Work Text:
Homecoming Blues
By Adalisa
marioz@spin.com.mx
Hercules and Iolaus found an inn where the hunter was able to change back to his male form, and thus, things returned to some semblance of normality. Sure, the demi-god still refused to talk about Xena, Ares, Autolycus, Joxer, Gabrielle or the fact that he was actually feeling a little jealous; but every other subject was somewhat safe.
Particullary because it didn't rain anymore and as long as Iolaus stayed on his male form, Hercules didn't seem to get mad again.
Since going back to Argos' kingdom was no longer necessary, both friends decided to take a break from the monster-slaying, warlord-overthrowing, village-saving business and take a nice, deserved vacation at home.
Besides, that gave them both a chance to get used to the curse without any further distractions.
* * *
Alcmene and Jason where delighted to receive them, as always. But neither gave the friends a chance to explain what was going on. As soon as Hercules and Iolaus crossed the portal of Alcmene's garden, Jason insisted that they went fishing, while even when Alcmene did not asked for help, Hercules decided to keep working on the fence.
Being able to forget, the first day passed in happiness and peace.
That is, until they went to fish.
* * *
It had been very much like their routine escapades, so much that Hercules should have known what Jason was planning to do long before the ex-Corinthian king did it.
When they reached the river, Iolaus was keeping his distance from the water, which was perfectly fine for Hercules. He really didn't want to deal with any more suitors for 'Iolae' and his friend seemed to attract them like flies. They had sat in their usual log, readied the bait and waited. While they waited, Jason asked them about their adventures, travels and any news that they could give him, since staying home didn't gave much room for heroic tales.
Iolaus had indulged their old friend, and told him about all what they had lived through, embellishing with even more craft and ability than any bard that Hercules had heard... And suspiciously avoiding every reference to Argos, Circe or the kingdom of Chin.
Apparently, his friend wanted to keep that part of himself a secret.
They were having such a good time, that Hercules could forget all about his worries and for the first time actually enjoy fishing. Thinking about that, the demi-god gently tugged his line, only to feel resistance.
"Something bite!" He said, smiling at his friends as he tugged at his line with strength. However as he did that, Jason's line jumped in the ex-king's hands.
"Oh, no! Not again!" Iolaus grabbed Jason's hip, knowing fully well that the odds that both men had caught a fish at the exact same time were impossible. And for that same reason, Jason would end up on the river unless someone else helped him to wrestle against the strength of a distracted demi-god.
Hercules himself didn't seem to notice what was going on, and tugged harder, making Jason and Iolaus loose a little ground. "I think it's a big one!"
"Yeah, there are two of them! Let it go, Herc!" Iolaus yelled, very aware that he and Jason were no match for Hercules tugging at full strength, but at the same time, unwilling to leave the king alone in the unmatched tug of war.
"We can beat him, Iolaus!" Jason, for his part, was unaware of Iolaus' growing worry, and seemed quite happy to be caught in the game, trying to maintain his ground against his son in law.
The outcome, of course, was very predictable. With one last tug at the line, using all his godly strength, Hercules pulled both Jason and Iolaus into the river... just as he remembered why he _shouldn't_ have done it.
Jason came out of the water, laughing and waving his hands to dry the sleeves of his shirt, starting to say something, but Hercules, who had turned pale, ignored him.
"Iolaus, I'm sorry! I forgot..."
Puzzled by the hero's reaction, Jason walked towards him. "Hercules, calm down... We only got a little wet..."
"You forgot?!" Iolaus' voice interrupted Jason, and the ex-king did a double take, looking at the hunter that was coming out of the lake. "How could _you_ forget _THIS_?!" As he spoke, the huntress pointed to her bouncing breast, looking at Hercules with murderous intentions. "Sure, if _I_ have a small accident, you stop talking to me, but if _you_ do something stupid... then an 'I'm sorry' is all it takes, right?"
"But... Iolaus... look, I was not..."
"No, you were not!" Iolaus strode past Jason and Hercules, simply ignoring the demi-god's attempts of an apology. "I'm going to get some hot water!!"
Jason blinked once, and turned to see his old friend, trying to maintain some sort of calm. "I assume there is something you two haven't told me."
* * *
After Hercules gave Jason a very condensed version of what had happened, and why had Iolaus changed so suddenly, both heroes returned to Alcmene's house to see if the golden huntress had returned there.
However, they didn't have such luck. Hercules wanted to go to his friend's house, mainly because he was feeling very guilty after being the cause of Iolaus' anger, even when he really didn't understood why Iolaus was angry on the first place. But his mother stopped him with a nice smile.
"Can you explain me again what is going on, dear?" She asked, as she sat at the table looking at her son and husband. "What has happened to you and Iolaus since this curse fell on him?"
"We returned here... and he has been hit on by everyone we know... Autolycus, Gabrielle, Ares... Xena hates him when he is a she... and loves him when he's he. The curse has caused us nothing but trouble."
"And what have _you_ been doing to help Iolaus?" Alcmene asked again, her tone sweet and full of understanding. "What did you said or do when he was hit on?"
The demi-god blinked, surprised to hear the slight, but present, reprimand on his mother's voice. "Mom... Ares was hitting on him! And for what I heard, he..."
"Never mind what Ares did." The mortal woman who had charmed Zeus long ago interrupted her son, sharply. Of all the mortals, she was the only one who never was intimidated by her son's strength. The only one who could raise her voice with him was she. "I know very well how insistent and tricky gods are, and I am sure that Iolaus is more than capable of defending himself, even if his body is a female one. What I want to know is what did _you_ do?"
"I... I got mad with him." Hercules finally admitted, looking away.
"I thought so." Alcmene rose from her seat, and kissed her husband gently on his cheek. "Jason, please go and see if Iolaus needs anything. I have many things to talk with my son."
"Sure, Alcmene..." Jason smiled, and kissed Alcmene back, before leaving the house. It amused him to know that from time to time, his wife could still talk to him as if he were just a teenager, like when they had meet.
When the ex-king left, Alcmene turned around to see her son again, her eyes set and firm, but loving. "Now... I really didn't thought I would have this talk with you ever... but the Fates seem to have decided otherwise. Hercules, why did you got mad with Iolaus? Is it his fault that he was cursed?"
"No, but... but he flirts with everyone when he's a girl... and... And sometimes it seems like if he does it just to get me mad."
"Why it gets you mad, son? Iolaus has always been quite the ladies' man... And it never affected you... much." Smiling, Alcmene began putting dishes on the table.
Hercules open his mouth, just to close it again. His own thoughts had been skirting those same ideas during the past weeks, and now that his mother voiced what had been worrying him, he could not keep denying anything. "Mother... I... I think... I'm jealous..."
* * *
Iolaus had been fuming when he got to his house, wishing that a monster appeared and Hercules needed his help, so the demi-god would apologize.
He knew that he maybe was overreacting, but it had been getting on his nerves that his old friend always acted like everything was Iolaus' fault.
"What's wrong Sweetcheeks?" Aphrodite appeared in a flash of golden rain, startling the hunter.
"Hi, 'Dite... nothing, really. Just me and Hercules having a small difference." Iolaus sat down near the table, and forced himself to smile at the goddess. "What can I do for you?"
"Well... Remember the little itsy bitsy favor I asked when all this began?"
"You mean... help Joxer with his self-esteem? Sure." Hearing the hunter's words, the goddess beamed. Which was not hard, considering the fact that she was a goddess.
"Yeah, right now he really needs you there..." The Goddess of love smiled, but it was obvious to Iolaus that she was worried. "You see, Joxie has gone to meet Gabrielle and Xena in Thebes, to help them save you... but... well, Ares can be really mean, and that bitch Gabrielle will do anything in her power to make Joxie miserable... Could you please go and help him to be the hero of the day? Or at least get him away from them?"
Iolaus considered it for a moment, almost happy to have a good reason to get away from Hercules for a moment. But as he was going to open his mouth to accept, he frowned. "I... I cannot go, 'Dite! Every time that Xena looks at me as a female she wants to kill me! And if Joxer tries to defend me, she can kill him. She's insane!"
"That... That was Cupid's fault." Aphrodite looked at the ceiling, as if she was very interested with the construction.
"What?!"
"But he can fix it! He only has to make sure that Xena is looking at 'Iolae' when he shoots her."
"Only that?" Iolaus shook his head, wondering for a second if he had lost his sanity around the same time that he had fell under the curse. "All right. If you take me to where Joxer is, 'Iolae' will stay with him until Hercules needs me. But _you_ have to tell him where I am."
"Done!" With a giggle, the goddess waved her hand producing a cold water shower that not only changed Iolaus, but also dressed him in what 'Dite considered that was a more appropriate attire for a huntress-warrior. Then, blinking cutely, she saw him disappear.
Of course, now she had to deal with two jealous brothers, but it was fine for her. She was Aphrodite, goddess of love. And jealousy was a very important part of love.
* * *
"He's what?!" Hercules roared when Jason returned from Iolaus' house with the news that the hunter had disappeared. "But... wasn't he on the town? Maybe at the tavern?"
"Sorry, Herc. No one has seen him." Jason sighed. He had run from Iolaus' house to town and then back to his own house, hoping to meet with his friend. However, the only thing that he had found was a somewhat worried Alcmene and a very angry Hercules.
"He must be really mad at me..." The demigod sighed, shaking his head. "How am I going to find him?"
"Find Joxer." Aphrodite appeared, sitting next to him, startling both Alcmene and Jason. "Iolaus went with him to make sure that neither Xena or Ares kill him."
"What?! Why would he...?!" Hercules couldn't believe his sister's words, and looked at his mother for help.
"Maybe he needed a little time alone after your last disagreement." Alcmene told him, bowing her head at the goddess.
"But he asked me to tell you where he was going to." The goddess added, smiling. She liked the mortal woman a lot, particularly because she happened to be her main ally when it came to make sure that her brother got in that head of his where his heart lay.
Hercules sighed again. He had barely started to accept that yes, he was jealous of the attention Iolaus gave everyone but him, yes, he had been feeling jealous of that even before their little accident, and that yes, he felt attracted to Iolaus. Either way. And knowing that now Iolaus was somewhere in Greece around Joxer didn't help him to sort his feelings.
"Where is he going?"
"To Thebes. You sent Xena there to save Iolaus from Ares, remember?" With a smile and a flash, Aphrodite disappeared, sure that the next day, Hercules would be on his way to Thebes, ready to find his friend.
Oh, yes. Jealousy was really the spice of Love.
The End