Work Text:
Attack of the Killer Beans
by Pirate Turner
Guilty eyes glanced up over the rim of the ex-Watcher's glasses as he again stole a moment from studying the manuscripts before him to glance quickly around the room, his heart frozen in fear. They must not know what he was doing for if they did, he would surely never live through what would undoubtedly ensue. Cordelia seemed transfixed by the computer screen before her, and Gunn and Lorne were both buried in books and scrolls. His questing eyes rested on the beautiful vision that was his beloved Fred for a moment. Terror set into him, however, as her lovely face grew pale.
As Fred fell backwards, her chair hitting the floor, all heads in the room snapped up to alert. Both Wesley and Gunn leapt from their chairs and raced as if their own lives depended on their reaching Fred in time. Gunn reached her first, and as he knelt, a foul odor wafted upwards from behind him. The smell hit Wesley's nose as he arrived, and he instantly fainted. Gunn's head jerked towards Wesley as his ex-best friend hit the floor, and he smirked slightly at the knowledge that English had indeed been doing what he had thought.
He sobered swiftly, however, as he turned worriedly back to Fred. "Fred, baby?" Gunn called as he checked her pulse. He breathed a silent sigh of relief as her heartbeat proved to be normal, but he continued gently shaking her and calling to her as he tried to rouse her. "Fred? Come on, Fred. Fred? Come on, baby."
Having witnessed the scene between the trio, Lorne and Cordelia rose to join the others and check on Wesley and Fred, but as Lorne passed Cordy's desk, a disgusting odor hit the Seer's nose. She fell instantly, but by the time her unconscious body hit the floor, Lorne had reached Wesley. Both Lorne's and Gunn's heads snapped towards Cordy's desk, and when they did not see their gorgeous friend, dread settled deeper into their souls at the realization that they were the only two left.
"Man, what's going on?!" Gunn wailed as he continued shaking Fred without receiving a response. Lorne shook his head sadly and worriedly, but as he started to answer, another odor passed from him. This time, it wrapped around Gunn's nose, filling his nostrils, and he fell forward.
Even as Gunn's unconscious body slumped over Fred's, the door to the Hyperion opened. Lorne's head jerked towards the newcomer, and he watched as Angel took a few steps into the Hyperion before the scene sank into horrid realization for him. Lorne had thought that the room had stank worse than anything he had ever smelled before, even in Pylea, but somehow, the terrible odor became even worse when Angel entered. "Lorne, what . . . ?" Those were the last words Lorne heard before his red eyes crossed and he, too, fainted.
Angel's eyes were as wide as saucers as he surveyed the room. He saw the unconscious bodies of his friends and, although he could not see her, he knew that the woman he loved more than life itself was unconscious, as well, only hidden by her desk. His brow creased even as fury built within him. Who could have done this?! He sniffed the air quickly as he walked further into the room. His superbly expert nose was easily able to identify each scent and separate it from the rest, and he soon realized what had happened. He slowly shook his head in stunned surprise as he mumbled softly, "Well, Fred did ask that I make refried beans to go along with the rest of the meal tonight. I just never thought . . . " He shook his head again, still stunned, even as a cold wind passed through him.
The ghost of Doyle had watched the entire scene play out, knowing fully well what was happening the whole time and struggling to keep from bursting out laughing. As he walked through Angel, he, just like all the rest of Angel Investigations had done before him, passed out, and he could no longer conceal his amusement as one incredibly awful odor even managed to send the infamous ensouled Vampire to his feet. Angel hit the floor, as well, leaving Doyle the only one left standing in the entire hotel.
The End