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Dr Who Crack Crossover #8

Summary:

Dr. Who/Yes, Prime Minister -- Prime Minister James Hacker sends for the Brig, 6th Doctor, and Peri. However, the 6th Doctor can't help being rude.

Work Text:

Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart stopped in front of the desk. He nodded politely to the gentleman seated behind it. “Mr. Woolley, would you kindly inform the PM that we’re here.”

Bernard Woolley stood. “Of course, Brigadier.” He shot a brief smile at Peri standing to Lethbridge-Stewart’s side. It disappeared when he caught the blonde man in the hideous colored checkered coat glaring at him.

Lethbridge-Stewart waited until Woolley disappeared into the conference room before turning to the Doctor. “You’d better behave yourself, Doctor.”

The Doctor waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry, Alistair. I won’t embarrass you in front of your boss.”

Lethbridge-Stewart clasped his tight fists behind his back. He kept his voice level. “He wants to thank you for your help with this latest cybermen invasion. Please, take the praise graciously.”

The Doctor grew red in the face. He straightened up and took on a air of offended dignity. “I am a perfect gentleman. I have met more heads of state than I care to count. I know how to act. You talk as if I’m ill-mannered.”

Peri coughed so hard she had to take a seat.

The Doctor put his hands on his hips. “What’s the matter with you?”

Peri took a deep breath. “Nothing.”

The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Is there anything you wish to say to me?”

“Nothing,” Peri repeated. She smirked at him. “Perfect gentleman.”

The Doctor paced in front of the window. He waved his arms grandly. “I’ll have you know that I’ve been knighted on several worlds. Most of them have more prestige than this backwater planet. I--”

“Doctor,” Lethbridge-Stewart interrupted. “I see this regeneration has not mellowed your temper.”

The Doctor look at him aghast. “My dear Brigadier, this regeneration may have started out a bit on the rocky side.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Peri interjected.

The Doctor glared at her. “But on the whole, I think this has turned out splendidly.”

Woolley rejoined them. “The PM will see you in a moment.” He knelt in front of Peri. “Are you all right, Peri? Is there anything I can get you? A glass of water?”

Peri smiled warmly at him. “No, thanks. I’m fine now.” She let him give her a hand in standing up.

The Doctor folded his arms across his chest and sulked at Lethbridge-Stewart. “I don’t see why I get the lecture on manners and not Peri. She’s not British.”

“She doesn’t need it,” Lethbridge-Stewart answered shortly.

“Why not?”

Peri walked up to the Doctor and pushed his arms down. “Because I’ll treat the PM with the respect I’d give the President. Now, stop being a big baby.”

The Doctor noticed the Brigadier chuckling and Woolley snickering behind his hand. “What?”

Lethbridge-Stewart patted Peri’s shoulder. “I like her.”

Sir Humphrey Appleby opened the cabinet doors. He frowned at them. “You may come in now.” With that, he turned and went to stand at the Prime Minister’s shoulder.

Lethbridge-Stewart led the rest in. He walked down the side of the conference table until he came to directly across from the Prime Minister. UNIT may have worked for the UN but he was still a British soldier. He saluted. “Sir.”

Jim Hacker inclined his head and grinned. Even though he wasn’t a military man, it still gave him a thrill to be saluted. “Brigadier.” He took in the other two. “Doctor. Peri.”

“Prime Minister,” Peri returned solemnly.

“You’re welcome,” the Doctor said smugly.

Hacker was momentarily startled. “What?”

At the same time, Lethbridge-Stewart shot the Doctor a withering look. “Doctor.”

Peri elbowed the Doctor, hard. “Doctor, don’t be rude,” she hissed.

The Doctor winced and moved to put Lethbridge-Stewart between them. “What? You said he asked us here to thank us. I was only saying you’re welcome.”

“But you didn’t give him the chance,” Peri answered in exasperation.

Lethbridge-Stewart grunted softly and pushed the Doctor down into one of the chairs. “I’m sorry, Prime Minister.”

Hacker laughed and sat down. “Why don’t we all take a seat.” He had tears of amusement in his eyes. He took his handkerchief and wiped them away. Then he turned his attention back to the Doctor. “Yes, that is why I asked you here today. Thank you. If it wasn’t for you, the cybermen would have taken over. I dare say that we wouldn’t be here now.”

“Oh, no, most definitely not,” the Doctor responded eagerly. “This building would be in flames, along with Parliament and Buckingham Palace.” He pointed at Hacker. “As one of the leaders of the people, they would have killed you or turned you into one of their cyber drones.”

Hacker’s face abruptly drained of color. “Yes,” he croaked. He cleared his throat. “I am most grateful that did not happen.”

The Doctor sat forward eagerly and pointed at Appleby. “In fact, I think I can still--”

“Doctor, if I may,” Hacker tried.

The time, Lethbridge-Stewart elbowed the Doctor. “Doctor, that’s enough.”

The Doctor flung himself back in his seat. “Very well.”

Hacker took a deep breath. “Doctor, is there anything we can do to show our appreciation?”

The Doctor brightened again. “Do you think you could talk to the Queen about a knighthood?”

“A knighthood!” Appleby spluttered.

Lethbridge-Stewart grabbed the Doctor’s arm and stood. “May we be excused, Prime Minister?”

Hacker stared at the Doctor as if he wasn’t sure if he should be laughing or feel insulted. “Certainly.”

Peri hurried to her feet. She smiled at Hacker. “It was an honor to meet you, Sir.”

Appleby suddenly cleared his throat very loudly. “Just one thing, Prime Minister.”

Hacker waved them out. “No, Humphrey. They had best be getting on and we do have work to do.”

Lethbridge-Stewart didn’t let go of the Doctor’s arm until they were on the street in front of 10 Downing Street. “Really, Doctor.”

“My manners were perfect,” the Doctor snapped back.

“You call that perfect? Raving about cyber drones?”

“He asked,” the Doctor retorted.

Peri shook her head. “No, he didn’t.”

Lethbridge-Stewart stared the Doctor up and down. He looked like he wanted to say something. Instead, he set his jaw.

The Doctor tried for a reasonable tone. However, he failed and sounded imperious. “Alistair, I believe that you are making too much of this.”

“Why was it you who had to answer my signal? I couldn’t get the hobo, the dandy, teeth and curls, or the polite young man in cricketer’s clothes.” Lethbridge-Stewart threw his hands up and walked away. “Peri, he’s all yours.”

“What about my knighthood?” the Doctor called after Lethbridge-Stewart.

Peri rolled her eyes and started following the Brigadier. “Why do you want one from a backwater planet, anyway?”

The Doctor smirked. “Why not?”

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Woolley waited until Sir Humphrey went back to his office in the cabinet building to ask a question that had been plaguing him since the whole affair with the cybermen ended. “Sir, may I ask a question?”

Hacker looked up from the documents he’d been reading. His glasses were perched on the bridge of his nose. “What is it, Bernard?”

“Why didn’t you ask the Doctor to cure Sir Humphrey? I’m sure he would’ve been able to?”

Hacker gave a sly grin. “No. I like Humphrey this way.”

“But they experimented on him,” Woolley protested.

Hacker took his glasses off and explained, “I checked it thoroughly with the Doctor. He’s in no danger. He can live with the change.”

“But--”

Hacker put a hand up to forestall Woolley’s objections. “Bernard, I like him not being able to lie to me.”

Woolley’s eyes got wide. “The way he was talking, I thought he was on death’s door.”

“No. He’s so dramatic. The cyber ray insured that he can’t lie to his master.” Hacker sat back, obviously pleased with himself. “Who just happens to be me.”

“But he’ll be normal with everyone else.”

Hacker arched his eyebrows. “That’s right.”

Woolley whistled. “That will make him bananas.”

Hacker rubbed his hands together in anticipation. “I know.”

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