SquidgeWorld Archive

What Never Happened
by Merlin MacAbre

Jim had answered the phone, then wearily handed it over to his roommate. Blair’s blue eyes seemed to light up as he took his call. "Megan, what’s up? You wanta go get some dinner? Sure, seven o’clock. That’s good with me. You’re picking me up?"

Jim trudged upstairs and flopped down onto his bed, tuning out the voices. Utterly lonely and feeling betrayed, he tried to reason it out in his head. What was wrong with him, anyway? Blair was his friend, not his lover, and had every right to a normal life. If he preferred Megan’s company to his, that should not burden Jim. Jealousy definitely did not become him.

He understood why he felt the way he did. Blair had spoiled him with the constant attention and moral support, and it had deluded him into a counterfeit expectation their relationship had never reached. He should have known better. Jim’s perception made him wince at his own pathetic absurdity. He was a fool to think he could ever have Blair in that way.

He hopped to his feet and went to the closet. A four day weekend and moping around the apartment would bring him nothing but grief. He had to get out for a while.

Fishing. Breathe the fresh air, clear his head, make new resolutions. His life didn’t have to be miserable. He remembered being happy without Blair in his life. If he could just get back to that point, maybe he could survive emotionally intact.

He gathered up fishing equipment, a sleeping bag and extra clothes, and headed downstairs. Blair looked up from the couch in surprise as he passed.

"I’m going fishing, Chief. See you in a couple of days." Jim announced. "Have a good time with Megan." With a wave goodbye from the door, he was gone.

Blair stared after him in dismay. Long after he was gone, he muttered sadly, "Okay, smart guy...THAT didn’t work, now did it?"

___________________

Darien tromped though the muddy wilderness, still cursing his partner for his loyalties to their employer, The Official--or--‘the Fat Man’ as he and Bobby often called him. They had been planning this vacation to the Cascade Mountains for weeks, and when the time finally came, Bobby Hobbes had been asked to stay and work on a case. Bobby, who usually had no problem with the word ‘NO’, reluctantly accepted the assignment and stayed behind.

So, Darien was on his own for the week. In the woods. Alone.

He had been feeling a lot of irrational self-pity the past few days, his plight in life as a loveless freak reverbrating over and over in his tormented mind. Being the recipient of the quicksilver gland that made invisibility ordinary for him, he was also prone to insanity caused by his own brain’s reaction to the foreign element. It made him feel a bit more unloved that his own brother, a genius scientist now

deceased, had installed the gland in the first place, subjecting him to a life of freakdom.

There were days like today when it was a good thing he didn’t own a gun. A bullet through the brain could end at least part of his anguish. With the gland blown out of his head, the hereafter should be the same for him as for everyone else.

No, that wasn’t the way he wanted it. He knew he couldn’t end his own life, no matter how remote his existence. He found everything too interesting, was too amused by small things like the steady banter between himself and his partner when they were working together, the looks on people’s faces when the

quicksilver wore off and he magically appeared before them. Such as the hope springing eternal in his still-human breast that true love could really happen in his life.

He stopped and looked across a bubbling brook and a narrow island of rocks to a larger body of water, where he could see a fly fisherman casting, and the beauty of the motions fascinated him. The fisherman returned his gaze and waved. Darien waved back, chancing a slight smile.

In the great humanless chain of the Cascade Mountains, he had stumbled across one stranger who could either welcome him, shun him as an intrusion in his solitude or may even strive to cause him harm. The wave indicated he was welcome. He sauntered cautiously around the water to the fisherman just as he was wading to shore.

"Hi." Darien began. "Having any luck?"

"Not really. It’s a little too cool, I think."

"Yeah, it’s getting kinda cold out here. Good thing you’re wearing the rubber waders or you’d be freezing your kahoonies off."

"Trust me, they’re cold." The man stepped up onto the rock beside the new arrival and put down his fishing rod. "Jim Ellison." He introduced, offering his hand.

Darien shook hands with him. "Darien Fawkes."

"You’re not here to fish?" Jim asked.

"No, just wandering around aimlessly. I was actually sort of looking for a cabin that was supposed to be somewheres in this direction, but I guess I missed it. I’m really not very good in the woods."

Jim grinned at him. "So you’re lost?"

"I guess you could put it that way."

"You’re from California, aren’t you?"

"You don’t have to insult a guy."

"Do you like beer?"

"Is that a trick question?" Darien asked, feigning confusion. "Of course I like beer."

Jim nodded and picked up his tackle box. "Come with me, my friend."

________________

"Did you build this cabin?" Gulping the last of his third beer from the cooler, Darien studied the tiny enclosure, giving it a rough visual measurement of about eight by ten feet. The low roof only allowed an inch for his thick, upswept hair, making him feel he had to duck. He drank a forth beer standing at the window and finished his fifth pacing to keep warm. Number six caused his lips to go numb, which reminded him of the quicksilver’s effect. He carried the seventh to the hearth, shivering.

Jim soon had a blazing fire going in the small fireplace, potatoes and canned ham boiling in an iron pot. He invited him to sit on the crude bed made of uneven logs and straw, covered by a tarp and topped with a single sleeping bag. The rock floor beneath their feet was a bit slippery until dried by the fire’s heat. Given no other place to sit, he settled on the bed beside his new acquaintance. He was very aware that he was being scrutinized, was made a bit ill at ease by it, but when his eyes met the liquid blue eyes of the other man, he could not bring himself to protest.

"I didn’t build it, no." Jim answered. "I bought it a couple of years ago from the guy who built it back in the forties. He lived here by himself for over fifty years."

"So, what happened to him?"

"He died."

"After he sold you the place?"

"No, before." Jim laughed at the silly question. "Of course after. I didn’t buy a cabin from a dead guy. I think you’ve drank a couple too many."

Darien grinned. "This is a cozy little place, but why did he want to hole himself up and live alone for so long?"

"He didn’t like the world. He was different and felt shunned."

"I can relate to that."

"Yeah, me, too."

"You look pretty normal."

"So do you. Except for that hair. You ever hear of a comb?"

"Well, it grows fast. It gets a little out of control."

"They make stuff to make it lie down."

"Yeah, well, I bought some of that. It gets expensive."

"You’re too broke to buy hair stuff?"

"I get a paycheck." Darien felt right at home with the way the conversation was going. It made him think of Bobby. "It’s not much."

"Maybe you should change jobs."

"I wish."

"So change."

"You got any suggestions?"

"Yeah, I know people in Cascade. I could put in a good word for you."

"You don’t know about my past."

"What, are you a criminal or something?"

"I used to be."

Jim gazed at him for a moment. "What kind of criminal?"

"Why does it matter? Are you a cop?"

"Yeah."

"Aw, crap."

"I’m off duty. Tell me your story."

Darien sighed. "I think maybe I’d better keep my mouth shut."

"Come on. I’m out of my jurisdiction." Jim urged placatingly.

"I was a thief, but I’m reformed now. I’m straight."

Jim grinned at the terminology. "Straight?"

"I’m not a thief any more."

"What caused you to go straight?"

"My brother and his friends."

"He must be a good brother."

"He’s dead now."

"I’m sorry."

Darien looked away, feeling dizzy. "You’re like me, aren’t you?"

"No, I’m something else." Jim answered candidly.

"I mean you don’t have anybody, either."

"Yeah. In that way, I’m like you."

"But you know I can go invisible."

Jim, who had just turned up his can of beer, nearly choked. "Okay. No more beer for you, buddy."

"No, really. I can. I’m ‘the Invisible Man’."

Jim wiped his mouth and finished his beer. "Show me."

Without effort, the quicksilver took over and the entire man vanished before his eyes. Jim was impressed. "Shit." he said. "Can you come back now?"

When visibility returned, his position was unchanged.Darien met his gaze. "What can YOU do? Something about you."

"I’m a sentinel."

"What’s a sentinel?"

"My senses are enhanced. I smell it distinctly, whatever it is about you that makes you able to be invisible." A hand on his arm, he went on, "I feel it in your veins. I can see it right here..." He touched the back of his the now-visible jawbone. "A little glow. I can hear the tiny little crackling noises it makes."

"That’s weird, man."

"Weirder than being invisible?"

"Well, no."

"I was born this way. What’s your excuse?"

"A scientific experiment. I was my brother’s guinea pig."

"I see."

"It’s called quicksilver. It can bend light."

"Incredible."

"Is that stew stuff about done? Because I feel really drunk."

"A few more minutes."

"I just told you a top government secret, you know."

"I appreciate your trust."

"You won’t..."

"No, I won’t."

"Thanks."

Thunder rolled in the distance. "Looks like we’re in for a storm." Jim said. "Good thing I brought in plenty of firewood."

Darien glanced around nervously. "I can’t really stay here. There isn’t room."

"There’s room."

"Not for both of us to sleep."

"There’s room if you’re not opposed to sharing a sleeping bag."

"I...just met you."

"I promise I won’t bite."

Darien met his eyes again and displayed even more uncertainty. "You won’t bite what?"

Jim laughed. "Are you homophobic?"

"No." Darien answered too fast. "Are you gay?"

"Not typically gay, no. More like occasionally bisexual."

"Yeah, me, too."

"I wasn’t coming on to you, Slugger. But there could be no cozier scenario than the one we’ve got right now. Storm on its way, we’re comfy in this itty bitty cabin with a nice warm fire and a soft bed. What do you think? How long has it been for you?"

"A long, long time." Darien answered wistfully.

"Could be tonight. Think about it."

Darien’s lower lip trembled. "I think if it happens, you’re going to have to do it."

"I’m not that kind of guy. I don’t force myself on anybody."

The invisible man nodded, looking down.

"Is that the way it’s been for you before?"

The stooped shoulders shrugged.

"It has to be mutual." Jim said. "And, you know, it might make me sound like a romantic fool, but I never made love to anyone I couldn’t fall in love with."

The words brought Darien’s face up, a look of desperation and hopefulness so plainly defined that every need was clear. "I never heard any man say that before."

"That’s the way I feel about it."

Darien’s hand rose, shakily, and touched his cheek. "I’m dreaming you. That has to be the explanation. Nobody’s this good. You’re a dream I’m having."

"Or maybe I’m dreaming YOU." Jim leaned forward and captured his lips. Pressing him down, he rose above him and kissed him again, plundering his mouth.

Darien tore away for breath, and when he felt Jim’s mouth latch onto the side of his neck and begin to suckle there, he moaned in pleasure. "You said you didn’t bite."

"Sorry. I can’t seem to help myself."

"I kinda like it."

"You’re a masochist, aren’t you?"

"Not really. I don’t like pain. I’m more like a hedonist. I think you are, too."

"One hundred percent."

"You’re a sensualist."

"Yes, I am. I also like the way you taste. A little metallic, not iron. Something else."

"It’s called quicksilver. It’s in my blood." He winced as Jim found the scar on the back of his neck and nipped it with his teeth. "You want some hot sauce with that?"

"You’re hot enough, babe."

Darien trembled in his arms. "You know something? I don’t think I can do this."

Their next kiss quieted them both for several quickened heartbeats. Jim’s fingers slid along the curves of his body, tracing lean muscle through cloth. "Do you feel this, Hedonist?" he asked softly as he traced a nipple.

"I feel it." Darien breathed.

"This would feel a lot better without the clothes."

The hesitation made Jim draw back. "What’s wrong?"

"Nothing." The invisible man sat up straighter. "I guess I’m just a little self-conscious about my body."

"But you’re beautiful." Jim said doubtfully. "It’s okay. I know you’ve been hurt before. I don’t want to hurt you. I want to make you feel good."

"Can we go just a little slower?" Darien asked.

"We can go as slow as you want."

"I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a tease. I just need a little time to think about it."

"It’s okay." A hand rose to touch his cheek. "I didn’t mean to push you."

"No, it’s okay."

"You want to talk?"

"Yeah, maybe. I don’t know."

"You’re in love with someone, aren’t you?"

Darien looked up sharply. "You’re pretty perceptive for a cop."

"Who?"

"Who am I in love with?"

"Yeah, who?"

Taking a deep breath, he uttered his truth. "Bobby."

"A cohort?"

"No, I’m not a criminal any more, Jim. I work for a government agency now, and Bobby’s my partner. He doesn’t have a clue."

"I know exactly how you feel. Neither does Blair."

"YOUR partner?"

"Yeah."

"Then you’re in the same boat as me."

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"We shouldn’t be doing this."

Jim was ashamed of himself. "You’re right. It’s tough to need something that never happens."

"Tell me about Blair. Is he straight, or just stupid?"

Jim sighed. "I don’t know. It makes me tired to think about it."

"Have you told him how you feel?"

"If I told him, he might leave me."

"Yeah, I know that one by heart. Bobby jokes around a lot, but if I ever told him..." He swallowed convulsively. "I don’t want to lose him."

Jim hugged him and they sat in silence for a while.Finally, Jim asked, "You still hungry?"

"Starved."

"Let’s eat. I think the stuff is done."

"Then what?"

"Then we’ll sleep. You don’t mind cuddling, do you?"

"No, that would be nice. I’m sorry, Jim."

Jim chuckled and patted his cheek.

______________________

The slow rain that started after dark set the mood for sleeping. The storm petered out before it reached them, leaving only the rain and wind. No sudden crashes of thunder or flashes of lightning to interrupt their sleep, they slept peacefully until well after daylight.

Plinking from the corner finally broke through their contented slumber and Jim got up to investigate the leak in the roof. After setting a can beneath it, he sat in a squat, pondering his private thoughts for a moment. When his eyes rose to meet those of his bleary-eyed companion, he asked, "You want to go meet Blair?"

Darien shrugged. "Sure."

"As soon as it stops raining, we’ll leave."

Giving his new friend a hand up, Darien went to peer out into the grayness of the day. "Are you going to tell him what happened here last night?"

"Nothing happened to tell him." Jim said evasively.

"That’s the closest I’ve ever come to something that didn’t happen."

"Yeah, me, too. I didn’t mean to come off as such a dog, you know. That’s why nobody should ever let themselves get that needy."

"Do you see that changing in your near future?"

"I don’t know. There’s only one person who can change it. It’s all up to him. What about you?"

"I’ll never say anything to Bobby."

"I understand."

"So, we probably just missed out on the best thing we’ll ever get offered." Darien said sadly.

Jim turned him around and hugged him. "I wouldn’t use you like that."

"What were we going to do last night?"

"Last night didn’t happen. You had the good sense to stop before we did something we would both regret. And anyway, what I said about being the romantic type...that was true. If it HAD happened, I’d be loyal to you."

Darien swore under his breath, then muttered, "I was just scared."

Jim’s hand fumbled with the other man’s wild spikes of hair, smoothing it down distractedly. "You have the thickest hair I’ve ever seen. No wonder it won’t lie flat. Maybe if you put some water on it..."

"It only stays down until it dries. I should probably cut it off."

"No, you look fine. Wait until you see Blair’s hair." Jim grinned and took out his wallet, extracting a small laminated picture from amongst a stack of plastic cards and handing it to Darien. The young man in the photograph had long, curly hair and sparkling blue eyes. His smiling lips were seductively lush.

"I don’t blame you for falling in love with this guy. He’s a babe." Darien commented.

"What’s Bobby look like?"

Darien’s wallet came out and a picture of the two of them together was presented. "He’s not as cute as yours."

"Looks don’t matter."

"Some people think they do."

"Those people are idiots." Jim toyed with the picture. "You should tell him."

Darien looked at him with sarcasm. "I will if you will."

"How about a trade-off? I’ll talk to Bobby for you if you’ll talk to Blair for me."

The thought processed. "That’s actually a good idea."

"Okay, let’s talk about this."

_________________________

Blair answered the door to a tall, lanky stranger.

"Hi," the stranger greeted nervously. "My name is Darien Fawkes and I’m here to talk to you about a mutual friend, Jim Ellison."

Tensely, Blair asked, "Is he okay?"

"He’s fine." Darien assured him.

"Good." Both of them stood awkwardly at the door.

After a few minutes, Darien cleared his throat. "Um, this is kinda private. I wouldn’t want your neighbors to hear. Do you think we could go inside and talk?"

"Oh!" Blair backed up to let him in. "Sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Come in. Sit down." He went to the kitchen and put on a pot to boil. "Would you like some tea?"

"Sure." The tall man waited just inside the door.

"Come sit at the table." Blair invited, pulling out a chair for him.

As he sat, Darien’s enormous brown eyes scaled him. "No wonder Jim feels the way he does about you. He’s really...fond of you."

Blair sat down adjacent to him. "What’s going on here? Why are you here on his behalf? What’s the deal? Are you sure he’s okay?"

"He’s fine. I promise."

"Then what’s going on?"

"Okay, here’s the thing. Jim and I met out in the woods; he was fishing and I was lost. We got to talking and we ended up spending the night together. I learned a lot about him in that time, probably more than YOU know about him."

"I don’t think anybody knows more about Jim than I do." Blair said tentatively. "He’s a real repressed guy. I’ve been living with him for five years."

"And he hasn’t told you he’s in love with you?"

The look on Blair’s face was priceless. "He’s in love with me?"

"Yep."

There was a long pause while the word made the rotation to every juncture of his brain. He wiped a tear before it could slide down his cheek and got up to see to the kettle. "Did he send you here to tell me that?"

"Not exactly. He wants to tell you himself, but he’s afraid you’ll run out on him. I’m telling you the truth, Blair. You’re all he can think about."

"Where is he? Is he outside?"

"No, he’s in New Mexico talking to my partner right about now."

"Your partner?"

"In New Mexico."

"How the hell did he get to New Mexico?"

"On an airplane."

"I mean...what’s he doing there?"

"Talking to my partner." Darien answered patiently.

"About what?"

"About me."

Blair prepared tea for them both while keeping his back to his visitor. When he set the cups on the table, he met those dark eyes, and sighed. "So you’re doing a ‘throw momma from the train’ kind of thing. You’re telling me and he’s telling your partner."

"You’re smarter than you look."

Blair laughed. "That’s funny."

"So, do you feel the same way about Jim, or should I tell him never to mention it to you?" Darien gazed at him intently. "I mean, you’re not going to pack your bags now that you know he’s wild about you, are you?"

Blair sipped his tea. "No." he answered. "I just wanted HIM to tell me. That’s all."

"Sorry, I didn’t mean to get in between you. He’s just afraid of losing you. That’s all."

"I love him, too." Blair confided. "I want him to come home."

"He’ll be here tomorrow."

"I hope it works out for you and your partner."

"Yeah, me, too."

Blair smiled at him. "Thank you."

______________________

Darien had gone on his way. Blair picked up the phone on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Hey, Chief."

"Jim! Come home! Are you on your way?"

"I’m on my way. I should be there some time tonight."

"Hurry the hell up! What’s going on with you, anyway?"

"I had a little soul-searching to do."

"Yeah, I heard. Your friend came here and told me all about it."

"Is he still there?"

"No, he left."

"Where did he go? I have someone here who wants to talk to him."

"He only stayed a few minutes."

"I hope he’s not running like a scared rabbit."

"Jim..."

There was a moment of silence.

"I love you."

"Love you, too, Chief."

"I want you home."

"I’m coming." There was relief in his voice.

"Hurry up."

"I’ll be there as soon as possible, babe."

____________________________

Darien sat anxiously watching from his car. He had been there for hours. When the familiar blue and white pickup finally pulled into the parking space, he was so neurotic he couldn’t move. His eyes were like saucers as Bobby got out from the passenger door and accompanied Jim into the building. "He came." he whispered to himself. "What does that mean?"

____________________________

When Blair opened the door again, it was to Jim’s loving gaze. He didn’t care who else was there or who witnessed...he flung himself into Jim’s arms and hugged him with every ounce of strength he had. "I love you, Jim." he said.

"I love you, too."

_____________________________

He sat up straight when Bobby returned to the pickup and reached in for a single piece of luggage. Darien cursed when his elbow grazed the horn. He froze. The little toot had acquired his partner’s attention, arousing his curiosity so that he was creeping over to investigate the problem. Darien closed his eyes and waited, refusing to resort to invisibility.

Bobby tapped the driver’s window with his knuckles. With a sigh, Darien rolled the window down. "Hi Bobby."

"You wanta quit being insane and talk to me? You tell a perfect stranger everything and you won’t tell ME? What’s your malfunction, Fawkes?"

Darien shivered and looked down. "Get in the car, Bobby."

"Okay." Bobby went around to get in on the other side. He pitched his suitcase into the back seat "Let’s go get a room. I think we’ve got a lot of catching up to do."

When the invisible man looked his way, Bobby leaned over and kissed him. "I’ll call Jim from the hotel. Let’s go."

With a smile, Darien started the car.


the end
Archive Email Address: merlinmacabre@yahoo.com