Work Text:
I Would Even Hold Your Hand
by TiddleTat
"Don't know Gibbs… just feels like there's a huge white elephant in the room, and we're both ignoring it."
Head down Gibbs just continued to stare into his bourbon.
"Look I know I stuffed up! I know it! You know it! Ziva, McGee, Abby, Ducky, damn everybody who really counts knows, even bloody Jimmy.
"You didn't do anything wrong Tony."
"Really?!" Tony was shouting now, "If I didn't do anything wrong! Why is Jenny dead?"
"Jenny did this to herself. She knew she was dying, and she made all the decisions, not you." Gibbs lifted his face to Tony, as a single tear slid down his face. "For all the wrong reasons."
"Jethro…" Tony stepped forward hand extended.
"No." Gibbs moved away from him.
"Jeth…" Tony felt the last stable, secure thing in his world crumble, and turn to dust. "I… you still loved her… I should… I'll go…"
"No!"
Tony only had time to turn, no steps had been taken, before Gibbs was behind him, arms wrapped round him, pulling him back against his body.
Holding. Solid. Warm. Home.
"This is all my fault." Gibbs whispered into Tony's ear. "Mine."
"No."
It was becoming the most used word in this disjointed conversation. Easy, like all other words were too hard to form.
"Jenny did what she did thinking she was protecting me, but if I had done my job in Europe, made sure she had completed the… task, then none of this would have happened, come back to haunt us. Decker would be alive, and so would Jenny."
"You couldn't have known."
"Should have." Gibbs placed a gentle kiss on Tony's neck, his head resting against the side of Tony's. "The worst thing is knowing that she still loved me, and wanted… Hell I don't know what she wanted. But I should have told her, told her about us. Damn the rules."
"Tell her?"
"Mmm, she would have realized that there was no chance of there ever being an 'us' again, then maybe she would have come to me, instead of going all lone wolf."
Tony leaned back further, seeking more contact. "She had Franks."
"Lone wolf and a lobo wolf, great combination."
They stood for a while in the middle of the basement, both giving and taking comfort, while they both got their thoughts in order.
Finally Gibbs shifted, turning Tony in his arms, he kissed the man gently on the lips, "Lets go to bed."
Tony nodded, but no attempt to move.
Gibbs kissed him again, "All we have to do is get through the next couple of days, the funeral, then after that we can move forward, because compared to the last week, anything they throw at us will be a walk in the park."
Tony took Gibbs' hand and lead him towards the stairs, "A walk in the park, now that sounds like a good idea."
Even though he didn't really feel like it, and he knew it didn't show in his eyes, Tony still threw Gibbs a cheeky, teasing smile.
"Would you walk in a park with me, Jethro?"
"Yes Tony I would." Gibbs smiled for the first time since Jenny's death. "I would even hold your hand."
end