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A Bundle of Q - Joy

Summary:

The birds and the bees, Nathan and Arianna style. Curious kids, embarrassed parents and Grey's Medical Encyclopedia. Warning, a lot of silly humor.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

A Bundle of Q - Joy
by Marfiza aka Ki (Ki Slash or Ki Chng).

 

Chakotay cuddled his beloved in their soft couch, feeling content. He stroked the smooth cheekbones gently, kissing the eye-lids.

"Ensign Megan was talking about pregnancy this morning, " Chakotay heard his lover speak softly and the big man blinked. Pregnancy? Uh-oh!

"Of course, you won't be thinking of it , right?" The first officer teased, half believing, half-denying. "Tom? Love?" A soft sigh. "Of course, not!" Followed by a softer snort.

"OF COURSE!" A voice, all too familiar and oozing with smooth arrogance, chipped in, breaking the romantic mood in the quarters. The two lovers sat up straight, staring open-mouthed at the intruder who leered at them. He levitated in mid-air, in a fabulous black tuxedo. "Of course, you can !"

"Q?!" Chakotay and Paris boomed. " YOU!"

"A pregnancy coming right up !" The sleazily suave Q, with his characteristic leer, snapped his fingers and there was a bright flash of light.

-- Two Months --

"Tom?"  There was only a muffled voice in the toilet. Sound of retching.

"Tom, are you alright?" Commander Chakotay knocked the door again, worry creasing his forehead.

There were more sounds of retching and water running. After a few moments, a pale, slightly green Tom staggered out, wide-eyed and covering his mouth.

"Tom, " Chakotay gathered the white-as-a-sheet pilot in his arms and lifted him to the living room couch. "Are you okay ?"  Paris lifted teary eyes and spat out bitterly, "I GONNA get that little bastard." He stood up, trying to act brave. And found himself dashing to the toilet once more.

----

The EMH stared at the two men, one slightly queasy and green in his gills, one worried and pacing the Sickbay. He looked at his medical tricorder and smiled. "Congratulations, Mr Paris. Its a miracle but I am proud to say that you are pregnant!"

Paris's blue eyes widened The stream of angry invectives could be heard all over Voyager.

The Doc hardly batted his eyelids. He was unruffled. "From today onwards, I have to monitor your diet, your activities onboard the ship. No more pool in that sleazy thing you call Sandrines."  Paris turned puppy eyes at his lover. Chakotay only shrugged helplessly. At that moment, the pilot felt like throttling him ...

"Whoa, " Harry said, impressed by the mountain of food on his friend's tray. "You are eating like a pregnant woman!"

Hard blue eyes glared sapphire daggers at the young Asian man who bit his lip in intense embarrassment. "Oops, sorry, " Kim muttered very very quietly and tip-toed over to an empty table. He felt like sinking into the floorboards.

The whole ship knew it now.  Half of the female population in shock, half of it laughing til they pissed in their pants. Kim secretly watched his pilot-friend wolf down the food. Harry shook his head. Aye carumba

--  Three Months --

Chakotay, Commander of the ship Voyager, rubbed his temples and slumped down onto the sofa. The pregnancy thing was getting way out of hand. Just today, Paris threw a hissy fit on the Bridge, much to the shock and secret amusement of the entire Alpha shift. His feet hurt, his ankles hurt. And the bloody cravings.

They never seem to stop...

He leaned against the sofa and waited for Paris to come out from the toilet. Pregnancy. Chakotay closed his eyes. Pregnancy. It suddenly sounded at once beautiful and scary. There was this deep desire in him to have children and Tom, his beloved, was having ...one.

"LOOK at ME!"

Paris stood in front of him suddenly, breaking into his dreamy reverie. The pilot positively radiated anger and frustration. He also looked positively radiant.

"Look at me!" Paris stormed, sending shredders through the air. "I AM BIG!" The bulge beneath his T-shirt was getting a little inconspicuous. " I am big, fat and ugly. I HATE that stupid Q!!!"

"You look fine, love ..." Chakotay tried to soothe his frazzled beloved.

"I don't !" Paris burst out and sank onto the floor, tears in his eyes. "Here I am, the damned best pilot in the Delta Quadrant ...PREGNANT!"

Chakotay stroked the brows. "Hey, don't get that worked-up, dear. I promise I will go through this with you ...."

Paris gazed at him, all starry-eyed. "Really?"

Chakotay nodded. " Of course, I promised to protect you right?"

The pilot burrowed into Chakotay's arms. "I still want to shred that Q into pieces ..." His tone was turning a little coy now.  "Hey, you are tickling me!" The big man laughed ...

-- Four Months --

"I crave nails! "

"Uh?" The EMH lifted his eye-brow at his blonde patient and went back to hismedical readings.

"I want to eat nails!"

"Nails ?"

"Yes, nails. Those nails you use to make tables with?"

"I see ..." The Doc nodded. "Any more cravings?"

"I crave mud ..."

"Mud?" More nodding. "I see ..."

"I am weird, am I ?!" Some sniffing.

"No, " the EMH grinned to himself. "Its perfectly normal."

"Just a little more ...Yesss ...OooooOoooo ...."

"Hey, do you think this is normal???" Chakotay's exasperated query. " You pounced on me as if you were sex-starved!"  "Shaddup!" A low growl, akin to a hunting panther. "Just a little more ..."

After a sweaty ten minutes later, the two lay replete on the bed. Chakotay was seriously doubting the pregnancy business.

"I bet Q is probably laughing his ass off, " the first officer murmured.

"Yeah, his ass is probably smaller than mine now ..." His partner murmured. Once more, Chakotay sensed the rumblings of an imminent thunder-storm. Time to change tack ...

"So, what did the girls say?" Chakotay asked, putting his arms around his love who squirmed restlessly. Just hours ago, Kathryn and B'Elanna, with Seven of Nine and Samantha Wildman, put together a baby shower in Kathryn's quarters. The captain was delighted at the prospect of the pitter-patter of tiny feet on the ship and she accepted the news of the pregnancy with undiluted joy, even though she knew that it was a product from one of the meddler Q's unannounced visits.

"Well ...they told me to take care , eat moderately ..." Paris's sleepy voice.

"And?"

"Shaddup, love." Paris yawned. " I want to sleep."

"Okay ..."

Damn oscillating mood-swings.

-- Five Months --

"Oh, hello B'Elanna, Seven."

"So how's my expecting father today?" B'Elanna teased, her eyes twinkling.

"Aching back, swollen ankles. And my uniform don't fit me any more!"

"Don't be so upset, " the half-Klingon chief engineer smirked. "You should ask Wildman for some pointers."

"Yeah."

Seven watched with Borg amusement. She was still attempting to understand human male pregnancy. So far it was the same with the female one ... There was one thing she couldn't understand. She opened her mouth ...

"So are you lactating yet?"

B'Elanna almost choked herself laughing. Paris turned beet-root red. The lift door opened and he walked out as fast as his five-month belly could carry him.

---

"Damn, my ankles hurt !"

And what's my lover asking me to do? Walk?!

"Ahem, " a lot of huffing. " Chakotay ...DEAR!"

In a distance, the Native American turned around and grinned. "C'mon, sweet. You need to exercise ..."

"EXERCISE MY FOOT!" Paris transformed into a raging spitfire, albeitly a rotound one. "I can barely walk!"

"C'mon. I can rub your back later ..." Chakotay coaxed.

"Don't patronise me ..." The pilot growled.

"I am NOT patronising you, dear ..."

"Try carrying this, " Paris pointed at the bulge that resembled Charlie Brown's pitch-mound.

"Uhmmm, " Chakotay watched his beautiful love fume away under the sunlight.

Drenched with perspiration, brows shiny, cheekbones glistening with ...WAIT ...tears ...

Dang ...

Rushed over and hugged Paris who dissolved into a puddle of salty tears. He smoothed the soft blonde hair, calming his distraught lover. "I hate this!" Paris was murmuring into his sweat-shirt. " I hate ALL of this!"

"Hey, shhhh ...Don't think this way, love. Remember that I am in this with you, nevermind Q and his stupid meddlings ..."

"I am thinking about abortion ..." Abortion? Oh serious damn ...

"But ...but the strangest thing is that I have grown attached to the baby. " Phew ...

"Have you felt it kick before? " Paris asked, suddenly sweet, pulling Chakotay's hand to the round belly. Chakotay's eyes widened. Yes, there it is. Kicking.  There was laughter and Paris grinned at him playfully. "First one to the top wins!"

Damn mood-swings ...

Six Months----------------------

Samantha Wildman sat, cross-legged, in front of her charge. She considered this bizarre situation and took it in stride. Naomi, her daughter, sat watching and giggling (though earlier, she had admonished the child not to laugh). The object of the child's amusement fidgetted and tried to act cool. Wildman was lamaze coach.

"Let us go through the breathing exercises once more, " Wildman said and she heard an audible sigh, from the Commander who accompanied Paris.  There was an explosion of laughter and Wildman glared at Naomi who was struggling to stifle her giggling.

Paris panted, panted, gasped. Naomi doubted over and started laughing, her girlish peal ringing in the quarters. Paris stopped embarrassed. Chakotay turned away. Wildman suspected that the shoulders of the big man were also shaking (with barely-controlled laughter).

"I can't go through this!" The pilot whinged.

"Sure you can!" Wildman encouraged soothingly. "What if you start labor?"

The mention of 'labor' had a startling effect on the blonde man. He turned paler.

"Labor?" He blustered, blinking his eyes.

"Yep."

"Oh DAMN ..."

"Sure you can, Tom!" Wildman said persuasively. "C'mon ...Let's continue our practise, shall we?"

-- Seven Months --

The Bridge of Voyager was a center of calm activity. Everyone was concentrating on their posts. Harry Kim bent over his console. The turbolift door hissed open and Tom Paris came out, maneuvering his distended belly carefully. Officers quickly walked out of his way. Captain Janeway offered to help Tom walk down the steps to his usual position at the CONN. Tom refused help and waddled over to his seat.

Kim bent deeper into his task.

-- Eight Months --

"Owwww!"

"Tom?"

"Oh shit, it hurts like hell!"

Chakotay scooped up his perspiring love into his arms. Blue eyes were glaring at him.

"Damn it, " Paris rasped. "Don't just stand there. DO SOMETHING!"

"Con...tract...ions?" Chakotay spluttered.

"Damn it, don't just stand there like an idiot. Call the Doc NOW!"

Within a few seconds, the EMH appeared, looking calm and unflustered as usual. Paris wanted to kill him. The Doc checked the patient ... "Its just a normal muscle spasm, " the holographic physician said, silently grinning. " Its only a cramp."

"A CRAMP ?! " Paris groaned.

---

"Darling?" Tom Paris tapped his partner on the shoulder. It was dark and quiet in the quarters. Voyager still streaked across the perpetual night-sky of space.

"Darling?"

Chakotay was deep in slumber.

"Darling?" Paris became more insistent. "DARLING!" He slapped his palm onto Chakotay's chest.

"What ? How? When? " The native American sat up immediately. "Is it time yet?"

"No, " Paris said softly. " I want to ask you one question."

The first officer sank back into the bed. He was becoming quite worn-out. "Go ahead ...shoot."

"Do you like a boy or a girl?"

Chakotay sat up, again. "I think I like a girl ...Though a boy is also fine with me." He brushed his hair and yawned.

"Okay ..."

"Love, why did you ask me that?"

"I just want to know." Paris sighed. "The Doc did an ultra-sound on me earlier.

I saw ..."

"Saw what? "

"I saw the feet, the hands, the fingers ..." Paris sighed once more.  Chakotay pulled him closer, nuzzling him. Paris snuggled closer. His wiggling became more provocative.

"Not again? Do you think its safe?"

"Its okay. Use the 'spoon' ..."

"Tom love ...you are a tough cookie ..."

"Of course I am ..." A snort.

-- Nine Months --

Harry sat across the table, eyeing his best friend. The ensign stirred his coffee slowly. The Mess-hall was quiet, Neelix was cleaning up. Neelix. Ah, the Talaxian had concocted the most strangest food ever since Tom got pregnant. And the best (or worst) thing was that Tom ate everything.

Tom dropped his fork. It clattered.

"Tom?" Harry lifted his eye-brow in concern.

"Damn ..." Winced.

"Oh shit, Tom !" Harry stood up and started hyperventilating. "Oh shitohshitohshit ....."

Neelix caught on and came hurling out from his kitchen. "My goodness, is it THAT time?"

"Damn, this one is strong, " Paris muttered and then grinned weakily at the panicking Kim and the nervous Neelix. " Hey, I am the one having the kid ..."

"Ohshitohshitohshit ..."Kim bit his hand. He tapped his com-badge. "Kim to Commander Chakotay?"

"Chakotay here."

"You better come quick ..."

"Oh my GOD!"

---

The EMH greeted the trio amiably. He guided Paris to the bio-bed. At that moment, Chakotay ran into the Sickbay.

"Chakotay! " Paris shouted, gripping the edges of the bed. " It hurts like hell... "

The first officer held the trembling pilot's hands.

"Dammit, I hate Q!"

"Well, well, " the EMH smiled briefly. " I have to do it by Caesarean ..."

"What?!" Paris clung to his lover in utter desperation.

"Yes, you heard me, Mr Paris."

"I don't want to do this!" Paris was turning into jelly.

"Of course, you have to do this! " Kim equipped and was silenced by a basilisk stare from the pilot.

"Doctor, can I stay with Tom? " Chakotay asked as Paris shuddered with another contraction.

"You can, " the EMH nodded. " If you are not that squeamish ..."

Indignation flared in the Indian's eyes. " Of course I am not!"

"Alright, " the EMH nodded. " Get yourself a surgical mask and robe." He turned around and ordered Kim and Neelix out.

(ten minutes later)

"Now I am making an incision here ...."

A loud thud. The EMH shook his head. The first officer was out cold. So was his partner. He grinned.

---

"Commander?"

Chakotay woke up to see the Doc peering closely at him. "What ...."

"Congratulations, Commander. You are the proud father of ---"

"Chakotay!" Paris's groggy voice. "You HAVE to see this!"

The first officer clambered onto his unstable feet. He saw his love on the bio bed, looking surprisingly well. Paris was holding one bundle ...two ...

"Congratulations, " the EMH grinned. " You are the proud father of twins."

"TWINS?" Chakotay resisted the urge to a) do backflips in the Sickbay, b) run screaming and c) all of above. "Twins? "

"One girl and one boy, " Paris gushed and smiled. He looked tired but happy.

Chakotay crept closer and yes, there they were : one dark-haired, one blonde.

The girl was blonde, sweet-faced. The boy was dark-haired.

Chakotay held one moving bundle in his arms, feeling awe, admiration and love all at once. "Wow ...wow ..."

"He looks so much like you, dear ..." Paris said, smiling radiantly.

"Wow ..."

"We need names!" The familiar voice of Q bubbled like champagne. He appeared next to the EMH who looked at the omnipotent being with a mixture of disgust and surprise.

"Q!"

"Of course, I am Q ..." He said irritably. He danced over to Paris. "How's our sweet couple today?"

"Been through labor ...I guess I am fine, " the pilot said and gazed lovingly at the twins. Chakotay had that expression of awe on his face.

"Good, " Q grinned roguishly. " I was thinking of ending this ...game. " The faces of Chakotay and Paris paled instantly. " But, seeing this ---Q indicated the twins and their happy parents --- you are now parents of Q-conceived twins !"

With a flash of light, Q disappeared and in his former place, was a box of baby booties.

"I have never thought of Q as a baby-loving person ..." Paris sighed and yawned.

He was so tired.

"Me too ..." Chakotay sighed as well.

"Hey, big man ...you are finally speechless ..."

Chakotay laughed and hugged Paris tightly.

-------------------------------------------------

The End : A collection of pictures

On the table of Commander Chakotay was a color picture of himself, his lover Paris and their twins. It was taken during the party celebrating the first birthday of the children.

There were also two individual pictures of the twins. One picture featured Arianna Moon Hawk. Another picture that stood next to it featured Nathan Star Fire.

There was also a picture where the parents of Arianna and Nathan sat together with a strange man who was dressed in a black tux. He was their god-father.

Indeed their fairy god-father.

 

E-mail: marfiza@hotmail.com

Notes:

This orphaned work was originally on Pejas WWOMB posted by author Marfiza.
If this work is yours and you would like to reclaim ownership, you can click on the Technical Support and Feedback link at the bottom fo the page.