Work Text:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended
Genre: Pre slash
Characters: Steve/Jesse
Warnings: none
Diagnosis Murder: Blind Date
by raglek
09/02/08
Lieutenant Steve Sloan stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom, grimacing at his reflection. I can’t believe I let Dad talk me into this Steve thought to himself. A blind date. I must be losing my mind. Maybe I’ll get lucky and get paged. Steve sighed, knowing that he only had himself to blame for this. He could have said no.
For the last month, Dr. Mark Sloan had been pressuring Steve into this. “Come on Steve, I know you two will hit it off.” But Steve had resisted every attempt. He had been on a blind date when he was younger and it had been one of the worst nights of his life. OK, maybe not the worst, but still…
Finally though, Mark was able to wear him down. “I don’t want to see you end up a lonely old man. Sometimes it seems like you get so lost in your work that you forget there’s a whole other world out there. Please son, just give it a try. One date. If it doesn’t work I promise, I’ll never do anything like this again.”
Nothing like a guilt trip to make a man cave. Steve thought ruefully. Of course, what his dad didn’t know was the real reason Steve wasn’t interested in going out with anyone. Coward he thought. If you’d just tell him… But he didn’t know how to say it. “Hey Dad, I’m gay. Oh, and I’m also in love with Jesse.” Yeah, that would go over really well.
All right. Enough of this. You promised you’d go. With one last hopeful glance at his pager he grabbed his keys and walked out the door.
*****
Jesse Travis was sitting in his car, trying to talk himself into going into the restaurant. You promised Mark. You’ve got to go in there and at least meet… whoever.
Mark convinced Jesse that he knew the perfect guy for him. And wasn’t that a shock. I still can’t believe that he figured it out. I’ve always been so careful. I just hope that when Steve finds out he’ll be as accepting as his dad.
Of course, no matter how accepting the big detective was, it still wouldn’t be enough. Jesse wanted more than friendship from Steve, but knew that that would never come to pass. As long as he doesn’t hate me, I can handle anything else. Jesse sighed, hoping he could convince other people better than he convinced himself.
With a deep sigh of resignation Jesse got out of his car. He walked across the parking lot and opened the door of the restaurant, inhaling the intoxicating aroma of BBQ ribs. At least the food should be good.
Remembering Mark’s instructions that the reservation was in his name, Jesse walked to the podium of the busy place. “Hi, I’m supposed to be meeting someone. We have reservations under the name Sloan.”
“The gentleman you’re meeting is already here. If you’ll follow me,” the friendly waitress said.
Jesse followed her into the dining room, looking around curiously. Oh no! Jesse almost groaned out loud. Of all the restaurants in the city, Mark has to pick the one that Steve is at. Just what I need, to see him on a date while I’m trying to pretend I’m interested in some other guy. Hopefully he'll just think we are friends.
Jesse put his head down and hoped that Steve wouldn’t see him. Unfortunately, the waitress led him straight toward Steve’s table. No, not toward the table. To the table.
“Jess? What are you doing here?” Steve asked.
“Umm… Hi Steve. I’m sorry, there must have been a mix-up.” Jesse looked at the waitress, “I’m at the other Sloan table.”
“There was only one reservation under the name Sloan,” the woman replied. “Can I get you something to drink?”
Steve looked as confused as Jesse felt.
“Are you sure there wasn’t another reservation under that name?” Jesse questioned faintly.
“Just the one,” she replied. “Oh, I almost forgot. A man came in earlier to check on the reservation and he left this,” she had an envelope in her hand. Are you Steve and Jesse?”
Ohmygod.Ohmygod.Ohmygod! This can’t be happening. Jesse thought he might be hyperventilating.
“Yeah, that’s us,” Steve answered, looking a little green. What the hell? What is Dad up to? Does he know? But how? I’ve always been so careful. And Jesse? Why is he here? Steve thought, unaware of how his thoughts were similar to Jesse’s earlier musings.
The waitress set the envelope down and said, “I’ll just give you a couple of minutes.”
After she walked away, Jesse sank into the empty chair. “Why are you here?” he asked Steve.
“My dad…” Steve trailed off. “Let’s look at this letter or whatever it is first.”
“K” Jesse put his head down on the table.
Steve picked up the envelope. It felt like his whole world had just tilted on it axis, so he was proud to note that his hands weren’t shaking. Much.
Steve and Jesse, I sure this is something of a shock to both of you, but I thought that maybe it would make you both see the truth about each other. Every time you two are around each other it’s plain to see the connection, and I, for one, am tired of denying it. How about you?
Steve. I’ve known for several years now that you were gay. I have to admit, I’m a little hurt that you thought you couldn’t trust me enough to tell me, but I was willing to wait until you were ready. However, I can’t sit back and watch you be so unhappy any longer. I love you Son. No matter what you do, no matter who you love, I will always love you.
Jesse. In the short time that we’ve know each other, I’ve come to look on you as another son. Your unhappiness is as unbearable to me as Steve’s is. I hope you can forgive me for interfering, but I’m afraid that if I don’t step in you two will let this chance pass by. Life is to short to waste one instant of possible happiness.
Please boys, be happy. Love, Mark
Steve handed the letter over to Jesse. His mind was reeling. Dad knows. He’s ok with it. He doesn’t hate me. But what about Jesse. Is he gay too? The connection that I feel to him, I didn’t realize that it was so obvious.
Jesse could hardly read the letter, his hands were shaking so bad. But he managed. Or he thought he did. But it couldn’t really say what it was saying. Could it? Steve’s gay. All those times we were together and I thought I saw him looking at me… It wasn’t my imagination. Or is Mark wrong? Is he reading the love of a friend as something more?
Steve was watching Jesse closely, trying to read his reaction to the letter, but Jess had his head down, chin almost touching his chest.
“Jess? Are you OK? You… you’re…” Steve sighed in frustration. “Jess, come on, buddy. Look at me.”
Jesse looked up and Steve could see confusion, fear and…something else hope? in his eyes. “Is it true? Are you really…”
“Are you ready to order, or do you need a little more time?” the waitress asked.
“No. We’re not ready yet.” Steve practically growled at her. “We’ll signal you when we are.”
She walked away and Steve turned his attention back to the trembling young man sitting across from him.
“Yes. I’m gay. I haven’t ever told anyone, well not anyone who really matters.” Steve confessed. “I’ve had a few flings, but I was worried about how people would react if they knew. I was worried how Dad would react. So I kept it quiet. Never let myself get too involved with anyone. Never let a few dates progress into a relationship. I figured it was better to be alone by choice than to have everyone abandon me once they knew.”
“And the other? The connection? Is that real? Or is Mark seeing things that aren’t really there?” Jesse almost whispered.
Steve took a deep breath. Now or never he thought. Be happy his dad’s voice sounded in his head. “It’s there Jess. At least on my part. Are you…?”
Jesse wiped away the tears that had escaped from his eyes. “Yes. I didn’t want to say anything. I was afraid that you’d be disgusted with me if you knew. Your dad figured it out almost right away and I asked him not to say anything. He said that he wouldn’t, but he thought that I should tell my friends; you, Amanda, a few others at CGH. I told him I couldn’t, I wasn’t ready, so he let it drop.” Jesse gave a weak laugh. “At least I thought he did.”
Steve slowly reached across the table. “Jess?”
Jesse looked at Steve’s hand and knew that everything he’d ever wanted was being offered to him if he was just brave enough to accept it. He put his hand in Steve’s and shivered at the sensation. Then he looked up at the man he’d spent the last several months dreaming about. “I feel it too. I just thought it was one-sided. I never imagined you would want me,” he shyly confessed.
“Oh sweetheart, how could I not want you? You’re smart and funny and caring and so very beautiful.”
Jesse blushed. “I’m not beautiful. Cute, maybe, but not beautiful,” he joked.
Steve looked steadily into his eyes. “Beautiful. From the moment we first met, I wanted you. Your smile lights up the room, and your eyes are just big liquid pools that I could drown in.” Steve blushed when he realized what he just said. I sound like a sap. But the radiant expression on Jesse’s face made it worth feeling a little foolish.
“This is really happening, isn’t it? This isn’t just another dream.”
“No Jess, no dream. It’s real.” Steve smiled at the other man, then laughed a little. “I know it’s real because I’m starving and if this was a dream I don’t think I would be thinking about my stomach. I missed lunch today.”
“You need to stop that.” Jesse chided him. “You have to take better care of yourself.” He looked around for the waitress and gestured her over. They both took their hands back and looked at the menu.
“Yes Doctor,” Steve laughed.
They placed their order and after the waitress walked away, an awkward silence fell. They sat there, unsure of what to say next.
“So, what happens…”
“I feel like…”
They both started speaking at the same time, then laughed.
“What were you going to say?” Jesse asked.
“I feel like I’m in high school again, on my first date.” Steve chuckled. “My palms are sweaty, my stomach is filled with butterflies, and I can’t think of a damn thing to say. At least nothing coherent.”
Jesse was pleased by the admission. He was nervous too, and knowing that Steve was a little unsteady as well helped a great deal. He told the other man that.
Steve laughed. “You’d think this would be easier. We’ve been friends for months, we know a lot of each other likes and interests. What were you going to say?”
“So, what happens now? I don’t want to pressure you and I don’t want to freak you out, but I need to know. You said that you never got too involved with anyone, never let things progress to a relationship. I understand how you feel and why you did that, but I don’t know if I can do that. I’ve wanted this for so long, I don’t think I can do a few dates and then go back to the way things used to be. It would be better to not start something at all, then to have a beginning that goes nowhere. So please Steve, tell me now. What happens next? Are we just two friends who found out a little bit more about each other tonight or are we two people who are going to try for something more?”
Jesse knew his voice was wavering and the tears were back in his eyes, but he didn’t look away. I can’t reach Heaven just to have it ripped away.
Steve reached for Jesse’s hand again. “I never had a relationship before because I never cared about anyone enough to try. I never cared enough about anyone to risk losing my Dad’s love. But Jess, if I had known that you were gay, if I had thought I had the slightest chance with you, I would have risked it. I would risk anything for the chance to love you.”
“Love me? You… are you saying that you love me?” Jesse held his breath, not daring to believe this was really happening.
“Yeah. I do. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I understand that it’s too soon but…” Steve cut off when Jesse burst into tears. “Jesse, baby, don’t cry. Damn I’m messing this all up.” Steve ran his hand though his hair in frustration.
“I l-love you, t-t-too,” Jesse sobbed.
Steve got up and moved around the table to kneel beside Jesse. He reached up and cupped his face, wiping away tears as they fell. “Sunshine, please, don’t cry. It rips me up to see you cry.”
“I c-can’t help it. I don’t w-wanna cry. You’re gonna think I’m a big sissy.” Jesse practically wailed the last line.
Steve tried very hard to control his face. A smile wanted to break free, but he didn’t want to hurt Jesse’s feelings. “I don’t think you’re a sissy, love. I think you have had several emotional shocks in a very short time and you haven’t had time to process everything yet. The emotion has to go somewhere, and crying is better than fainting or yelling.”
Jesse took one deep breath and then another in an attempt to calm down. “You haven’t had time to process anything either and I don’t see you having a breakdown.”
Steve did smile at that. “I’ve had several more years experience hiding things and bottling things up.”
The waitress appeared up with their food. “Is everything OK?” She looked at Jesse with concern.
“Yeah, we’re good.” Steve answered. Jesse nodded to show agreement.
“Can I get you anything else right away?”
“No, thank you.”
After she left, Steve looked back at Jesse. “OK?”
Jesse nodded and wiped his face again. “I’m gonna go use the bathroom and wash my face. I’ll be right back. You start eating.”
“Bossy.” Steve chuckled.
When Jess got back, they settled into the more comfortable rhythm of eating together, chatting about their respective days and the game that was on last night.
The waitress brought their bill and Steve grabbed it up. He knew that Jesse would insist on paying his share, so he told the other blond, “Dad gave me money to pay for supper. I think it was one more incentive to get me to agree to come on a blind date. And since he tricked us both, I think it’s only fair to use it.”
For a minute, Jesse thought about arguing, but decided that Steve was right. Mark did trick them and it could have backfired horribly. So it was only fair that he pay for the meal.
As they were leaving the restaurant, Steve took Jesse’s hand. They walked in silence to Jesse’s car.
“Where are you parked?” Jess asked, looking around for the big truck.
“My truck is in the shop. I’m driving a loaner right now; that little blue truck over there.” Steve answered. “Jess, I had a really good time.” Should I kiss him?
Jesse’s heart leapt. “Me too, Steve.” Oh God, I hope he kisses me.
Steve looked into Jesse’s eyes. Those beautiful eyes that he could see the future in. He leaned down and captured Jesse’s lips. This. This right here. This is what I want, what I need. Forever.
Jesse sighed as Steve tongue traced his lips and he opened his mouth to the gentle pressure. When Steve’s tongue took possession of his mouth Jesse knew he’d found his home.
When the need for air finally broke them apart, Steve rested his forehead on Jesse’s.
“You never did fully answer my question,” Jesse panted.
“What question?” Steve asked, nuzzling his nose against Jesse’s.
“What happens next?”
Steve smiled. “That’s easy. We go back to my place and torture my dad for a while, then…”
“Then?”
"And then, everything." Steve pressed his lips against Jesse's and thought Yeah, this is only the beginning.