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Episode Summary: McHale and crew must plot the perfect escape for Fuji when Binghamton arrests him as a Japanese spy. -- from season 2 DVD box set
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Binghamton was soaking wet and wrapped in a blanket. A cool breeze blew in and his teeth chattered. His head spun as he watched the Shore Patrol march the Nip prisoners away. He clutched at Admiral Rogers’ arm. “But, Admiral,” he wailed in an even more whiney voice than usual. “McHale--”
Rogers put an arm around Binghamton’s shoulders. “Now, now, Wally,” he said smoothly. “Thanks to McHale here we finally have one of those Nip super PTs.”
Binghamton burped and tasted the champagne in his mouth. His head pounded. “But,” he stuttered. “You can’t condone this stunt.” He waved his other arm and almost fell down. “Faking the end of the war. It’s…it’s…” his voice trailed off helplessly.
Rogers tightened his grip to keep Binghamton from falling. “Unorthodox, I’ll admit, but it worked, didn’t it?”
“Yes, but…” Binghamton blinked back tears. “What about my prisoner?”
“Oh, belay that Binghamton. Right now, you need to go back to your quarters and sleep this off.”
Binghamton hugged the blanket tight around himself. He glared at McHale hauling Carpenter out of the water. He stuck his bottom lip out at Rogers. “That Benedict Arnold Carpenter pushed me in the water. He’s drunk.”
Rogers smirked. “And so are you.”
Binghamton watched McHale drape a blanket around Carpenter. He continued as if Rogers hadn’t spoken. “I want him up on charges. How dare he dunk his commanding officer!” he shouted in outrage and almost fell down again.
Rogers held on and patted Binghamton’s shoulder. “I think we can let that go. You both thought the war was over. Anyone would celebrate.”
Binghamton bared his teeth as McHale ran his hands up and down Carpenter’s arms. “He dunked me! He called me Pigeonhead and Old Leadbottom!”
“Now, I’m sure he didn’t mean to,” Rogers replied gently.
“Yes, he did. Yes, he did. He’s a sneak,” Binghamton hissed. He saw Carpenter sway. Then Carpenter buried his face in McHale’s shoulder. He titled his head to the side and gaped at them.
“Let’s forget all about any charges.”
Binghamton blinked at the sound of the Admiral’s voice. He leaned against Rogers and looked at him mournfully. “But…but I was gonna get the glory. My prisoner…Why? Why?” he slurred.
Rogers started leading Binghamton away. “Things will be better when you wake up from a nice nap.”
Binghamton planted his feet and nodded towards McHale and Carpenter. Carpenter was so drunk he could barely stand and was hanging all over McHale. “What about them?”
“Don’t worry about them. McHale,” Rogers called. “I’ll take care of Captain Binghamton. You make sure Lieutenant Carpenter gets to his bunk.”
“Yes, Sir,” McHale called back while Carpenter giggled into his chest.
Binghamton noticed a half full bottle of champagne sitting on the dock. He made a grab for it. Rogers jerked him back and made him walk away. “Admiral,” he pleaded.
“You’ve had enough,” Rogers said firmly.
“Can’t I just finish the bottle in my quarters?”
“Captain,” Rogers warned.
“It would be a shame to waste it.”
“No!” Rogers snapped.
“Yes, Sir.” Binghamton glanced over his shoulder to see Carpenter hugging McHale. Carpenter had a dopey grin on his face. He faced forward and shook his head. “You know, Admiral,” he said in a conspiratorial whisper. “That boy can’t hold his liquor. It makes him see things. He’s hanging on McHale like McHale’s Betty Grable.”