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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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2020-11-04
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2004-08-13
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Forever Lonely

Summary:

Season Eight spoilers what should not happen and what should

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: Forever Lonely

Chapter Text

TITLE : Forever Lonely...
AUTHOR : KD3 aka KRISS DREMAK
EMAIL : kdthree@core.com
STATUS : Complete
CATEGORY : Angst
WARNING : PG13 language
PAIRING : Jack/Sam Sam/Pete
SEASON : Season Eight
RATING : PG13
SPOILERS : All Seasons and Eight
SUMMARY : What should not happen
ARCHIVED : Jackfic first and always other ask but sure
FILE SIZE : 32.5
Comments : To Brandon a sudden new inspiration
Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE. The characters mentioned in this story are the property of and Gekko Film Corp. The SG-1 together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp., Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This Fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment.
All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.
© 2004 KD³ Tales from the Gate Kristine "Kriss" Dremak 2004
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For a Saturday his bar was quiet, there were the few regulars who crept in when he opened. Sorrowful souls that would sit there till closing with no life, and his place was the only world they cared to know anymore. The sound of another vehicle pulling into his parking lot caught his attention. It was a big vehicle, by the sound of the crunching of the gravel, and whoever was driving had slammed on the brakes. This was a signal that an unhappy camper was about to throw open the door.

The door opened and revealed a tall lanky man dressed in a black suit white shirt and black tie. He was far too well dressed for this bar. There was a slow controlled anger in his steps like he was pissed at the world and maybe himself. The bartender got a good look at the truck, a big huge honking Ford dark green with Colorado plates and Air Force stickers. The bartender got a good look at the truck, a big huge honking Ford, dark green, with Colorado plates and Air Force stickers. So the newcomer was a resident of the state and probably from Colorado Springs; it wasn't all that far from here, as Aurora was just outside of Denver. However, his bar was not on the main drag; it was neighborhood redneck/biker bar. The man had looked intentionally for a hole in the wall to crawl into like a wounded animal.

The man went to the corner of the bar were he could keep his back to the wall and his eyes on the door. He dropped his keys on the bar and ordered a Guinness and a double shot of Glenfiditch, but both were too high class for this place. The man settled for Bud and Bushmills.

The bartender poured the drinks for the gray haired man who could only be in some kind of deep pain. He was a bartender he knew these kinds of things from observing the tide of humanity that flowed in and out of his tavern. The man was not the type to be suffering from an economical upset, not with that truck, not in the Air Force. He was an officer, a "lifer," and since he looked like he was on the right side for retirement, it meant he must have been high up in some command structure. He had a look about him that spoke of concealed power and a quiet dangerousness. So it could only be one thing to bring him in here off the beaten path to drown his pain that had to be love. The silver haired man had been kicked in the heart.

The first shot was tossed back and the beer nearly downed in three swallows. There was a motion for another round and was the harbinger for what looked like the makings for a raging drunk. If this continued the man was going to either pass out in his own puke or get put in jail before the night was over. It was all on a face that suddenly seemed worn and too tired to conceal the angst any longer. The bartender could see it: the needed to drown the pain to keep it inside. There was always the delusion that the anguish could be pickled in alcohol. It wasn't the first time he'd sought solace in the bottom of a bottle or had been in such agony. There were silent signals and the bartender could see that there was too much pain behind this man's brown eyes that booze would not dilute.

"Not going somewhere?" The bartender asked sliding over the next double shot and the bottle of beer and watched it emptied swiftly.

"A wedding," It was a simple answer spoken while caressing a shot glass, considering having it refilled or throwing it across the room and watch it shatter on the wall in a thousand pieces like his heart.

"Yours?" The bartender quipped trying to lighten the mood as he put away the money in the cash register. Perhaps the guy was a nervous groom.

"No, that would be the wedding of the woman I love." The sentence was punctuated with the shot being swallowed with out a grimace.

The bartender had been right, kicked in the heart, invited to the wedding of someone who you wanted and couldn't have. Unrequited love was the one fucking the silver haired man over.

"Oh, man..." the bartender started to offer his condolences but was waived off. The man tossed a Twenty dollar bill on the bar and left.

Jack inhaled deeply as he opened the truck door. It was time to get back to the Mountain; he had paper work to do. Besides he wouldn't be missed. Sam and Pete would be better off without an old half-drunk General at their wedding Jack put the key in the ignition and started the truck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

They had looked for him, backtracked, and thought like him. Teal'c was the warrior and the hunter, but Daniel had an insight into Jack that only one who had known Jack from a darker day would. There had been the possibility that Jack would be a no show and he had missed the wedding.

Sam had been more beautiful than any fantasy fairy princess as she said the vows and joined Pete Shanahan in Holy Matrimony. Daniel had not missed her glance around the church looking for one particular face. They had just over an hour before the receptions started to track Jack down.

The green Ford truck was easy to spot with the Cheyenne Mountain stickers and was were Daniel had thought it would be, in some hole in the wall bar's parking lot. This was not a good sign. Daniel parked his Ford Taurus directly behind Jack's truck. Teal'c was out of the car and was standing at Jack's driver's door before Daniel had turned the key off.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jack yelled dismounting from his truck flinging the door opens nearly knocking - well budging -Teal'c over.

"No, Jack, what the hell are you doing? You missed the wedding." Daniel came up to his friend, gesturing wildly with each step till, he was in front of him.

"It was most spectacular, this ceremony of marriage. Colonel Carter was more beautiful than I thought possible." Teal'c commented imposing himself between an irate Daniel and a pissed off O'Neill.

"Teal'c cried and Sam looked for you, you know. She missed you, damn it! Jack, this is supposed to be the bride's day; everything is supposed to be perfect for her. " Daniel had endured enough.

"She has Pete." Jack's voice was surprisingly small as he squinted his eyes against the afternoon light the shots finally catching up on him. He turned to get back into his truck. He didn't owe them an explanation.

"Jack you should have been there. You need to go to the reception."

"No, Daniel! I don't." The statement growled in warning.

Daniel unwilling to accept the answer continued to pursue it by physically grabbing Jack by the arm in an attempt to spin him around. Daniel smelled the booze on Jack's breath. "What the hell is it with you, Jack? Are you drunk? I mean how could you screw up Sam's wedding day? Damn it, Jack; as much as you care about Sam I would think that....." Even counting the year he had been ascended this was the first true epiphany that Daniel had in regards to Jack's feelings for Sam. It was more than affection or friendship at least for Jack. "Aww hell, Jack, I mean . . . I'd think that..."

"It doesn't matter, Daniel." Jack put a hand to his throat and loosened the suddenly strangling knot of his tie.

"Jack, why didn't you tell her, let her know?" Daniel took a step back, "before it went this far?"

"What Daniel? Let her know that I love her? I'm in love with her? I've been in love with her for eight years. For crying out loud, Sam married someone else, Daniel!" Jack didn't care anymore. He fired it at Daniel like a Maverick missile, the detonation of his pronouncement shaking both of his friends.

"Jack, why didn't you...." There were no more words; Daniel could see all the pain in Jack's face.

"What did you want me to do Daniel pull a Benjamin Braddock and drag her out of the church onto a bus? Or stand under her window in a torn t-shirt screaming "Samantha."" Jack didn't even hear the catch in his voice.

"O'Neil?" Teal'c had tears streaming down his face.

"I'd never stand in the way of her happiness." His silver head bowed nearly to his chest. They let him get into his truck and Daniel moved his car. Jack pulled out of the gravel parking lot sending a shower of gravel from his tires.

Daniel and Teal'c both knew that there was no changing his mind. They returned to the wedding reception. Sam had asked after Jack. Daniel forced the lie and told her that Jack had every intention of coming but had been called back to the SGC.

The two friends watched the lovely bride dance her night away with her blonde haired prince. With what Jack had confessed they knew the picture was wrong. There were two people in this world who were meant to be together and they weren't the ones dancing in the middle of the floor.

Both recalled moments which they now realized were signs of a love that could not be because of military protocol. One was happy and the other was continuing on his road of heartbreak. A silver haired General was in pain, a pain that was worse than any torture he had endured at the hands of any enemy for Sam had left Jack behind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A month had passed since the wedding and before Sam had finally forgiven Jack for not showing up. It has been uncomfortable at first but Jack, now General O'Neil, did have many new duties, and had been called away to Washington more than he had liked. However, it gave Jack, the man, time away enough from the new C.O. of SG1, Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter-Shanahan, to let some scabs form on his broken heart. It was, impossible to fall out of love with her no matter what he tried; even the expensive "Escort" in D.C. had failed to do anything but ease some physical needs. Jack had stopped asking about Pete and managed to find a reason to excuse himself out of the conversation if the subject turned to the newlyweds.

Teal'c had tried to engage him in a discussion during a private sparing session but had that brought out the twittering birds and stars from one of Jack's right crosses. The lack of a symbiote did have a few drawbacks. The Jaffa had found no way to ease his friend's pain. He and Daniel had had one conversation after the reception and had both decided that they cared too much for Jack to let his confession go any further. The subject was never brought up again.

For Daniel, it had not been as easy. He had always known that Jack had strong affection for Sam and, maybe at one time, there had been the indication that it was more than comradeship of team members. Jack had always played it so close with his emotions that, after a time, it just was no longer a point of concern that Jack was not in any relationship. It was easy to rationalize it as Jack does not want any more complications to distract him from the dangerous work they were involved in.

In some odd way Daniel was jealous, yes, jealous that it was Jack who was in love with Sam though at once, after Sha're's death he had thought about Sam, but his feeling for her never advances past loving her like a sister. His jealousy was based on the depth of affection Jack must feel for their brilliant scientist. It was impossible for him to understand how Jack could conceal his emotions so well behind his masks of denseness and ice-cold commando. Perhaps they were Jack's defense mechanisms, intentional walls that now to Daniel were transparent or as easily breeched as if made of straw.

Jack sat behind his desk, one thin finger fishing out some odd piece of flotsam that always seemed to be in his coffee. In the job seven months now, his first year better than half way over and everything had only gone into the "shitter" a couple of times. He wondered about Weir and Sheppard somewhere way, way, way, way out there in the Pegasus galaxy, and tried not to notice that it had been six months to the day since Sam had gotten married. Currently the crusher of his heart was off playing nice with a new race of aliens who might know the Furlings.

There was a knock at his door and Major Kearney, his new assistant, stood in his doorway with a grim look.

"Yes, Major?" He asked as he set his coffee cup down on a stack of mission reports unsure if he was welcoming the interruption.

"Begging the General's pardon, but you're needed up at NORAD. There are some visitors up there, from Denver."

Denver was the punch in the solar plexus that Jack didn't need. He was out of his chair patting his breast pocket for his swipe card. Kearney didn't have to go into detail. His instincts caused a cold finger to run down his spine and sheen of sweat across his forehead. As he changed to the second elevator, Jack tapped his foot anxiously while he remembered to remove the SGC patch from his sleeve.

A captain met him at the elevator doors and led him to the NORAD reception area. Two men stood in plain clothes. Jack made them for cops immediately in their style and manner; cops were not all that different from commandos. Jack knew what was coming; he'd had to pull this detail himself.

"General Jack O'Neill, these are Detectives Tony Kaiser and Brad Mathews of the Denver Police Department." The Captain introduced. No hands were immediately offered to shake. The strained composure of their faces told Jack all he needed to know.

"What happened?" Jack demanded.

"We need to speak to Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter-Shanahan." The one identified as Tony Kaiser stated flipping open his notebook. The man didn't to read the name, he was just doing this little bit of business to keep from letting down his guard.

"I am only going to ask one more time, what happened?"

"There's been a shooting. Shanahan, Pete, was there, it was a botched bank robbery and a shoot out. He saved two hostages before.... " The other one looked Jack in the face and bored defiantly into Jack's brown eyes with his own green ones. "We need to notify his wife."

"The "wife" was his Colonel, his Carter, his Sam and this caused a roaring in his ears, and for a moment his vision seemed to tunnel. From somewhere in the back of his mind he heard a doctor saying, "Sorry Mr. O'Neill we couldn't save your son." He took a breath and steadied himself. "Give me the details. The Colonel is on assignment and I will have to recall her. " How he managed those words and listened to the details. He knew that this day was going to play out in Sam's mind over and over because, ironically, she was the one who always worried about leaving Pete behind when ever she stepped through the gate.

The information gathered, no words left to say, the two detectives left. The elevator rides were done out of conditioned habit for Jack had too many things to deal with. He headed to the control room taking the steps two at a time.

"Walter, dial PR 8645." An airman rose and let the General sit down next to the Senior Gate Tech.

"Sir? SG1 isn't due back for ..."

"Walter, please dial it up, I need to get radio contact immediately."

Walter's fingers flew over the keyboard and the gate engaged and flushed sideways.

"Sir the MALP is still functional, you can send our signals now."

"SG1 this is O'Neill, the mission is scrubbed, return to home base immediately." Jack spoke with all the authority he could muster into the microphone.

"Jack, this is Daniel ... we read you but why?"

"Daniel, return to home base, give me an ETA?"

"Twenty minutes." Daniel mumbled from the other side of the wormhole.

The wormhole was cut leaving Jack had twenty minutes to figure to soften the blow when he told the woman he loved that her husband was dead.

.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twenty minutes later ~~~

Daniel stomped down the ramp from the gate which shut off behind the remainder of SG1. Sam and Teal'c were handing off their packs and weapons to an airman and looking up at the third floor conference room window. Jack was standing there, his hands deep the pockets of his blue class d's. He was chewing on his bottom lip and that was never a good sign.

"Jack, what is this all about?" Daniel demanded thundering up the stairs into the conference room. "We were in the middle of some sensitive discussion and possible information about a race that may be the Furlings!" Daniel felt his ire skid to a halt with the look in Jack's face. It was the look Jack had when he talked about Charlie, the look when someone mentioned Henry Boyd and SG10 or Frank Cromwell or thoughts of Fraiser.

"Sir? Is there a problem?" It was Sam who asked the question as she stepped in. She recognized the look and realized his eyes were on her only.

"Colonel, there's no easy way to tell you ... " Jack paused. How he needed to have Janet with him now, she would have known what to say, to do. "There was a shooting...."

"Pete?" Sam questioned unaware of the low tortured sob that accompanied her question.

A minute nod of his head and a downward cast of her eyes was all she needed to know the truth. Sam slumped down into a chair as Jack relayed the information as it had been given to him. She rose on unstable legs and fell into Daniel's arms. Again Jack was even denied providing her solace in his arms, of enveloping her in his strength and being there for her. Daniel and Teal'c helped Sam from the room. As her commanding officer, Jack prepared the papers for an indefinite bereavement leave. Sam had so much leave built up she could take a year off and still have change.

The funeral was in Denver two days later

Sam had forgone the widow's livery of black and to honor her dead husband, she was in full dress uniform. The cemetery was filled with uniforms, the navy blue of the Denver Police, small black bands across their badges to signify the loss of one of their own. There was the Air Force Blue represented by every available SGC member and friends from Washington, the Pentagon, and the Air Force Academy. There was no missing man formation flown but there was a playing of taps. Pete's captain and partner both gave short eulogies that extolled the virtues and heroism of their fallen comrade.

Jack regretting not getting to know the cop. Pete had never done anything to harm Sam and on those painful occasions when he say them together it was obvious that Pete was deeply in love with Sam. He had been a good man and the Denver would be a little less safe without him.

After the funeral, the wake was held and Jack stayed only long enough to tell Sam to take as much time as she needed. He and the President would have it no other way. He faded into the background and was gone like a wisp of smoke before the other noticed. Sam's eyes, once soft cornflower blue always a light with life had froze him with her gelid glare.

~~~~~

The tires of his truck made a loud crunching noise as he pulled in to the gravel parking lot. Jack got out of the truck but not before he took off his coat and laid it across the bench seat. It would not due to have a one star general walk into a bar. Jack was unaware of he impression he had left and the bartender looked up and recognized him. From a memory that only great bartenders seemed to have the man had a double shot of Bushmills and a Budweiser on the bar waiting.

"Not going to another wedding?" The bartender asked with a smile as he cleaned a glass with a bar towel.

"Funeral." Jack answered him, grabbed the shot, and tossed it back. The beer he savored for a minute letting it ease down his sorrow-constricted throat.

"Jeez, man, sorry not her, one whose wedding you didn't go to? I mean?" He poured another shot in the empty glass.

"No, the husband of the woman I love." This one went down easier. A Twenty-dollar bill was pulled out of his dress uniform pants as Jack backed out of the bar and back to his truck. He wasn't going to debate, dissect, or discuss how it felt to make the admission again. Sam was still the woman he loved. She had shut him out of his life when she married and refused to let him back in at her time of sorrow. This was one battle he could no longer fight, one incursion that would not happen, he would always be no more than her C.O. And it had been his own fault for not doing this about it all these years.

~~~~ Three months later~~~~

Sam had not yet returned. Daniel and Teal'c were all there was of SG1's original team. Major Kearney and little Lieutenant Jennifer Haley had rounded out the team for now till Sam's return. She had to come back being without her was more painful to Jack than having her near and unattainable. Daniel had not heard from her, she had stopped answering emails and phone calls.

Even settled into his position as base commander and the occasional off world foray had not eroded any of the icebergs within him. Jack had to get a way. Everything even the re-circulated air was too much of reminder of this missing part of his life. The cabin was his sanctuary, his sanctum sanatorium, his personal one-man-no-pesky-fish asylum and the truck was ready for some highway. Once upon a time, before he was General, the cell phone, the pager, the laptop would have been left far behind under a pillow in his bedroom in the Springs. No such luck, he was the "Base Commander," and the responsibilities could not be shirked even on a leave. One final request before he got out of "Dodge", he stopped off to see Daniel.

"I'll let you know if I hear anything. You go to be reachable?" Daniel asked looking up from some obscure translation.

"Not, willingly." Jack said with strained humor. Sam's absence had sucked as much life out of the SGC as a black hole.
~~~~~~~~~~

The cabin was waiting for him; it had been what a year since he had managed to get back. So much had happen in so short a time; Ancients knowledge downloaded, saved the world, got frozen, unfrozen, promoted, pissed off Baal, again, sent a squadron of people off to an other galaxy, and lost the woman he loved: yeah, he'd been busy. But now he was going to have three days of more aloneness, but at least it was in Minnesota, home.

Jack backed the truck in and began to unload the groceries; well the Guinness, Glenfidditch, and snacks along with normal necessities. He fumbled for the lock with his arms loaded with groceries but something distracted him. A movement from behind the cabin back at the pond. The grocery bags were set down and the .9mm was slipped out from his waistband where he always kept it. Ready for intruders he eased himself towards the back of the house. The automatic came up pointed at the figure sitting on the dock.

Her blond hair was tousled messy but glistened in the sunlight like a herd of palominos prancing in a ripe wheat field. She wore a white t-shirt that clung to a body his eyes had memorized and had fantasized over.

"I asked Pete for a divorce the morning I left for the mission to PR 8645." Sam didn't turn to look at him. Her voice was uneasy with the sudden frankness.

"Sam?" Should he step any closer? Could he?

"It's always been you, sir. I just did everything I could to not accept that." She continued as she pulled her knees up to her chest. Sam wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her face on her knees.

"What do we do now sir?" She continued to stare into the sweet still pond.

"You stop calling me sir, for one thing." Jack knelt behind and placed his hands lightly on her shoulders.

"Say it to me, please, before I go insane and do a Juliet on you in this pond." Sam nearly begged.

"I love you; I'm in love with you." Jack whispered into her hair suffusing himself in her essences.

"Now what?" Sam leaned back into his arms and against Jack's chest. She could feel his heart racing in time with hers.

"I guess we go fishing and then eat some cake, I bought cake." His smile settled against her lips, gentle and strong before he crushed her to him never to let her slip away again, no longer forever lonely.

Finis...

Comments to: kdthree@core.com 4,337 word count. 31 July 2004