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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
Stats:
Published:
2020-11-05
Words:
565
Chapters:
1/1
Kudos:
3
Hits:
1,765

Keep Myself Awake

Summary:

Author: Aloysius [aka Elizabeth Wilde]
Title: Keep Myself Awake
Series: none; set during the events of "Passage"
Distribution: Anyone who has my fic, anyone who asks me for it,
http://www.biteyourtongue.net/wilde [my site]
Disclaimer: I don't own any SW characters. Don't sue!
'Ship: Qui-Gon/other
Classification: romance
Summary: Qui-Gon watches Tanilea sleeping.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: none
Feedback: to velvet_wild@yahoo.com

Work Text:

I don't think she has any idea what she means to me. I gave up long ago on the idea of finding
anyone who could love me and accept the fact that I am a Jedi before I am a man. I cannot shirk
my duty because I would rather spend the day in bed. When lives are at stake, one doesn't have
that luxury. That does not, of course, mean that there haven't been days when I've been sorely
tempted by those gorgeous eyes, those welcoming arms, the suggestive smile on her lips... but I
know Tani never really expects me to give in. If I did, I have a feeling she would be about as
welcoming as a rancor in a bad mood.

When she sleeps, so looks so beautiful... innocent. That is the only time I can see what people
mean when they whisper about my being far too old for her. I suppose that's true. I am more
than twenty years her senior. And when she sleeps, she looks more like the girl I met almost
ten years ago and not the woman I love now. Still, no one who has ever spent any length of time
with her could accuse Tani of being a little girl. She exudes maturity. Certainly she is more
mature than Obi-Wan, and it is an endless torment to him. Sometimes I honestly believe their
"friendly" competition will kill them both.

I wonder if she realizes that I sit here almost every night just watching her, watching her
breathe, watching her mumble in her sleep, watching her eyelids move. I try to memorize every
inch of her. I now know the curve of her lips, the sheen of her hair better than my own. I
know also why I stay awake. It isn't simply to watch her, though the Force knows I wouldn't
waste a second of time with her for anything. I managed finally to remember a dream after I
awoke. Never has a dream been so real, so frighteningly vivid. Perhaps it came about only
because of Tanilea's dream about my death, by her reaction to it. But in my dream, I saw her
standing in her chambers, tears streaming down her face, looking more torn than I have ever seen
anyone. I can't stand the thought that I might have that dream again. If I do, I don't think I
shall be able ever to leave her side for fear it might come true.

So instead of thinking of the dream, I watch her sleep. When the alarm does sound, she tries in
vain to hide from it, covering her beautiful face with one arm. It is the same each day. She
fights waking with more vigor than she would any foe with her 'saber. "Do I have to get up?"
she murmurs sleepily, rubbing her eyes. "Can't I call in sick or something? You too. If I'm
staying, you are."

"I don't think it would be a good idea, love." But we both know we set the clock at least an
hour early, an hour we can spend together, talking, laughing, making love. She always smiles
and assents, agreeing that we can hardly give up our duties completely. The sleepy half-smile
on her face is at once supremely innocent and indecently seductive. "But perhaps we could spare
just a few more minutes..."