Work Text:
Letting Go
Part 1 by Ornery
"Stay, go, stay, go: Betrayal after betrayal. First Alex, then he blames me for Naomi's stupid stunt, then Clayton Falls, and now this! I can't handle the distrust, or the way he looks at me, Simon. I have to go, for all I have supported and Guided him as well as I knew how, protected him as best I could, but this hurts me so much."…Sandburg's voice was subdued, tired, and dull. "A Sentinel needs his Guide to stay sane, but a Guide needs his Sentinel, too. Otherwise, he has neither purpose nor worth."” Blair looked up at Simon's worried face with haunted eyes. "My Sentinel has rejected me, I have no value, nor worth, nor purpose."”
He stood, looking around the Captain's office as a man will look at a place he has loved, but knows that he will never see again. He moved stiffly, like an old, old man. Simon followed him, an unknowable fear in his eyes.
"Where will you be?"”He asked softly. He grabbed his cell phone and hit the speed-dial button for Jim,…praying.
"Dead."”Blair smiled gently at the horrified gasp. "I'm letting go, Simon. I'm just shutting down, going offline."” He shrugged dispassionately. “"It's not all that difficult, since all I'm really doing when I meditate is to balance between death and life. It's a matter of sheer will, actually. I'm just overbalancing, is all. My organs are shutting down. I'll finish it at the M.E.'s office, though. I won't just drop dead here and upset people."”
"Damn it, Sandburg, you're upsetting me!" Simon knew better than to doubt Blair when he said he could do something that should be, by all rights, wildly impossible. He'd seen him do too many weird things over the years for doubt to get a toe-hold “"I don't want to lose you, boy! You're just like another son, to me: God-damn it, so don't do this!" He followed the younger male into the elevator and down to the street. He had the volume on the damned phone all the way up, but hoped the big cop was listening his way, instead. “"Jim will go insane when he finds out!"”
"Mildly," the dazed young man replied: “"No, he won't. He has rejected me, forcefully, over and over again. Me, and years of friendship: Simon, he doesn't want me, doesn't even like me, definitely doesn't need me. It's over because the one person on earth that I love, have always loved, always will love, can't stand me! And I refuse to hurt like that anymore…I just can't handle it anymore, that's all."”
end prelude