SquidgeWorld Archive

Nick sighed as he watched Warrick toss and turn. For the last two weeks Warrick hadn't been sleeping. And it was beginning to take its toll on him physically. Not only was he losing weight due to his added lack of appetite, he looked terrible. The circles under his eyes seemed to get darker with each passing day. Add on to that the fact that he seemed to be coming down with a cold, Nick was out of his mind with worry.

He knew the reason behind his lover's sudden spiral into depression. Could name the exact moment when Warrick had nose-dived into oblivion. And he wasn't sure what he could do about it.

Two weeks ago exactly Gil Grissom had turned Warrick's world upside down. And by association, Nick's as well.

'I took away the only person she ever loved so she's going to do the same thing to me.'

Nineteen words caused Nick's happy and carefree lover to turn into the severely depressed man he'd been living with for two weeks.

At first he didn't notice the changes. They'd all been too exhausted, emotionally and physically, after finding Sara alive to deal with much of anything. Ecklie had ordered them all home for three days to rest and recuperate. Neither man did much sleeping, but Nick had assumed the reason behind his sleepless nights were the same reasons for Warrick's constant tossing and turning. And to an extent he was right.

Sara's ordeal hit too close to home, and it dredged up painful memories of Nick's kidnapping and subsequent burial for both men. After two nights of walking on eggshells around one another, talking about everything except for the elephant in the room, Nick had finally sat Warrick down and they'd had a real discussion about their feelings and fears during Sara's disappearance.

And they'd finally slept.

But one night later, Nick found himself waking in the middle of the night to find Warrick gone from the bed. The had been cold, so he knew his lover had been up for a while. He'd lain awake for an hour, waiting for Warrick to come back to bed. But he never came back.

Nick had grabbed his robe, and found his lover sitting in the kitchen drinking tea, looking out of the window, lost in his own world.

He'd asked him about it, but Warrick hadn't been in the mood to share. Nick hadn't wanted to pry, knowing all too well about working through personal demons alone before bringing them to Warrick. So he'd let it go, and just waited until Warrick was ready to tell him what was bothering him.

Two days later he'd figured it out on his own.

He was watching a documentary on the Blue-throated Macaw when he remembered a conversation he and Warrick had had about three months into their relationship.

**Flashback*

"So, have you ever dated anyone you worked with? You know, besides me." Nick smirked as Warrick rolled his eyes.

"Actually I have. When I was in college, I worked at some local dive, in addition to all my other jobs, and there was this hot Latina chick that worked with me. We went out a few times, but ultimately it didn't work out. And I had to find a new job because she wasn't happy with the… dissolution of our relationship."

"I know what you mean. Had a few psycho ex girlfriends myself. So, you never dated any other coworkers?"

"Why are you so interested all of a sudden? You want to ask me about someone in particular?"

Looking at Warrick for a minute, Nick nodded and turned on the couch so he was facing Warrick. "It might be strange, or silly; but I've always gotten this 'vibe' between you and Gil. I didn't think anything of it, because at the time I was certain you were strictly a Ladies Man, but now…I don't know. I've just wondered if you two ever hooked up."

Warrick was silent for a long moment, and Nick was worried that maybe he'd pissed him off or something.

"Look Rick, I told you it was silly. Just forget I even mentioned it, okay?"

"No, Nicky. It's okay. Actually, you're right. There was something between Gil and I; we actually dated for over a year. If you can call it that."

Nick just looked at Warrick, clearly in shock.

"Nick? Are you okay?"

Shaking his head to clear it, Nick smiled, "Yeah. Just a little shocked. I mean, a year. Over a year. How could I not see that?"

"Gil was a great actor. And he taught me to be one as well. He had an insane fear that we'd be found out and that it would end our careers. I told him that he was too valuable to the lab, so there was no way that he'd lose his job. I figured the most we'd get was a letter of reprimand and I'd be moved to another shift. But Gil was adamant that no one could find out. I was okay with it, I mean, I didn't really feel like coming out to everyone at the lab. I didn't ever want to have to worry about being in a dangerous situation, calling for backup, and no one coming because they were homophobic."

"I can understand. Same reason I never told anyone about my sexuality. Not to mention that I didn't really date many guys before I moved here anyway. Dallas was my dad's town. No way was I gonna risk him finding out something before I was ready to tell him. "

"Yeah, well I was lucky I guess. Grams never really cared about me being gay, bisexual, or whatever. I came out to her at sixteen, and I thought I'd have a heart attack. But she was great about it. Told me that as long as I was happy, and as long as I wasn't sleeping with everyone I laid eyes on, she didn't care what sex or race the person I loved was. But even so, I still tried to keep that part of my life low-key. Not everyone in my family is as friendly."

The two men sat in a comfortable silence for a while, lost in old memories.

"So, if you don't mind me asking, what happened between you and Gil? A year is a long time. Why'd you guys split?"

"I don't mind. To be completely honest, the reason we broke up is because Gil wouldn't even consider coming out. To anyone. He's know Brass for years, know Catherine even longer. Jim's brother is gay, Catherine niece is as well, and they have never said anything negative about wither of them. Remember last year when you went to Texas for that week in May? That same week, Jim flew his brother and his partner out for a visit. He was completely relaxed around them, so there was no way he was faking or 'keeping up appearances'. He genuinely had no problem. In fact, he invited Catherine, Sara, Gil, and I all out to dinner at the Mirage. Catherine and Jerry, Jim's brother, hit it off immediately. And I remember her mentioning to me several weeks later that she'd been talking to Tom, Jerry's partner, on the phone like once a week since the visit. I brought all this up to Gil, and he still refused to tell even our closest friends. I couldn't understand it. Work, yeah I get it. But knowing that Jim and Catherine would never tell our secret, and still choosing to stay in the closet? Didn't make any sense to me. So I broke it off. I couldn't have a relationship with him if I had to be in the closet to everyone. I even wanted to introduce him to Grams, and he refused. So, one year, down the drain like that." Warrick snapped his fingers for emphasis.

"Well, I don't get it. I wouldn't ever hide our relationship from our closest friends. Especially not after being together for a year. Hell, I want to scream it from the rooftops now, but I know that you're probably not ready for that. But hell, a year from now, I'd be pissed too if you said no to telling them. Plus, most of our friends will probably figure it out before then."

"Yeah, I think Greg knows something now."

"Does that bother you? I mean, I know we've only been together about three months, so I'd understand."

"Well, it doesn't. I never planned on waiting a year to tell the team. Sara, maybe. But I think even she would be okay with us being together. Besides, I look at them as a support system, just in case we are over found out. At least we know they would back us up."

"So, when did you plan on telling them?"

"I figured I'd bring it up to you in the next few weeks. And maybe we could announce it at our six month anniversary party."

"So you think we're gonna last six months, huh?" Nick asked as he straddled Warrick's lap.

"Oh, I think we're gonna be together much longer than that." Warrick answered, taking Nick's lips in a heated kiss.

*End Flashback**

Nick sighed. Gil had done the one thing for Sara, that he'd flat out refused to do for Warrick. He'd acknowledged their relationship, his love for her, in front of God and everyone. Warrick had only asked for him to acknowledge their relationship to his friends, and Gil couldn't do that.

Now, two weeks since the impromptu declaration, Warrick was still suffering from the hurt Gil's words had caused.

Crossing the room to their bed, Nick nudged Warrick awake. "Rick, come on babe, wake up."

"Wha?" Warrick sat up, rubbing his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, but you were tossing and turning. Have been for a few nights now. You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really, Nick. It's really stupid, and I don't want to go into it."

Sighing, Nick climbed on the bed, settling up against the headboard. Pulling Warrick until he was leaning against his shoulder, clearly exhausted, Nick shook his head. "Gil is an idiot, Warrick. Don't let his shortcomings hurt you any longer."

Nick grabbed his lover as Warrick moved to get out of the bed.

"Nicky, I can't… I don't want to talk about this."

"But you need to Warrick. Look at you, you are exhausted. You've been tossing and turning for the last few nights and I know you've been trying to hide it, but your getting sick. You've used up all your reserves, babe."

Sighing, Warrick settled back on the bed, this time allowing Nick to pull him against his chest.

"Now, as I was saying, Gil is an idiot. He didn't realize the treasure he had in you. And I know it hurts, the way he refused to acknowledge your relationship, but didn't hesitate to declare his love for Sara. I saw the shock on your face. And the hurt. And I know you didn't want to say anything because you were worried I'd think you still had a thing for Gil. But I don't think that."

"You don't?" Warrick looked up at his lover.

Kissing his lips, Nick smiled, "No, I don't. Look, Rick. You and Gil were together a long time; there are unresolved issues there because of Gil's refusal to acknowledge what y'all had. Hearing him declare his love for another is gonna hurt. I understand that. But I want you to understand something too. I love you. I've loved you since before we got together. And the two years that we've been together have been the happiest of my life. You are my other half, in every meaning of the word. And while I hate the fact that Gil's shortsightedness hurt you, I can't help but be happy that he couldn't see you for the treasure you are. If he'd been okay with coming out to Catherine and Jim, I might've never had a chance to be here. To hold you, kiss you, make love to you. To know what its like to fall in love with you. I might've never gotten the chance to experience the joy I feel every time I wake up to find you sleeping next to me, or to walk into the kitchen and see you making breakfast, or listen to you snore as you sleep-"

"Hey! I do not snore!" Warrick exclaimed, the mock pout displaced by the growing smile on his face.

"Yes you do, but I love you anyway."

"Yeah, I know. I love you so much Nick. I'm sorry I've let Gil get to me." Warrick turned his face away in embarrassment.

"Ricky, don't apologize. We've both got emotional baggage, but it makes us who we are. And I happen to love who you are."

"I love you too, you big sap. Now, why don't you strip down and slide under the covers with me. Sound like a plan?"

"The best one I've heard all night."

Gil sighed as he closed the front door behind him. It had been a long shift, and he was so ready to climb into his bed.

Dropping his keys onto the coffee table, Gil sat on the couch to look through the mail he'd picked up on his way in.

Frowning at one envelope, Gil put the other mail on the table before opening it.

*

Dear Gil,

I know it's probably weird that I'm writing you, especially since I see you everyday. But I had to tell you something that I couldn't say at the lab.

Thank you.

For what, you ask? Thank you for opening my eyes to the realities of true love.

For the longest, I didn't know what love was. I'd never experienced a soul deep love, so I thought what I felt for you was the way love was supposed to be. And to a degree it was. I was happy with you. But I was also sad. And in the end, I realized I was sad more times than I was happy. The constant refusal to acknowledge our relationship, even to those closest to us, hurt me more than I realized at the time. But as they say, time heals all wounds.

And love isn't a bad cure either.

And I found that. Love. The soul deep kind I mentioned earlier. Well, you know that. You've known about Nick and I for a while now. But still, it surprises me sometimes. The way I feel about him. The way he feels about me.

I guess its true that you don't know real love until you experience it. So, again, thank you. Thank you for allowing me to find the love that I was searching for all those years ago when I found you. I'll never regret the time that we shared, because in you I found a friend and a confidante. Even after the breakup, your friendship never wavered. I thank you for that as well.

I'm happy for you too. I see that you've found love. I truly hope that Sara is the one for you. More than anything, I want you to have a love like the one I share with Nick.

You deserve it.

Good luck to the both of you.

-Warrick*

END