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Yearnings & Feelings
By Ragna
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
- Anonymous
Wesley sat in his chair, his hand clasped together under his chin. He hadn't bothered to take off his tuxedo yet, and he just stared straight ahead, only diverting his glance when Gunn and Fred came into view.
It hurt to look at them together. Granted, he knew that there had been an unspoken contest between the two men over who would ultimately win Fred's affection, but it was still hard to swallow the fact that, once again, he was the runner-up in someone's life.
He was so lost in thought that he almost didn't hear Angel approaching him from behind.
"I take it tonight wasn't great for you either," the vampire said softly, looking at the same part of the wall where Wesley was staring.
"No," Wesley said simply, moving his fingers a little and writhing in his seat a bit to adjust the comfort level. "No, tonight was a bad night."
"If it makes you feel better, I'm miserable, and they say misery loves company."
Wesley smiled slightly. "Yes, I suppose it does."
"What do you plan on doing?"
"Nothing. She's made her choice, and I suppose I'll just have to live with it." Wesley sighed. "You never seem to have trouble with women."
"I have more trouble with them than you can imagine. The first woman I've ever truly loved is a Slayer who I can really never be with, not until I've Shanshued. The second woman I've ever loved...she's not more than twenty feet away and I can't tell her how I feel."
"And how does Darla fit in, out of curiosity?"
"Not quite sure. I don't think I ever loved her, if that's what you're asking. But...there was something there, something more than lust. Maybe tenderness, I don't know." Angel moved a chair next to Wesley's and sat down. "Why didn't you tell her?"
"There was never a good time, or she was with Gunn, or...there were many different reasons, all of which seem very idiotic right now. I should have told her."
"I know how you feel." Angel clapped his hand on Wesley's shoulder. "I doubt we'll ever understand women, Wesley, or why we're attracted to the ones we're attracted to. But at least we have friends to turn to and hash everything out with."
"Is it helping you, Angel?"
"At the moment, not really."
"I feel the same myself." Wesley sighed and took of his glasses, closing his eyes and rubbing the spot at the bridge of his nose where the pads of his glasses dug in. "If I was a drinking man, I'd be having a few glasses of hard liquor right now."
"That was partly what got me into my current state," Angel said, shaking his head. "A few too many drinks one night, and I wasn't able to resist a pretty girl anyway. Darla had no trouble turning me."
"Then asking you to share drinks and commiserate with me is out, I take it."
"Yeah."
Wesley nodded. He stared at the wall some more before saying, "I wonder what will happen to all of us?"
"Like what?"
"I get the feeling that huge changes are in store. I don't know. It's a bit more than a hunch." Wesley tilted his head to the left a little and said, "Maybe it's a premonition."
"Maybe. What do you think will happen?"
"I'm not sure. Maybe the Apocalypse...whatever is going to happen is going to be big. I can feel it. I haven't had a feeling this strong...since I met Fred, actually. Different type of feeling, but strong nonetheless."
Angel nodded. "I can just see it now: something blotting out the sun so vampires can run amok."
Wesley smiled again. "Vampires run amok...sounds a bit like a joke."
"Yeah. And maybe I'll turn into Angelus again."
"I shudder at the thought."
"Of course, we could always be asked to join Wolfram & Hart..."
"I think that's just your idea of Hell, Angel."
Angel laughed. "Yeah, I think it is. But what do I know? These are just worst case scenarios. I seriously doubt anything of the sort is going to happen."
"Perhaps you're right," Wesley said, standing up. "I'll see you in the morning, all right?"
Angel nodded, watching Wesley walk away, and then he took to staring at the wall for a while.
END