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English
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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
Words:
291
Chapters:
1/1
Kudos:
5
Hits:
955

Identical Houses

Summary:

Losing your way home.

Work Text:

Identical Houses
by Michelle K

 

The more you try to hold onto, the more you lose. You knew it. Lived it. Bought the damn overpriced t-shirt.

You just never thought you'd forget the way home; that riding around in your old  neighborhood would make your front door unclear, make your childhood home
indistinguishable from that of your old neighbors.

The option to live on the outermost fringes of your life was not one you thought you'd lose.

You wonder if this is some sort of cosmic punishment for crawling into windows, for clutching all the things made warm by the touches of your loved ones; if somewhere there's an omniscient upper management asshole laughing at your pain. You'd ask Rube if you thought he knew. You'd at least tell him if you were expecting anything other than a disappointed glare, a "Why do you have to do this to me, Peanut?", another reason you're a fuck-up even in un-death.

Rube reminds you of your mother sometimes; wanting you to do things right, pushing you with some unkind words. You wonder if this comparison will make you forget your mother's face.

You start to cry; insane wracking sobs that make your body shake. Things weren't supposed to be this way. You were supposed to figure out your life.

You were supposed to have a life.

You want to roll your eyes even as you cry for what's gone. You don't deserve such outbursts of emotion -- even if you did, it does nothing. It doesn't bring back the memories that have faded. It doesn't give you back your life.

It doesn't help you find your way home.

You can never go home again.

END
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