SquidgeWorld Archive

Where No TeaBoy Has Gone Before
by Lopaka Tanu

A light drizzle fell upon the city, making an ordinary day worse.  Then again, hell could be rising and he would still be expected to be out.  Traffic was already flowing even at the hour before dawn.  Grumbling to himself as he waited for the light to change, Ianto thumped out a pneumonic beat on his steering wheel.  It was always the same ten items listed so he could remember to start his daily schedule.

Today would be no different than any other.  It was the final day of the week, which meant he had special duties that must be taken care of before the weekend, but that would wait until the end of the day.  There would no deviation in the work.  It had to be taken care of precisely the same every day.  To change would make

~~~~~~~~~~~~

He came to screaming.

There were bright lights surrounding him, drowning out all other sights.  He could hear things, but they were distant to the reverberation of his own screams.  Ianto wasn't aware if he was in pain or if it were trauma induced.  In fact, he couldn't even be sure he was the one screaming.

A slight hiss along his neck and his screams were silenced.  Blinking, Ianto tried to reason what the hell had happened.  Along with the ability to think and hear, he was starting to see shapes.  The lights had retreated and the shadowy blobs that took their places were resolving themselves in to human shaped figures.

As his vision became more discernible, he wished it would go back.  It wasn't a human who was treating him, not by a long shot.  Turning his face away from the alien, Ianto closed his eyes.  The hot gush that ran down the sides of his face from his eyes were the last sensation he experience before the sedatives took him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"As far as I can tell, he is human.  There are a few anomalies I have detected on the cellular level, but there is no other possibility."  The tone was genial, belonging to a man.

"Could those anomalies be explained away through some form of genetic manipulation, or perhaps even cloning?"  This one came from a man who sounded less sure of himself than he did of his suggestion.

"No, Captain, not even in the remotest of possibilities, I assure you.  If they had been, I would have informed you of the chances."  The first voice.  It contained humorous condescension, almost undetectable in its subtlety.

Ianto was not certain they were alien, but he wasn't taking the chances.  They had said he was Human, but that could mean they were only confirming his species.  Turning his head slowly, he faced their conversation and opened his eyes a fraction.

"How long before he wakes?  Malcolm wants to ask him a few questions."  The second voice belonged to a middle-aged man with a hound dog face.  If he was the captain, whatever he was in charge of was most likely bolloxed.

The alien from his first encounter turned to face Ianto.  His expression was extremely pleased.  "I would say he is already."  Ignoring the partially stunned Captain, the alien walked over to Ianto.  His eyes were surprisingly blue.  "Well now, how are we?"

Something about the alien made Ianto want to smile.  There must have been some powerful drugs in his system, because Ianto found himself returning the grin.  "Well as to be expected for interstellar travel."

"Ah, so you know much of your situation!  That should make this much easier."  Picking up a tool from a bedside tray, he held it above Ianto and began waving it slowly over him.  Making a sound of interest, he watched the results as they formed on a panel set in the wall to Ianto's other side.

Having just noticed it, Ianto frowned.  "What are my vitals?"

"You appear to be healthy, though your cellular activity is most unusual.  You wouldn't happen to know why, would you?"  Putting the scanner down, he picked up another device.  He checked a setting on it before pushing it to Ianto's neck.

Sensation came back to Ianto, making him realize he hadn't been able to move the rest of his body until then.  His body didn't hurt, but he wasn't comfortable in his own skin either.  He itched to get up and move.  Frowning, he forced the feelings from his mind to concentrate on the conversation.  "What is the exact nature of these anomalous readings?"

The alien doctor looked about to expand upon this when he was interrupted by the captain clearing his throat.  Smiling tightly, he turned to the human before raising his eyebrows.  "Yes?"

"Before you continue with our guest, and seeing that he is clear minded enough to speak, I would like to ask him a few questions."  Walking up to stand beside the alien, the captain gave Ianto a fond expression.  He seemed to take a couple deep breaths.  "Hi there.  My name is Captain Jonathan Archer, you're aboard my vessel, the Enterprise.  What are you doing this far out from Earth?"

Sitting up slowly, Ianto made no sudden moves.  He didn't know these people and startling them might have been a bad idea.  When he spun to let his legs hang off the side of the bed, the doctor moved to his side.

The alien quickly put a hand under his arm to steady him.  "You should have waited, but I understand the need to face your inquisitor on even footing."

Captain Archer sighed.  "I will be asking him the questions, Phlox, not Mr. Reed."  His good humor gone, he met Ianto's gaze.  "Well?"

"I can only assume I was taken by the rift."  He held up a hand to stop the captain's obvious next question.  "The rift is a tear in the dimensional fabric of time and space, centered in Cardiff, Wales.  I was on my way to work this morning and...that is all I can recall until the pain of waking up here."

Stunned, Archer watched Ianto for a moment.  His disbelieving expression slowly melted to swallowing discomfort.  "I, uh, you have experience with this sorta thing?"

"Though I am unaware of the date, but must assume we are in the future due to the fact there is an alien present, I can believe it is safe to reveal this."  Ianto took the nod from the alien as encouragement.  "I am part of an organization that monitors the rift I mentioned before.  We are rather intimate with alien technology and the taxonomy of species."

"Excellent!"  Clasping Ianto on the shoulder, Phlox patted him several times.  "Then you should not feel uncomfortable on the Enterprise.  Have you encountered my species in your time?"

Shaking his head, Ianto frowned.  In fact, he had not.  That was a strange thing in itself.  From what he gathered of the future, they would meet the aliens closest to them first.  Then, about two hundred years later, they would spread throughout the galaxy.  Since the doctor was unlike anything in the database, he was at a loss.  "Strangely enough, no.  How close to Earth is your home world?"

"Quite close, galactically speaking of course.  Denubula is thirty-five, point six light years away."  This seemed to make Phlox even more cheerful.  At Ianto's lack of recognition, his eyes practically disappeared in his smile.  "Well, then it should be my pleasure to inform you all about my culture."

"In due time, doctor."  Taking the lead once more, Archer tugged his shirt sleeves down.  "I would like for our guest to speak with T'Pol.  She's our science officer," he added for Ianto.  "Your sudden appearance aboard our vessel combined with this rift of yours makes me uneasy.  What you can help us find out would be greatly appreciated."

Ianto nodded.  He was just like the last captain he had met.  When something unknown came up, the well being of the person involved was not even considered.  The look he shared with Phlox told him the alien didn't like it either.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Time Travel is impossible."  The set of her jaw combined with the straightening of her backbone clearly stated she thought he was lying.

"I'm sorry, Captain Archer."  Dismissing the Vulcan with a wave of his hand, Ianto faced the man.  While he was standing across the briefing room console from T'Pol, she might as well not even have existed in his opinion.  "I thought you said I was to speak with your science officer.  This person is clearly a fool with pointy ears."

Raising her chin, T'Pol's eyes narrowed.  "I am not a fool, I am a Vulcan."

"Political correctness aside, your deliberate ignorance still prohibits you from holding a position of standing in any field."  Ianto spoke the words without even looking at her.  His attention was fully on the half amused man in front of him.  "Sir, if you were to show me to a computer and a real scientist, I would be happy to assist your investigations."

Archer had to breathe deeply through his nose to keep a straight face.

For her part, T'Pol was actively glaring at Ianto.  "It seems your guest has a bias towards other species.  Perhaps he would be better suited to speaking with Commander Tucker."

"You might be right," was all Archer could get out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, you're tellin me that there's a tear in the fabric of space 'n time sittin right there on Earth and no one knows about it except you guys?"  When Ianto nodded, Trip whistled.  "That's a pretty dangerous thing.  If it's what brought you here, I can understand why you guys keep it hush hush."  As they moved through line, Trip held up a hand to keep the server from depositing some pink stuff on his tray.  "I don't know what that is, but it leaves a bitter after taste.  I wouldn't try it, if I were you."

"Thank you for the advice."  Ianto wisely kept his tray out of reach of the server.  Having left Archer at the entrance to the mess, he felt a little out of his depth.  There were plenty of humans around, but none of them had a familiar accent to put him at ease.  "There were three other spacial events we had been monitoring, but two have since resolved themselves."

"Oh yeah?"  Trip grabbed a pouch of fruit juice from the end of the line.  Taking it and his tray, he started for a nearby table.  "You got any idea what caused the one that brought you here?"

Ianto shook his head, then frowned when he noticed the commander hadn't been paying attention.  "No, but I believe my superior has a clue.  He has had more experience with time travel than I."  Following the Trip's gaze, he found a blue eyed man watching them with undisguised suspicion.

"Is that so."  Trip set his tray down next to the man.  Jostling him with his elbow, he plopped down in the free seat.  "Hey, Malcolm, this here's Ianto.  Captain says he's from that little island of yours too."

"England is not a little Island.  The Isle of Man is little, Fiji is little, England is great."  While his words were for Trip, Malcolm's complete attention was on Ianto.  "So you're the man who appeared in the middle of cargo bay two.  I was hoping I would get the chance to speak with you."

Ianto knew what 'speak' meant.  "I have been inoculated against all known and some vary creative, forms of torture.  Your questions will be answered at my discretion."

A light came on in Malcolm's eyes.  Leaning a little over the table, he held out his hand.  "Lieutenant Malcolm Reed, ship's security officer."

"Ianto Jones, Central Archivist, Torchwood Three."  Accepting the hand, Ianto was puzzled by the lack of recognition.  "Would you be so kind as to tell me what year this is?  I have met aliens here, yet there has been no mention of Torchwood."

"As my Commander Tucker is fond of saying, the year is twenty-one, fifty-one, August.  What is Torchwood?"  Picking up his drink, Malcolm took a sip of the fruit packet.

"Perhaps it's easiest to explain with the old motto.  If it's alien, it's ours."  Again, Ianto was surprised to receive no sign of recognition.  "Nothing?  We were quite good at covering events up, but everyone knew of Torchwood."

"What year ya from?  You see, a lotta records from a hundred years on back have been lost."  Trip decided to butt in, taking back the conversation just to be a part of it.

"Two thousand, eight."  As he finished speaking, Ianto found himself at the business end of what appeared to be a weapon.  Lazily, he glanced up from it to Malcolm.  "Is it safe to assume this is an energy weapon?"

"Quite."  Standing up, Malcolm walked around the table to stand next to Ianto.  "I've done some checking with Dr. Phlox.  He says there are anomalies in your cells.  Are you an augment?"

"Augment?  To change or adapt in favor of a need."  Ianto snorted.  "The only augmentations I am aware of involve women and saline implants."

Malcolm was about to say something, but Trip snorted.  "What?"

"He means breast enhancements."  Chuckling, Trip grabbed Malcolm's arm and forced the weapon down.  "What do you know of a man named Khan Noonien Singh?"

Now it was Ianto's turn to stare at him blankly.

Sighing, Trip gestured at Malcolm's chair.  "You might wanna sit for this one, Mal.  Looks like we're gonna be here a while."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I've figured it out!"  Interrupting a brief history of Earth as given by Ianto Jones, Dr. Phlox barely had time to step out of the way of the briefing room doors before they closed.  Holding up a data padd, he continued towards the central console.  "I have the results of Mr. Jones' scans.  I know why he has anomalous readings in his cellular structures!"

"He's not from our dimension?"  Archer looked hopeful.

"Not even close!"  Putting the padd down on the console, Phlox activated a link between the two.  He brought up the information and displayed it on the screen at the far side of the small room.  A grouping of cells appeared on the screen.  "Mr. Jones is not part of the natural order of time and space.  I would even go so far as to say he exists outside of both!"

"What do you mean?"  Having learned not to deny the possibility earlier, T'Pol focused her attention on Ianto.  "Is he human or something else?"

"A little of both, I believe."  Pressing a final button, Phlox faced the cells as they became animated.  The screen flashed four times then the cells suddenly disappeared in a blaze of light.  "That was a sample I obtained five hours ago when Mr. Jones appeared.  That time elapse was one frame per hour.  The sample was completely obliterated."

"What?"  Ianto's voice was the only thing heard in the silence of the room.  Swallowing, he slowly met each person's face before looking back to Phlox.  "Are you saying I will explode soon?"

"Oh my, no!"  Phlox waved away the question with a snort.  "The sample was doomed the moment I took it, though.  It seems, parts of you cannot exist separate from you for a long period of time.  They start to lose cohesion and then boom, gone forever.  Quite extraordinary, really."

Phlox hit another button, more cells appeared.  "This is an image of your skin.  Animated."  He hit yet another button.  The images remained unchanged through three presses of the button.  "Your cells are not actively splitting.  That is not the sign of a normal, living organism.  In fact, I would say you were quite possibly dead, yet, here you stand.  Remarkable, really."

"So, which is he, doctor, dead or alive?"  T'Pol's hands clenched under the console.  She would not do anything.

"I don't know.  He shouldn't be alive, yet his cells appear brand new."  Walking up to Ianto, he reached for his hand.  "I would like to try something, with your permission."

After a hesitant second, Ianto nodded.

"Excellent."  Phlox checked out Ianto's fingers, each one taking a few glances.  When he settled on the index finger, he smiled.  "This one will do quite nicely."  With a smile for Ianto, he jerked it backwards until there was an audible snap.

Ianto let out a scream, snatching his hand back from the crazy alien.  Cradling his injured appendage to his chest, he glared at Phlox.  He had to grit his teeth to keep from yelling at him.

"Here, let me see."  Phlox didn't let Ianto have time to react.  Ignoring the other's stares, he pried Ianto's hand free and began to look at the fingers once more.  This time, he wiggled the index finger.  It bent at the wrong angle for a moment, then it resorted itself.  "There you are!  See, good as new!"

There was still some lingering pain, but Ianto found his finger was indeed back to normal.  Flexing it, he considered slugging the alien.  "Wouldn't a paper cut have been just as effective?"

"Sorry, we don't have any paper available."  Picking up his padd, Phlox began to make notes.  "Do you have any idea how this might be possible?"

Ianto swallowed.  There was only one way he could think of.  His cheeks started to pink.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The flash of light short circuited all the technology in the cargo bay.  Coming up from his crouch, Owen scowled at his surroundings.  The smoke rising from his clothes and body wasn't a good sign.  He batted at them until he was certain he wasn't on fire.  Glancing about the room, he found four unconscious people in blue-purple uniforms strewn about.

With a roll of his shoulders, he raised his gun.  If this was the exact location Ianto had ended up in, then it was a good chance that these people had been investigating what brought him there.  That meant someone would be there soon to check up on them.  Stuffing the device held in his other hand down the back of his pants, he pulled out a scanner from his pocket.

Ignoring the bodies on the deck, Owen headed for what appeared to be a door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ianto swallowed again.  It seemed they weren't going to be distracted this time.  Opening his mouth, he started to spin them a yarn when an alert sounded in the room.  Relief flooded him as the crew scrambled for the bridge entrance.

All except Phlox, that is.

Meeting the curious alien's stare, Ianto raised his recently healed hand.  "How did you know this would fix itself?"

"Oh, that's simple."  Phlox typed in a few things on his padd before setting it aside.  "You were dead when they brought you to me.  When you resurrected all by yourself on my biobed, I knew something like that was bound to happen."

"Ah."  He checked out the doors on the room.  There were two, one lead to the bridge, the other he was certain led to a small hall.  Reaching out for the console, he watched Phlox.  "It was not something I like others knowing.  I've been careful to hide it from my coworkers as well."

At the sound of the controls being activated, Phlox glanced to Ianto.  Seeing the man manipulate them with ease, he raised an eyebrow.  "You are familiar with our technology?"

"No.  It's just quite primitive when compared to that I use in the hub."  An alert sounded a second before several of the screens went blank.  Ianto took his eyes off Phlox so he could focus on the screens.  He quickly typed in several commands, altering the looks of the screens.  "Much better."

"In retrospect, it was foolish of them to leave you alone in a room with access to the command deck."  Stepping away, Phlox kept his hands visible.  "I won't impede you, only ask that you cause us no harm."

"I'm not interested in harming you, just getting home."  Bringing up the engineering controls, Ianto quickly worked his way through them.  "Your information on my scans told me what I couldn't figure out.  With the advanced scanning equipment aboard this vessel, I will be able to replicate the rift's wave and send me home."  Finding what he needed, Ianto smiled.  "It has happened so many times before, we've figured out ways to reverse it, with the right equipment, that is."

"Of course."  Phlox was startled by the banging on the bridge doors.  He had hoped they would open, but apparently Ianto had thought of that already.  "Is there any chance I can persuade you not to do this?"

"Nope."  Entering in a string of commands, Ianto frowned.  "Someone else has come through."

"One of your people, no doubt.  Since you are so familiar with this rift, they must have come searching for you."  Phlox hoped so.  This Ianto was becoming more scary and less amusing by the second.

"Probably, they really are not known for their common sense."  Bringing up the ship's internal sensors, Ianto tracked the person down.  "Owen.  Why am I not surprised?"  He hit the comms button.  "Go back to the cargo bay, I am on my way there now."

"Ianto?"  Owen's voice was more pissed than curious.  "How in the bloody hell did you end up here?"

"If you're here, you know already.  Now move it, there is a security team heading your way."  He cut the comms as the banging on the bridge's doors increased.  Apparently they were aware he was using their comms system as well.  In a bit of spite, Ianto cut off all power to their bridge.  The banging went silent for a second before resuming in earnest.

Shutting down the consoles, Ianto locked them out with a password he thought they would eventually figure out.  Didn't want them to float through space uncontrolled for too long, there were several enemies out there.  Ianto turned to nod once towards Phlox.  "Computer.  Activate."

Much to Phlox's surprise, Ianto shimmered out of existence.  A short time later, the doors to the bridge melted inwards under phase pistol fire.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time Owen made it back to the cargo bay, Ianto was finished setting up.  Three cone shaped emitters surrounded the burnt spot where Owen had landed.  The four people were still unconscious, but now bound to a ladder on the far side of the room.  Owen was impressed, not that he would tell him so.  Reaching in to the back of his pants, he pulled out the small device.  "Tosh rigged this to take us back."

"I've already set up what we need with their technology.  It's primitive, but it's more reliable."  Ianto pointed to the three emitters.  "Just stand in the center of them and I will activate them."

"Not happening.  I trust Tosh way more than I do you."  Walking around the emitters instead of through them, Owen held up the small oval with a button.  "Come on, Ianto, let's go."

"Any time you're ready."  Ianto gestured to the emitters.

Snorting, Owen shook his head.  "Not on my life."

"Owen, the emitters are a better," Ianto started to protest, but the doors of the cargo bay started to open.  Next thing he knew, Owen had him by the arm.  Before he could stop him, the doctor had pressed the button on the oval.  "You bloody bastard!"

They disappeared in a flash of white light.

Entering the room, Reed scanned the entire cargo bay with his phase pistol before he nodded.

Behind him, Commander Tucker and two other armed guards came after.

"I thought I heard voices.  Do you suppose they've gone?"  Reed tried not to let the disappointment show in his voice.

"Probably."  Trip's attention was focused on the emitters.  He had seen them used in boosting transporters, but their settings were all wrong.  One even had an extra device added.  "Lookie here, Malcolm.  I think this is a phase inverter.  It's used to control the flow of anti-matter and matter in the warp core."  Trip knelt down to inspect the modified one.

"He was trying to get home, that's what Phlox said."  Stepping in to the center of the emitters, Reed lowered his phase pistol.  "They're gone, damn it!"

"Yeah, it's a real shame.  If he could navigate our systems like that after only a few seconds, imagine the kinda tech he's used to."  Shaking his head, Trip shivered.  On a whim, he flicked the emitter.  "Ya think the Vulcans' tech would stand up against him?"

"Probably not."  Malcolm turned to smirk at Trip, then the world flashed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Oh shit."  Standing up, Trip heard the sound of guns cocking.  He raised his hands, and spun slowly to face the hostiles.  He found himself and Reed surrounded by three pissed of humans with guns.  "Hi."

"What the bloody hell have you gotten us in to now, Commander Tucker?"  If he had been in range, Reed would have kicked Trip, hard.

Blue eyes flashing, the apparent leader smirked at the two newcomers.  "Welcome to Torchwood, gentlemen."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Waist deep in a mud bog, Ianto was busy wiping more of the stuff from his face.  He could hear Owen some where in the distance spitting, but he couldn't care less.  What should have been a routine trip home had landed them twenty feet above a swamp.  As soon as he got out of the muck, he would kill Owen!  "You sodding prick!  I had it all under control!"

"Don't blame me!  Tosh put that damned device together, not me!"  Shaking his head, Owen spit out more of the brackish water.  His body threatened to do the dry heaves for a second before he brought himself under control.  "Where do you suppose we are?"

"On Dagoba, you be.  Mmhmm."

Both men turned slowly.

Standing on a rock over looking the swamp, a small, green figure with a cane started to chuckle.

THE END.................