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Chakotay opened moist eyes and looked down into the dark eyes so like his own. His mother. He held his mother in his arms once again and his heart constricted in joy. He felt the warm arms of his brothers across his shoulders and his sister reached in to give him yet another kiss on his cheek. His family was around him and his heart ached again at the thought of his father, dead for many years now. But he was home now, finally, after being lost in the Delta Quadrant for over eight years. They’d finally made it home. News of their return to Deep Space 9 had traveled quickly and, after the required medical screenings and debriefs, they had flown back to earth to finally rejoin dearly missed family and friends.
Still the ever-watchful First Officer, he quickly glanced around the room to see how the rest of his crew was faring. He was gratified to see Kathryn dabbing at her tears of joy, a brilliant smile across her face as she held her mother. He felt a brief pang of regret that Mark, her ex-fiancée, wouldn’t be there to celebrate their return. Kathryn had received her “Dear John” letter in one of their first communiqués through the array. From the looks of things, though, he was sure she would be fine. Captain Kathryn Janeway was one of the strongest women he’d ever met and was one of his greatest friends. His eyes continued to scan the room, mentally ticking off each crewmember and was deeply pleased to see each being warmly greeted by friends and family. He spotted a blonde head and his heart sped up. If he felt a slight disappointment upon realizing that it was Seven greeting her new-found maternal aunt, he refused to acknowledge it to himself. It remained to be seen if their fledgling relationship would continue now that they were back on Earth. He’d told her that he’d be happy as long as they were within transporter range of one another and that might still hold true, but he was a realist enough to know that there would be many demands on the ex-Borg ranging from getting to know her new family and the request from Starfleet to learn more about her. He wasn’t quite sure where he would fit into that, if that was still what he really wanted. He shook his head at that thought and pushed it away. For now, he felt a deep need to return to Dorvan V, to reconnect with his deeply missed home and family. Just that morning they’d been briefed that since the Federation had given all the Maquis a full pardon they had the option of continued service in Starfleet if they so chose. He’d need time to make up his mind.
He skipped over Harry’s deep lip-lock with Libby, his fiancée, with a near-paternal grin. Catching sight of B’elanna standing in a near-confrontational pose with another Klingon woman would have had any other person fearing they were getting ready to come to blows. His knowledge of Klingon behavior in general, and B’elanna’s in particular, comforted him as he realized she was greeting her mother as was proper for two warriors, through a growled recitation of personal victories. He wondered if they would growl as they told one another of more personal stories, such as B’elanna’s failed relationship with Tom Paris. Probably, he figured. Although it was one that started with a bang, highlighted with spectacular fights and, he imagined, even more spectacular making-up, the relationship had ended with a whisper, both deciding they were better friends than lovers. And if that had brought quiet relief to him at the time, he kept it to himself, as well.
Thoughts of the tall, slim blonde had him scanning the rest of the room. He knew that Tom was worried about his return to the Alpha Quadrant. Tom’s fear was slightly relieved upon learning that his prison time had been remanded based on time served with Voyager but his future with Starfleet was still in question. Yes, his name was Tom now, not just “Paris” any longer, but Tom, his friend. It had taken some time, but they had forged a friendship over the years. More than friendship on Chakotay’s part, especially in that last year, but that wasn’t something he’d ever admit to anyone, especially not the clearly heterosexual young man he’d watched from a distance over the years. Yes, he’d been deeply attracted to the disheveled and inebriated but intensely beautiful blonde man he’d seen in that bar so many years ago and that attraction had never diminished despite his feelings toward the man he knew as a traitor, murderer and whore. It had taken several years to see Tom as he truly was, a deeply courageous and loyal man. A man with his own sense of honor and strongly held convictions. All that wrapped up as a cocky, smart-assed joker who hid his personal feelings behind a sharp wit and bright laughter. Someone who hid his pain and loneliness behind a smooth self-assurance that seemed to fool everyone…unless you looked into his blue, blue eyes.
Chakotay shook off thoughts of sky-blue eyes and turned as he heard his brother laugh as he re-counted a story of their youth. Spirits, it was good to be back with his family, back with those he loved and who he knew loved him deeply no matter what changes had taken place over the years. He threw his arm over Nayib’s shoulder, laughing heartily at the memory Nayib invoked when he saw him. He finally found the one he’d been seeking.
Tom stood ramrod straight, his back to the wall as he scanned the crowd. He was alone. He hadn’t really expected to be met by anyone and had, in fact, nearly skipped this get-together. But he had to admit that regardless of what he knew would happen he’d still held a little bit of hope that his father might show up, or maybe even his sisters. That maybe after the reports of what they’d been through might have softened his father’s feelings for his worthless only son enough to show up and pretend he was glad that Tom was back. He briefly reviewed the different happy scenarios he’d imagined for their return. He gave the room at large a cynical smile. He’d been fooling himself, of course. But still he was glad he came. It thrilled him to see his crewmates in the arms of their families and friends. He basked in their joy at their return and if he gave himself a little pat on the back for piloting their safe return home, he figured it was okay. Jeez, Harry, he thought grinning madly as he spotted his long-time friend. Give Libby a chance to breathe, will ya’? He turned and saw the Delaney sisters crying loudly and madly hugging another two incredibly beautiful brunette girls. Oh, man…two sets of twins that looked like that in that family? Talk about an embarrassment of riches! But he could see the intense love on the faces of the man and woman who looked on at the cries and embraces of the lovely women. Must be nice.
Tom looked around a bit more and spotted B’elanna. It looked like she was getting ready to go into battle, but after a guttural exchange with another Klingon woman, B’elanna was grabbed in a strong embrace and Tom knew that the woman had to be her mother. Tom knew how worried ‘Lanna had been over seeing her mother again and he was glad it seemed to be working out. He still cared deeply for her even though things hadn’t worked out between them. His eyes roved around the room watching as all the people he knew shared tears and smiles with loved ones as he looked for a certain head of black hair.
Tom needed to see that particular gathering, needed to know that he had something to do with the joy he imagined in those dark eyes. Those eyes. Eyes that had haunted his dreams for so long. Many years ago those eyes that had burned him with their contempt and disdain in that seedy bar. Later, those same eyes had blazed with hatred when they met his on the bridge of Voyager shortly after their arrival in the DQ. Eventually, that hatred had been masked but it was there if you looked deeply enough, and Tom had looked. After the Jonas affair it had flared again for awhile, but over time it had cooled to an icy indifference that had hurt more than the hatred. It had taken years for that ice to thaw, but thaw it did. Now those eyes held subtle warmth whenever they lighted on him. But that warmth was like a blaze in Tom’s heart and had been for years. Of course, he’d never let the Big Man know he was in love with him, especially once Chakotay had started a relationship with Seven. But Tom knew that it was something he’d keep with him for the rest of his life and he refused to see it as a sad dream of something he’d never have, but instead felt grateful that someone as worthless as him had a chance to feel love like this for someone else.
A shift in the crowd revealed a group of equally dark heads and dark skin. Tom’s chest constricted at the sight. Chakotay had thrown his head back in laughter…full out laughter. Tom was mesmerized. Chakotay’s dimples were in full view, his eyes…oh, his eyes…were alight with joy just as Tom had imagined. He had an arm thrown across the shoulder of another man, slightly taller, but just as strikingly handsome as the Commander. Obviously one of the brothers. And that small beautiful woman had to be his mother. He could see the happiness radiate from her as she looked at her sons. Tom closed his eyes, the image burned into his memory. No matter what happened to him now, that picture would remain with him as a testament to everything they’d been through, everything they’d done in their efforts to return to Earth. It was definitely worth it all. He opened his eyes but instead of seeing the rest of Chakotay’s family he found himself staring into cold blue eyes. His father had made it after all.
“I see you’ve returned, Thomas.” The Admiral looked at the man he’d fathered. He’d read all of the glowing reports Janeway had written. He wondered what his son had sold to buy such a glowing commendation. Disgusting. He had thought better of Janeway.
“Yes, sir. It’s good to be back.” Tom felt himself shrink at the coldness in his father’s eyes, the contempt as he was looked over like a piece of trash and still found wanting. It looks like nothing’s changed, he thought to himself. Right. He straightened his back even more and felt the familiar smirk twist his features. It had been a long time since he’d worn that expression, but now it came back without effort.
“I’m sure it is. There are, however, some things we need to discuss. There are some private rooms this way.” It never occurred to the Admiral to verify if Tom followed, he merely turned and led the way to the back of the room.
Tom hesitated only a moment but did follow, kicking himself for his morbid curiosity. It’s going to get you killed someday, Tommy boy. He didn’t know that the dark eyes of his First Officer followed him until he was lost in the crowd.