Work Text:
Shopping Dissimilarities
As Blair walked slowly through the door, he dropped his keys listlessly into the basket and flopped down, exhausted, next to his lover on the couch. "Man! Remind me never to do that again," he told Jim. "I swear I walked more today than I did on any of my digs. Four hours in a shopping mall is three too many." Jim chuckled. "I told you not to go shopping with Megan, Chief. She's female and she's a cop and she's Australian - she's got three times as much energy as you do, my little Energizer Bunny." He patted Blair's head fondly. Blair rolled his head on his shoulders and sighed gratefully as Jim twisted him around and started to massage the kinks out of his neck. "Yeah, but she was really worried about getting the right gift. I mean, she and Simon are getting pretty serious about their relationship, and Daryl's birthday is coming up. It's' crucial that she get him something that says -I like you and want to be your friend, not your new mother' and -I'm not trying to buy your affections and good words to your father with an overpriced gift'. Otherwise their relationship is sunk." Jim chuckled lowly as he worked another knot out of Blair's neck. "And it took you four hours to decide on something?" Blair sighed. "We got him a video game - one of the more expensive ones, but not too expensive. We actually decided on it about forty-five minutes after we got there, but Megan had to keep looking to see if we could find something better. Finally, when it started to get dark, she decided it wasn't going to get any better than Elf Quest VIII." He perked up. "I did find out the answer to something that's been plaguing me for a long time, though." "Oh? What, Chief?" "Why women like shopping so much more than men." "You're kidding," Jim scoffed, removing his hands from Blair's now relaxed muscles as Blair turned to face his partner. When Blair didn't answer immediately, he prodded, "Well?" Blair chuckled. "Hang on, Big Guy. I think the reason is because, while men make fun of the stupid stuff stores sell because they're bored and have nothing better to do, women actually find it fun to degrade the neon-green leather purses and bright orange feather boas." "Neon green? Bright orange? Fun?" Jim said incredulously, voice rising with each word. Blair nodded. "Yeah, you shoulda seen some of the stuff they were trying to pass off as underwear in Victoria's Secret - three ribbons and a palm-sized piece of mesh. In iridescent purple." He shuddered theatrically. "I would never make any of my lovers wear something so - hideous. And uncomfortable." Jim shook his head. "Me neither - farthest I ever went with Carolyn was the satin nightie bit, with a couple ribbons and lace trim. I don't know who they expect to wear those things - only about 1% of women are the right size to fit into them anyway. Ally McBeal is an extreme, not an average. And most people go for comfort over looks, anyway." Blair gave his lover a commiserating look. "But at least we don't have to go through agonizing over gifts like that anymore." "Yeah - we both understand that satin thongs may look good on...but feel better off." Jim smirked. Giving his lover a lascivious smile, Blair said, "I'm not wearing mine right now, but I could taker my boxers off...?" He raised an eyebrow in question. "I like the way you think, Chief," Jim whispered, as he leaned in for a kiss.