Work Text:
Dark Circle
by Angela B.
Part I
Thrown out the window to my death,
someone please pick me up and dust me off.
Walking around again on feet of uncertainty and fear,
wondering who I am and why I'm here.
Grasping for hope here and there,
but never finding it anywhere.
I look up but the sky is black and unfeeling.
I feel the unquenchable pain inside,
and fall to my knees under the weight of it.
The nights are so cold and lonely,
the days so long and unbearable.
I crawl around groping for meaning,
but all I find is a fistful of ashes.
Going back to the place it happened,
the tears start falling and my voice starts screaming.
Feeling and seeing every inch of the horror,
as if it was happening for a second, third, and fourth time.
The rage wells up inside of me,
my fist goes through the mirror,
the monster inside of me comes out.
The control over my other half is wearing thin,
it's taking over who I am, dictating my every move.
I'm transported inside myself, and coming out less and less.
They say I have to set things right,
but no one ever told me how.
The days run into one another, it's all becoming a blur.
I'm going through the memories, crying at them,
laughing over some, cherishing every one.
I'm sitting alone, reaching for the one I loved,
all I feel is empty air, there s no one there.
Was she just a dream, or was she once alive.
Why was I left to face the world alone,
with no support, no one by my side.
Trusting people isn't any easier this time around.
The secret of how I came back is buried deep inside of me.
The window where I lost myself is still broken and shattered,
a perfect visual of the life I now lead.
The person I was is no longer to be found,
he flew away as if on the wings of a bird.
The desire to give up and become nothing once again is strong.
Being thrown into my own prison for something I didn't do
is one more step towards release.
Paying for other's mistakes seems to be another step.
Pacing the floor, pounding on the walls,
it's all hopeless, I m stuck here.
When will I be set free?
Looking around I see the ignorance of those that pass me by.
They think that they're invincible, but I'm proof that they're not.
Fighting myself to the death seems unavoidable, I wonder who will win.
I'm leaving soon, I have to, there s nothing else for me to do here.
They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul,
I wonder what they will find if they look into mine.
Sitting alone, looking over the edge,
was I made to fly this time around?
Staring with unblinking eyes at the shimmering light before me,
stretching out my hands to touch the vision therein.
Hoping against hope that now s the time to move on.
The light fades, all is quiet and dark, and I'm still here.
Part II
The darkness surrounds, the walls come tumbling down.
Words are useless now, there s nothing left to say.
Peace comes floating slowly down, piece by piece,
until it embraces me, calming my soul.
I lay down in its midst and dream.
I dream of a time long ago, of days long past,
where smiles were innocent, and motives were pure.
I wake up, the glow is gone,
but my newborn hope remains.
Looking around with eyes unclouded,
tomorrow seems a bit more bearable.
Walking alone under the cloak of darkness,
the sounds of the night cover my footsteps.
I gaze up into the hazy night sky,
and feel the raindrops gently cleanse my eyes.
The night is quiet now, everything is still.
I stare at my dim reflection in a glass window,
and marvel at who I see there,
I'm the same person that I always was.
I know that one day I'll leave this place,
and go where I m supposed to be, with the one I love.
Reaching out with open arms to those around me,
giving them a helping hand,
is what I was meant to do until I see her again.
1998