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I watched as my pet paced around the apartment. Normally, it amused me to no end to watch the whelp wear himself out but for some reason tonight felt different. I'm not one usually for introspection but there was something about Xander tonight that sat wrong in my gut.
"Come here, Pet," I said and held out my arms.
Xander looked about to argue then stopped, nodded and curled up into my arms. That was always a sign that something was off about my Xanpet. A quiet Xander Harris was a troubled Xander Harris.
"You want to talk about it?" That got me a headshake and him holding me tighter.
"You worried about the ceremony?" Another headshake. "Second thoughts, luv?" A very fast headshake. "You just want me to hold you?" That got a nod. I kissed the top of his head and held him closer. "I can do that love." It never ceased to amaze me that what I had always wanted and needed would be found in the so-called Zeppo of the Scoobies.
Over the years I'd watched the Scooby Gang as they did their thing. In the process I'd witnessed a lot of the failures and successes of all its members. It was why I was able to muck them up so easily when ADAM was loose. Yet none of them surprised me more than bloody Xander Harris and no one else seemed to see him. In the end I kept my counsel to myself and then observed their interactions more closely.
I watched as the whelp grew into a man. Though for some godforsaken reason, most probably out of a twisted sense of loyalty, the boy refused to show the true man to his friends. I've always known Harris had potential from the moment the Poof had offered him to me. Even then I'd seen the depths hidden inside the boy. Though he had been scared stiff at being offered up as food, he'd still fought and refused to gently succumb to whatever fate awaited him. He'd looked his fear in the face and rejected it even though he was still terrified by it. I knew then that he'd make a lovely childe and a beautiful vampire. But of course it wasn't meant for me to have him then.
The next time I'd seen the whelp face to face had been that cursed Halloween when the mojo had turned him into Soldier Boy. Before that I'd seen the whelp as he fought, best he could without training, by the Slayer's side never wavering from his loyalty. But on the night that magic abounded I saw a truer vision of the man that he could become. Though he'd still been in his awkwardly growing body the soldier had shown the whelp's true personality and strength. He'd fought what he was told to, protected when it was needed and remained loyal and faithful to those he'd joined. Unlike his normal self Soldier Xander trusted his instincts and judgments to be the right ones. Too bad none of his mates had noticed and given him the encouragement he needed to keep it up.
When I heard of the love spell that the whelp had gotten done because of some dosey bint dumping him I couldn't believe the boy was desperate enough to mess with that kind of mojo. Then again who was I to talk as I'd had my own issues with women and public humiliation. I'll think on that later but for now back to the boy's love spell debacle. It did amuse me to see good ole Angelus all put out because Dru wanted the boy for her pet when I'd heard out about the incident with her and the whelp. I would have loved to have been there when she pulled her precious Daddy off the boy only to offer the whelp eternity. That whole upset he'd caused showed how much the boy affects those around him and how much honor he has. All those women chasing him and from what I found out the boy'd taken advantage of not a one. Even turned down the Slayer in nothing but her short trench coat. Hell, I'd heard Red had even tried to seduce him in his own bed and to be able to turn the two he cared about most down that showed strength of a different kind.
Then my poof of a sire decided to send the world to hell in a handcart via the express track. I witnessed my sire rant and rave about the boy who stopped him at the hospital while the Slayer was incapacitated. I'd seen the boy's strength as he helped the Watcher out of the mansion. It was interesting to see the stealth and hints of the Soldier helping get them to safety. Later I found out during a night of maudlin drinking in that wretched basement, the whelp had lied to the Slayer in order to make sure that Angelus, souled or unsouled, was killed. My respect for the whelp went up. I realized that even back then the boy understood the meaning of 'sacrificing for the greater good' even if he hurt those he loved. I wonder if any of the others know the truth.
Then came my trip round the bend over my dark princess. Don't know why I came back to the Hellmouth to tell the truth. Maybe it was because that was the last place we'd been happy. It was a boon that I had seen Red at that Magic Shop. When I caught up with her at the school it was a beautiful sight: I had two for one instead, the boy and the witch. The slayerette fought though it was foolhardy of him. He was more than willing to put himself into harm's way for the bird. Though from what I had heard she hadn't wanted him. He'd still fought out of love and worry for her. In the end he'd become the bargaining chip needed to control the young witch. The things the boy was willing to do for those he loved never ceased to amaze me neither back then or now.
After my run in with the Initiative and my seeking sanctuary amongst the Scoobies I'd gotten to know the whelp on a more personal level. When I moved into the basement I'd finally sussed out a few things about the boy. I recognized the source of the boy's self esteem issues and his difficulty dealing with confrontations that were directed at him. Harris' is always quick to defend when someone else is attacked but doesn't use that anger in his own defense. The boy, for all that his home life was shite, had a wealth of rich emotions bottled up inside. There are feelings that he'd kept hidden all these years so as not to have them taken from him callously or used against him by someone like me. That is the me of a few years ago.
Now through all the shite, I finally have what was given to me so long ago. Instead of destroying him and recreating him into my image, it's been me who's been molded in to his. My Xan accomplished that without asking, bribery, torture or blackmail. All he did was what he always did. He offered me his love and loyalty and that's why this time tomorrow, my boy will be the full-blown consort of William the Bloody of the Order of Aurelius. Then we'll be truly together forever.