Work Text:
Perfectville
© 2008 Jean Akins
Once upon a time there was a small town where everything was perfect. There were twenty-six identical perfect houses with perfect lawns and perfect backyards. In each house lived a perfect family of four. Each family consisted of a husband and wife and their fraternal twins: a boy and a girl. All the grownups in this perfect little town were thirty years old. All the children in this perfect little town were ten years old.
The governing body of this perfect little town was made up of six Town Council members. They were Mr. Anderson, Mr. Edgewater, Mr. Ivory, Mr. Olson, Mr. Unger and sometimes Mr. Yip. The Town Council would hold monthly meetings. Mr. Yip rarely attended because his job as the town yardman kept him very busy. He was responsible for keeping all twenty-six lawns and backyards in perfect condition.
"Are you going to attend this month's Town Council meeting, Mr. Yip?" asked Mr. Anderson.
"Maybe I will. Maybe I won't," said Mr. Yip. "It depends on how busy I'll be."
"We're busy, too, but we manage to attend these meetings," said Mr. Anderson. He was growing a bit annoyed that Mr. Yip missed so many of the meetings. "Why don't you resign as member of the Town Council? We can find someone to take your place."
"Oh, no," said Mr. Yip. "Don't do that. I'll try to make it to this month's meeting."
"See that you do," said Mr. Anderson.
When it came time for that month's meeting of the Town Council Mr. Yip was there. The other members were very surprised to see him.
"It's good of you to attend this meeting," said Mr. Edgewater.
"I have something I'd like to discuss," said Mr. Yip. "Something that will help make Perfectville live up to its name."
The other members were intrigued.
"Very well. The meeting will come to order. Mr. Yip, you have the floor," said Mr. Anderson.
"We have one hundred and four citizens here in Perfectville," said Mr. Yip. "Twenty-six houses each containing a family of four."
"Yes, we can do the math," said Mr. Anderson. "What's your point?"
"One hundred and four citizens. If we had only one hundred citizens, that would make it a nice round number. It would be perfect. We need to have one family leave Perfectville."
Mr. Yip looked around the room for the reactions of the other Town Council members.
"A round number," said Mr. Edgewater smiling and nodding.
"A nice round number," said Mr. Ivory smiling and nodding.
"A very nice round number," said Mr. Olson smiling and nodding.
"An even one hundred! What a perfect idea!" said Mr. Unger smiling and nodding.
"Have you all taken leave of your senses?" asked Mr. Anderson not smiling and not nodding. "You want to have one of our families leave Perfectville just so that the population number will drop to an even one hundred?"
"Yes!" the other members said simultaneously.
"We can't do that!" said Mr. Anderson.
"We certainly can," said Mr. Yip. "And as a member of the Perfectville Town Council you should be doing all you can to help make our town perfect."
"We could have a lottery to decide which family has to go," said Mr. Edgewater.
"No!" said Mr. Anderson. "No one is leaving Perfectville! It's fine the way it is!"
Mr. Anderson now regretted ever having asked Mr. Yip to attend the meeting.
"Let's put it to a vote," said Mr. Yip. "All those in favor of having one family leave Perfectville so that we can have a population of one hundred raise your right hand."
Mr. Yip, Mr. Edgewater, Mr. Ivory, Mr. Olson and Mr. Unger each raised their right hand.
"All opposed?"
Mr. Anderson raised his right hand.
"It's approved by majority vote," said Mr. Yip. "Now we need to decide which family leaves."
"Do you have any idea on how to decide?" asked Mr. Edgewater.
"Yes. The simplest way would be to cut out the twenty-sixth household. That way the residential area of our town could be made perfectly square with five rows of houses and five houses in each row. As it is now, we have five rows of houses with five houses in four rows, but six houses in the last row. We simply demolish the twenty-sixth house, leaving twenty-five houses arranged in a perfect square."
"You're mad," said Mr. Anderson. "Absolutely mad."
The other members of the Town Council ignored Mr. Anderson and eagerly embraced Mr. Yip's idea.
"We'll tell the Zimmermans they have to leave first thing in the morning. Demolition of House Number 26 will take place at noon tomorrow," said Mr. Yip.
Mr. Anderson's protests were drowned out by the cheering of the other Town Council members.
The next day the members of the Zimmerman family were upset and sobbing as they were escorted out of Perfectville.
"Don't think of this as a banishment," said Mr. Yip. "Think of it as an exciting opportunity for a new life. Good luck out there!"
The Zimmermans slowly walked down the road. They stopped to look back. Mr. Parker, the town painter, was already changing the sign on the outskirts of town to read as Perfectville: Population 100.
"I can't believe the others went along with Mr. Yip's idea!" said Mr. Anderson to his wife that night at dinner. The table was beautifully set and the home was immaculate. The twins Anna and Anthony slowly ate their meal. They were sad over the news of the Zimmerman family.
"I miss Zoe and Zachary," said Anna.
"So do I," said Anthony.
All the children of Perfectville went to the one school in town. Now that the Zimmerman twins would no longer be attending, there would be fifty students. The classroom desks could be arranged in two perfect squares: twenty-five on one half of the room and twenty-five on the other. Five rows of desks in each half ot the classroom. Five desks in each row. That would leave a middle aisle separating both halves of the large rectangular classroom. Girls would be seated in one half of the room and boys would be seated in the other half. Mr. Yip had already told Mr. Trent the teacher about how this change would make the school even more perfect.
The Anderson family lived in House Number 1. Andrew Anderson was an author and an artist. His wife Alice was the homemaker. Anna and Anthony attended Perfectville School. They learned reading, writing, arithmetic in the morning from nine o'clock to twelve noon. After the lunch break they and all the other students attended Story Hour with Mr. Larkin the librarian at the Perfectville Public Library. Then they returned to Perfectville School for an hour of physical education from two o'clock to three o'clock.
The Barrowman family lived in House Number 2. Brent Barrowman was a baker. His wife Briana was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Bethany and Bartholomew.
The Carter family lived in House Number 3. Carl Carter was a contractor who did carpentry, plumbing, electrical work and home repairs. His wife Cathy was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Christine and Christopher.
The Dixon family lived in House Number 4. Dennis Dixon was a detective. His wife Darla was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Dorothy and Donald.
The Edgewater family lived in House Number 5. Elijah Edgewater was Editor of the Perfectville Newspaper. His wife Elizabeth was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Erica and Eric.
The Fuller family lived in House Number 6. Fred Fuller was a firefighter and fitness trainer. His wife Fiona was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Francine and Franklin.
The Gardner family lived in House Number 7. Gary Gardner was a grocer. His wife Gwen was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Grace and Gregory.
The Hamilton family lived in House Number 8. Harold Hamilton was a hair stylist. His wife Harriet was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Henrietta and Henry.
The Ivory family lived in House Number 9. Ike Ivory was an interior designer. His wife Isabel was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Ivan and Ivanna.
The Johnson family lived in House Number 10. Jason Johnson was a jeweler. His wife Joanna was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Justin and Justine.
The Kerrigan family lived in House Number 11. Kyle Kerrigan was a kennel operator and keysmith. His wife Kelly was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Katherine and Kenneth.
The Larkin family lived in House Number 12. Leonard Larkin was the librarian of the Perfectville Public Library. His wife Lisa was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Laura and Laurence.
The Manning family lived in House Number 13. Matthew Manning was a mailman. His wife Mary was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Michele and Michael.
The Nettleton family lived in House Number 14. Ned Nettleton was a nutritionist and a notary public. His wife Nellie was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Nancy and Nathan.
The Olson family lived in House Number 15. Owen Olson was an organizer who helped people get their homes and offices in perfect order. His wife Odette was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Olivia and Oliver.
The Parker family lived in House Number 16. Paul Parker was a painter. His wife Paula was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Patricia and Patrick.
The Quinn family lived in House Number 17. Quentin Quinn was a quilt maker. His wife Queenie was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Quintessa and Quentin, Jr.
The Richardson family lived in House Number 18. Richard Richardson was the Recycling Officer of Perfectville. His wife Rachael was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Roberta and Robert.
The Smith family lived in House Number 19. Sam Smith was Sheriff of Perfectville. His wife Sharon was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Simone and Simon.
The Trent family lived in House Number 20. Tyler Trent was the teacher of the Perfectville School. His wife Tyra was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Thomasina and Thomas.
The Unger family lived in House Number 21. Ulysses Unger was an umbrella maker and repairer He was also an undertaker, but business there was very slow because in Perfectville nobody ever aged or became ill or died. His wife Uma was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Ursula and Upton.
The Valentine family lived in House Number 22. Vance Valentine was a violinist. His wife Violet was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Valerie and Van.
The Wong family lived in House Number 23. Wayne Wong was the website manager for Perfectville. His wife Wendy was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Willow and Walter.
The Xu family lived in House Number 24. Xie Xu was a Xerox Machine Operator. His wife Xionna was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Xena and Xavier.
The Yip family lived in House Number 25. Yan Yip was the yardman. His wife Yionna was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Yvonne and Yves.
The Zimmermans used to live in House Number 26 which would be demolished before the end of the day. Zane Zimmerman was a zoologist who would have to find work outside of Perfectville. His wife Zelda was the homemaker and mother to their twin children Zoe and Zachary.
One week after the Zimmerman family left Perfectville the telephone rang in the Anderson home. Mrs. Anderson answered it. It was Zelda Zimmerman. She sounded upset.
"Alice, I hate it here!" cried Zelda. "Can't we go back to Perfectville?"
"Oh, Zelda, I'm so sorry," said Alice. "I wish I could help, but Andrew said there's nothing anyone can do."
"Alice, you wouldn't believe how bad it is out here! The house is an absolute mess!"
"A mess? It is broken?"
"That's what I thought at first. Alice, did you know that the houses outside of Perfectville do not clean themselves?"
"No! Are you serious?"
"I'm not kidding! I'm expected to dust, clean, cook and do the laundry! Everything!"
Alice shuddered at the thought of not being able to live in a self-cleaning house. The homemakers of Perfectville only had to deal with the finishing touches when it came to running the household, like arranging fresh flowers in vases and fanning out magazines on a coffee table.
"Alice, you've got to talk to Andrew again. I can't take anymore of this! There must be something he can do to convince the Town Council to let us move -- "
Alice waited for Zelda to finish speaking but there was just silence.
"Zelda? Hello? Hello? Zelda? Are you there?"
The local authorities of the suburban town where the Zimmermans had relocated were stumped by what had happened to them. Zane Zimmerman had started his first day of work at the nearby city zoo when he mysteriously disappeared. There was a pile of sand outside the lion cage. His clipboard and pen were on the ground next to the pile. The notes scribbled on the paper clipped to the board were in Mr. Zimmerman's handwriting.
Some of the fellow classmates of Zoe and Zachary had to go for counseling. It seems the fraternal twins from Perfectville had suddenly dissolved into sand during recess. Not all the students in the playground saw it happen, but those who did were understandably horrified and upset. Some had nightmares about it for weeks to come.
And in the Zimmerman residence there was a pile of sand in the kitchen. The receiver of the wall telephone hung down near the pile.
Epilogue
A girl was busy building small structures on the beach with her toy pail and shovel. Her brother approached to see what she was making.
"If you're building a castle you'll need to make it taller," said the boy.
"It's not a castle. It's a town. My own perfect little town."
"What makes it perfect?"
"Simple uncomplicated living. No hassles. No worries. As long as you're in my perfect little town you can just have fun enjoying life."
"Sounds good. I like the little figures you made for people. You sure have a lot of them"
"Thanks. There are exactly a hundred. There were a few extras, but I don't need so many. Just a hundred will do."
"A hundred. That's a nice round number."
"Yeah. A perfect round number. Just the way I like it."
The End