Work Text:
Cap's Really Bad Day
by T.R. Gardner
bevstwins@earthlink.net
I had a bad feeling when I reported in for the beginning of A Shift, for which I was 15 minutes late. Captain Hookenrader gave me a such look of, was that compassion. I wasn't prepared for what I walked in on. Chief McConnike was there. I went into full paranoid mode. What have those twits done now? I try to calm myself.
"Good morning, Hank". Said the Chief, with a smirk.
"Um... Good Morning, Chief. To what do I , um. we have the thank for the honor of your visit, so early this morning"? I felt my face flush with extreme embarrassment. Boy, do I sound like a twit or what?
"I was just touring the Stations under my command and felt like starting here. So after roll call, we can have a look around".
Great, I thought, now not only am I late but have the pleasure of a unscheduled inspection. Please don't let the Phantom have anything set up. Please, God let the children behave today.
Walking to the kitchen door, I call out "roll call in 5 minutes". I slink into my office and grab my clip board with the daily assignments on it. Captain Hookenrader had made notes of the
relevant communication from the County. I owe you big time and I won't forget. The chief had walked into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.
While he was in there I hissed at the guys, "Let's try to get through this as fast as possible".
The Chief had walked in as I hiss out possible, again turning bright pink in embarrassment.
The guys were all on time and appropriately dressed, even Kelly had remembered to put his badge on. As I hastily grab my hat off the table, I spared him a bright smile for Chet, which he seemed to preen under. "Duties for the day. Gage you have dorms, pal. Desoto, you have the day room. Lopez and Stoker, you hang hose. Kelly, you have latrine duty. I will be cooking today".
"Roy and John have a couple of fire inspections to do ". Hank said as he handed them the inspection sheets. "Mike, Roy there are a few new road construction sites. So check the map before we get any calls today. John here is the up dated maps for the squad".
Maybe nothing bad will happen, today, I pray to the big chief in the sky. I think to my self as I prepare for the inspection. Why today !!
"Okay, everyone lets get to work". I am feeling pretty good that roll call went so smoothly. Just as I am patting myself on the back. I reach for the cupboard, that we keep our hats in, when I hear Chet say. "Gage will you put my hat away"?
Thinking nothing of it I reach to open the door. Chet turns to walk to kitchen at the same time as a bomb of thick, dark green, slimy syrup comes raining down on me from the top shelf soaking my hat and running down my face to my uniform. I hear several startled deep inhaled breaths and from the back of the bay the Chief is practically hysterical with laughter.
Okay I think, calmly count to 10, no calmer, I then count to 20 before finally I can hold it no more and begin to feel my blood pressure go up. I must look a site with this disgusting green syrup running down my face. I'll kill the little Irish twit. No court would convict.
I Yell out "Chet" .
He turns to me bewildered, "But Cap I didn't do it. I already have latrine hands. I remember Rule # 1 Do not tick off the Cap".
"Who ever put that thing in the cupboard will have latrine duty for life" I call out .
The guys stand looking on in indignation at Chet.
"Guys, honestly I didn't do it! Do you think I suicidal or crazy?? Okay, don't answer the second part of that question." Chet says with a look of such innocence that I have to believe him this time.
The Chief has finally picked himself off the floor and says, "Happy Anniversary, Hank."
I look bewildered with my mouth open for a time and then remember what day today is. The day of infamy. Today was the 10th anniversary of the hat burning episode.
"Um, Thanks, Chief". I say with some humor after all its better to laugh than cry. I can't believe he waited this long to get even. "Kelly, could you clean this up while I change clothes?"
For a brief instant I think he is going to whine but then one look at me and he goes to get the supplies. Again, I give him my warmest, most grateful smile and head for the locker room.
Once I have changed and headed for the kitchen to get my belated first cup of coffee, I hear the Chief says, "Now, what's for breakfast"?
Shaking my head, I say with a grin, "Crow, I think".
END