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Part 6 of McHale's Navy Deleted Scenes
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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
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Deleted Scene: My Ensign The Lawyer

Summary:

small scene set during ep "My Ensign, The Lawyer"

Work Text:

Episode Summary: Tinker is caught red-handed with the Captain's missing printing press and immediately scheduled for court martial. All seems lost until Ensign Parker takes his case. (From Season 2 DVD Box Set)

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Binghamton sat at his desk. He held the court martial papers up and admired them. “Bell’s just the first,” he bragged to his mother’s photo. “One down. Seven to go.” He smoothed the papers out in front of him. “Maybe I’ll frame them to go in my trophy case at home.”

He stood and admired his reflection in the mirror next to the open window. He turned his head to see his profile. “You always said I looked distinguished, Mother.” He gave himself a thumbs up. “You’re brilliant, Wally boy. Divide and conquer. I’ll save McHale for last, make him watch all his bilge rats go to jail one by one. Twenty years on a rock pile thanks to you.”

He paced behind the desk. He waved his arms grandly. “It will be an entire chapter in my memoirs. Binghamton’s greatest triumph: The dismantling of McHale’s pirates.”

He took his glasses off and wiped a tear of joy out of his eyes. “It sounds beautiful, doesn’t it?”

Suddenly, he heard two loud voices outside. He stomped a foot and put his glasses on. “How dare they interrupt me.” He recognized the voices and titled his head to the side.

“You can save whatever you have to say for the court martial tomorrow, Mr. Prosecutor.”

Binghamton grinned. He loved hearing McHale so upset. He’d always treasure the look on McHale’s face when he saw Tinker in the brig.

“What’s the matter, Commander?” the second voice sneered. “Can’t handle the truth?”

Binghamton arched an eyebrow and his grin grew even wider. “Well, Elroy,” he muttered. “I didn’t know you had it in you. Go ahead and be nasty, boy. Be nasty.”

“Get out of my way, Lieutenant,” McHale snapped.

“Maybe if you ran your ship in proper navy fashion, none of this would have happened,” Carpenter said imperiously.

“Get out of my way,” McHale repeated tightly. “Before I move you.”

Binghamton climbed on his desk chair to see them outside, just below the window. McHale stood rigid, with his hands clenched into fists at his sides. Carpenter stood toe-to-toe in front of him.

Carpenter stuck his chin out. “Is that a threat, Commander?”

Binghamton bounced up and down on the balls of his feet. //Hit him, McHale! Assaulting a fellow officer. The Admiral won’t be able to get you out of that one.//

McHale’s voice was low and dangerous. “I don’t make threats.”

“Bell’s just the first, you know,” Carpenter taunted. “Divide and conquer. The Captain will have you all up on charges sooner or later.”

“I know. Whether he has to make them up or not.”

Binghamton’s eyes got wide. “Make them up!” he shouted. They both jumped and stared at him. He shook his fist at McHale. “I don’t have to!” The chair moved beneath him. He lost his balance and fell on the floor. “Elroy!”

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They heard the crash and Binghamton’s wail. “Elroy, get in here now!”

Carpenter bit his bottom lip. “I hope he didn’t get hurt too badly.”

“Elroy! McHale, this is all your fault!”

“I don’t think so,” McHale whispered back. “Sounds more embarrassed than anything else.”

“Carpenter!” Binghamton shouted even louder, if that was possible.

They jumped and ran up the steps. “Feel a little better?” Carpenter asked under his breath.

“A little,” McHale muttered back.

“What about the court martial? He’s got Tinker this time.”

“I don’t know. I’ll figure something out.”

Carpenter threw the door open and rushed to Binghamton. “Oh, Sir, are you all right?”

Binghamton slapped Carpenter in the back of the head. “Do I look all right? Get me up.”

Carpenter and McHale pulled Binghamton to his feet. Carpenter brushed off the front of Binghamton’s uniform. “Oh, Sir. Do you need to go to the infirmary?”

“No, you clot!” Binghamton shook them off and glared at McHale. He stuck his finger in McHale’s face. “Now, you get back to your island. I don’t want to see your face until the court martial. I won’t have you threatening the prosecution. Is that understood?”

McHale came to attention and saluted. “Yes, Sir.”

“Out! Out! Out!”

Binghamton glanced back at him and Carpenter threw a smug look in McHale direction. He eased Binghamton into his chair. “You’re sure you’re all right, Sir.”

“Fine,” Binghamton snapped irritably. “And I’ll be much better tomorrow. Do a good job, Elroy.”

Carpenter’s nodded eagerly. “I will, Sir. I will. You’ll be proud of me.”

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