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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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2020-11-05
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2,016
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Grrr ... Xander the Bloody?

Summary:

SUMMARY: Xander gets introspective after a bad day and then loses his mind...

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

 

Grrr ... Xander the Bloody?
By Scorpio

 

Xander sat tucked back in the corner of the couch and tried not to *appear* as if he was sulking.  He worked to keep his face bland and absentmindedly nodded or "Uh-hummm"ed when everyone else did. But he wasn't really paying too much attention to what was being discussed. Other, more personal things were swirling through his mind. And it was not pleasant.

Anya had left him.

He hadn't told anyone yet. He was still in shock over it, to be honest. And right now, things were too intense in a "hellmouthy" sort of way to even attempt to get his friends to help straighten out his head. Besides, he wasn't sure if they *would* help him through this.

It *was* his own fault after all...

He had never encouraged Anya to seek out a relationship with him. He hadn't even realized that she even *liked* him in that way. But she had, and she had pursued him and seduced him. At first, it had been purely sexual. He could lose himself and his pain in her soft curves and blatant lust without remorse or commitment. And that was just fine.

He had a lot of issues to deal with that were very painful. His questioning of his sexuality brought on by erotic dreams of the male-male variety, his alcoholic and abusive parents, his desire to go to college with was thwarted due to financial reasons and his seemingly directionless fumbling through life when everyone around him was focused with a sense of purpose. Then came Anya.

Suddenly, he was needed, wanted, desired and he had something that no one else did. She made him feel smart and brave and loveable. She *needed* him.

And so, he turned all of his energy towards her with selfless devotion. She was so lost and lonely in her confusion and helplessness. She was ancient and wise and her knowledge of the supernatural was immense. And she had absolutely *no* idea how to be a mortal human. So Xander taught her.

Fashion. Music. Humor. Compassion. Bravery. Sports. Food. Dancing. Sex. Pleasure.

He had so much to show her and teach her and help her to understand. The world had seemed so different when looking through her eyes. She would be cynical and jaded one minute and then flushed with a childlike wonder the next. And over time, Xander had come to love her in his own way.

With Anya at his side, it had never mattered what his parents did to him in their cruel anger, nor did his lack of funds seem important. His world revolved around making Anya happy and helping out Buffy with the slayage whenever he could.

But now... Anya was gone.

She felt she was ready to tackle the mortal world away from the Hellmouth and demons. She wanted to be "normal" and be far from any reminders of what and who she used to be. So, she had thanked Xander for his time and trouble and packed her things and left.

Now all he had was the slaying.

And the more he sat and thought about it, he realized, that wasn't a lot. Oh, he *wanted* to help... to make the world a safer and better place. He *wanted* to be needed, but as he looked around, Xander realized something. He really wasn't *needed* here. His presence was a force of habit, nothing more.

He didn't have any real skill or ability that make him special, unless you counted the lack of survival instinct that continuously sent him headlong into danger against creatures *way* stronger than he was. He wasn't a slayer, a witch, a vamp, a commando or even an ex-watcher type of warlock. He was just some over grown kid playing at hero. He was, in a word, pathetic.

Suppressing a sigh, Xander turned his attention back to the room, trying to pull himself out of his depression. The conversation of esoteric and obscure and he had no clue what was going on. He cursed himself for being stupid and let his mind wander again.

This time, however, he considered the subtle power play going on in the room. With a mental start, he realized that it centered around the bleached blonde vamp. He had never noticed that before and a small portion of his brain informed him that it was because this was the first time in a long time that he was actively focusing on someone besides Anya, but he pushed that thought aside. Instead, he watched the others and saw a pattern begin to immerge.

Spike was rude, obnoxious and honest to the point of cruelty. He also dealt with each person differently. It was as if he altered himself to fit each individual so that he met them on their own playing field without making himself unrecognizable as Spike. He wondered *why* the vamp would go to that trouble when he remembered Spike telling him that he like to "play with his food", so Xander figured that this is what he had been referring to. And he'd never seen it, *really seen* it, until now. It was if a veil had been pulled from his eyes.

Spike flirted with Willow and Tara, both obviously and very very subtly. The obvious leer followed by a subtle ego boast and then followed by a raunchy comment kept both of the girls off center. They responded with shy flirtations and willingness to defend his... cruder personality traits as being "just Spike". It was... interesting. He wondered if the witches knew they were being played.

And Giles? Xander almost grinned. Spike toyed with him just as subtly. The difference was the battleground. Knowledge. Xander had a vision of them sitting across from each other over a chessboard, except that the pieces they used were demons and humans. Ancient animosity tempered with grudging respect. Xander wondered how Spike would hold out in this verbal sparring if Giles let Ripper out to play and then though that he wouldn't want that at all. They just might align themselves together and that was just to frightening a thought.

Spike and Riley's relationship was weird. Weirder than most. Polar opposites in everyway, they often came close to blows over the littlest things, yet they both had a strange protectiveness for the other. It was as if they didn't want anyone else to harm the other, as if only *they* had the right to tear each other from limb to limb. At first, Xander thought that it was the "we're both warriors" thing... but then he realized something that no one had ever actually talked about out loud. At  least, not around him. Spike and Riley had something in common that no one else did. They had *both* been implanted with behavior modification chips by the Initiative against their will. No one else knew what they had gone through, and in Spike's case, what he still suffered, except the other.

And Buffy? Another strange situation. They hated each other. Their words and actions made that abundantly clear. Yet... Spike's eyes would soften at her when he thought no one was watching. It was a combination of confusion and wistful regret. Xander wondered if Spike  wished that Willow's spell that had caused them to fall in love were still in place. After all, even if he did hate her now, he must *remember* what it was like to love her. And Xander knew that Buffy was not the sort of
woman that you could easily walk away from, no matter *how* you felt about her.

Xander was just about to start contemplating his own relationship with the blonde vamp when everyone stood up and began gathering weapons. He stood up too and looked around in confusion. He had totally missed the whole conversation and was woefully lost. His expression must have conveyed his inner thoughts, because suddenly, Spike was standing in front of him shoving his favorite axe into his numb hands.

"Here pet. Take this. If something mean and ugly jumps out at you, swing the big sharp metal thingy at its head. Think you can handle that?"

Xander glared at the smirking blonde.

"Fuck off Spike."

*

Xander was watching his most recent demonic victim fall to the ground headless with a morbid sense of fascination. Green ichor poured from the severed neck and his shell-shocked brain was too stunned to note anything except for the startling conclusion that Spike's advice had worked. A mean ugly thing had popped up in front of him and he had swung the big sharp metal thingy at it and "poof" instant headless dead thing on the ground.

He was so shocked at his success that he failed to note the *other* mean ugly thing sneaking up behind him. And it was *pissed* at the now headless state of being it's mate was in. Weaponless, the demon raised it's hand into a large fist and slammed it down on Xander from behind.

Bright white agony flared inside Xander's head like a nuclear warhead, stealing his breath and causing his entire body to crumple under the onslaught of pain. Vaguely, he wondered if this was what Spike felt when he tried to bite humans and then a sickening wave of acid like pain raced down his spine. With a shuttering gasp, Xanders world spun dizzily for a brief moment before everything was washed in sweet senseless black oblivion.

*

"Wake up! *Please* wake up. Oh, you just gotta be alright."

A soft warm hand brushed along his cheek gently and he leaned into the touch. It felt very nice.

"Come one Xander. That's it. Wake up."

//Xander? What's wrong with the whelp?//

Frowning slightly, he opened his eyes only to see Willow leaning down over him, a curious mix of worry and relief etched onto her face. //Interesting.//

"Cheers Red."

He lifted his head and peered down the front of her top where it draped down from the angle she was leaning over at.

"Smashing view you've got there. Although I don't think your blonde witch will much appreciate you showing it off to me. Not that I don't appreciate the wonderful welcome an' all."

Willow blushed a deep red and clutched her top against her skin as she backed away quickly. He
smirked at her in amusement.

"Xander! What's wrong with you?"

He turned to face Buffy and was shocked to find her looking at him with such a bizarre expression on her face.

"What happened to the whelp *this* time?"

The slayer and the two witches just gaped at him harder.

"What? I mean, come on slayer, you're not seriously thinking of staking me just 'cause I peaked down the hacker's top are you? After all, we had a deal, and no one said I couldn't sneak peaks at the witches."

"That's true mate. No one ever said no voyeurism allowed. Go ahead and peak all you want."

He spun around at the sound of the clipped British accent and came face to face with... *himself*!

"Bloody Hell! You look just like me!"

Then he leered as he eyeballed the blonde wanna-be in front of him.

"I'm down right delicious and irresistible, arn't I?"

The blonde raised up one dark eyebrow and grinned.

"And just who *are* you mate?"

He snorted and glanced over his shoulder at the slayer as if he was sharing a private joke. Then he turned back and gave the interloper a thoroughly superior look.

"I'm Spike you daft fool. Who're you?"

But instead of being intimidated, the blonde just started laughing. Hard. Meanwhile Riley and the girls gasped in shock. He glared and growled deep in his throat. What was *wrong* with these wankers? If it weren't for that bloody chip in his head, he'd eat them all.

Finally, it was Willow who stepped forward. She seemed upset and nervous. He grinned at her.

"Um... Uh... Spike? I... I think we should, um, maybe go see Giles now. Oh and... Uh... *William*... maybe you should come along... too."

 

END

Notes:

This orphaned work was originally on Pejas WWOMB posted by author Scorpio.
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