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Episode Summary: The beautiful con artist Kate O'Hara shows up on Taratupa and Binghamton sees a chance to use her to get rid of McHale once and for all. -- from season 2 DVD box set
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Carpenter sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly as he let himself into his quarters for the night. He felt the familiar presence before he flipped the light on and locked the door. He turned to smile at McHale. “Raid on the nurses’ quarters?”
McHale was sitting on Carpenter’s bunk. He didn’t smile back. “Yeah,” he answered shortly.
Carpenter swallowed and rubbed his chin. “You’re mad?”
McHale slowly rose to his feet. He walked up to Carpenter and pushed him back into the wall. He gripped Carpenter’s shoulders, hard. “Why would I be mad?” he asked in a dangerously calm voice.
“Well, I didn’t mean to…” Carpenter stuttered.
McHale’s eyes narrowed. “You almost got me married,” he growled.
Carpenter tried not to squirm under McHale’s intense scrutiny. He stared at McHale’s chest. “It was all the Captain’s idea.”
“True, but the Admiral’s orders to ship out had me out of it until you reminded Old Leadbottom that captains can marry people onboard ship.”
The acidic tone of McHale’s voice made the hairs on the back of Carpenter’s neck stand on end. “I…um…” Carpenter tried helplessly.
McHale suddenly released Carpenter and took a step back. He looked at Carpenter for a long moment and shook his head. “If it wasn’t for Chuck, I’d be married and headed back home. Is that what you wanted?”
Carpenter missed McHale’s warmth yet he stood still. “No,” he almost yelled.
McHale’s voice rose in frustration. “I don’t understand it. First you set Binghamton on me and Kate when the boys snuck her over to our island.” He stopped, grunted, and lowered his voice to an angry hiss. “That’s just fine. I wanted to be rid of her. And then this afternoon, you’re helping Binghamton saddle me with her.”
“It was out of my mouth before I realized it,” Carpenter offered tentatively, knowing how lame it sounded, but it was the truth.
McHale rolled his eyes and folded his arms across his chest. “Right,” he drawled sarcastically.
Carpenter sighed and stepped up to McHale. He rested his hands on McHale’s arms. “I was in helpful aide mode and it just happened.”
“Geez, Carpy,” McHale muttered but made no move to shake Carpenter off.
“I’m sorry,” Carpenter said earnestly. He leaned in and left a trail of light kisses along McHale’s jaw. “The last thing I want is you married to Koloni Kate,” he whispered against McHale’s skin.
“Sometimes, you’re a birdbrain,” McHale retorted but tilted his head back to give Carpenter more room.
Carpenter laughed quietly and playfully licked McHale’s Adam’s apple. “Sometimes. Did the Captain getting dunked make up for it at all?”
“A little.” McHale finally let out a small smile. “Old Kate. We’ve had some laughs, but we would’ve killed each other.”
Carpenter pulled back just enough to watch McHale’s face. “You have no idea what I wanted to do to her that first day when she ran out of the Captain’s office to throw her arms around you.”
McHale smirked. “Lucky, are you telling me that you were jealous?”
Lucky. Now, Carpenter knew he was forgiven. “What am I supposed to feel when a good looking blonde is hanging all over you?” he asked with a mock pout.
McHale wrapped his arms around Carpenter and pulled him close. He leaned in to whisper in Carpenter’s ear. “I’ve never loved her like I love you.”
Suddenly, Carpenter felt warm all over. He rested his head on McHale’s shoulder. “You know something? We’re both saps. I love you, too.”