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I never thought I would be relieved to look in the mirror and not see my reflection. I know I would hate what I would see. Death. An empty, shuttered corpse that has been stuffed full with something that doesn't belong. I thought that out of every bloody person in this stupid, ignorant world that you would be the one person to understand. And I know that you do understand, but you feel that I don't deserve that understanding. Maybe I don't, maybe I do deserve to be thrown out there to burn.
I know I'm nothing and the only thing I'm fit for is the eternal
damnation that is coming for me, full speed ahead. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. But you, you can't even pretend I'm different now, that I can atone for what I did. You can't even pretend to understand.
I tried to understand you when you suffered. You never let me in. I tried to be all that you wanted. There was a time that I was. There was a time that you held me and promised me forever, and I was naive enough to believe that was true. I guess I never realized how short forever really was. How could I have been so stupid?
I'm so glad I can no longer see my reflection because it would show my tears, my suffering, and how much my long dead heart is aching for the forgiveness of just one soul. I don't have enough strength left to forgive myself. I gave all that up so I could forgive you.
There is a screaming as I pull this mirror from the wall and I can't tell if it's coming from me or my mind. I don't really care though, not anymore, 'cause my mind, no matter how shattered it is, it's the only thing that hasn't abandoned me. My insanity is my only comfort now. I can't help but wonder how I got so lost.
Some stupid idiot once said that the eyes are the windows to the soul.
That meant nothing before, of course, but if it's true then why can't you see mine? How can you look at me and not see the suffering, the hurt, the longing. How the hell can you not see the unshed tears?
Once upon a time you held me and promised me forever. Once upon a time you loved me and once upon a time you saw me. Now I am invisible to you and all I have left is this shattered mirror. As I pick up the pieces, I long to see myself in them. I need to reassure myself I'm still here, that I didn't disappear along with my mind.
The End