Work Text:
Dear diary
I’m now a member of SG-1. It’s odd, I thought I was only doing this to save my wife from the clutches of Apophis, but at the same time I am very excited at the thought of meeting new races and cultures, which may have links to earth’s history and will in fact be, well, living history.
I feel bad that I’m so happy at the prospective of meeting these new races, and also annoyed somewhat that my theory about the pyramids proved to be correct, and I may never get to tell the world this. I’m just the crackpot archaeologist who after he saw his parents died went off the rails as badly as his grandfather nick.
I really need to work on not belittling myself, I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who can do that for me. Such as those military types at the base, who think it’s too dangerous a universe for me be involved with. I hope I don’t prove them right, in fact I know I won’t, the only problem is; trouble tends to follow me. I mean, I’ve already died once for crying out loud! (Note to self; Jack is rubbing off on you)
I am currently working on financial back up plan, when I get Sha’re back I might decide to stay on earth with her, although somehow I doubt it, when I get her back, I’ll give her a big tour and then we will head off to Abydos. So I can blow my savings on that, showing her a good time, so she can let her hair down like she did when we were together during that year...
We had planned on having kids, but we were so busy planning our futures, to make sure that when we had children we were prepared. So we didn’t have any, I have nothing that reminds me of her really, I mean I have the ceremonial bowl from our wedding, but it’s not the same. I keep hearing rumours about that year on Abydos and as to why Sha’re and I never had kids. It’s not fair, people don’t understand, I don’t want them poking through my business let alone my past, and what will possibly be my future.
In relation to my past, I haven’t told any of the team about my childhood, I reckon Jack knows, I probably told him after one beer. He hasn’t said anything though, like I haven’t said anything after I came back from Abydos and we had a night reminiscing. If you call remembering getting shot at and killed reminiscing.
I do enjoy work, but Jack does drive me crazy sometimes, every planet we are on he likes to say. ‘Oh look trees!’ or say ‘Danny, quit messing with hat rock!’ I sometimes wonder if he realises the beauty of the universe and the sorrow it can hold. The deep dark cold unknown of space is unwelcoming and yet invites adventure, with us riding the Milky Way in the process.
Heaven knows what the future holds, I don’t expect the project to last, which infuriates me, it’s this projects fault that my wife was taken, well in a way it is, so they have to stay open, there is talk of this only lasting a year, and well, I can’t handle that if Sha’re isn’t in my arms by then.
Actually in relation to Sha’re I need to forgive Teal’c I understand, I think, it just hurts me, he is the main reason she is no longer with me, it’s his fault that she was taken, but I understand he was just following orders, but surely if you knew something is wrong you won’t do it, even if you are ordered to, if years of service numbed Teal’c to the truth, then I am worried it will happen to me to. There is good in everyone sometimes you just need to look harder. I know I am going on but I can’t help it, this is my way of well saving myself, this I my saving grace a way of expressing my feelings, without publically doing it in front of the military ones I work with, they already think I’m a wimp and geek, and I don’t want to add fuel to the fire. I understand that this entry can’t see to stay on one topic, and that I keep going off on tangents, but its been a stressful few days and I think putting all my thoughts on paper will help, in fact I think it has even if they have all been a bit mopey.