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English
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Part 1 of The Pussycat series
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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
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3,260
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What’s new pussycat

Summary:

Summary: so I was watching a neighbour's cat and thinking I’d like to be a cat, and then I was reading something about Owen and thinking Owen would make a great cat, a battle scarred Tom suspicious of everything but the right fingers scratching the right spot and he’d turn to goo.  So I had to write it.

Work Text:



What’s new pussycat
by Lilithangel

 

Owen blinked and glared at them looking more ruffled than normal which might have been due to have a lot more hair than normal, well fur if you wanted to be strictly correct and Ianto always preferred to be.

“He’s a cat,” Gwen said for the second time.

“Well now we know what that button does,” Jack said, not even bothering to hide his amusement but he certainly yelped when a swipe of Owen’s paw opened a scratch along the hand that had been sneaking over to pet Owen.

Owen was a cat. A tortoiseshell tom to be precise (Jack had confirmed that before Owen realised what had happened, hissed at him and jumped onto the autopsy table with an insulted air). He tolerated Tosh petting him and checking him over, looked at Gwen disdainfully as only a cat can and ignored the amused looks Jack and Ianto were giving him.

“Is there another button to turn him back?” Gwen asked looking at the machine they had been investigating.

“I don’t know,” Tosh said moving the machine out of her reach, “we can’t risk turning anyone else into an animal. I’ve got some data to work with, hopefully I can figure out how to reverse it.”

“What do we do with him in the meantime?” Ianto said.

“He can’t stay here,” Jack said, “Myfanwy will eat him and there isn’t anywhere for him to you know, do his business.” Owen yowled and managed to look horrified at Jack’s words.

“I’m probably stuck here for the long run,” Tosh said regretfully. Owen head-butted her hand and she dutifully scratched behind his ears.

“Rhys is allergic,” Gwen said quickly.

“Alright,” Ianto said with a sigh.

“Your place at least has a garden,” Jack said.

“If he scratches my furniture I’m having him neutered,” Ianto said staring at Owen. Owen’s ears flattened against his head and Ianto smiled thinly at him.

Owen mewled pitifully at Tosh but she shook her head. “I need to keep working on getting you back to normal,” she said to him, “Ianto will take good care of you I promise.”

“Once he gets a carrier, kitty litter and a flea collar,” Ianto said, “on Torchwood’s account.”

Ianto returned with the offending items to find Owen curled up in Tosh’s lap with a particularly smug expression on his face. Ianto got the collar on him before he could object causing him to leap off Tosh’s lap and streak up the stairs to the boardroom where he perched on top of a monitor and refused to come down.

“Even as a cat he manages to be an annoying git,” Ianto said glaring up at the indignant cat. “Have you figured out how much of the human Owen is in there?” he asked the giggling Tosh.

“There are little bits,” Tosh said, “but not a lot. He’s not trying to communicate with us or anything and seems reasonably cat-like.”

“He definitely enjoyed discovering he could lick his own balls,” Jack said as he walked in dragging a piece of twisted paper tied to a bit of string behind him.

Owen’s tail swished with interest while he attempted to not care. Jack dragged the paper across the table and Owen pounced skidding across the shiny surface and landing in Ianto’s arms with a yowl of protest. Ianto grabbed him tight and pushed him into the carrier. Owen hissed and spat catching Ianto with a claw across the back of the hand. They glared at each other while Ianto sucked on the scratch and Jack laughed.

“Play nice kiddies,” Jack said dropping a hand onto Ianto’s shoulder.

“Any damage he does will be billed to Torchwood,” Ianto said seriously.

“And docked from his wages,” Jack replied with a grin, “I’ll see you both later.” Owen glared at him from the cage and Ianto grimaced.

When he arrived at his flat Ianto was pretty sure Owen hadn’t lost any of his human weight. The cage was ridiculously heavy and Owen wasn’t helping by sitting right at the back of the cage so it tilted every time Ianto lifted it. Ianto nodded a greeting to his neighbour who was arriving home at the same time. They were only on nodding acquaintance which was not bad considering how little Ianto was home and quite enough for him anyway.

Ianto put the cage down in the hallway and unloaded the rest of the supplies from his car. Once everything was put away he finally let Owen out of the cage. Owen stalked out stiff legged and sniffed at the hallway before heading off to explore the flat. Ianto took a moment to get changed and hang up his suit before heading for the kitchen to get something to eat. Owen was sitting in front of the fridge staring at it intently.

“I take it you’re hungry,” Ianto said. Owen mewled and looked up at Ianto hopefully. Ianto found a saucer and opened a tin of jellied eels he hadn’t been able to resist buying.

Owen’s eyes narrowed as he watched Ianto open the tin and spoon out the eels and his nose twitched. Ianto put the saucer on the floor along with a bowl of water and went about preparing his own meal. He didn’t have much in the house but managed to dig out some pork chops and readymade mash potato.

As he stirred the potato and put it in the microwave there was a crash from the bench behind him. He turned around in time to see Owen disappear out of the kitchen with a pork chop in him mouth.

“You son of a…” Ianto yelled and chased after him. He finally found Owen under his bed chewing on the now rather dusty pork chop. “You could have just told me you didn’t like the jellied eels,” he said, “alright so you couldn’t,” he corrected himself. Owen looked at him smugly and continued to eat.

At least Owen had left him one chop Ianto told himself as he made a mental note to fetch the bones later when Owen lost interest. Once he’d finished cleaning up the mess Owen had made in the kitchen and threw away the admittedly nasty smelling eels Ianto sat down to his own meal and a quiet beer that was rudely interrupted by Owen howling by the back door.

Not trusting the cat to not run off Ianto set up the kitty litter tray and shoved Owen towards it. Owen batted the litter with one paw and then gingerly stepped onto the tray. He turned around and glared haughtily at Ianto tail sticking straight out.

“Fine,” Ianto said, “I’ll leave you to it but make sure you cover up.” He felt a little stupid talking to a cat but since Tosh couldn’t confirm how much of Owen was still there he decided to keep doing it.

A few minutes later Owen stalked into the living room where Ianto was trying to relax, plonked himself down in the middle of the room and proceeded to lick himself clean.

“I really don’t need to see this,” Ianto said flicking the TV channel over to the news.

There was a quick knock on the door and Jack let himself in. “How’s it all going?” he asked giving Ianto a quick kiss that turned into a longer one when Ianto sighed into his mouth.

“Owen as a cat is just as annoying as Owen as a human,” Ianto said when he released Jack.

Jack laughed and sat down next to Ianto to see Owen watching them. “I’m sure you’re not that bad, are you Owen?” Jack said waggling his fingers invitingly.

Owen stalked over and sniffed Jack’s fingers and then leaped onto Jack’s lap, kneading his claws into Jack’s thighs before settling down to stare at Ianto with another smug expression.

Jack started to pet Owen with one hand, starting a small engine of purrs, while his other hand curled around Ianto’s neck and tried to elicit the same response from Ianto. They watched the news in surprising comfort with Jack adding his usual commentary supplemented with Ianto’s snark. Owen seemed to be dozing happily in Jack’s lap claws only occasionally catching on the wool of Jack’s trousers.

When the news ended Jack leaned over and kissed Ianto with more passion only to pull back with a yelp when Owen’s claws dug in somewhere more personal. Owen twisted around and landed on his feet on the floor and spat at Jack.

“Well mind your manners,” Jack said, “I’m planning on using that.”

Ianto smothered a laugh at the two offended looks and pulled Jack to his feet. “Let’s take this to the bedroom and leave Owen to the TV.”

Jack smirked at Owen and followed Ianto into the bedroom shutting the door on Owen’s nose when he tried to follow.

Later when Jack left Owen slipped past him into Ianto’s room.

“Fine,” Ianto said when Owen leapt onto the bed. He was feeling well sated and in a good mood. “Just stay down there.”

Owen curled up at the foot of the bed and looked at Ianto as if to suggest he wouldn’t dream of inconveniencing Ianto.

Ianto opened his eyes and yelled, face to face with demon eyes. He scrabbled back and Owen yowled at being turfed off Ianto’s pillow. Owen recovered his footing and proceeded to groom himself as if nothing had happened.

“Tonight you sleep on the sofa,” Ianto said when his breathing returned to normal and Owen ignored him. Ianto took the suggestion and headed for the bathroom.

Ianto pulled on jeans and a tee-shirt and made coffee. Jack had told him to take the day off to get Owen settled and Ianto wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He’d focussed so much of his life on Torchwood he’d forgotten how to relax outside of sex with Jack anyway.

Owen followed him into the kitchen and meowed staring at him and then at the fridge. Taking warning from the night before Ianto got out a tin of food that more closely resembled shredded chicken and scooped it into a saucer. Owen sniffed at it and decided it was acceptable settling down to eat it without complaint. Ianto made toast and wondered what on earth he was going to do all day.

By lunch time Ianto had tidied the entire flat, ducked out for groceries (including a small catnip mouse that he would deny if anyone asked) made another coffee and called the Hub three times to see if Tosh had found anything.

Owen in the meantime had curled up in a patch of sun in the kitchen and slept the morning away only waking up to use the kitty litter once leaving Ianto to reflect on how his life always seemed to end in cleaning up Owen’s messes.

Finally Ianto grabbed a book and went out into the back garden. He shared it with two other flats but they all worked during the day so he had it to himself, and Owen. Owen had stretched and followed Ianto out looking around in interest. He explored the entire space before returning to where Ianto was lying on the grass and sitting on him.

Ianto grumbled but couldn’t be bothered moving, the warmth of Owen’s small body nice in the small of his back. Lulled by the heat of the sun and Owen’s rumbling purr Ianto put down the book and fell asleep.

Something wet and furry landed on Ianto’s hand. He opened his eyes to see a very dead mouse and a very proud looking Owen looking at him.

“Oh god,” Ianto screwed up his face and snatched his hand away. “Um, thank you Owen but you can have it,” he said, remembering the family cat’s habit of bringing back its catch. Owen picked it up in his mouth and disappeared under a drooping hydrangea bush where Ianto could just hear the crunching of small bones. He stood up and went back inside leaving the door open for Owen.

He rang Tosh again only to be told rather bluntly that she’d call him as soon as she found anything. So he decided to make a start on all the movies he’d failed to watch yet.

Halfway through the first one there was an awful row in the back garden and Owen came flying back into the flat hair on end, tail fluffed up to twice its size and a rip in one ear. Owen stalked around the living room for a few minutes growling and refusing to allow Ianto near him. Finally he relented and Ianto checked out the wound. It hadn’t bled much so Ianto decided to leave it alone. Ianto couldn’t find any other injuries on Owen who permitted Ianto to lift him up and return to the sofa where he curled up in Ianto’s lap and pretended not to watch the flickering colours on the TV screen.

Jack arrived with takeout and news that Tosh was pretty sure she’d figured out how to return Owen to human form but she wanted to run some overnight tests before trying anything on him.

“Owen got into a fight,” Ianto said and Jack laughed.

“Why aren’t I surprised,” Jack said. He tempted Owen onto his own lap with some fried chicken while Ianto took the opportunity to stretch and make coffee.

When Ianto came back Owen was sprawled out on his back in Jack’s lap with Jack’s hand between his paws while Jack rubbed his stomach with the other.

“He’s remarkably tactile as a cat,” Ianto remarked.

“Just like the human Owen was before he got all bristly,” Jack said, “he’s a lot more restful like this though.”

“Say that when you wake up with him lying on your pillow staring into your eyes like some sort of demon god,” Ianto said making Jack laugh again.

“You two do seem to be getting along better now,” Jack said.

“He brought me a dead mouse,” Ianto replied.

“You get your own mate and stop courting mine,” Jack mock growled at Owen who proceeded to ignore him in favour of attacking his hand, which distracted Jack for long enough for Ianto to get his blush under control.

Owen didn’t try to follow them to the bedroom this time, seemingly content to sprawl out on the sofa taking up far more room than his size would suggest.

When Jack left Ianto got up to look for Owen who hadn’t been sitting outside the bedroom door waiting to get in. Instead Ianto found Owen sitting rather smugly at the back door which Ianto had forgotten to close properly. He yowled at Ianto and strutted to the fridge to demand food.

“Looks like you got lucky tonight too then,” Ianto said pouring him a saucer of milk and finishing the bottle.

Owen followed him back to bed, choosing this time to curl up behind Ianto’s knees so he couldn’t turn over. It was better than a face full of fur so Ianto settled in and went to sleep.

The next morning Ianto woke on his back with Owen draped half over his stomach and protesting loudly when Ianto moved.

“You’re on my bladder,” Ianto grumbled and pushed him aside. Owen jumped off the bed and stalked out in a perfect cat version of a human Owen snit.

When Ianto came into the kitchen Owen was carefully grooming himself and demonstrating his ability to lick his own balls.

“Show off,” Ianto said as he prepared their breakfast.

Afterwards Ianto attempted to get Owen back in the carrier only giving up when his curtains were threatened as Owen tried to climb them.

“If you don’t behave I will go via the vet,” Ianto threatened but Owen looked so pitiful that he gave in and kicked the cage closed. “I can’t believe I’m doing this for you,” he added as he carried Owen down to the car. He was never going to get all the cat hairs out of his suit.

Owen insisted on hanging around Ianto’s neck like a large fluffy scarf on the drive to the Hub, staring lazily out the window and Ianto was pretty sure he was smirking at the startled looks of other motorists.

As soon as they were in the Hub Owen leapt off Ianto’s shoulders and streaked over to rub against Tosh’s legs purring loudly.

“Tart,” Ianto said as he headed for the coffee machine, “and obviously I am referring to Owen and not you Tosh,” he added.

“So some of his character remains then,” Tosh said with a laugh as she picked Owen up and hugged him. Owen nuzzled into her breasts and mewled happily.

“You’ve figure it out then?” Ianto said when he returned with coffee.

“I think so,” Tosh replied, “it should be a matter of the correct sequence and passing the beam over him.” She took the collar off just in case and started.

Unfortunately it wasn’t a matter of the sequence she’d formulated. Tosh tried several combinations and Owen remained a cat.

“I’ll keep working on it,” Tosh said her fingers scratching behind Owen’s ears as he rubbed against her hand.

By the end of the day Owen had been banished to the Tourist Office for driving Myfanwy crazy and scratching the legs of Jack’s desk, the collar had mysteriously vanished and Ianto was resigned to having a pet. If he was honest Owen was quite bearable without the snide remarks but he found he was missing them just a little.

Jack couldn’t make it over since he’d madeTosh go home and get some sleep. So Ianto and Owen spent the evening watching bad game shows. Ianto left the back door open but Owen seemed unwilling to go out on the town, content to curl up in Ianto’s lap and be petted.

“I hope you’re not getting sick because if you throw up on my things I will give you to the RSPCA,” Ianto said when a listless Owen followed him into the bedroom.

This time Owen curled up behind Ianto’s back his warmth like a hot water bottle. Ianto fell asleep to the soft purr… and woke to a very naked groin of Owen in his face.

“Fuck!” Ianto scrambled off the bed.

“Fuck!” Owen hit the wall behind the bed and grabbed a pillow. “What the hell happened, why am I naked in your bed?”

“You were a cat,” Ianto said, getting to his feet.

“I was a what?”

“A cat. You were transformed into a cat. We thought Tosh couldn’t fix you but it must have just have been a delayed reaction.”

Owen stared at him suspiciously and screwed up his face. “What the hell did I eat? My mouth tastes like sick.”

“That was probably the tinned tuna,” Ianto said, “the mouse or your own arse.” He couldn’t resist adding.

“My what?” Owen scrambled out of the room heading unerringly for the bathroom where he found a bottle of mouthwash and downed it.

“We have CCTV footage of what happened,” Ianto said handing him a pair of old track pants and tee shirt.

“Why does this shit always happen to me?” Owen moaned as he cinched up the pants and rolled up the legs to look like a very badly dressed hobo.

“Karma?” Ianto suggested with a slight grin.

“Ta mate,” Owen said.

It took a week for Ianto to get rid of the cat hairs from his furniture and for Owen to get over his strange attraction to light and tinned tuna. Owen banned the topic from conversation and after a few days of teasing the others took pity on him.

Since Owen never went into Jack’s bedroom he never saw the photo Jack had taken of an exhausted Ianto sprawled out on the sofa with a tortoiseshell cat sitting on his chest. Ianto had protested at first but didn’t try and get rid of it. After things went so terribly bad he had it framed for Jack to take pride of place. Much later Jack found a copy of it in Ianto’s belongings and kept it until it wore out.

 

END

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