered.
All it would take from me is just one little phrase. A few words strung together that would let Blair know how much I care for him. But I can't. I want to, God, how I want to, but the words won't form for me. If Blair could see it in my eyes, then everything would be okay; but I managed to fuck that up, too. I don't have to wear dark glasses to hide my eyes; I can do that with a thought or a trance. I've mastered that blank stare and now it's come back to bite me on the ass.
Blair turns around and sees me. I stand up, waiting for him to come to me, because that's what I do and he does.
It's different this time. As Blair nears me, I try not to let my eyes fade to black this time. My tongue is thick, but the words are so close. Blair steps in front of me and takes my hand.
"Blair..." I can't finish because I'm scared he might run. I look at him and see it's okay.
"I know, Jim, I know." Blair smiles and catches my eye.
It's all different now. Blair knows how I feel and it didn't kill me to let him see. He's my redeemer. He's my salvation. He's my reason for living.
My life.
THE END