Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandom:
Characters:
Language:
English
Series:
Part 6 of Gradual
Collections:
Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
Stats:
Published:
2020-11-05
Words:
1,936
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
1
Kudos:
24
Bookmarks:
1
Hits:
1,469

Gradual Understanding

Summary:

SUMMARY: The next day at school, Buffy confronts Xander about not going to the Bronze with the gang.
SERIES: follows "Gradual Epiphany", "Gradual Belief", "Gradual Realization", "Gradual Courage" and "Gradual Romance"

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

 

Gradual Understanding
by Scorpio

The sun was shining and the breeze was mild and warm. Students flocked on the green grass courtyard outside of the building as they waited for the time for first class to roll around. To all appearances it was a beautiful morning filled with happy people, but Buffy Summers knew better. A slight frown marring her normally smiling face, she scanned the ever moving crowd of people for one particular person. A person that she had promised Willow she would talk to. She wasn't looking forward to the conversation that she knew was coming, but she did promise. And if the truth were to be told, she kind of wanted to know what was up with Xander anyway.

Finally, she saw Xander walking across the campus green, his backpack over his shoulder and a smile on his face. Taking a deep breath and reminding herself that she was the slayer and had faced down many monsters and vamps so one slightly miffed friend should really be nothing, Buffy stood up from the table and began heading directly for him. It didn't take long for Xander to see her, but unlike other times when he'd instantly change direction to head for her, this time he seemed to pause and think about it before sighing and then heading for her. That wasn't very Xanderish and for the first time she began to wonder if Willow was right.

Pasting a smile on her face, Buffy walked up to him and fell into pace beside him. She hugged her books to her chest a little tighter just in case he did or said anything that might make her want to either give him a rib cracking hug or slug him in the jaw. With Xander, either was a possibility.

"Hey, Buff."

"Xan."

And that was about as lame as lame could get. She swallowed and nodded even as she took in another deep breath. Glancing at him out of the side of her eyes she noticed that he was looking down at the ground and frowning, almost as if he were a little kid expecting a scolding. But that was silly, right?

"Um...you know, Will was a bit upset that you didn't come out with us last night. She babbled something about you being all mad at her or something."

Xander nodded his head, but didn't say anything. Buffy wasn't sure exactly what that meant. Was he agreeing that Willow was upset or that he was mad at her?

"She...uh, she thinks that you made up some lie about having plans just to avoid her."

And whoa! There was a reaction. An aggrieved sigh followed by eye rolling and scowling.

"I didn't lie to her Buffy. I *did* have other plans. I made those plans when it became *perfectly* clear that my so called friends didn't want or need me to hang around. I made those plans when my friends pushed me away and refused to let me help out with the Hellmouth opening...even though I've done that whole save the world thing *several* times before. So...I made plans."

Buffy winced at the bitter angry sarcasm that laced Xander's words. She knew that Xander was upset about that, but she really believed that she was doing the right thing. Xander *did* get hurt a lot and everyone was much more relaxed and focused when he wasn't around. That was important.

"I'm sorry that we hurt your feelings, Xan. We were just trying to protect you."

Xander glared at her and she shivered at the weight of the scorn in that look. "I haven't needed anyone to hold my hand and baby me since the day I was forced to stake Jesse. Don't do me any favors. I live on the Hellmouth and that fact won't change until *I* make it change."

That reminder felt like a slap in the face and Buffy sucked in a gasp of air, remorse and regret washing over her. Jesse. He was one of her biggest failures and his death would haunt her for the rest of her life...if for no other reason than it had hurt both Willow and Xander so badly.

"I...I'm sorry about that. I..."

Xander shrugged. "Don't be. Shit happens. It's the Hellmouth and even those people you try to protect end up being touched by evil. Sometimes the very act of pushing them away is what sends them headlong into danger."

Xander had an odd look on his face and Buffy wondered if he was trying to tell her something, but the conversation was just too intense. The reference to Jesse was like a shard of ice to the chest and she had to get things moving in a different direction. The one she had originally wanted to talk to him about.

"So...um, about these plans of yours. Uh...you didn't happen to go on a date last night, did you?"

Then Xander was smiling again, a soft goofy Xander-grin that eased some of the tension and made her smile back. "Yeah. I did. Real date and real plans. You can officially tell Willow that I'm not a bold-faced liar."

The smile melted off of her face at that. She was about to argue that Willow didn't think he was a liar, but that wasn't the truth. Willow hadn't *called* him a liar, but by saying that she thought he might have lied, that's what she had implied. Another thought hit her then and she could feel her face first go pale and then blush bright red.

"Uh, Xan?"

He turned a questioning look at her, one eyebrow raised up in an arch.

"This...date. It didn't happen to be with...uh...with a guy, did it? I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that, if it was. And um...not that I'm saying anything or calling you any names or nothing. It's just that...well, I've heard a couple of rumors this morning and I didn't really pay attention to them. I just figured that it was Cordy and her gang being rude and...ah...you know?"

She glanced up at Xander through her bangs and saw that he was blushing bright red and was looking down at the ground, a look of embarrassment on his face. "What...um, what did you hear, Buff?"

Shrugging, she summarized the few conversations that she had overheard, "Well, the general gist is that you've turned gay and went out with some guy last night. Some people are saying that Cordy and you broke up because of you being gay and that she was just...um, dating you as cover for you until you were ready to come out." Then she frowned slightly and tilted her head. "Oddly enough, the football players all seem to be sticking up for you and your right to date whoever you want. Which is strange since I didn't think you were friends with any of them. Then again, isn't the Captain of the team gay?"

She looked over at Xander and saw that he was beginning to hyperventilate. Concerned, she reached out and gently rested one hand on his arm and rubbed a soothing circle there. "Shhh. Xan, it's okay. We can...you know, do a rumor control thing and spread the word that you're not gay and aren't dating a guy. It'll be fine, you'll see."

Xander turned panicky wide eyes at her and for a second she thought he would faint, but then he closed his eyes, took in a few deep breaths and seemed to shore up his backbone and stood up straight.

"No. No, it's okay. I, um...I *did* have a date with a guy last night. Larry. And he *is* the Captain of the football team. No, I'm not gay, but yeah...I'm bisexual and this is *so* not how I planned for you to find out. I had this whole idea of sitting down after school with you and Willow while eating large amounts of ice cream, but um...."

That was not what she had expected to hear. Panic, yes. Denial, yes. Anger, yes. She didn't think that she'd end up hearing her best friend confess to being attracted to guys. Males. Men with men. A sudden mental image of Xander dancing with Larry at the Bronze came to her and the world went away as she was hit by shock.

Then there was a hand on her arm shaking her and calling her name. Buffy shook her head lightly and looked up to see Xander staring down at her with concern...and just a touch of sad resignation as if he was just waiting for her to declare their friendship over. And maybe he was, but she wasn't homophobic. She was just...stunned.

"No, no. I'm...I'm fine. Startled. Shocked. Confused. But...fine." Xander's worried look didn't go away and she forced herself to smile up at him. "Xander, I'm *not* mad or angry or disgusted. I'm *still* your friend. I just need a little bit of time to figure this out in my head. I have this image of you in my mind and that image is all about the girls. I need to change that image a bit. You know?"

And then Xander was smiling a sad little smile at her, but at least the resignation and expected doom saying was gone. "Okay, Buff. You need time to fit this into your world view. I get that. *Trust* me, I soooo get that. Been there, done that. But while your adding a boyfriend to your mental image of me, you might want to change the image from a stupid goof-ball to someone who can, and does, make up his own mind about facing off against evil."

Buffy could feel herself blush at his words and cursed herself for it. "Xan, I don't think you are a goof! And...and I know that you can, you know, take care of yourself."

A look of disbelief crossed his face, but he didn't argue. Instead, he just nodded. "Good. Because last night after my date, but before the whole...um, porch thing which I am *so* not ready to talk about, I ended up dusting three vamps all by myself. That's not something an incompetent idiot child would do. You know? So..." His voice trailed off and he shrugged.

She was gaping at him. She knew that. She could feel her jaw hanging open and she didn't want to be staring at him in amazement or accuse him of lying, but she would never have thought that Xander could handle three vampires on his own. "But...but...Xan...that's *dangerous*!"

Another sad look washed over his face and then his expression hardened up. He shrugged and looked away. "I've been doing this for almost three years, Buff. Even a moron can learn in that amount of time. I'll see you later." And with that, he walked away from her. Watching him go Buffy realized that she just did the very thing that he had asked, no, practically demanded, that she not do; treat him like an incompetent child. She sighed. No wonder he was angry with them.

She started to walk after him when out of the corner of her eye she saw Larry. The mental image of the larger boy dancing with her friend at the Bronze rose up in her mind again and she blushed once more even as she chided herself for it.

 

END: Gradual Understanding

[scorpiofic@aol.com]
http://members.tripod.com/sentinel-cat/Scorpio

Notes:

This orphaned work was originally on Pejas WWOMB posted by author Scorpio.
If this work is yours and you would like to reclaim ownership, you can click on the Technical Support and Feedback link at the bottom fo the page.

Series this work belongs to: